What happened yesterday? The third time. I thought those days of domestic violence were in the past. Remembering those days of flashing blue and red lights, police pounding at the door, and ... feeling the need for it to be other- Fleeing. I feel defeated. Most thoughts are of sadness of having to leave and ending this. The argument wasn't even ( Read more... )

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Electricity bill is due, AT&T bill is due, GEICO car insurance is due, the mortgage on my (mom's) house is due, the electricity for that home is also due among other miscellaneous utilities in VA and credit card bills that have been neglected for a while now are due.  We don't have the basic food essentials. NO bread or milk, no groceries. I am ( Read more... )

Saying prayers at night pains me. Having to remove someone who I prayed for everynight religiously and faithfully just hurts different. Losing my mother has been hard. I''ll be doing some mundane task and then I am reminded of her or I'll have a flashback of a memory and then here come that sting and tears well up. I'm never stuck sobbing endlessly ( Read more... )

My mother was hit by a car on Friday and died instantly. She was a pedestrian and I believe the driver was speeding but he hit her and now she is gone. I haven't went back to Virginia yet and don't have a date yet. A lot of things are up in the air and this has been a rollercoaster of emotions. I've been distracting myself with conversations with ( Read more... )

It's the first of the month and that's when I go in optimistic and hope that the month goes well for me.

Since I stopped journaling I have a ton to catch up on. Like I never mentioned the eye issues. Yes, I have lost vision in my left eye. I am blind in that eye now. I feel less of a person and beat myself up about it. I constantly have to remind ( Read more... )

I just spent another few days in the hospital, I was throwing up a few days like I have been (like this is a normal occurrence for me these days) Usually it passes after a couple of days but this time my husband actually offered to take me to the hospital if I felt like I needed to. So Thursday early morning we went to the ER. This was my first ( Read more... )

Just read the first few sentences of my last entry and wow 🤯! For starters, I did get married. We will be celebrating our 2 year anniversary on 🥰 June 8. There wasn't a wedding ceremony or party. We just went to the courthouse with my mom and my best friend met us there. Then we moved to Dallas 4 months after. Not much of a reason except for the ( Read more... )

To drift apart

To drift closer together

The waves crash against the sandy shore

Warm water bounes off the cold gritty grains

Is it comforting or conflict

Really I am. I don't what deep rooted issues are causing me to struggle with this is new relationship but they are there. I am tracing back through each problem and it's lack of trust and loss of interest. (Not infidelity trust.) I've never had a real serious relationship, let alone being in a relationship for almost 4 years. I'm still learning me ( Read more... )