1 Spade

[beepbeep_meow]

ALRIGHT, I GUESS THE BEST WAY TO GO ABOUT DEALING WITH THIS MOBIUS DOUBLE CLUSTERFUCK OF A SITUATION IS FOR ME TO LIST THE FACTS. OH BOY. AS IF THIS SHIT DIDN'T MAKE ME FEEL BAD ENOUGH, I ACTUALLY HAVE TO WRITE THIS BY HAND. WHO'S FUCKING BRIGHT IDEA WAS IT TO SEND ME SOMEWHERE WITHOUT A COMPUTER? HOW THE HELL AM I EVEN SUPPOSED TO COMMUNICATE

Comments

voice;

[girlyboywonder]

No construct, spud. Figure you got the real deal this time around.

1/2? IDK

[beepbeep_meow]

AH-HA!
LOW AND BEHOLD, THE FUCKING BOOK DOES SOMETHING SPECIAL. WHO CALLED THAT SHIT? IT WAS ME. I CALLED IT.

2/2 WHOOPS!

[beepbeep_meow]

WOAH, WAIT, THE BOOK FUCKING TALKS? THAT'S WEIRD AND NEW, BUT OK. I CAN ROLL WITH IT, I GUESS.

I GUESS YOU'RE LIKE ONE OF THE CONSORTS OR SOMETHING?

YEAH, OK, IF BY REAL DEAL YOU MEAN ANOTHER PART OF THE GAME, THEN I FOLLOW. WHAT PLANET IS THIS ANYWAYS? THE LAND OF BEACH AND LAMENESS?

[girlyboywonder]

No game either, but I figure you'll catch on sooner or later. ...Or, if it is, it's the most in-depth game I've ever tuned on.

Either way, you got the island of Rivelata. Ce Monde's the planet, I think.

[recorded]

[blind_bomber]

You're...kind of a piece of work, aren't you?

Re: [recorded]

[beepbeep_meow]

WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN BY THAT?

AND WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU?

[recorded] Okay, I'm already in love with your Karkat.

[blind_bomber]

Easy, there, sparky.

The name's Iggy - I'm just another guy like you: got pulled here against my will.

Only with, you know, less rage issues. Apparently.

Hooray! Thanks ;u;

[beepbeep_meow]

SPARKY? WHERE THE FUCK DO YOU GET OFF CALLING ME SPARKY? I HAVE A NAME YOU KNOW, IT'S IT'S MUCH BETTER THAN IGGY. WHAT THE SHIT KIND OF A NAME IS THAT ANYWAYS?

I'LL TELL YOU WHAT IT IS. IT IS A STUPID HUMAN NAME. HUMAN'S NEVER HAVE GOOD NAMES. THIS IS A SCIENTIFIC FACT. LOOK IT UP, BULGEPORKER.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN RAGE ISSUES? I DON'T HAVE RAGE ISSUES. I AM CALM AS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMAN CUCUMBER OVER HERE.
APPARENTLY YOU NEED TO RE-EVALUATE YOUR LIFE BECAUSE YOU OBVIOUSLY ARE TERRIBLE AT PERSONALITY ASSESSMENT, HUMAN IGGY. IT'S YOU WHO NEEDS TO STOP FLYING OFF THE HANDLE, OK?

hiya

[sekomasada]

Hello. I'm Sentimental Komuro Micheal Sakamoto Dada-Sensei, or Seccom Masada-Sensei for short. As far as I can tell, it's not a game. It isn't like tag or anything I used to play with the girl. I don't know how you can think this looks like a game, it's nothing like one...

Apparently we're in Ri... Rivel... something. I don't really know, I just got here too. There are lots of people if you wander.

HALLO! 8D

[beepbeep_meow]

YES, HELLO, I-DON'T-EVEN-REMOTELY-CARE-WHAT-YOUR-OVERLY-COMPLICATED-NAME-IS. LET ME GIVE YOU A QUICK FUCKING LESSON IN YOUR OWN INADEQUACY:

TAG?

TAG?? ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?

QUIT PLAYING GAMES FOR GIRLS, NOOKLICKER!

FOR YOUR INFORMATION, I HAVE RECENTLY PLAYED THE MOST COMPLICATED GAME EVER CONCEIVED. PROBABLY THE GAME THAT BROUGHT ABOUT YOUR ABILITY TO PLAY SUCH LAME FUCKING GAMES WITH YOUR STUPID, SLIMY, LUMPSQUIRT OF A HUMAN FEMALE, SO YOU'RE FUCKING WELCOME YOU UNGRATEFUL PILE OF MEAT.

AND YEAH, FUCKING RIVELATA. I ALREADY KNOW BY NOW CAPTAIN SLOW-FUCK.

HOWEVER, I WAS NOT AWARE THERE WERE OTHER CHUMPS AROUND, SO I GUESS I'LL TAKE A LOOK. BUT, I GUESS THAT MEANS I'LL HAVE TO FIND A BUNCH OF OTHER DUMBASSES LIKE YOU. WHATEVER.

Re: HALLO! 8D

[sekomasada]

The only games I know are the games the girl used to be play with me. Sometimes she would play tag, you know, the game where the 'it' person takes a knife and chases the other people. If the 'it' person catches them, the 'it' person stabs the knife into them.

I don't think I'm a pile of meat... I do not smell like dead things. Would you like to say hello sometime? Although, I can't talk... You're a strange kind of human, right? I think the girl told me your kind... Are you a toriningen?

[A sketch of a girl with large, bulging eyes that face different directions with a face of a bird, teeth on the beak and a large slimy tongue drooping out. The bird-woman seems to be insane and looms menacingly over a small girl with closed eyes and a knife in her hand, completely unphased.]

[beepbeep_meow]

WHA-

I CAN'T EVEN BEGIN TO DECIPHER THE INSANITY THAT YOU JUST PUT THERE.

I THOUGHT I KNEW SOME CRAZY JERKS BEFORE, BUT CONGRATULATIONS, YOU TAKE THE FUCKING SOPOR SLIME PIE OF MENTAL ILLNESS.

AND NO, I'M NOT A FUCKING HUMAN. AND I'M NOT A TORI-WHATEVER-THE-FUCK EITHER. I'M A FUCKING TROLL. GET IT STRAIGHT, DUNCE.

BEST PLAN EVER

[despairiminit]

...That's quite a potty mouth you have.

Clearly you've spent a great deal of time on anonymous internet forums.

[beepbeep_meow]

WELL AT LEAST ONE OF YOU INGRATES ACTUALLY KNOWS WHAT THE INTERNET IS. DOES THAT MEAN I CAN HOOK UP TO A HUSKTOP ANYWHERE AROUND HERE?

AND NO. YOU ARE INCORRECT AND STUPID. I DON'T USE ANY FUCKING FORUMS. FORUMS ARE FOR SISSY-ASS GIRLS. AND EVEN IF I DID, I WOULDN'T POST ANONYMOUSLY. WHAT THE FUCK IS THE POINT IN TROLLING SOME FUCK IF THEY DON'T EVEN KNOW IT'S YOU?

AND WHO TOLD YOU IT WOULD BE OK TO COMPARE MY MOUTH TO A FUCKING LOAD GAPER? THAT'S FUCKING NASTY, MAN.

[despairiminit]

I'm afraid not. There's only basic electricity. No television, either.

You seemed the type. Or the youngsters who like to hack into government agencies in order to spell out words that only have humor within a certain community. And, perhaps you had a tripcode.

Not that I would know about that...

Well, your language is very. Colorful.

1/2

[beepbeep_meow]

YOU OBVIOUSLY DON'T UNDERSTAND BECAUSE YOU LACK THE MENTAL FACILITIES TO DO SO. BECAUSE YOU ARE A HUMAN. ARE YOU FOLLOWING ME? I AM IMPLYING THAT ALL HUMANS ARE STUPID. LIKE YOU. I FEEL LIKE I NEED TO SPELL THIS OUT FOR YOU, BECAUSE I DON'T THINK YOU WOULD UNDERSTAND IF I DIDN'T.

JEGUS, I NEED TO FIND SOMEONE AROUND HERE WHO'S EVEN REMOTELY CAPABLE OF CONVERSING OR I'M GOING TO DO AN ACROBATIC FUCKING PIROUETTE OFF THE HANDLE.

[kuro_hasu]

Shut up.

You talk too much.

[beepbeep_meow]

OH YEAH?

MAYBE I DO. WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU GOING TO DO ABOUT IT SHITPUFF?

[kuro_hasu]

Are you trying to start a fight, shitbreath?

Not only are you annoying, you're boring as fuck, too.

[beepbeep_meow]

SURE, YOU KNOW WHAT. THIS PLACE HAS BEEN PRETTY FUCKING BORING SO FAR, SO YEAH. MAYBE I DO FUCKING WANT TO FIGHT.

THAT IS POSSIBLY THE GREATEST INSULT I HAVE EVER HEARD. LET ME GO GET YOU AN AWARD. HERE, I'LL ENGRAVE THIS TROPHY FOR YOU:
"TINY JACKASS CALLED KARKAT BORING AND ANNOYING. GREATEST INSULT KNOWN TO TROLL-KIND."

IN FACT, YOU ARE SUCH A GENIUS I FEEL LIKE I SHOULD MAKE YOU AN HONORARY TROLL. I DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW I AM COPING WITH SUCH AN AMAZING COMEBACK.