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Well.. .
So even though I had an awesome weekend away from home, I came back feeling like crap.. I am happy that I got some sun and was able to relax a bit, but I think I relaxed too much and now I feel really, absolutely disgusting now.. I couldnt even weigh myslf this morning because I knew Id get too depressed by how much I put on.. Im waiting until I ( Read more... ) -
(Untitled)
so im visiting my friend and we are going out to dinner, so i hafta eat something.. im thinking a kappa maki roll.. idk.. im at a loss.. i was at 101.3 this morning, (sounds like a radio station), and so far i've had around 100 cals.. im trying to keep it about 250 and below each day.. im jus so nervous that my weight will go up.. ugh -
i seriously love thinspo
so after seeing all these pics of girls whose thighs dont touch it made me seriously want to give up food and get the hell out there and exercise.. god i feel so fat because not only do mine touch but basically overlap... im sucha fat piece of lard.. i cannot WAIT for the day that they dont touch anymore.. here i go! -
i can tell
today is going to be a good day.. i woke up early, got a SF redbull, and coffee, and cleaned my room, so everything feels in order.. plus since i cleaned my room i burned a ton of cals, at least i think because i woke up today and im down 2.5lbs.. meaning i have to lose 3.5 by friday to make my GW.. i think i can do it.. i feel very very motivated ( Read more... ) -
i really f*in hate this
i really f*in hate that i miss him so much.. and i dont know why.. what the hell is wrong with me.. i dont get it.. i have the perfect.. well maybe not perfect but perfect for me.. boyfriend.. who i want to spend the rest of my life together.. so why in hell do i miss him.. what is going on with me and my head.. its not like we even had that great ( Read more... ) -
letter to OR
ive written him a lot of letters apologizing and now im not too sure i want to anymore so heres the new one.. maybe when my pride stops being so f*in annoying i will actually send it one day ( Read more... ) -
so once again
i prove myself a failure.. i dont even want to go into the details of my weekend, but basically i cannot do anything right and i just end up f*in up so badly.. anyway im back up, i dont even want to talk about how much right now.. but i feel miserable.. and i want to rip my body apart.. im fasting again this week.. it will be really hard but im ( Read more... ) -
I just wrote this in an e-mail to someone, and its really how I feel...
Dear ___,
Last night I binged and felt like a craphole. Im also a recovering self injurer and after I ate, I just paced around my room going "What the fuck what the fuck," and wanting to slice up my arms. It was almost sick. And I felt like a schizo. But, I want to be thin. Really, really fucking badly.
<3 -
Chapter Two
It was September. I had spent the last month of the summer reading all of the Spanish literature I could. I was dreadfully excited for classes to start. The first day of classes was finally here and I made sure that I got to mine early so I could get a seat close to the front. But not too close; I learned freshman year that if you sit in the front ( Read more... ) -
Chapter One
“This is the way you left me, I’m not pretending. No hope, no love, no glory. No happy ending. This is the way that we love, like its forever. Then live the rest of our lives, but not together.”
MIKA’s song came on the radio in my car as I was shuffling through play lists I had made. I never really thought that this song would mean so much to me. I ( Read more... )