weary of panic.

[ohyouresosilent]

The repeated failure gets so tiresome. I have to make myself continue to talk about it, simply because the fear gets so very overwhelming, and all I really want to do is hide in my room, under my blue light lamp, taking solace in melancholy music and literature. I force myself to call my father, trying not to let on how afraid I really am. Trying

Comments

[27namesforatear]

we create our own families in this world. sometimes the ones that gave birth to us arent our real families. all i ever wanted was a family of friends. my home used to be filled with the laughter and inside jokes of at least six friends. now i am filled with the constant whine of my cat. i used to have a family i built from nothing in chicago. and tom took it all away and so did meurico and so did rumors and so did heroin. and now i am left with what i have. my actual family and the few people who call every now and again to make sure i am not dead. you are not the only one with this family these family ties. i never knew it but another close friend of mine is in the same situation as you. hes just able to make money so he never has to worry.
life is what you make it.
life is what it is.

i dont know. i look forward to the future, to once again having friends. i dont think i will end up staying out west.
i have bad feelings about it all. maybe i belong in a city
that haunts me. maybe not.

maybe one day you will be there for me. maybe