FIC: Turn To Me part 13/?; Guiding Light
TITLE: Turn To Me
AUTHOR: Wonko
FANDOM: Guiding Light
RATING: PG for this part.
SUMMARY: Natalia is forced to come to terms with her feelings alone when Olivia is injured.
TIMELINE: Begins immediately after the episode on 17th of April and diverges from the canon storyline at that point.
[ Part 1] [ Part 2] [ Part 3] [ Part 4] [ Part 5] [ Part 6] [ Part 7] [ Part 8] [ Part 9] [ Part 10] [ Part 11] [ Part 12]
For a long moment no-one spoke. Olivia, Rafe and Natalia stared at Frank, who was unable to meet any of their eyes. "I don't understand," Natalia said at last. "I'm supposed to have him with me for a week. I mean, th-that's what you said-"
"Circumstances have changed," Frank cut her off sharply.
Olivia felt her heart clench a little as tears sprung to Natalia's eyes, though she didn't know why. "Th-this is because of what happened yesterday, isn't it?" Natalia said. "Oh, Frank..."
"What happened yesterday?" Olivia asked, looking from Natalia to Frank and back again. Natalia glanced at her, wiping her eyes.
"Nothing," she lied, then turned to Frank. "We'll talk outside." She managed a smile for Emma who had just returned with her soda. "Hey sweetie, can you keep your mom company for a little while? Rafe and I need to talk to uncle Frank for a minute."
Emma smiled brightly. "Okay mama," she said, and Frank reeled as though he'd been slapped. Natalia recognised the look in his eyes and quickly led him from the room before he could say anything.
"What's going on?" she demanded as soon as she had him in the corridor. "Why does Rafe suddenly have to go away?"
The door stood slightly ajar, and Frank was still looking at Emma through it. "One big happy family, aren't you?" he muttered, ignoring her question. "Just like we were supposed to be..."
Natalia paled. "Frank," she said, her voice hardening with mingled anger and fear. "What is this?"
He turned back to her slowly. "I have orders to take your son to begin his parole at the halfway house," he said blandly.
"What? Why? I'm supposed to go next week!" Rafe put his hand on his mother's back to steady her. She looked like she might be about to topple over.
"The conditions of your parole allowed you to delay your entrance to the halfway house because you were supposed to be attending an important family event," Frank said, speaking to Rafe but looking at Natalia. "Since that event's apparently not going to be happening..." He shrugged.
Rafe linked his hands behind his head and bit his lip. "Well, Olivia's just been in this big accident," he said. "I mean, she's in the hospital and everything, and my mom needs help to take care of her. Doesn't that count for anything?"
Frank's expression shuttered closed and his voice was cold. "The parole board make exceptions for family - Olivia's not family."
"The hell she isn't!" Rafe shouted.
Natalia knew he was saying it for her, because of her feelings for Olivia more than his, and she loved him for it. She turned to see that both Emma and Olivia were staring at them through the crack in the door so she closed it over gently, pride and love for her son coursing through her along with a surge of adrenaline.
"This is because I didn't marry you," she said angrily, rounding on Frank. "How did the parole board even know about that, Frank? How exactly did they get to hear about it?"
Frank didn't answer, but a muscle in his jaw clenched. An expression of horror and betrayal dawned on Rafe's face. "Son of a bitch," he muttered. "You told them?"
Frank looked away, and had the grace to look a little ashamed of himself. "It's my job," he said.
"Bullshit!"
Ordinarily Natalia would have scolded her son for his language, but this was a lot tamer than what was on the tip of her tongue so she ignored it. She searched Frank's face for a long moment, looking for traces of the man that only yesterday she had thought good and honourable. "I...I just don't understand this, Frank," she said bleakly. "I never meant to hurt you. My...feelings for her were never about you. Through all of this I've just been trying so, so hard to do the right thing for everybody. I know I've made mistakes. Big ones." The biggest of which was standing in front of her right now. "But I didn't set out to hurt anyone. You have."
Her words settled into the air between them and seemed to stick there, thickening the atmosphere, becoming solid. They would never be friends again, Natalia realised. There was a barrier between them now that hadn't existed before. She knew she was partly to blame, and she was as sorry as she could be for that. Frank had been good to her in the past, certainly. That was something she couldn't and wouldn't deny. But too much had happened between them now, both her betrayal and his, for anything good to exist between them again.
"When does he have to go?" she said tonelessly.
"Now."
Rafe couldn't look at Frank any longer, a disgusted grunt escaping his lips as he turned to his mother. "Don't let him see you cry," he whispered, taking her into his arms and squeezing her tightly.
"I won't," she assured him, squeezing back even more tightly.
Rafe turned a disdainful look on Frank. "Can I say goodbye to Olivia and Emma, or are you about to get out the handcuffs?"
Frank looked at the floor. "Go on," he said.
Natalia followed her son back into the room and watched him crouch down so he was eye level with Emma. "So," he said. "You still cool with writing me a few letters?"
Emma nodded solemnly. "Will you be away long?" she asked. It was obvious she'd heard at least some of their conversation in the hallway as she didn't seem at all surprised that Rafe was leaving. Just upset.
"I don't know," Rafe admitted. "I hope not. I'll be back in your hair before you even miss me."
Emma shook her head and flung her arms round his neck. "No you won't," she insisted.
Rafe hugged her back and looked up at Olivia, who was watching them with a tiny frown and a pensive expression on her face. "You be a good patient, okay?" he said. "I don't want to hear you've been driving my mom crazy." He smirked. "That's my job."
"Okay," she replied, in a tone of voice that suggested she felt like she was at least five steps behind in the conversation. That extended to ten steps as Rafe stood, leaned over and kissed her cheek.
"Be good to my mom," he murmured quietly into her ear. She looked slightly shell-shocked as he pulled back and he pasted a smirk onto his face. "Or else. You don't want to get on my bad side. I'm a hardened criminal you know."
Olivia barked out a laugh which effectively cut the tension in the room. "Apparently so," she replied.
Rafe flashed one last smile at her and Emma before taking his mother into his arms again for a bruising hug. "I'll see you soon," he promised. "You'll visit, right?"
"You try and stop me," Natalia replied instantly, her voice tight with the effort of not giving in to tears.
Frank shuffled his feet. "Time to go," he said as Rafe pulled back from the embrace and kissed his mother's forehead.
"God, what is the deal with you, man?" Rafe said, his face twisting into a grimace.
"Sssh," Natalia soothed, taking his hand. "I'll go with you to the car."
The walk to Frank's car was over all too briefly and suddenly it was time for the final goodbye. There were more hugs and kisses, but no tears - Natalia was determined not to cry in front of Frank. "I love you," she whispered to her son as he slid into the back seat of Frank's car.
"Love you too, ma," he replied. Frank closed the door over with a thud.
Natalia's eyes glittered with anger and unshed tears. "Was it worth it?" she demanded, stopping Frank from heading towards the driver's door with a hand on his arm. "Did ripping my family to bits make you feel better?"
Frank couldn't look at her. "No," he admitted softly. He'd thought it would, had thought that taking the little bit of revenge he had within his power would make his heart ache a little less. But there was no triumph in this; only emptiness. "I'm sorry."
Natalia took a deep steadying breath. "One day," she said in a determined voice, "I'll be able to forgive you for this. I can choose to forgive you. But I'll never trust you again. And I don't want to see your face for a very long time." With that she let go of his arm and turned her back on him.
* * * * * *
Olivia wasn't sure what had just happened. A slightly awkward visit had unravelled into something much more profound with Frank's arrival and she wasn't quite sure why. One moment she'd been about to ask Natalia about the missing seven months - the next Rafe was passionately defending her in the hallway before being led away for who knew how long. It was a little much to take in, especially considering that her brain still felt like Swiss cheese.
Rafe had kissed her goodbye. How absolutely bizarre. She remembered their relationship as guarded at best - was it really possible that a mere seven months could change that so much that the boy would stand in a hospital corridor and loudly proclaim that they were family? It scarcely seemed possible and yet...and yet...
"Hey." Natalia slipped back into the room, her dark, expressive eyes downcast and sad.
"Hey," Olivia breathed. "Did, uh...did Rafe get off okay?"
Natalia sat down in the hard plastic chair by the bed and nodded tightly. Silence filled the room for a long moment, and not a comfortable one. Olivia wasn't quite sure where to look or what to say. What could she possibly say to make this more bearable for Natalia? Whatever she tried to do it was sure to be the wrong thing - that was what usually happened anyway.
Emma pressed herself against Natalia's side. "I brought you your soda," she said in a small voice. That was all it took. Natalia's shoulders began to shake and her face crumpled.
Olivia looked up towards heaven. Why did there have to be tears? She was terrible with tears. Emma looked at her expectantly. What did she want her to do? The girl was making significant and extremely unsubtle motions with her eyes. Olivia just shook her head helplessly.
Hug her, Emma mouthed silently. You need to hug her.
Olivia's eyes widened. She looked at Natalia who was sobbing silently into her hands and suddenly an image flashed before her eyes...Natalia crying, her head on shoulder and arms round her waist. A hand - her hand - stroking through dark hair, and enjoying the softness of it way too much for the situation. She frowned, the thought - or was it a memory - momentarily paralysing her.
"Come here," she said at last, holding her good arm out to Natalia. The other woman looked at her, eyes filled with a longing so overwhelming that Olivia didn't quite know what to make of it. But she didn't question the offer as Olivia had thought she might. Instead she moved forward in a rush, sliding one arm around Olivia's middle as she rested her head on her shoulder. Olivia's hand came naturally to rest at the back of her neck, her chin nestling in soft dark hair. She closed her eyes. This felt...good, she realised. It felt familiar.
What the hell did that mean?
TBC...
AUTHOR: Wonko
FANDOM: Guiding Light
RATING: PG for this part.
SUMMARY: Natalia is forced to come to terms with her feelings alone when Olivia is injured.
TIMELINE: Begins immediately after the episode on 17th of April and diverges from the canon storyline at that point.
[ Part 1] [ Part 2] [ Part 3] [ Part 4] [ Part 5] [ Part 6] [ Part 7] [ Part 8] [ Part 9] [ Part 10] [ Part 11] [ Part 12]
For a long moment no-one spoke. Olivia, Rafe and Natalia stared at Frank, who was unable to meet any of their eyes. "I don't understand," Natalia said at last. "I'm supposed to have him with me for a week. I mean, th-that's what you said-"
"Circumstances have changed," Frank cut her off sharply.
Olivia felt her heart clench a little as tears sprung to Natalia's eyes, though she didn't know why. "Th-this is because of what happened yesterday, isn't it?" Natalia said. "Oh, Frank..."
"What happened yesterday?" Olivia asked, looking from Natalia to Frank and back again. Natalia glanced at her, wiping her eyes.
"Nothing," she lied, then turned to Frank. "We'll talk outside." She managed a smile for Emma who had just returned with her soda. "Hey sweetie, can you keep your mom company for a little while? Rafe and I need to talk to uncle Frank for a minute."
Emma smiled brightly. "Okay mama," she said, and Frank reeled as though he'd been slapped. Natalia recognised the look in his eyes and quickly led him from the room before he could say anything.
"What's going on?" she demanded as soon as she had him in the corridor. "Why does Rafe suddenly have to go away?"
The door stood slightly ajar, and Frank was still looking at Emma through it. "One big happy family, aren't you?" he muttered, ignoring her question. "Just like we were supposed to be..."
Natalia paled. "Frank," she said, her voice hardening with mingled anger and fear. "What is this?"
He turned back to her slowly. "I have orders to take your son to begin his parole at the halfway house," he said blandly.
"What? Why? I'm supposed to go next week!" Rafe put his hand on his mother's back to steady her. She looked like she might be about to topple over.
"The conditions of your parole allowed you to delay your entrance to the halfway house because you were supposed to be attending an important family event," Frank said, speaking to Rafe but looking at Natalia. "Since that event's apparently not going to be happening..." He shrugged.
Rafe linked his hands behind his head and bit his lip. "Well, Olivia's just been in this big accident," he said. "I mean, she's in the hospital and everything, and my mom needs help to take care of her. Doesn't that count for anything?"
Frank's expression shuttered closed and his voice was cold. "The parole board make exceptions for family - Olivia's not family."
"The hell she isn't!" Rafe shouted.
Natalia knew he was saying it for her, because of her feelings for Olivia more than his, and she loved him for it. She turned to see that both Emma and Olivia were staring at them through the crack in the door so she closed it over gently, pride and love for her son coursing through her along with a surge of adrenaline.
"This is because I didn't marry you," she said angrily, rounding on Frank. "How did the parole board even know about that, Frank? How exactly did they get to hear about it?"
Frank didn't answer, but a muscle in his jaw clenched. An expression of horror and betrayal dawned on Rafe's face. "Son of a bitch," he muttered. "You told them?"
Frank looked away, and had the grace to look a little ashamed of himself. "It's my job," he said.
"Bullshit!"
Ordinarily Natalia would have scolded her son for his language, but this was a lot tamer than what was on the tip of her tongue so she ignored it. She searched Frank's face for a long moment, looking for traces of the man that only yesterday she had thought good and honourable. "I...I just don't understand this, Frank," she said bleakly. "I never meant to hurt you. My...feelings for her were never about you. Through all of this I've just been trying so, so hard to do the right thing for everybody. I know I've made mistakes. Big ones." The biggest of which was standing in front of her right now. "But I didn't set out to hurt anyone. You have."
Her words settled into the air between them and seemed to stick there, thickening the atmosphere, becoming solid. They would never be friends again, Natalia realised. There was a barrier between them now that hadn't existed before. She knew she was partly to blame, and she was as sorry as she could be for that. Frank had been good to her in the past, certainly. That was something she couldn't and wouldn't deny. But too much had happened between them now, both her betrayal and his, for anything good to exist between them again.
"When does he have to go?" she said tonelessly.
"Now."
Rafe couldn't look at Frank any longer, a disgusted grunt escaping his lips as he turned to his mother. "Don't let him see you cry," he whispered, taking her into his arms and squeezing her tightly.
"I won't," she assured him, squeezing back even more tightly.
Rafe turned a disdainful look on Frank. "Can I say goodbye to Olivia and Emma, or are you about to get out the handcuffs?"
Frank looked at the floor. "Go on," he said.
Natalia followed her son back into the room and watched him crouch down so he was eye level with Emma. "So," he said. "You still cool with writing me a few letters?"
Emma nodded solemnly. "Will you be away long?" she asked. It was obvious she'd heard at least some of their conversation in the hallway as she didn't seem at all surprised that Rafe was leaving. Just upset.
"I don't know," Rafe admitted. "I hope not. I'll be back in your hair before you even miss me."
Emma shook her head and flung her arms round his neck. "No you won't," she insisted.
Rafe hugged her back and looked up at Olivia, who was watching them with a tiny frown and a pensive expression on her face. "You be a good patient, okay?" he said. "I don't want to hear you've been driving my mom crazy." He smirked. "That's my job."
"Okay," she replied, in a tone of voice that suggested she felt like she was at least five steps behind in the conversation. That extended to ten steps as Rafe stood, leaned over and kissed her cheek.
"Be good to my mom," he murmured quietly into her ear. She looked slightly shell-shocked as he pulled back and he pasted a smirk onto his face. "Or else. You don't want to get on my bad side. I'm a hardened criminal you know."
Olivia barked out a laugh which effectively cut the tension in the room. "Apparently so," she replied.
Rafe flashed one last smile at her and Emma before taking his mother into his arms again for a bruising hug. "I'll see you soon," he promised. "You'll visit, right?"
"You try and stop me," Natalia replied instantly, her voice tight with the effort of not giving in to tears.
Frank shuffled his feet. "Time to go," he said as Rafe pulled back from the embrace and kissed his mother's forehead.
"God, what is the deal with you, man?" Rafe said, his face twisting into a grimace.
"Sssh," Natalia soothed, taking his hand. "I'll go with you to the car."
The walk to Frank's car was over all too briefly and suddenly it was time for the final goodbye. There were more hugs and kisses, but no tears - Natalia was determined not to cry in front of Frank. "I love you," she whispered to her son as he slid into the back seat of Frank's car.
"Love you too, ma," he replied. Frank closed the door over with a thud.
Natalia's eyes glittered with anger and unshed tears. "Was it worth it?" she demanded, stopping Frank from heading towards the driver's door with a hand on his arm. "Did ripping my family to bits make you feel better?"
Frank couldn't look at her. "No," he admitted softly. He'd thought it would, had thought that taking the little bit of revenge he had within his power would make his heart ache a little less. But there was no triumph in this; only emptiness. "I'm sorry."
Natalia took a deep steadying breath. "One day," she said in a determined voice, "I'll be able to forgive you for this. I can choose to forgive you. But I'll never trust you again. And I don't want to see your face for a very long time." With that she let go of his arm and turned her back on him.
* * * * * *
Olivia wasn't sure what had just happened. A slightly awkward visit had unravelled into something much more profound with Frank's arrival and she wasn't quite sure why. One moment she'd been about to ask Natalia about the missing seven months - the next Rafe was passionately defending her in the hallway before being led away for who knew how long. It was a little much to take in, especially considering that her brain still felt like Swiss cheese.
Rafe had kissed her goodbye. How absolutely bizarre. She remembered their relationship as guarded at best - was it really possible that a mere seven months could change that so much that the boy would stand in a hospital corridor and loudly proclaim that they were family? It scarcely seemed possible and yet...and yet...
"Hey." Natalia slipped back into the room, her dark, expressive eyes downcast and sad.
"Hey," Olivia breathed. "Did, uh...did Rafe get off okay?"
Natalia sat down in the hard plastic chair by the bed and nodded tightly. Silence filled the room for a long moment, and not a comfortable one. Olivia wasn't quite sure where to look or what to say. What could she possibly say to make this more bearable for Natalia? Whatever she tried to do it was sure to be the wrong thing - that was what usually happened anyway.
Emma pressed herself against Natalia's side. "I brought you your soda," she said in a small voice. That was all it took. Natalia's shoulders began to shake and her face crumpled.
Olivia looked up towards heaven. Why did there have to be tears? She was terrible with tears. Emma looked at her expectantly. What did she want her to do? The girl was making significant and extremely unsubtle motions with her eyes. Olivia just shook her head helplessly.
Hug her, Emma mouthed silently. You need to hug her.
Olivia's eyes widened. She looked at Natalia who was sobbing silently into her hands and suddenly an image flashed before her eyes...Natalia crying, her head on shoulder and arms round her waist. A hand - her hand - stroking through dark hair, and enjoying the softness of it way too much for the situation. She frowned, the thought - or was it a memory - momentarily paralysing her.
"Come here," she said at last, holding her good arm out to Natalia. The other woman looked at her, eyes filled with a longing so overwhelming that Olivia didn't quite know what to make of it. But she didn't question the offer as Olivia had thought she might. Instead she moved forward in a rush, sliding one arm around Olivia's middle as she rested her head on her shoulder. Olivia's hand came naturally to rest at the back of her neck, her chin nestling in soft dark hair. She closed her eyes. This felt...good, she realised. It felt familiar.
What the hell did that mean?
TBC...