Of Fake Fairytales and Faux Amour - Chapter 8 (Pt.1)
Another long one! And another awfully long delay. Sorry!
Big thanks to llamaramauk once again :)
Title: Of Fake Fairytales and Faux Amour
Authors: Lyrical Rawr & Shiva
Pairing: Fake!? Phoenix/Edgeworth
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Humor/Romance
Warnings: Swearing, possible SPOILERS for GS1 and 2
Status: Complete
Word count (Ch.8): 12,860
Summary: Miles desperately needs a way to get rid of an unwanted admirer, and what better way is there than to pretend to date his very male, straight best friend and rival? It sounded so foolproof in his head...
Chapter 1 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 11 | Chapter 16 | Chapter 21
Chapter 2 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 12 | Chapter 17
Chapter 3 | Chapter 8 | Chapter 13 | Chapter 18
Chapter 4 | Chapter 9 | Chapter 14 | Chapter 19
Chapter 5 | Chapter 10 | Chapter 15 | Chapter 20
Of Fake Fairytales and Faux Amour
-- Chapter 8 --
Double Trouble
-Ding-Dong-
Phoenix moved to open the door, before pausing and quickly dashing over to the mirror. He ran a hand over his hair to flatten the small bits that had gone astray and sorted out his collar. His white shirt and black jacket with ‘stylishly’ frayed jeans looked pretty good, if he did say so himself.
Not to say that he didn’t normally look presentable, but it would have been bad to get shown up by Edgeworth and his expensive tastes.
Besides, my suit is still wet from yesterday.
-Ding-Dong-
He took one last glance at his reflection and went over to the coffee table to grab his cell. “Alright, alright, I’m coming!” He looked around to make sure he hadn’t forgotten anything and rushed over to open the door.
“Hey there, Edgeworth!”
Miles stared at him blankly for a moment and raised an eyebrow. “You’re ready?”
No need to sound so disbelieving…
“Yeah, pretty much, I think.” Phoenix patted his jeans’ pockets to find his keys, inconspicuously glancing down to see what Edgeworth was wearing. It just happened to be an expensive-looking black shirt, complete with black and silver tie and snug, designer jeans.
Make that very snug designer jeans.
Phoenix pouted.
So much for looking better than him…
He looked back up at Miles and frowned. “Damn it, Edgeworth, would it kill you to wear something that doesn’t cost my whole wardrobe?” He finally managed to pull out his keys with a small jingle. “You need to stop showing me up.”
Miles crossed his arms. “I could turn up in a cardboard box and I’d still be wearing more expense than your entire wardrobe, Wright.”
Phoenix winced.
Ouch.
“But I don’t see why you’re complaining,” Miles added, taking a small glance at Phoenix’s clothes. “What you’re wearing looks mildly more presentable than normal.”
“Thanks, Edgeworth. That’s really kind of you not to look down on us lowly mortals,” Phoenix muttered, stepping out of his apartment and turning around to lock the door.
“Don’t start, Wright. I’m already in a bad mood.”
Phoenix raised an eyebrow and pocketed his keys. “Oh, really? I wouldn’t have guessed.”
Miles rolled his eyes and set off for the stairs at the end of the hall. Phoenix followed, deciding it best to keep his mouth shut for now. Larry and Kath were more than enough to deal with all night, he didn’t need an angry Edgeworth to boot.
“Wright, would you do me a favour?” Miles asked as he reached the end of the hall, waiting for Phoenix to catch up.
“Sure, what is it?”
Miles sighed. “Make sure you leave time to plan my funeral next week.”
Well, at least he’s warned me about his death this time.
Phoenix chuckled as he pushed open the door to the staircase. “How can you say that? We haven’t even got there yet.”
“Believe me, if the car journey here was any indication, I’ll be dead within the hour.”
“Do I want to know?” Phoenix asked, grabbing onto the railing as he made his way down the stairs.
Miles shook his head. “Let’s just say that Tuesday was nothing compared to what we have to deal with tonight.”
“Ah, yeah.” Phoenix frowned. “I dread to think what’s gonna happen with two romantic freaks trying to encourage our ‘relationship’.”
One was bad enough, thank you very much.
Miles glanced at Phoenix, before looking back down at the stairs. “Need I remind you whose fault it is that I’m coming?”
Well, I’d hope it isn’t mine. That’d be disturbing.
Phoenix looked away to hide his grin, deciding it best not to voice that out loud. He didn’t have that much of a death wish.
“Oh, come on, you make it sound like some kind of torture,” he replied instead, turning back to Miles with a smirk in place. “Aren’t you glad we get to spend some quality time together?”
Miles rolled his eyes. “Shut up, Wri--”
“Hey, Nick! How’re you doing?”
Phoenix froze on the spot.
Larry was leaning against the doorframe, an idiotic grin on his face. He was wearing an incredibly tacky bright red shirt, and Phoenix vaguely wondered how he hadn’t noticed him sooner.
“Oh… Hey.” Phoenix sent a curious look Miles’ way, who simply shook his head in a ‘Just don’t ask’ manner.
And here was I thinking I’d get to keep my ears intact at least a little longer.
“I didn’t know you were getting a lift with us, Larry.”
“Didn’t want to miss out on all the action now, did I?” Larry said, beaming from ear to ear.
Miles’ eye twitched a bit at that. “He thinks he’d ‘miss out on the gayness’ if he didn’t join us in the car.”
Well, that explains the bad mood.
Phoenix frowned and turned to Larry. “You do know we’re not going to do anything gay unless we have to, right?”
Larry laughed. “Dude, you’re dating a guy. If that’s not gay, I don’t know what is.”
Phoenix sighed and rubbed his forehead. “We’re not dating; we’re pretending to date. Under your advice, even!” He sent Larry a disbelieving look. “You do know what that word means, right?”
“Pretending, dating; tomato, tomato.” Larry flicked his hand. “They’re the same; you still have to practice all the actions.”
I don’t think you’re supposed to pronounce ‘tomato’ the same way each time, Larry…
Wait…
“P-practice!?” Phoenix spluttered.
Larry straightened up, wide-eyed. “What, you mean you don’t practice!?” He punched a fist into his other hand. “Dudes, you’re never going to look like the real thing with this attitude! You should be practicing day and night!”
“Whoa, hold it, there.” Phoenix held up a hand and Larry looked at it cross-eyed. “What the hell is there to ‘practice’, anyway?”
Larry stopped staring at Phoenix’s hand and his eyes started to tear up. “I can’t believe you, Nick! All these years of knowing me, and not even one bit of my genius with romance has rubbed off on you!”
That can only be a good thing.
“Y’know, after that first date that went wrong, I would’ve thought that you two would be doing your best to make it look good! I mean, for a start, I heard from Kathy that you didn’t talk about anything personal, your sex jokes were lax, and that she had to practically force you to share food. Not to mention, it took Nick, like, half an hour to realise why Edgey had left to go to the bathroo--”
“I’ve told you, that wasn’t intended,” Miles interrupted sharply, looking back up from his watch.
I’m just scared that he can get all this information out of her…
“That’s my point!” Larry retorted. “You should be practicing to do those kinds of things on purpose!”
“Larry, I don’t think you get it,” Phoenix cut in. “You don’t practice… that stuff with a friend.”
“Well, I practiced with my friend,” Larry said, pouting, before rubbing his chin. “Damn, she was real good at kissing, and hot, too…”
Phoenix could feel a headache approaching. “She was a girl. Edgeworth is a guy. And neither of us is gay.”
Larry’s expression went blank. “Oh. But I thought you were being gay so I could get Kathy?”
Phoenix brought a hand to his face.
There’s no hope for him.
“If you’re quite finished, I’d like to get this night over with,” Miles said quickly, gesturing to the exit.
“But I was just getting started on the good bit!” Larry whined, before retreating from the glare Miles shot him.
“Just shut up and give me the address,” Miles scolded, following Larry out the door.
“Ah, right, the address.” Larry stuck his tongue out as he stared off in the distance. “It’s a club called Bar Six--” Larry suddenly stopped and slapped a hand over his mouth, his eyes widening dramatically.
Phoenix raised an eyebrow. “Bar Six?”
Does that even exist?
“I’ve never heard of it,” Miles said, confirming Phoenix’s thoughts.
“Shit, Edgey! Don’t coax me into giving away the secret like that!” Larry cried after letting go of his mouth in favour of waving his arms about.
Phoenix chuckled and shook his head. “We’re going to have to find out sooner or later.”
“But, dudes, if I tell you now, you’ll never go!”
Miles sighed. “Perhaps the genius knows a way of telling us where we’re going without giving away his brilliant secret?” He crossed his arms. “Go by yourself if you aren’t going to tell us. After all, you’re the one with a date tonight.”
“What happened to our date, Edgeworth?” Phoenix asked with a smirk.
Larry frowned and rubbed his chin. “Edgey, dude, it’s no wonder you can’t get a woman if you forget all your dates.”
I wasn’t being serious, Larry…
Miles scowled. “Date or no date, there’s no way of getting there without the address.”
“Okay, okay, I give in.” Larry let out a long sigh and held out a hand in front of him. “If you wanted me to drive, you could’ve just asked me.”
Phoenix snorted at Miles’ expression.
“There is no way in hell I am letting you drive my car,” Miles retorted, slapping away Larry’s hand. “I’d actually feel safer with Wright behind the wheel.”
Larry laughed, seemingly unaffected by the jibe, and patted Miles on the back. “Dude, Nick doesn’t even have his license.”
That might just be the point.
Miles rubbed his temples. “Larry, give me the damned address now or you can forget about your date.”
Larry jumped away from Miles as if he had been electrocuted. “Uh, okay, I’ll… I suppose I could just give you the directions,” he mumbled, scratching his head.
Phoenix sent Miles an amused look and received a weary sigh in response. Sticking his hands in his pockets, he smiled as he followed Miles and Larry to the car.
Getting Larry to cooperate with one simple sentence?
I’ve got to hand it to him; that was pure genius.
---
Phoenix rested his chin on his hand as he watched the streetlights fly by the car window. His thoughts drifted around everything that had happened in the past week. As weird and unexpected as pretending to date Edgeworth had been, Phoenix found he was rather enjoying it. Not the dating itself, of course, but the fact that he finally got to really spend some time with his friend. And no matter how much Edgeworth complained about it, it was still obvious to Phoenix that he really didn’t find it as unbearable as he let on. Perhaps he was finally starting to value friendship after all those years?
One thing was for sure, though; they wouldn’t be where they were now, were it not for the fake relationship. The fact that Edgeworth had to try and make their friendship work again had made the whole thing so much easier. And being forced to see each other as much as possible wasn’t exactly a bad thing. It was something for Phoenix to look forward to.
Pretty ironic that being so confused about one relationship and getting drunk over it led me to rekindle my friendship with Edgeworth.
Phoenix smiled to himself.
Although, if I had my time again, I think ‘honey’ would be the last thing I’d say to greet him…
“Hey, Nick, can we swap places? I think I’ve got pins and needles in my left leg but it’s gone all numb so I can’t tell anymore.”
Phoenix sighed and turned around in his seat, not missing the eye roll from Miles next to him.
“Larry, you were the one who wanted to sit in the back. I told you it would be uncomfortable, but did you listen?”
“But, dude, I didn’t want to interfere with you and Edgey getting some last-minute practice in!” Larry whined, stretching his leg so that it pushed into the back of Phoenix’s seat. “Plus I thought it’d be cool to see what it’s like in the back of a sports car.”
Only you could contemplate being made into human paste as being cool.
They came to a set of traffic lights and the car ground to a halt.
“Which way, Larry?” Miles asked, tapping his fingers on the steering wheel.
“Uh… I can’t see from here. Let me get a closer look.” Larry pushed forward from his position and leaned heavily on the back of Phoenix’s seat, much to his joy. “It’s a right here, and then you go straight on till you see this strip club on your left.”
Miles raised an eyebrow, but didn’t question the directions.
There’s no point in trying to figure the Butz out, after all.
“So, swapsies, Nick?”
“Stuff it, Larry. I’m comfortable where I am, thanks.”
“But I don’t want to crumple my babe magnet!”
As they set off again, Phoenix glanced at Miles, who had turned his attention back to the road.
I guess I’m the one who’ll have to keep him entertained, then.
He turned around and raised an eyebrow at Larry through the very small gap between the front seats. “Babe magnet?”
Larry wiggled around a bit more, kicking the back of Phoenix’s seat several times in the process.
“There’s always a reason for my bright colours like this red, y’know,” Larry said with an air of haughtiness that really didn’t suit him. “The ladies are attracted to them. I stand out from the crowd and show them that I can give them what they’re after.”
Phoenix rubbed his chin.
If that’s how he gets all those model girlfriends, I’m borrowing Edgeworth’s suit.
“Wright, remind me never to buy a red shirt.”
Phoenix chuckled.
Well, that’s not ironic at all.
“You’re just jealous because you’re not wearing your frills and won’t be able to attract all the ladies,” Phoenix answered with a grin.
Miles snorted. “Straight on?” he asked Larry, clearly ignoring Phoenix’s comment.
“Yeah, then it’s, like, the tenth left. It’s really easy to spot ‘cause there’s a hobo who sits on the corner. Funny dude, he is. He once shoved a coin up his nose and got it stuck there for months.”
I’m not gonna ask.
They fell into a long silence, the only sounds being Larry’s shuffling and Miles counting the turnoffs under his breath.
Larry sighed loudly and tapped his foot, before stretching his hand out between the seats to fiddle with the buttons on the dashboard.
Phoenix looked down at the hand and frowned. “Larry, what’re you doing?”
“Looking for the cigarette lighter…” He leaned forward even more and pressed a random button.
The radio started to blare out of the speakers at full blast, making Phoenix jump in his seat.
Miles slapped the wandering hand away and turned off the radio. “Don’t touch. I’d like to return home tonight with my car in one piece.”
“Dude, you’re acting like my mom,” Larry complained.
Phoenix turned to him. “Why the hell do you want the cigarette lighter, anyway?”
“Just wanted something to mess with.”
“I don’t think that’s a good idea, Larry,” Phoenix replied hastily.
“But I’m so bored, man!”
Phoenix turned to Miles. “Do you have anything to keep him occupied?”
Miles sighed. “If it’ll stop him from setting my car on fire, you can look if there’s anything in the glove compartment.”
Right… glove compartment… glove compartment…
“Where next?”
“Not far now,” Larry answered. “Just look for this tree that looks like a naked chick. It should be on the left somewhere.”
That’s us lost, then.
Phoenix laughed slightly, before going back to searching for the glove compartment. He looked above him and saw nothing. He then checked both sides of the seat and under it, only to come up with the same result.
“Dashboard, Wright.”
Phoenix felt his cheeks flush slightly. “Oh, yeah, the dashboard…” He chuckled sheepishly.
“Under the windshield.”
Yeah, I knew that.
He spotted the small handle in front of him and pulled it.
Well, if I didn’t look like an idiot before, I certainly do now.
Phoenix noticed Miles glancing at him as he started looking through the glove compartment.
“It’s an easy mistake, Wright,” Miles told him, after glancing at him a couple more times. “Don’t worry about it.”
Phoenix paused a moment. “Mistake?” he questioned, rubbing the back of his neck. “It’s just me being stupid.”
A red and white plastic box caught his attention and he picked it up to look at it.
‘Steel Samurai Mints. Don’t let your breath get as foul as the Evil Magistrate.’
What the…?
Phoenix chuckled. “Edgeworth, what’s this?”
“Mints, Wright,” Miles replied dryly.
That’s not what I meant and you know it.
“Oh! Mints!” Larry ripped the box from Phoenix’s hand. “Thanks, Edgey! I can use these to freshen up my breath for the ladies.”
Phoenix rolled his eyes.
He’s like a ten-year-old.
…Minus the ‘ladies’ thing.
He smiled to himself.
But I guess Larry’s not the only one who never fully grew up.
Though, in Edgeworth’s case, it’s not exactly a bad thing.
“There’s the parking lot, right on the left!” Larry yelled suddenly.
The car slowed down a bit. “Is that on the right, or on the left?” Miles asked.
“I told ya, right on the left… right… there!” Larry flung a hand between the seats and pointed to the left, nearly hitting Phoenix in the face with his elbow. “Damn, you missed it.”
Miles sighed and shook his head. “I wouldn’t have missed it if you weren’t an idiot unable to give proper directions.”
“But, dude! I told you to look for the naked chick!” Larry whined.
“My point exactly.”
Phoenix chuckled.
And to think it can only get worse from here…
---
Click for Part Two
Big thanks to llamaramauk once again :)
Title: Of Fake Fairytales and Faux Amour
Authors: Lyrical Rawr & Shiva
Pairing: Fake!? Phoenix/Edgeworth
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Humor/Romance
Warnings: Swearing, possible SPOILERS for GS1 and 2
Status: Complete
Word count (Ch.8): 12,860
Summary: Miles desperately needs a way to get rid of an unwanted admirer, and what better way is there than to pretend to date his very male, straight best friend and rival? It sounded so foolproof in his head...
Chapter 1 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 11 | Chapter 16 | Chapter 21
Chapter 2 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 12 | Chapter 17
Chapter 3 | Chapter 8 | Chapter 13 | Chapter 18
Chapter 4 | Chapter 9 | Chapter 14 | Chapter 19
Chapter 5 | Chapter 10 | Chapter 15 | Chapter 20
Of Fake Fairytales and Faux Amour
-- Chapter 8 --
Double Trouble
-Ding-Dong-
Phoenix moved to open the door, before pausing and quickly dashing over to the mirror. He ran a hand over his hair to flatten the small bits that had gone astray and sorted out his collar. His white shirt and black jacket with ‘stylishly’ frayed jeans looked pretty good, if he did say so himself.
Not to say that he didn’t normally look presentable, but it would have been bad to get shown up by Edgeworth and his expensive tastes.
Besides, my suit is still wet from yesterday.
-Ding-Dong-
He took one last glance at his reflection and went over to the coffee table to grab his cell. “Alright, alright, I’m coming!” He looked around to make sure he hadn’t forgotten anything and rushed over to open the door.
“Hey there, Edgeworth!”
Miles stared at him blankly for a moment and raised an eyebrow. “You’re ready?”
No need to sound so disbelieving…
“Yeah, pretty much, I think.” Phoenix patted his jeans’ pockets to find his keys, inconspicuously glancing down to see what Edgeworth was wearing. It just happened to be an expensive-looking black shirt, complete with black and silver tie and snug, designer jeans.
Make that very snug designer jeans.
Phoenix pouted.
So much for looking better than him…
He looked back up at Miles and frowned. “Damn it, Edgeworth, would it kill you to wear something that doesn’t cost my whole wardrobe?” He finally managed to pull out his keys with a small jingle. “You need to stop showing me up.”
Miles crossed his arms. “I could turn up in a cardboard box and I’d still be wearing more expense than your entire wardrobe, Wright.”
Phoenix winced.
Ouch.
“But I don’t see why you’re complaining,” Miles added, taking a small glance at Phoenix’s clothes. “What you’re wearing looks mildly more presentable than normal.”
“Thanks, Edgeworth. That’s really kind of you not to look down on us lowly mortals,” Phoenix muttered, stepping out of his apartment and turning around to lock the door.
“Don’t start, Wright. I’m already in a bad mood.”
Phoenix raised an eyebrow and pocketed his keys. “Oh, really? I wouldn’t have guessed.”
Miles rolled his eyes and set off for the stairs at the end of the hall. Phoenix followed, deciding it best to keep his mouth shut for now. Larry and Kath were more than enough to deal with all night, he didn’t need an angry Edgeworth to boot.
“Wright, would you do me a favour?” Miles asked as he reached the end of the hall, waiting for Phoenix to catch up.
“Sure, what is it?”
Miles sighed. “Make sure you leave time to plan my funeral next week.”
Well, at least he’s warned me about his death this time.
Phoenix chuckled as he pushed open the door to the staircase. “How can you say that? We haven’t even got there yet.”
“Believe me, if the car journey here was any indication, I’ll be dead within the hour.”
“Do I want to know?” Phoenix asked, grabbing onto the railing as he made his way down the stairs.
Miles shook his head. “Let’s just say that Tuesday was nothing compared to what we have to deal with tonight.”
“Ah, yeah.” Phoenix frowned. “I dread to think what’s gonna happen with two romantic freaks trying to encourage our ‘relationship’.”
One was bad enough, thank you very much.
Miles glanced at Phoenix, before looking back down at the stairs. “Need I remind you whose fault it is that I’m coming?”
Well, I’d hope it isn’t mine. That’d be disturbing.
Phoenix looked away to hide his grin, deciding it best not to voice that out loud. He didn’t have that much of a death wish.
“Oh, come on, you make it sound like some kind of torture,” he replied instead, turning back to Miles with a smirk in place. “Aren’t you glad we get to spend some quality time together?”
Miles rolled his eyes. “Shut up, Wri--”
“Hey, Nick! How’re you doing?”
Phoenix froze on the spot.
Larry was leaning against the doorframe, an idiotic grin on his face. He was wearing an incredibly tacky bright red shirt, and Phoenix vaguely wondered how he hadn’t noticed him sooner.
“Oh… Hey.” Phoenix sent a curious look Miles’ way, who simply shook his head in a ‘Just don’t ask’ manner.
And here was I thinking I’d get to keep my ears intact at least a little longer.
“I didn’t know you were getting a lift with us, Larry.”
“Didn’t want to miss out on all the action now, did I?” Larry said, beaming from ear to ear.
Miles’ eye twitched a bit at that. “He thinks he’d ‘miss out on the gayness’ if he didn’t join us in the car.”
Well, that explains the bad mood.
Phoenix frowned and turned to Larry. “You do know we’re not going to do anything gay unless we have to, right?”
Larry laughed. “Dude, you’re dating a guy. If that’s not gay, I don’t know what is.”
Phoenix sighed and rubbed his forehead. “We’re not dating; we’re pretending to date. Under your advice, even!” He sent Larry a disbelieving look. “You do know what that word means, right?”
“Pretending, dating; tomato, tomato.” Larry flicked his hand. “They’re the same; you still have to practice all the actions.”
I don’t think you’re supposed to pronounce ‘tomato’ the same way each time, Larry…
Wait…
“P-practice!?” Phoenix spluttered.
Larry straightened up, wide-eyed. “What, you mean you don’t practice!?” He punched a fist into his other hand. “Dudes, you’re never going to look like the real thing with this attitude! You should be practicing day and night!”
“Whoa, hold it, there.” Phoenix held up a hand and Larry looked at it cross-eyed. “What the hell is there to ‘practice’, anyway?”
Larry stopped staring at Phoenix’s hand and his eyes started to tear up. “I can’t believe you, Nick! All these years of knowing me, and not even one bit of my genius with romance has rubbed off on you!”
That can only be a good thing.
“Y’know, after that first date that went wrong, I would’ve thought that you two would be doing your best to make it look good! I mean, for a start, I heard from Kathy that you didn’t talk about anything personal, your sex jokes were lax, and that she had to practically force you to share food. Not to mention, it took Nick, like, half an hour to realise why Edgey had left to go to the bathroo--”
“I’ve told you, that wasn’t intended,” Miles interrupted sharply, looking back up from his watch.
I’m just scared that he can get all this information out of her…
“That’s my point!” Larry retorted. “You should be practicing to do those kinds of things on purpose!”
“Larry, I don’t think you get it,” Phoenix cut in. “You don’t practice… that stuff with a friend.”
“Well, I practiced with my friend,” Larry said, pouting, before rubbing his chin. “Damn, she was real good at kissing, and hot, too…”
Phoenix could feel a headache approaching. “She was a girl. Edgeworth is a guy. And neither of us is gay.”
Larry’s expression went blank. “Oh. But I thought you were being gay so I could get Kathy?”
Phoenix brought a hand to his face.
There’s no hope for him.
“If you’re quite finished, I’d like to get this night over with,” Miles said quickly, gesturing to the exit.
“But I was just getting started on the good bit!” Larry whined, before retreating from the glare Miles shot him.
“Just shut up and give me the address,” Miles scolded, following Larry out the door.
“Ah, right, the address.” Larry stuck his tongue out as he stared off in the distance. “It’s a club called Bar Six--” Larry suddenly stopped and slapped a hand over his mouth, his eyes widening dramatically.
Phoenix raised an eyebrow. “Bar Six?”
Does that even exist?
“I’ve never heard of it,” Miles said, confirming Phoenix’s thoughts.
“Shit, Edgey! Don’t coax me into giving away the secret like that!” Larry cried after letting go of his mouth in favour of waving his arms about.
Phoenix chuckled and shook his head. “We’re going to have to find out sooner or later.”
“But, dudes, if I tell you now, you’ll never go!”
Miles sighed. “Perhaps the genius knows a way of telling us where we’re going without giving away his brilliant secret?” He crossed his arms. “Go by yourself if you aren’t going to tell us. After all, you’re the one with a date tonight.”
“What happened to our date, Edgeworth?” Phoenix asked with a smirk.
Larry frowned and rubbed his chin. “Edgey, dude, it’s no wonder you can’t get a woman if you forget all your dates.”
I wasn’t being serious, Larry…
Miles scowled. “Date or no date, there’s no way of getting there without the address.”
“Okay, okay, I give in.” Larry let out a long sigh and held out a hand in front of him. “If you wanted me to drive, you could’ve just asked me.”
Phoenix snorted at Miles’ expression.
“There is no way in hell I am letting you drive my car,” Miles retorted, slapping away Larry’s hand. “I’d actually feel safer with Wright behind the wheel.”
Larry laughed, seemingly unaffected by the jibe, and patted Miles on the back. “Dude, Nick doesn’t even have his license.”
That might just be the point.
Miles rubbed his temples. “Larry, give me the damned address now or you can forget about your date.”
Larry jumped away from Miles as if he had been electrocuted. “Uh, okay, I’ll… I suppose I could just give you the directions,” he mumbled, scratching his head.
Phoenix sent Miles an amused look and received a weary sigh in response. Sticking his hands in his pockets, he smiled as he followed Miles and Larry to the car.
Getting Larry to cooperate with one simple sentence?
I’ve got to hand it to him; that was pure genius.
---
Phoenix rested his chin on his hand as he watched the streetlights fly by the car window. His thoughts drifted around everything that had happened in the past week. As weird and unexpected as pretending to date Edgeworth had been, Phoenix found he was rather enjoying it. Not the dating itself, of course, but the fact that he finally got to really spend some time with his friend. And no matter how much Edgeworth complained about it, it was still obvious to Phoenix that he really didn’t find it as unbearable as he let on. Perhaps he was finally starting to value friendship after all those years?
One thing was for sure, though; they wouldn’t be where they were now, were it not for the fake relationship. The fact that Edgeworth had to try and make their friendship work again had made the whole thing so much easier. And being forced to see each other as much as possible wasn’t exactly a bad thing. It was something for Phoenix to look forward to.
Pretty ironic that being so confused about one relationship and getting drunk over it led me to rekindle my friendship with Edgeworth.
Phoenix smiled to himself.
Although, if I had my time again, I think ‘honey’ would be the last thing I’d say to greet him…
“Hey, Nick, can we swap places? I think I’ve got pins and needles in my left leg but it’s gone all numb so I can’t tell anymore.”
Phoenix sighed and turned around in his seat, not missing the eye roll from Miles next to him.
“Larry, you were the one who wanted to sit in the back. I told you it would be uncomfortable, but did you listen?”
“But, dude, I didn’t want to interfere with you and Edgey getting some last-minute practice in!” Larry whined, stretching his leg so that it pushed into the back of Phoenix’s seat. “Plus I thought it’d be cool to see what it’s like in the back of a sports car.”
Only you could contemplate being made into human paste as being cool.
They came to a set of traffic lights and the car ground to a halt.
“Which way, Larry?” Miles asked, tapping his fingers on the steering wheel.
“Uh… I can’t see from here. Let me get a closer look.” Larry pushed forward from his position and leaned heavily on the back of Phoenix’s seat, much to his joy. “It’s a right here, and then you go straight on till you see this strip club on your left.”
Miles raised an eyebrow, but didn’t question the directions.
There’s no point in trying to figure the Butz out, after all.
“So, swapsies, Nick?”
“Stuff it, Larry. I’m comfortable where I am, thanks.”
“But I don’t want to crumple my babe magnet!”
As they set off again, Phoenix glanced at Miles, who had turned his attention back to the road.
I guess I’m the one who’ll have to keep him entertained, then.
He turned around and raised an eyebrow at Larry through the very small gap between the front seats. “Babe magnet?”
Larry wiggled around a bit more, kicking the back of Phoenix’s seat several times in the process.
“There’s always a reason for my bright colours like this red, y’know,” Larry said with an air of haughtiness that really didn’t suit him. “The ladies are attracted to them. I stand out from the crowd and show them that I can give them what they’re after.”
Phoenix rubbed his chin.
If that’s how he gets all those model girlfriends, I’m borrowing Edgeworth’s suit.
“Wright, remind me never to buy a red shirt.”
Phoenix chuckled.
Well, that’s not ironic at all.
“You’re just jealous because you’re not wearing your frills and won’t be able to attract all the ladies,” Phoenix answered with a grin.
Miles snorted. “Straight on?” he asked Larry, clearly ignoring Phoenix’s comment.
“Yeah, then it’s, like, the tenth left. It’s really easy to spot ‘cause there’s a hobo who sits on the corner. Funny dude, he is. He once shoved a coin up his nose and got it stuck there for months.”
I’m not gonna ask.
They fell into a long silence, the only sounds being Larry’s shuffling and Miles counting the turnoffs under his breath.
Larry sighed loudly and tapped his foot, before stretching his hand out between the seats to fiddle with the buttons on the dashboard.
Phoenix looked down at the hand and frowned. “Larry, what’re you doing?”
“Looking for the cigarette lighter…” He leaned forward even more and pressed a random button.
The radio started to blare out of the speakers at full blast, making Phoenix jump in his seat.
Miles slapped the wandering hand away and turned off the radio. “Don’t touch. I’d like to return home tonight with my car in one piece.”
“Dude, you’re acting like my mom,” Larry complained.
Phoenix turned to him. “Why the hell do you want the cigarette lighter, anyway?”
“Just wanted something to mess with.”
“I don’t think that’s a good idea, Larry,” Phoenix replied hastily.
“But I’m so bored, man!”
Phoenix turned to Miles. “Do you have anything to keep him occupied?”
Miles sighed. “If it’ll stop him from setting my car on fire, you can look if there’s anything in the glove compartment.”
Right… glove compartment… glove compartment…
“Where next?”
“Not far now,” Larry answered. “Just look for this tree that looks like a naked chick. It should be on the left somewhere.”
That’s us lost, then.
Phoenix laughed slightly, before going back to searching for the glove compartment. He looked above him and saw nothing. He then checked both sides of the seat and under it, only to come up with the same result.
“Dashboard, Wright.”
Phoenix felt his cheeks flush slightly. “Oh, yeah, the dashboard…” He chuckled sheepishly.
“Under the windshield.”
Yeah, I knew that.
He spotted the small handle in front of him and pulled it.
Well, if I didn’t look like an idiot before, I certainly do now.
Phoenix noticed Miles glancing at him as he started looking through the glove compartment.
“It’s an easy mistake, Wright,” Miles told him, after glancing at him a couple more times. “Don’t worry about it.”
Phoenix paused a moment. “Mistake?” he questioned, rubbing the back of his neck. “It’s just me being stupid.”
A red and white plastic box caught his attention and he picked it up to look at it.
‘Steel Samurai Mints. Don’t let your breath get as foul as the Evil Magistrate.’
What the…?
Phoenix chuckled. “Edgeworth, what’s this?”
“Mints, Wright,” Miles replied dryly.
That’s not what I meant and you know it.
“Oh! Mints!” Larry ripped the box from Phoenix’s hand. “Thanks, Edgey! I can use these to freshen up my breath for the ladies.”
Phoenix rolled his eyes.
He’s like a ten-year-old.
…Minus the ‘ladies’ thing.
He smiled to himself.
But I guess Larry’s not the only one who never fully grew up.
Though, in Edgeworth’s case, it’s not exactly a bad thing.
“There’s the parking lot, right on the left!” Larry yelled suddenly.
The car slowed down a bit. “Is that on the right, or on the left?” Miles asked.
“I told ya, right on the left… right… there!” Larry flung a hand between the seats and pointed to the left, nearly hitting Phoenix in the face with his elbow. “Damn, you missed it.”
Miles sighed and shook his head. “I wouldn’t have missed it if you weren’t an idiot unable to give proper directions.”
“But, dude! I told you to look for the naked chick!” Larry whined.
“My point exactly.”
Phoenix chuckled.
And to think it can only get worse from here…
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Click for Part Two