Writing a livejournal entry, wow. Why? *shrug ( Read more... )

More time passes without drama. What am I supposed to write about? ;P
I am so greatful for my life right now. Everything is working out well. I like who I am. I like who I am becoming. Yay!

It's my brother's birthday today. He's 31. He'll be spending it in prison. Not for the first time. I remember talking to him on the phone a few years back and wishing him a happy birthday. He said, "at this point, it's just another day". I wondered what had happened to him. When did he become apathetic? I had never heard his voice with such ( Read more... )

This girl has been melting me for well over a year. Every time I leave her, I leave feeling lighter and happier. For a long time I was afraid to get closer. Afraid it would break the spell. But I'm getting closer and it's just getting deeper and more amazing. For the first few months we'd just look into each other's eyes with awe until we got ( Read more... )

I am tired of the up and down. I am tired of working so hard at this. Yesterday I woke up feeling really shitty. I don't know why, maybe PMS? But I knew that I was going to decom and I wanted to have a good time so I did my best to switch my mood. As the time grew near I was getting nervous about being around Chazz. He said he wants us to ( Read more... )

The brain is such a weird place.
I think I keep writing to try to get something straight. Like if I write it down, it will be more solid, more true. But it's just as fluid.
The temptation of drinking is really the temptation of a break from thinking. But then you sober up and the thinking is back.
Maybe I should work more with meditation.

I guess I should remember to mention it when I'm doing better. I'm pretty tired right now, but I'm doing really well. Happy, even.

I swear just yesterday I could feel it easing up and getting better. And now suddenly it's all pain and sadness and I'm dying to contact him. I am so ready for this to be done.

I spent Monday night and Tuesday freaking out a little. I missed him and I felt highly compelled to call him. But I didn't let myself. I kept trying to talk myself out of missing him. Telling myself that after everything that happened I should be glad not to have contact with him. But feelings just don't work that way. I'm accepting that I ( Read more... )

Who is an abuser? Some kind of evil monster who gets off on hurting others? No. It's someone who finds themselves unable to express their anger in ways that do not hurt other people ( Read more... )