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trying to occupy space, what a fucking joke. what a fucking joke.
hmm. i feel rather strange at the moment. i decided to make up for a few hours i missed last week, and get some overtime as well, so i worked thirteen hours today. the last seven by myself in an empty store. it never fails, the one thing i can always count on my mind to do is play tricks on me. i was in that empty store, just enjoying playing ( Read more... ) -
"oh no godamn i missed the last tram, i killed the party again, i ruined it for my friends, goddamn"
new year's eve hurt so very badly that i feel unable to describe it right now. i took a tranq to make the feeling a little better, and i drove around tonight not caring what would happen. and now i am struggling with conciousness that i am just going to surrender and pretend that it will be easier to describe in detail tomorrow. -
I sort of let it get away from me.
Happy new year, all. I really need to post an update on all the madness that has been this holiday season and the year of 2006 in general, i guess. But now is not the time. I intend to have a good time tonight. I will most likely be found staggering up and down red river between the starlight mints show at emo's and the blow show at the mohawk. See ( Read more... ) -
impressions left in your jawline.
Perhaps I have been spoiled to not have had to work retail in so long. People seem to feel obligated to be especially shitty and impatient with you, and one another. Goodwill towards blah ( Read more... ) -
oh so very.
My weekend off was nothing of the sort. And I felt so good getting off early on Friday after eleven straight days of work. But I still had the same headache, the same one I have now, and have had for a week now. I put some booze on top of that, and there went Saturday, all day sleeping and throwing up, half hungover, half just the same damn ( Read more... ) -
how loud do i shout? and tell me. whatcha gonna do about it?
Ick. It is so quiet. I am not tired from sleeping so much yesterday. I want to do something fun and exciting. It just doesn't feel like much of an option right now. How boring. I'm going to watch Suicide Club. I started to watch it about an hour ago. The beginning was a little more than I could handle at that time. I think I'm ready now. -
gurgle.
I am so exhausted, so why do I have such a hard time going to sleep. Feel free to hit me with your own remedies. Or your phenobarbital. Or a large wooden mallet ( Read more... ) -
all your pain will end here. let the doctor sooth your brain, dear.
I want to tell myself that i am only tired right now. I want to believe that. It was a long day. One that started nicely enough, though two kittens in your room is generally a guaranteed rude awakening. I took Alex home, and went to work to find that Rudy called in sick and Bonnie, upset to the point that she had to leave. Apparently someone was ( Read more... ) -
no matter which way you go. no matter which way you stay.
I was thinking about New Years past, and the upcoming New Year. (Typically stuck either in past or future, the present entirely lost in the shuffle.) As far back as I can remember, December 31st has always been measured only in extremes, either catastrophe or euphoria. Either way, I am afraid to attempt any semblance at a plan. Planning seems to ( Read more... ) -
weary of panic.
The repeated failure gets so tiresome. I have to make myself continue to talk about it, simply because the fear gets so very overwhelming, and all I really want to do is hide in my room, under my blue light lamp, taking solace in melancholy music and literature. I force myself to call my father, trying not to let on how afraid I really am. Trying ( Read more... )