up
Feeling a bit better. Today has been a very rough day for me and i'm glad that it's over now. I'm not going to talk about school.
Been very depressed today. Felt like i was on the verge of yet another breakdown. I'm tired of being sick and i'm tired of worrying about my future. I've been asking myself some questions today and for once i don't feel like a fool for asking them. i figured out why i felt like an idiot though. society says that i'm not supposed to question what i am or what i want to be. i'm supposed to do my job, contribute and then die. when i used to ask those questions i felt like one of those self indulgant people that are used for comic effect on the stage or on the screen. someone to be laughed at. the questions i asked are cliche and passe only because society has made them foolish. i realized today that that doesn't diminish their value. erin helped me figure that out today.
i've been meaning to watch garden state again for a while now and today i decided to sit down and do it. this time instead of laughing so much, i focused in on the pain that the characters felt. i wanted to be put in there right next to them all. it was a very cathartic feeling for me. i totally broke down in the end as well, which was a wonderful feeling. i've also discovered the joy of the band "frou frou." after getting some of their tunes i called up erin and thanked her for all that she is to me and broke down into tears in the process. it was good. my eyes still hurt.
and that's it for now.
Been very depressed today. Felt like i was on the verge of yet another breakdown. I'm tired of being sick and i'm tired of worrying about my future. I've been asking myself some questions today and for once i don't feel like a fool for asking them. i figured out why i felt like an idiot though. society says that i'm not supposed to question what i am or what i want to be. i'm supposed to do my job, contribute and then die. when i used to ask those questions i felt like one of those self indulgant people that are used for comic effect on the stage or on the screen. someone to be laughed at. the questions i asked are cliche and passe only because society has made them foolish. i realized today that that doesn't diminish their value. erin helped me figure that out today.
i've been meaning to watch garden state again for a while now and today i decided to sit down and do it. this time instead of laughing so much, i focused in on the pain that the characters felt. i wanted to be put in there right next to them all. it was a very cathartic feeling for me. i totally broke down in the end as well, which was a wonderful feeling. i've also discovered the joy of the band "frou frou." after getting some of their tunes i called up erin and thanked her for all that she is to me and broke down into tears in the process. it was good. my eyes still hurt.
and that's it for now.