we have lost the ability to make each other laugh
I spent Monday night and Tuesday freaking out a little. I missed him and I felt highly compelled to call him. But I didn't let myself. I kept trying to talk myself out of missing him. Telling myself that after everything that happened I should be glad not to have contact with him. But feelings just don't work that way. I'm accepting that I miss him now. I was with him for 2 years and I do still love him, so regardless of how fucked up things were sometimes, it makes sense that I would miss him. I just have to not do anything stupid as a result of it. I have to admit that I feel a little better when I don't talk to him for awhile. And so must he, because then we feel like talking again, and it's okay for a little bit, and then everything we're still processing comes up.
And despite this whole "I've totally changed now" act (which is a case in point itself), he's fairly much the same. No one can change that fast. So every time I sense him doing something that used to bug me, it bugs me 10 times as much. He wants to tell me about his plans and everything he's doing to get my approval and I feel exasperated. Why he can't just pick maybe 2 or 3 realistic goals and actually achieve them rather than coming up with a whole new plan for his entire life every other week is beyond me.
Anyway... that wasn't my point. My point was that every time I talk to him, I can see why not talking for awhile would be a good idea. It's just too hard right now to keep emotions at bay and have a reasonable perspective.
And despite this whole "I've totally changed now" act (which is a case in point itself), he's fairly much the same. No one can change that fast. So every time I sense him doing something that used to bug me, it bugs me 10 times as much. He wants to tell me about his plans and everything he's doing to get my approval and I feel exasperated. Why he can't just pick maybe 2 or 3 realistic goals and actually achieve them rather than coming up with a whole new plan for his entire life every other week is beyond me.
Anyway... that wasn't my point. My point was that every time I talk to him, I can see why not talking for awhile would be a good idea. It's just too hard right now to keep emotions at bay and have a reasonable perspective.