(no subject)
So here we are and what would a journal entry be without lots of self doubt and borderline depression. School has now proven itself to be the biggest waste of my money i could have ever concieved. Basically what that translates to is that the dream of graduation is dead. Utterly dead. I don't feel like the last 4 years have been a complete waste of my time but it feels like it. I know i got something out of it, i just wish it hadn't cost so much money or caused me so much pain. I feel like crap basically. I'm pretty sad now as i have been for quite a while. Knowing this hasn't made things easier. In fact i can't see much point in going to any of my classes anymore since they're not taking me anywhere.
I don't know why i feel sad. I'm really ok with all of this, but i guess it's the whole feeling like a failure thing coming back. Of course i couldn't graduate college. It just fucking figures. I just want to get on to the part of life where i feel like i'm good at something. Sometimes i worry that i'm going to be in such a bad state after the end of the school year that i won't be able to enjoy my own wedding. I don't seriously think it's going to be a problem but it still scares me. It's just like domestic violence or abuse. I know that it could never happen, but the thought of it is so horrible that it scares the hell out of me.
So that's what's new.
On to the good stuff.
Spring Break was wonderful. one blissful week spent with Erin, spattered with parental visits and Greg sitings. I decided that i want a new suit jacket for my wedding. I don't think that's too much to ask :). I'm going shopping for one with dad in a few weeks and i'm really excited about it. It helps that mom and he are paying for it as well. I just hope we can find some place that carries 4 button suits. Apparently they're too high fashion for department stores. (stories exist here. just ask.)
I have counciling tomorrow. That's good though i can't say i have a lot of faith in the counsiling effectiveness of this school. I find it interesting that 'm giong to be talking to a person employed by Miami University about how much i hate Miami University. We'll see how that goes.
I guess that's all i have to say right now. I should probably go to bed now even though i just don't want to.
I don't know why i feel sad. I'm really ok with all of this, but i guess it's the whole feeling like a failure thing coming back. Of course i couldn't graduate college. It just fucking figures. I just want to get on to the part of life where i feel like i'm good at something. Sometimes i worry that i'm going to be in such a bad state after the end of the school year that i won't be able to enjoy my own wedding. I don't seriously think it's going to be a problem but it still scares me. It's just like domestic violence or abuse. I know that it could never happen, but the thought of it is so horrible that it scares the hell out of me.
So that's what's new.
On to the good stuff.
Spring Break was wonderful. one blissful week spent with Erin, spattered with parental visits and Greg sitings. I decided that i want a new suit jacket for my wedding. I don't think that's too much to ask :). I'm going shopping for one with dad in a few weeks and i'm really excited about it. It helps that mom and he are paying for it as well. I just hope we can find some place that carries 4 button suits. Apparently they're too high fashion for department stores. (stories exist here. just ask.)
I have counciling tomorrow. That's good though i can't say i have a lot of faith in the counsiling effectiveness of this school. I find it interesting that 'm giong to be talking to a person employed by Miami University about how much i hate Miami University. We'll see how that goes.
I guess that's all i have to say right now. I should probably go to bed now even though i just don't want to.