no matter what i do, it's never right.

So here we are and what would a journal entry be without lots of self doubt and borderline depression. School has now proven itself to be the biggest waste of my money i could have ever concieved. Basically what that translates to is that the dream of graduation is dead. Utterly dead. I don't feel like the last 4 years have been a complete ( Read more... )

I want new clothes. This is an urge i haven't felt in a very long time. I haven't gotten anything new since last christmas 2003. I used to love nothing more than spending my hard earned cash on a new pair of pants (i was never much of a shirt guy). I was just looking at some of the stuff over at hot topic (fuck you) and at the kikwear websites ( Read more... )

i said that i hated myself tonight. i don't. i have never hated myself. i'm frusterated at how i am sometimes, but i have always loved myself. i am proud that i can exist in a world that i don't believe wants me here. i can ask questions that i shouldn't be asking. i can be ( Read more... )

Feeling a bit better. Today has been a very rough day for me and i'm glad that it's over now. I'm not going to talk about school ( Read more... )

i've been sick for a week.
it hurts to swallow.
i've missed a week of class
i am going to fail everything
erin is sick
she's about as happy as i am

sometimes i don't want to talk

college is the worst thing that ever happened to me

( Read more... )

Erin and i had a good talk tonight. It mainly centered on the stuff i mentioned in the last entry. We spoke a lot about what i'm going through, the worth of it all and so on and so forth. Tonight for the first time she really told me what she thought of me taking this many hours. The prognosis? It's ridiculous and she doesn't see how anyone ( Read more... )

I miss Thomson. I miss the experience i had living there. It was just so different back then. I know that's weird to say because it's not even been 2 years, but things were just different. Sometimes i don't like who i've become. No i take that back. Sometimes i don't like how i relate to situations anymore. When i was in thomson, i had no ( Read more... )

So things are going better. Last week was a week of utter hell and depression. I can't say that i'm really back to my normal self, and honestly i don't know if i'll ever get there this semester. But i can be happy. Not happy go lucky maybe but I've shown myself that i can defeinitely be happy. I'm noticing that my biggest problem right now is ( Read more... )