Demons: You are unloveable. You know you are unloveable.

Nina: I'd like to think that's debatable.

Demons: Come off it. You know whether you are here or not will never make a difference in the big scheme.

Nina: Well, perhaps not in the big scheme. But I think definately in the little shceme. The guy at the corner-shop appreciates all the yoghurts I ( Read more... )

So. Here I am, poignantly not-doing work. Outside it's raining like the end of the world is here. Rain and hail and the sort of thunder that makes it easy to understand why once upon a time people thought it was the Gods ( Read more... )

Weird dreams again. I slept badly, first half of night I just dreamt war and battlefields and after that intro could not go to sleep for ages. Finally fell asleep around 8 am, got woken up by mum at quarter to nine (why aren't you up yet? it's a weekday) mumbled something incoherent but obviously sufficiently explanatory that conversation ended ( Read more... )

I am increasingly coming around to the view that I may be too emotional to exist in the world.

( a diatribe on childhood traumas and the unfortunate fates of farm animals )

Wow. Looks like the day of moodswings and updsates.

I feel so sad.
Like I'm on the verge of cryign my eyes out but just can't make the connection between the physical and the emotional.

I think this is the training from last weekend (to work with childhood sexual abuse survivors) catching up with me. It is really heavy stuff, and it is ( Read more... )

Yegh ( Read more... )

Emotions on overdrive.

A lot of stuff being processed, a lot of stuff surfacing.

We interrupt this post for an announcement from Nina's semi-rational brain which is temporarily back in power To anyone I have been a bitch to the past couple of weeks, my sincere apologies. Really. I realise I've at best been sulky and moody at worst a nightmare and ( Read more... )

These are some of the things my grandmother said to me when I was growing up:

*The Jews are a stupid and evil people. They are liars and cheats.*

I am a quarter Jew. Therefore perhaps only a quarter stupid and evil and unloveable. But I am still a quarter Jew. Somewhere in me I have bad blood. *I love you and because I love you I sacrificed ( Read more... )

Bleh ( Read more... )

current mood: very sad. very blue ( Read more... )