FIC: Turn To Me part 7/?; Guiding Light
TITLE: Turn To Me
AUTHOR: Wonko
FANDOM: Guiding Light
RATING: PG for this part.
SUMMARY: Natalia is forced to come to terms with her feelings alone when Olivia is injured.
TIMELINE: Begins immediately after the episode on 17th of April and diverges from the canon storyline at that point.
[ Part 1] [ Part 2] [ Part 3] [ Part 4] [ Part 5] [ Part 6]
When she returned to the hospital she found Rafe dozing quietly in the hard plastic chair by Olivia's bed. She stopped for a moment in the doorway to watch him. He looked scruffy and strange in his wrinkled suit with the top shirt buttons undone and the tie loosened. Stubble had broken out on his chin and he looked a little pale, even accounting for the sickly pallor the hospital lights gave everyone. He was breathing deeply and slowly through his mouth, snoring a little just occasionally. Natalia didn't think she'd ever loved him more.
"Hey sweetie," she murmured as she crossed over to him and ran a hand over his brow. Rafe jerked awake, blinking furiously.
"Ma," he said blearily when he managed to focus on her. "Did you get Em?"
"Sshh, ssh," she soothed. "I got her. Everything's fine now." She glanced at Olivia. "You stayed with her all night."
"Yeah, well, she's important to you she's important to me, right?"
Natalia looked down. "Is that the only reason?"
Rafe paused. "No," he admitted at last. "I know I used to hate her guts ma, but...she's changed. You know, she's actually a good person." He shrugged. "She must be or you wouldn't care about her so much, right?"
Natalia wasn't sure how she had any tears left, but they arrived again on cue as she looked down into Olivia's face. "I do," she whispered. "So very, very much."
Rafe watched her as she reached out a trembling hand to cover Olivia's. The touch seemed to ground her, injecting a little more strength into her spine, letting her stand up a little straighter. A slow drawled "oh" slipped from his mouth, then he smiled up at her. "Am I going to have two mommies too?" he asked, a smirk pasting itself onto his face.
Natalia was frozen. "I-" she began, then broke off. "Rafe-" she tried again, but no more words would come.
"Ma, ma," he laughed as he stood up, took her face in his hands and kissed her forehead. "I keep trying to tell you - whatever makes you happy makes me happy. That's it. I don't care who it is so long as he-" He stopped, a slow smile appearing on his face. "Or she," he continued, "is good to you and treats you right."
Natalia wrapped her arms around him so tightly she was surprised she didn't hear ribs cracking. "How can you tell all this just by looking at me?" she muttered. Rafe laughed.
"You're my mom," he said simply. "And I've seen you in love before you know."
Natalia squeezed her eyes shut. "I did love your dad," she whispered. "I did. But this is just...different."
Rafe rubbed her back soothingly. "Well yeah, she's a chick right?"
Natalia shook her head. "That's not what I mean." She frowned, trying to find the words for what she wanted to say. "Marrying Gus was a dream," she said at last. "It was a dream I'd had since before you were born. A dream I'd kept alive in the back of my mind the whole time you were growing up. You know there was never anyone else for me. He was the only man I ever wanted in my life."
Rafe nodded. "I know, ma," he said gently.
"But this thing," Natalia continued. "This is different. This is something I never imagined I could want. Not just because she's a woman but because she's her...because of our history." She looked up at her son, smiling. "God we hated each other." They both laughed and Natalia brought her hands round and placed them on his chest. "But she did something to me," she said. Her left hand moved to cover her heart. "She got inside. I don't know how. I don't know when. I just know she did. And now that I know what it is...to love her...to want her, I-" her voice cracked as the tears started again. "I don't know how to want anything else."
Rafe gently took her face in his hands, wiping away her tears with his thumbs. "So don't try," he said slowly. "Just love her and be happy."
They stood together like that for a long moment before Natalia's face split in a beatific smile. "How did you get so wise? When did that happen?"
Rafe laughed. "I dunno ma, maybe I've had good role models or somethin'."
Natalia grabbed his face and kissed his forehead. "I love you so much, Raphael Rivera. I don't know how you turned into such a good man. But thank God you did."
Rafe shook his head. "No ma," he said. "Thank you."
A noise at the door crashed into the moment, shattering it. "Wakey wakey Rafe, I brought coffee!" Frank was pushing the door open with his back, two paper cups in his hands. "Oh," he said when he turned and saw Natalia. He smiled and his voice dropped into a soft almost-whisper. "You're back. I was so worried about you, baby."
Natalia didn't dare look at Rafe whose eyes she could feel boring into the side of her head. Instead she concentrated on providing a weak smile for the man whose heart she was about to shatter into a million pieces.
* * * * * *
Natalia sat for a long time holding Olivia's hand while she waited for Frank to return from taking Rafe back to the farmhouse for some well deserved sleep. It was amazing, really, what this woman's hands could make her feel. She remembered the few times their hands had touched before they really became friends. Olivia's hands had just been like anyone else's then, as hard as it was to believe that right now. They hadn't made her heart speed up, hadn't made her fingers tingle, hadn't made her feel weak and yet so very, very strong at the same time. They were just hands. Nothing more than bones, veins, muscles and skin.
But that changed, and Natalia began to think that maybe it was her hands she'd fallen in love with first. She had certainly begun to notice them more when Olivia spoke, waving her arms around energetically to make her point. And she had begun to crave their touch, the warmth of them, the unfamiliar softness and gentle strength. She needed that strength to pass to her now as she waited for Frank, knowing she needed to tell him everything.
"Well, he's home," Frank said as he slipped back into the room some time later - Natalia had lost track of exactly how long he'd been gone. She smiled tightly at him, still holding Olivia's hand tightly.
"Thanks Frank."
He pulled another chair over so he could sit next to her. "So, you got everything sorted out with Em and Philip, right?"
Natalia nodded, her gaze fixed on Olivia's face. "Emma's started calling me mama," she said, wonder and joy in her voice. In fact, she was really saying it to Olivia rather than Frank, so it was a surprise when she heard him reply.
"Is that such a good idea?" he said.
"What?" She turned to him, frowning deeply. "Why?"
"Well, I know things didn't quite work out yesterday but we're still engaged," he said. "When we get married we'll be starting our own family. Emma'll have to move on."
Natalia almost laughed, but there was no humour in the situation. "Oh, Frank," she sighed. "We're not getting married."
She could almost see the wheels turning behind his eyes as he sat stunned for almost a full minute. "Wha-" he said eventually. "Natalia, what are you talking about?"
Natalia turned back to Olivia, still holding her hand. "I'm sorry," she said, and meant it. "But I told you yesterday...I'm not really free."
Frank shook himself. "This is about Gus," he began, but Natalia interrupted.
"No, Frank, it's not about Gus."
Confusion spread over his face like a wave. "What?" He looked around the room helplessly. "This is...this is just being here in the hospital again, that's what it is." He ignored Natalia's shaking head. "You know, this is all just bringing back memories of Gus. You need to get out of here, you're not thinking straight."
"Well maybe not, but I am thinking clearly," Natalia replied instantly. The lines of confusion on Frank's face deepened.
"Come on," he said, grabbing her arm. "You need to go home and try not to think about this place." He persisted, despite Natalia's repeated 'no's. "Come on Natalia, you don't need to be here!" he said finally.
She looked up at him, shaking her arm loose. "You're wrong," she said. "I know where I need to be." She turned to Olivia again and even Frank could not mistake the look of pure love and devotion that transformed her face. "And who I need to be with..."
He looked from Natalia to Olivia and back again for at least half a minute. "This is what you meant," he murmured. "When you said you weren't free. Not Gus."
Natalia nodded. "No," she admitted, and looked up into his face with clear eyes. "I meant her."
TBC...
AUTHOR: Wonko
FANDOM: Guiding Light
RATING: PG for this part.
SUMMARY: Natalia is forced to come to terms with her feelings alone when Olivia is injured.
TIMELINE: Begins immediately after the episode on 17th of April and diverges from the canon storyline at that point.
[ Part 1] [ Part 2] [ Part 3] [ Part 4] [ Part 5] [ Part 6]
When she returned to the hospital she found Rafe dozing quietly in the hard plastic chair by Olivia's bed. She stopped for a moment in the doorway to watch him. He looked scruffy and strange in his wrinkled suit with the top shirt buttons undone and the tie loosened. Stubble had broken out on his chin and he looked a little pale, even accounting for the sickly pallor the hospital lights gave everyone. He was breathing deeply and slowly through his mouth, snoring a little just occasionally. Natalia didn't think she'd ever loved him more.
"Hey sweetie," she murmured as she crossed over to him and ran a hand over his brow. Rafe jerked awake, blinking furiously.
"Ma," he said blearily when he managed to focus on her. "Did you get Em?"
"Sshh, ssh," she soothed. "I got her. Everything's fine now." She glanced at Olivia. "You stayed with her all night."
"Yeah, well, she's important to you she's important to me, right?"
Natalia looked down. "Is that the only reason?"
Rafe paused. "No," he admitted at last. "I know I used to hate her guts ma, but...she's changed. You know, she's actually a good person." He shrugged. "She must be or you wouldn't care about her so much, right?"
Natalia wasn't sure how she had any tears left, but they arrived again on cue as she looked down into Olivia's face. "I do," she whispered. "So very, very much."
Rafe watched her as she reached out a trembling hand to cover Olivia's. The touch seemed to ground her, injecting a little more strength into her spine, letting her stand up a little straighter. A slow drawled "oh" slipped from his mouth, then he smiled up at her. "Am I going to have two mommies too?" he asked, a smirk pasting itself onto his face.
Natalia was frozen. "I-" she began, then broke off. "Rafe-" she tried again, but no more words would come.
"Ma, ma," he laughed as he stood up, took her face in his hands and kissed her forehead. "I keep trying to tell you - whatever makes you happy makes me happy. That's it. I don't care who it is so long as he-" He stopped, a slow smile appearing on his face. "Or she," he continued, "is good to you and treats you right."
Natalia wrapped her arms around him so tightly she was surprised she didn't hear ribs cracking. "How can you tell all this just by looking at me?" she muttered. Rafe laughed.
"You're my mom," he said simply. "And I've seen you in love before you know."
Natalia squeezed her eyes shut. "I did love your dad," she whispered. "I did. But this is just...different."
Rafe rubbed her back soothingly. "Well yeah, she's a chick right?"
Natalia shook her head. "That's not what I mean." She frowned, trying to find the words for what she wanted to say. "Marrying Gus was a dream," she said at last. "It was a dream I'd had since before you were born. A dream I'd kept alive in the back of my mind the whole time you were growing up. You know there was never anyone else for me. He was the only man I ever wanted in my life."
Rafe nodded. "I know, ma," he said gently.
"But this thing," Natalia continued. "This is different. This is something I never imagined I could want. Not just because she's a woman but because she's her...because of our history." She looked up at her son, smiling. "God we hated each other." They both laughed and Natalia brought her hands round and placed them on his chest. "But she did something to me," she said. Her left hand moved to cover her heart. "She got inside. I don't know how. I don't know when. I just know she did. And now that I know what it is...to love her...to want her, I-" her voice cracked as the tears started again. "I don't know how to want anything else."
Rafe gently took her face in his hands, wiping away her tears with his thumbs. "So don't try," he said slowly. "Just love her and be happy."
They stood together like that for a long moment before Natalia's face split in a beatific smile. "How did you get so wise? When did that happen?"
Rafe laughed. "I dunno ma, maybe I've had good role models or somethin'."
Natalia grabbed his face and kissed his forehead. "I love you so much, Raphael Rivera. I don't know how you turned into such a good man. But thank God you did."
Rafe shook his head. "No ma," he said. "Thank you."
A noise at the door crashed into the moment, shattering it. "Wakey wakey Rafe, I brought coffee!" Frank was pushing the door open with his back, two paper cups in his hands. "Oh," he said when he turned and saw Natalia. He smiled and his voice dropped into a soft almost-whisper. "You're back. I was so worried about you, baby."
Natalia didn't dare look at Rafe whose eyes she could feel boring into the side of her head. Instead she concentrated on providing a weak smile for the man whose heart she was about to shatter into a million pieces.
* * * * * *
Natalia sat for a long time holding Olivia's hand while she waited for Frank to return from taking Rafe back to the farmhouse for some well deserved sleep. It was amazing, really, what this woman's hands could make her feel. She remembered the few times their hands had touched before they really became friends. Olivia's hands had just been like anyone else's then, as hard as it was to believe that right now. They hadn't made her heart speed up, hadn't made her fingers tingle, hadn't made her feel weak and yet so very, very strong at the same time. They were just hands. Nothing more than bones, veins, muscles and skin.
But that changed, and Natalia began to think that maybe it was her hands she'd fallen in love with first. She had certainly begun to notice them more when Olivia spoke, waving her arms around energetically to make her point. And she had begun to crave their touch, the warmth of them, the unfamiliar softness and gentle strength. She needed that strength to pass to her now as she waited for Frank, knowing she needed to tell him everything.
"Well, he's home," Frank said as he slipped back into the room some time later - Natalia had lost track of exactly how long he'd been gone. She smiled tightly at him, still holding Olivia's hand tightly.
"Thanks Frank."
He pulled another chair over so he could sit next to her. "So, you got everything sorted out with Em and Philip, right?"
Natalia nodded, her gaze fixed on Olivia's face. "Emma's started calling me mama," she said, wonder and joy in her voice. In fact, she was really saying it to Olivia rather than Frank, so it was a surprise when she heard him reply.
"Is that such a good idea?" he said.
"What?" She turned to him, frowning deeply. "Why?"
"Well, I know things didn't quite work out yesterday but we're still engaged," he said. "When we get married we'll be starting our own family. Emma'll have to move on."
Natalia almost laughed, but there was no humour in the situation. "Oh, Frank," she sighed. "We're not getting married."
She could almost see the wheels turning behind his eyes as he sat stunned for almost a full minute. "Wha-" he said eventually. "Natalia, what are you talking about?"
Natalia turned back to Olivia, still holding her hand. "I'm sorry," she said, and meant it. "But I told you yesterday...I'm not really free."
Frank shook himself. "This is about Gus," he began, but Natalia interrupted.
"No, Frank, it's not about Gus."
Confusion spread over his face like a wave. "What?" He looked around the room helplessly. "This is...this is just being here in the hospital again, that's what it is." He ignored Natalia's shaking head. "You know, this is all just bringing back memories of Gus. You need to get out of here, you're not thinking straight."
"Well maybe not, but I am thinking clearly," Natalia replied instantly. The lines of confusion on Frank's face deepened.
"Come on," he said, grabbing her arm. "You need to go home and try not to think about this place." He persisted, despite Natalia's repeated 'no's. "Come on Natalia, you don't need to be here!" he said finally.
She looked up at him, shaking her arm loose. "You're wrong," she said. "I know where I need to be." She turned to Olivia again and even Frank could not mistake the look of pure love and devotion that transformed her face. "And who I need to be with..."
He looked from Natalia to Olivia and back again for at least half a minute. "This is what you meant," he murmured. "When you said you weren't free. Not Gus."
Natalia nodded. "No," she admitted, and looked up into his face with clear eyes. "I meant her."
TBC...