Comments | selkie_queen: Enough For Two

selkie_queen

Enough For Two

Apr 17, 2010 19:55

Comments 5

(The comment has been removed)

selkie_queen April 19 2010, 18:35:32 UTC

LOL you're right, it is a bit like a Tales from the Crypt twist. I guess I can't deny that I own that whole series. Glad you enjoyed.

desert_rose April 25 2010, 06:41:11 UTC

Hi there, I'm one of your editors for this entry ( ... )

Edit - part two desert_rose April 25 2010, 06:42:02 UTC

6. It was a (A seems to have inserted here by accident) enough for Cici to think she had died and gone to heaven ( ... )

Edit darthneko April 25 2010, 15:08:36 UTC

What a great twist! Both on the clam theme, and on the surprise turnabout at the end.

Caught a few grammar bits along the way:

often trying to create tabs under the couple's names are at the higher end bars in the city

Cici has had quit her job and was going to the gym every day.

It was a dream,; they took scuba lessons, bought their own equipment,

He showed them the shark cove, where there were threshers and a few hammerheads.

"Don't like lie to me!

"Jesus Christ, George!

filled with white and pink pieces.

she chuckled before pulling at his shirt,; Richard would be an enjoyable distraction ( ... )

maniccartoonist May 2 2010, 21:01:15 UTC

For some reason or other, this read like an old-time radio horror/thriller story (which I love and coincidentally listen to all the time ;)
I love the concept for this piece, but if I may make a suggestion, I would add a little more dialog. Good dialog makes story telling a lot easier and a lot more enjoyable for the reader; for instance, if Cici said something like "That damn stepbrother of yours charged up seven hundred dollars at Sal's on our name!" would have been great at both illustrating the leeching relatives and the rising tension between Cici and George. Just a suggestion! I love "happiness-turned-on-it's-head" pieces like this, especially when the bad guys get their comeuppance in the end. Good job. :)