"oh no godamn i missed the last tram, i killed the party again, i ruined it for my friends, goddamn"
new year's eve hurt so very badly that i feel unable to describe it right now. i took a tranq to make the feeling a little better, and i drove around tonight not caring what would happen. and now i am struggling with conciousness that i am just going to surrender and pretend that it will be easier to describe in detail tomorrow.