FIC: Turn To Me part 21/?; Guiding Light
TITLE: Turn To Me
AUTHOR: Wonko
FANDOM: Guiding Light
RATING: PG for this part.
SUMMARY: Natalia is forced to come to terms with her feelings alone when Olivia is injured.
TIMELINE: Begins immediately after the episode on 17th of April and diverges from the canon storyline at that point.
[ Part 1] [ Part 2] [ Part 3] [ Part 4] [ Part 5] [ Part 6] [ Part 7] [ Part 8] [ Part 9] [ Part 10] [ Part 11] [ Part 12] [ Part 13] [ Part 14] [ Part 15] [ Part 16] [ Part 17] [ Part 18] [ Part 19] [ Part 20]
The halfway house really wasn't that bad, Rafe Rivera had decided. He got a room to himself, with a bed that didn't feel like a layer of bricks with a sheet on it, and no-one was trying to beat him up or sell him drugs. This was definite progress. He had some free time, he had various community service jobs going on, and he could see his family a bit more often now that his mom didn't have to drive so far. Of course, she'd been pretty pre-occupied with Olivia.
It was strange - Rafe couldn't say exactly when Olivia had started creeping into his mother's conversation. It had happened so gradually that it had just seemed normal. "Hey sweetie, how are you, are you taking your medicine, are you eating enough, and oh, I must tell you about this hilarious thing Olivia said..." And pretty soon Olivia's billing had moved up in the conversation so that eventually his mother would just give him a quick visual once over to check how he was before launching into a story about something Olivia or Emma had said or done. And he'd liked that. He'd liked not having to tell her about the things that were going on in his head late at night while his cellmate snored. He'd liked imagining her on a farm with a friend and a child she could mother. He'd begun to like Olivia vicariously. And he'd looked forward to going to that place, that home his mother had sculpted with nothing but sheer determination and love.
But Frank had ruined that for the time being, which was why Rafe was so surprised to see him waltzing into the kitchen and sitting down opposite him while he was trying to eat his breakfast.
"What are you doing here?" Rafe said warily, swallowing his cereal so quickly that it scraped his throat a little on the way down.
Frank smiled, but it didn't reach his eyes. "I came to see how you are," he said.
Rafe shot him a disbelieving look. "I've been here for a freakin' month, you're just now developing a conscience?"
Frank shifted in his seat. "It's not sudden," he said. "It's just taken me this long to figure out what I need to do."
Rafe tossed his spoon into the bowl and pushed it away, his appetite deserting him. "And what's that?"
Frank looked down, then slowly reached into his inside jacket pocket. "Firstly," he said with a deep breath. "I need to give you this."
Rafe looked down at the object in Frank's hand. "My dad's badge..." he breathed, reaching out immediately to take it. Frank nodded.
"When you gave this to me..." he began haltingly. "It was because you thought...I don't know, that I was going to look after your mom, or that she'd be happy with me. Because everyone always says what a good guy I am, right?" He met Rafe's eyes steadily, but briefly. "I haven't behaved like a good guy." Rafe nodded seriously in agreement, and Frank looked down again. "I've struck out, in anger and pain...not physically...but I hurt your mom, and you, just to make a point. That I can be a bad guy sometimes. That I'm not as safe as everyone thinks." He rubbed his eyes. "But it's just kinda backfired on me because I can't look at my reflection anymore without feeling disgusted with myself. With what I've done..."
Rafe knew his mother would have wanted him to feel sympathetic towards him, if only for the obvious pain he was in. But he wasn't as good a person as his mother, although he knew he should try. He couldn't bring himself to display anything but disdain for Frank. Not yet. "So what," he said harshly. "You want sympathy now? You think I'm gonna forgive you because you're acting all broken up and you give me back my dad's badge? It's not that easy."
Frank shook his head. "I know," he said. "I know it's not that easy. I know that maybe nothing will ever make this right. But that doesn't mean I'm absolved of the responsibility to try."
Rafe sat back in his chair and regarded Frank curiously for a long moment. "So what do you want, man?" he asked at last, crossing his legs over at the ankles.
Frank laid his palms flat on the table. "Do you still want to be a cop?" he asked.
For a long moment there was silence. Rafe looked away. "Doesn't much matter, does it?" he said bitterly. "Criminal record and everything. Not much call for ex-con cops, is there?"
Frank leaned forward. "Ah, but that's where I can help you," he said. Rafe's head snapped round to meet Frank's gaze.
"What?"
"I've been talking to a few people," Frank continued eagerly. "The parole board, the judge, the mayor...I think I can get you out of this place as soon as next week. If..."
Rafe looked sceptical. "If?"
Frank leaned back. "If you take on an internship at Springfield PD," he said. "The parole board think it's a great idea. I guess maybe they like the irony of a guy who shot a DA typing reports and filing at a police station. And it would give you experience of what life as a cop is really like. There's a whole lot more routine than excitement you know. And then, when the time comes and your record is up for review...I could use my influence. I could help you."
Rafe linked his fingers together and ran his joined hands over his hair. "Are you for real?" he asked, excitement beginning to tinge his voice. "I could get out of here? Go home? And maybe still be a cop one day?"
Frank nodded. "You sure could."
"Hell yes!" Rafe exclaimed excitedly, then subsided slightly. "Wait...what's the catch?"
Frank held his arms open in a gesture of surrender. "No catch," he said. "I owe you. And your mom."
Rafe narrowed his eyes. "She's not gonna come back to you, you know," he said. "She loves-"
"Olivia," Frank finished for him. "Trust me, I know."
A silence crept in between them for a few moments as Rafe watched Frank and Frank watched Rafe.
"Why are you doing this?" Rafe asked at last. Frank sighed.
"So I can look myself in the eyes again," he said softly. "You know...that day in the hospital. It wasn't just you and your mom I betrayed. It was myself. That's not me, Rafe. I'm not the kind of guy who hurts a woman just because he got rejected. At least...that's not the man I want to be." He coughed. "Soooo," he drawled, looking up at Rafe again and extending his hand. "Have we got a deal?"
Rafe considered it for a moment before grinning slowly and shaking Frank's hand. "Deal," he said, then tilted his head. "Next week?"
Frank nodded. "Yup, I just need to get a bit of paperwork sorted out and then...you'll be going home."
Rafe laughed with joy. He couldn't wait to tell his mom! But his smile faded as he looked at the clock.
It was Sunday, and she was supposed to be picking him up so they could go to Mass together. She was twenty minutes late.
TBC...
A/N - A tad short tonight, but tomorrow will make up for it - promise ;-)
AUTHOR: Wonko
FANDOM: Guiding Light
RATING: PG for this part.
SUMMARY: Natalia is forced to come to terms with her feelings alone when Olivia is injured.
TIMELINE: Begins immediately after the episode on 17th of April and diverges from the canon storyline at that point.
[ Part 1] [ Part 2] [ Part 3] [ Part 4] [ Part 5] [ Part 6] [ Part 7] [ Part 8] [ Part 9] [ Part 10] [ Part 11] [ Part 12] [ Part 13] [ Part 14] [ Part 15] [ Part 16] [ Part 17] [ Part 18] [ Part 19] [ Part 20]
The halfway house really wasn't that bad, Rafe Rivera had decided. He got a room to himself, with a bed that didn't feel like a layer of bricks with a sheet on it, and no-one was trying to beat him up or sell him drugs. This was definite progress. He had some free time, he had various community service jobs going on, and he could see his family a bit more often now that his mom didn't have to drive so far. Of course, she'd been pretty pre-occupied with Olivia.
It was strange - Rafe couldn't say exactly when Olivia had started creeping into his mother's conversation. It had happened so gradually that it had just seemed normal. "Hey sweetie, how are you, are you taking your medicine, are you eating enough, and oh, I must tell you about this hilarious thing Olivia said..." And pretty soon Olivia's billing had moved up in the conversation so that eventually his mother would just give him a quick visual once over to check how he was before launching into a story about something Olivia or Emma had said or done. And he'd liked that. He'd liked not having to tell her about the things that were going on in his head late at night while his cellmate snored. He'd liked imagining her on a farm with a friend and a child she could mother. He'd begun to like Olivia vicariously. And he'd looked forward to going to that place, that home his mother had sculpted with nothing but sheer determination and love.
But Frank had ruined that for the time being, which was why Rafe was so surprised to see him waltzing into the kitchen and sitting down opposite him while he was trying to eat his breakfast.
"What are you doing here?" Rafe said warily, swallowing his cereal so quickly that it scraped his throat a little on the way down.
Frank smiled, but it didn't reach his eyes. "I came to see how you are," he said.
Rafe shot him a disbelieving look. "I've been here for a freakin' month, you're just now developing a conscience?"
Frank shifted in his seat. "It's not sudden," he said. "It's just taken me this long to figure out what I need to do."
Rafe tossed his spoon into the bowl and pushed it away, his appetite deserting him. "And what's that?"
Frank looked down, then slowly reached into his inside jacket pocket. "Firstly," he said with a deep breath. "I need to give you this."
Rafe looked down at the object in Frank's hand. "My dad's badge..." he breathed, reaching out immediately to take it. Frank nodded.
"When you gave this to me..." he began haltingly. "It was because you thought...I don't know, that I was going to look after your mom, or that she'd be happy with me. Because everyone always says what a good guy I am, right?" He met Rafe's eyes steadily, but briefly. "I haven't behaved like a good guy." Rafe nodded seriously in agreement, and Frank looked down again. "I've struck out, in anger and pain...not physically...but I hurt your mom, and you, just to make a point. That I can be a bad guy sometimes. That I'm not as safe as everyone thinks." He rubbed his eyes. "But it's just kinda backfired on me because I can't look at my reflection anymore without feeling disgusted with myself. With what I've done..."
Rafe knew his mother would have wanted him to feel sympathetic towards him, if only for the obvious pain he was in. But he wasn't as good a person as his mother, although he knew he should try. He couldn't bring himself to display anything but disdain for Frank. Not yet. "So what," he said harshly. "You want sympathy now? You think I'm gonna forgive you because you're acting all broken up and you give me back my dad's badge? It's not that easy."
Frank shook his head. "I know," he said. "I know it's not that easy. I know that maybe nothing will ever make this right. But that doesn't mean I'm absolved of the responsibility to try."
Rafe sat back in his chair and regarded Frank curiously for a long moment. "So what do you want, man?" he asked at last, crossing his legs over at the ankles.
Frank laid his palms flat on the table. "Do you still want to be a cop?" he asked.
For a long moment there was silence. Rafe looked away. "Doesn't much matter, does it?" he said bitterly. "Criminal record and everything. Not much call for ex-con cops, is there?"
Frank leaned forward. "Ah, but that's where I can help you," he said. Rafe's head snapped round to meet Frank's gaze.
"What?"
"I've been talking to a few people," Frank continued eagerly. "The parole board, the judge, the mayor...I think I can get you out of this place as soon as next week. If..."
Rafe looked sceptical. "If?"
Frank leaned back. "If you take on an internship at Springfield PD," he said. "The parole board think it's a great idea. I guess maybe they like the irony of a guy who shot a DA typing reports and filing at a police station. And it would give you experience of what life as a cop is really like. There's a whole lot more routine than excitement you know. And then, when the time comes and your record is up for review...I could use my influence. I could help you."
Rafe linked his fingers together and ran his joined hands over his hair. "Are you for real?" he asked, excitement beginning to tinge his voice. "I could get out of here? Go home? And maybe still be a cop one day?"
Frank nodded. "You sure could."
"Hell yes!" Rafe exclaimed excitedly, then subsided slightly. "Wait...what's the catch?"
Frank held his arms open in a gesture of surrender. "No catch," he said. "I owe you. And your mom."
Rafe narrowed his eyes. "She's not gonna come back to you, you know," he said. "She loves-"
"Olivia," Frank finished for him. "Trust me, I know."
A silence crept in between them for a few moments as Rafe watched Frank and Frank watched Rafe.
"Why are you doing this?" Rafe asked at last. Frank sighed.
"So I can look myself in the eyes again," he said softly. "You know...that day in the hospital. It wasn't just you and your mom I betrayed. It was myself. That's not me, Rafe. I'm not the kind of guy who hurts a woman just because he got rejected. At least...that's not the man I want to be." He coughed. "Soooo," he drawled, looking up at Rafe again and extending his hand. "Have we got a deal?"
Rafe considered it for a moment before grinning slowly and shaking Frank's hand. "Deal," he said, then tilted his head. "Next week?"
Frank nodded. "Yup, I just need to get a bit of paperwork sorted out and then...you'll be going home."
Rafe laughed with joy. He couldn't wait to tell his mom! But his smile faded as he looked at the clock.
It was Sunday, and she was supposed to be picking him up so they could go to Mass together. She was twenty minutes late.
TBC...
A/N - A tad short tonight, but tomorrow will make up for it - promise ;-)