1 Spade

[beepbeep_meow]

ALRIGHT, I GUESS THE BEST WAY TO GO ABOUT DEALING WITH THIS MOBIUS DOUBLE CLUSTERFUCK OF A SITUATION IS FOR ME TO LIST THE FACTS. OH BOY. AS IF THIS SHIT DIDN'T MAKE ME FEEL BAD ENOUGH, I ACTUALLY HAVE TO WRITE THIS BY HAND. WHO'S FUCKING BRIGHT IDEA WAS IT TO SEND ME SOMEWHERE WITHOUT A COMPUTER? HOW THE HELL AM I EVEN SUPPOSED TO COMMUNICATE

Comments

voice;

[girlyboywonder]

No construct, spud. Figure you got the real deal this time around.

1/2? IDK

[beepbeep_meow]

AH-HA!
LOW AND BEHOLD, THE FUCKING BOOK DOES SOMETHING SPECIAL. WHO CALLED THAT SHIT? IT WAS ME. I CALLED IT.

2/2 WHOOPS!

[beepbeep_meow]

WOAH, WAIT, THE BOOK FUCKING TALKS? THAT'S WEIRD AND NEW, BUT OK. I CAN ROLL WITH IT, I GUESS.

I GUESS YOU'RE LIKE ONE OF THE CONSORTS OR SOMETHING?

YEAH, OK, IF BY REAL DEAL YOU MEAN ANOTHER PART OF THE GAME, THEN I FOLLOW. WHAT PLANET IS THIS ANYWAYS? THE LAND OF BEACH AND LAMENESS?

[girlyboywonder]

No game either, but I figure you'll catch on sooner or later. ...Or, if it is, it's the most in-depth game I've ever tuned on.

Either way, you got the island of Rivelata. Ce Monde's the planet, I think.

[beepbeep_meow]

OK, SHITWEASEL, ASSUMING YOU'RE RIGHT, AND YOU'RE PROBABLY NOT, BUT I'VE JUST COME FROM A GAME WHERE YOU LITERALLY CREATE A UNIVERSE. WHATEVER THIS IS, OR WHATEVER YOU FUCKERS HAVE TO THROW AT ME IS MERE GRUB'S PLAY. I DON'T KNOW IF YOUR FEEBLE THINK PAN CAN COMPREHEND THIS, BUT I'M PRETTY MUCH A GOD, AND IF THIS IS THE SAME UNIVERSE CONTAINING EARTH, THEN I'M YOUR GOD. SO YOU MIGHT AS WELL FALL AT MY FEET AND START BEGGING ME FOR MERCY IN HOPES THAT I DON'T DECIMATE THIS PLANET, CE MONDE, AS WELL.

[beepbeep_meow]

OH, UH...ALSO, I DON'T KNOW WHERE I AM OR REALLY ANYTHING ABOUT THIS PLACE, SO IF YOU COULD TELL ME WHATEVER YOU KNOW, I GUESS THAT WOULD BE PRETTY FUCKING COOL OF YOU.

IN RETROSPECT, I PROBABLY SHOULD HAVE ASKED THAT FIRST BEFORE GOING ALL HYPER-GOD MODE.

YEAH, CAN WE LIKE, PRETEND I SAID THIS FIRST? I DON'T WANT YOUR INFERIOR BODY TO GET ALL HOT AND BOTHERED ABOUT TALKING TO A GOD BEFORE YOU ANSWER THE MORE IMPORTANT QUESTIONS.

1/2

[girlyboywonder]

Shitweasel...

[girlyboywonder]

Sure thing, spud. Hop right onto the pretending deal just as soon as you tell me why a god can't just figure all this out for himself. Or is it that the 'pretty much' there makes you less than full-fledged?

[beepbeep_meow]

FOR ALL INTENTS AND PURPOSES, I AM YOUR FUCKING CREATOR. I MADE YOUR UNIVERSE SO I DESERVE TO BE-

YOU KNOW WHAT, DIDN'T I TELL YOU TO JUST FORGET WHAT I SAID AND PRETEND I SAID THAT AFTER YOU TOLD ME WHAT THE FUCK WAS GOING ON HERE?

A MISPLACED GOD IN A VERY CONFUSING SITUATION IS STILL A FUCKING GOD. JUST BECAUSE I'M NOT OMNIPOTENT AND SHIT DOESN'T MEAN THAT YOU DON'T OWE YOUR LIFE TO ME, OK?

[girlyboywonder]

[kind of some... muffled sniggering, over here.]

Sure, sure. In gratitude for being alive and that, I'll toss a couple answers over.

Rivelata, you got that one already. Brought here who-knows-why, stuck here 'cuz boats don't work too good past the harbor mouth. Got any magic? Dampened, at least at first. Gods around here -- besides you, I mean -- got mixed feelings on us visitors, but we got rid of the real territorial one. Natives got even more mixed feelings on us visitors, but I figure you'll see that one in action sooner or later.

Enjoy your stay, spud.

[beepbeep_meow]

SO THERE ARE OTHER GODS? I'M ASSUMING THEY'RE A PART OF THE ISLAND SHIT?

FOR YOU TELLING ME THIS ISN'T A GAME IT SEEMS PRETTY OBVIOUS TO ME. THE GODS ARE THE BOSSES, OUR GOAL AS THE PLAYERS IS TO DEFEAT THE GODS AND THE NATIVES ARE THE CONSORTS AND MINOR IMPS AND OGRES THERE TO COLLECT GRIST OR WHATEVER.

ONCE WE DEFEAT THE BOSS, WE GET TO GO HOME. THAT'S MY GUESS. SOUNDS LIKE A STUPID GAME, BUT I DON'T THINK I GET A CHOICE AT THIS POINT.

ANYWAYS, I FOUND OUT THERE'S A PLACE FOR NEWCOMERS, BUT WHAT THE SHIT DOES ONE DO FOR HOUSING ONCE THEY ARE NO LONGER CONSIDERED A NEWCOMER?