I don't know what it is but I think I'm finally feeling beaten. It took a few years but this thing has really got me down lately. I don't feel like Margarita anymore, I don't know this person I'm becoming. It's something quite strange, just this last January I had everything I needed and over the last few months so many things have been taken ( Read more... )

so things have seemed to be looking up, I think perhaps the fact that I've been more busy has helped. I'm learning to take each day one day at a time and to think 5 minutes from now rather than an hour or a day or a week or a year. My mind likes to race and it's difficult to do, but I think I'm getting a little better at it. I just need the ( Read more... )

this is what they call lifechanging. I don't quite know how I feel about it yet, only that i regret not having ever said exactly how I feel. But I've always cared and loved, and I think that I have to keep in mind that she loved me, too, and all we had was that. That's all we have now. This has brought us closer together in so many ways, and I ( Read more... )

haha christ you know it's funny ( Read more... )

I feel a great change about to occur within my life. If I were at all intelligent I would wake him up and tell him this instant," I love you, I think we should be friends. I don't think it's too late, do you?" This whole being young and thinking too much... fuck, I can't believe how much has happened these past 6 years; so much it makes me ( Read more... )

things were so different. it's crazy the way things change in such a drastic way, when they do change. i guess any change always feels drastic. the thing is it always seems to happen when it seems like it should, or it always ends up working up somehow, or something. i dont know. not too long ago i couldn't go more than a nights worth of sleep ( Read more... )

I'm not sure why it is I can't sleep. I have to wake up early tomorrow to start a long day and all I can think about is laying in bed and if I'll ever get to sleep and if I"m too vulnerable and "if I distract myself with something I'll never get to sleep but I'm going crazy staring at the blank ceiling and thinking and thinking and thinking ( Read more... )

sitting in my room listening to the sleeping sounds of my lover. I was thinking I would attempt to go to bed shortly after this entry, but I think I won't be tired I took an hour nap earlier and that energized me a lot. Before I would have to take 2 hour naps, and then I'd wake up feeling horrible and be just as tired not 5 hours later. Aside ( Read more... )

it's been really ridiculous. It's got to be one of the most frustrating things when you're tired as all hell and just want to sleep but can't. It makes me so tense and exasperated that I don't know what to do. Taking a hot shower helps a little, and yoga breathing calms me, but there's only so much that'll do. All I can do is accept I can't ( Read more... )

the rumping of things around the clock ticks at my flesh and I think that perhaps it'd be better if I had absolutely nothing going for me. I think I shouldn't even look to the screen as I'm typing this, as I'm doing now, only because maybe it'll actually make me type something worthwhile. Or most likely it won't but either way I'm trying ( Read more... )