TITLE: Turn To Me
AUTHOR: Wonko
FANDOM: Guiding Light
RATING: PG for this part.
SUMMARY: Natalia is forced to come to terms with her feelings alone when Olivia is injured.
TIMELINE: Begins immediately after the episode on 17th of April and diverges from the canon storyline at that point.
[
Part 1] [
Part 2] [
Part 3] [
Part 4] [
Part 5]
Saturday was traditionally Natalia's day to sleep late. When Rafe
was growing up she'd always tried, as far as possible, to make sure she
had Saturday off from her various jobs. In the morning Rafe would
get up really early, get his own cereal and watch cartoons while Natalia
caught a well deserved extra hour or two in bed. Then they'd go out
together - to the park or for a walk round the neighbourhood if the weather
was good; to a museum or library if the weather was bad. Very, very
rarely she might take him to a movie - if the tips had been especially
good that month, or if a few numbers had come up on the lottery ticket
that she shared with the girls at work. But generally Rafe seemed
to enjoy their Saturdays together whatever they did - and they were her
most treasured days of the week.
That morning, for the first time in almost twenty years, Natalia woke
with the dawn on a Saturday. She had been asleep for maybe five or
six hours and she knew her body really needed more but her mind seemed
to have staged a mutiny. All the thoughts she'd tried to beat down
had come back with a vengeance in her dreams - Olivia's stark "there is
no us", Frank's kicked puppy eyes, Olivia's face as she lay in the hospital
bed. She scrunched her eyes shut so hard she could see coloured dots
flashing like fireworks but the images wouldn't stop coming.
She rolled over onto her side trying to escape the onslaught of thoughts
and found herself pushing against something warm and solid. Her eyes
snapped open but her brief confusion was erased when she saw the ear of
a white plush bunny poking out from under the bedclothes. Emma had
transplanted herself in the night and now lay burrowed under the comforter,
her body curled around a stray pillow. Natalia felt a wave of love
swell and break as she leaned down to press her lips to the girl's forehead.
Emma didn't stir, but she did sigh a little, her breath tickling Natalia's
chin.
Being very careful not to wake her, Natalia slid out of bed. Her
body was crying out for coffee and a shower, though not necessarily in
that order. She felt grimy and the skin on her face was tight with
a layer of dried tears. She longed for the sensation of water on
her skin, washing away all the bad things like a baptism. That was
what life with Olivia had been like, she thought. Baptism.
The death of one life and the beginning of a new, deeper, richer one.
The Beacon Hotel had very good bathrooms, and Natalia spent longer than
she'd meant to just standing under the steady spray letting her mind drift.
The hot water was delicious and she almost - almost - managed to forget
everything that was going on. But eventually she knew she needed
to get back to the real world.
A quick towel dry later and she found herself looking through Olivia's
bureau for a fresh shirt. Right at the back of the drawer she found
a grey T-shirt she immediately recognised - Olivia had worn it a lot when
she first gout out of hospital. Natalia couldn't resist it.
It was actually a size or two big on her, but she didn't care. She
began to wonder if she'd ever wear her own clothes again. The desire
to be near Olivia in any way she could was so strong.
As soon as she was dressed she placed a call to room service for breakfast
- banana pancakes and milk for Emma; coffee and a bran muffin for herself.
She wasn't sure she'd be able to eat but when she saw Emma toying with
her food she forced herself to swallow, if only to provide a good example.
"Did you sleep well honey?" she asked gently.
Emma shrugged. "I had a bad dream."
Natalia frowned. "Is that...is that why you came in to sleep beside
me?" Emma nodded. "Do you want to tell me what the dream was
about?"
"Mommy," Emma said simply. "Her arm was all backwards."
Natalia held back tears with sheer force of will as she tried not to
think about how scary yesterday must have been for Emma who had been conscious
the whole time and had had to see Olivia broken and bleeding in the road.
"It's in a cast now," she said. "And soon it'll be all better."
Emma shifted restlessly. "Can I ask you something?"
"Anything."
Emma wouldn't meet her eyes. "Is my mom going to die?"
Natalia was sure her heart was breaking. She crossed the room
and knelt by the side of the bed, grasping Emma's hands in hers.
"No," she said confidently. "She is definitely not going to die."
Emma seemed to consider that for a moment, and then her face broke into
a wide smile and she hugged Natalia's neck hard. "I love you, Natalia."
"I love you too, baby," Natalia replied, surprised she could even speak
through the lump of emotion in her throat.
"Can I ask you something else?"
Natalia pulled her head back so she could look at the girl's face.
"Sure."
Emma smiled. "I don't want to call you Natalia anymore," she said.
Natalia felt her eyebrows rising to her hairline. "No?"
Emma shook her head. "Rafe calls you 'ma'," she continued.
"Uh...yeah, he sure does," Natalia replied, feeling like she was about
two steps behind in the conversation.
"But when he was little he called you 'mama'," Emma said. "He
told me once." She looked into Natalia's eyes hopefully. "Can
I call you mama too?"
This time there was no way she could stop her tears from falling.
Her hands covered her mouth as she cried the happiest of all possible tears.
"Oh, my baby," she gasped, pulling Emma into her arms and holding her tightly.
"My darling, darling girl." She rained kisses down on the girl's
forehead and cheeks, her face clasped gently between her palms.
"Does this mean yes?" Emma giggled.
"Yes!" Natalia exclaimed. "I'd love you to call me mama.
I would...really, really love that."
They hugged again, but only briefly as the moment was interrupted by
a knock at the door. "Natalia?" came the voice from the other side.
"It's Philip."
* * * * * *
When Emma was securely ensconced in the other room watching Saturday
morning cartoons, Natalia turned to Philip. "I'm not letting you
take her," she said bluntly. "I know what Olivia wants now."
She passed him the document giving her permission to act as Emma's guardian
while Olivia was sick. Philip read it over several times.
"I could fight this," he said blandly. Natalia sighed.
"You could," she agreed. "But Olivia will be awake in a few days
and the point will be moot. And all you'll have succeeded in doing
is turning me against you." She paused. "Do you know why Olivia
lets you see Emma at all? It's not really because she sneaked off
to testify for you that time." She met his eyes. "It's because
of me. Because I told her Emma had a right to love her dad.
Because I stopped her from badmouthing you in front of her."
Philip crossed his arms across his chest. "So what are you saying...?"
"I'm saying," Natalia replied sharply. "That I can influence Olivia.
And if she wakes up and finds out you've been causing trouble it'll confirm
everything she already thinks about you. All you'll do is push us
so we're both against you. And let me tell you something,
when Olivia and I are united? We are absolutely invincible."
She finished with a note of pride in her voice and a defiant tilt to her
chin. She was managing to look pretty invincible all on her own.
Philip lasted for a good ten seconds before admitting defeat, holding
his hands in the air. "Okay, okay," he said. Natalia relaxed
a little as she heard him laugh softly. "You know, you're quite something
Natalia," he added.
Natalia rolled her eyes. "Don't flirt with me," she scolded.
Philip raised his eyebrows. "Wouldn't dream of it. Olivia's
the one woman in the world who scares me. Well," he amended, taking
another look at Natalia. "Actually, maybe that's one of two."
Natalia flushed, not quite knowing how to respond to his assumption
that she and Olivia were together. She remembered a time when denial
would have leapt instantly to her lips but now? Things were different
now.
"But you know, I am supposed to get supervised visits every second Saturday,"
Philip was saying, pulling her back to the moment.
"Oh yeah, I remember," she said absently. Then she fully realised
what Philip was saying. "Today? I don't know if that's such
a good idea Philip..."
"It's a great idea," Philip argued. "You can call Jane to chaperone.
I can distract Emma from what's going on. You don't want her seeing
Olivia in her current condition, do you?"
Natalia didn't like it, but she couldn't deny it was true. "You'll
stay with Jane," she said finally. "And text me every two hours."
Philip performed a small salute. "Yes boss," he said, and slid
past her to get to Emma.
Natalia quickly called Jane, unable to shake her uneasiness, yet knowing
she was being slightly ridiculous. Philip had taken Emma for visits
with Jane before, and everything had been fine. Nothing was different
today.
Except that I'm her mama now, her mind supplied. We're
really a family. Rafe, me, Em and Olivia. We belong together.
She still wasn't exactly happy about Philip looking after Emma, but
at least one good thing was coming of it. She was able to get back
to Olivia's side now. She knew that was exactly where she belonged.
TBC...