Deepest Shadows Pt 14
Previous Parts 1, 2, 3, 4,5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13
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“What do you mean ,Master?” I sobbed still.
“I have decided,” he said. An air about the way he spoke and the look in his eyes told me something, that the next few words I would hear him utter would be profound and entwined into some life altering. This was the cruel truth,
“You must leave this place, its time you take your own fledglings” I froze my consciousness rippled in the surrealism of the situation. “Sire them, teach them, love them Bam” he paused “That is what I wanted for you since you were born to me”
I broke the embrace. It was like tearing the veil from grace.
I didn’t believe what I was hearing. What had that I done that could be punishable by this?
“You were an angel, in my eyes Bam, when I met you” he continued solemnly, the hands that once held me slipping into his lap. He then stood from me, putting some hasrh distance between our once intimate moment.
“And now, Master?” I said coldly “what do these eyes you posses, that see all things, see me as now after I’ve wronged you?"
He was crying now I could see that, but there was no change in his face otherwise, nor any change to his tone. He wept silently and in secret.
“Now?” he shuddered “I see you as grown away from me”
I wanted nothing more than to strike him, beat this creature down that took his form and turned him against me. It was my own doing, for my selfish stupidity I would pay dearly.
“So you choose now?” I hissed I spite reacting the only way I knew how, now moving closer to the defiant Lord causing him to turn away to the bright fireplace burning into the dark. I grabbed at his shoulder, only for him to whip round and bring his hand to my face in an angry slap, and then to clasp both my wrists in front of him. The red mark burnt into my flesh from the back of his hand. He bore his fangs and his eyes began to smoulder as the eyes of the Master who‘s cruelty had made me fear him before.
“I am still your god,” he fumed “You should fear me”
“I do fear you damnit!!”
He let me free. He fumed. He stared as if he scorched me with his eyes, I could feel it.
“If I am an angel Master,” I breathed shakily under the weight of my own words “ then I serve only one living Lord”
Master Ville seemed to become calm all over, like the shivers of a small child after a fit of tears.
“If you send me away, Master, let it be somewhere far beyond your reach “ I added “for I have no wings to carry me back to you , but if you put me aside I will return to you and beat upon your door until I am not strong enough to go on living. I cannot let you alone”
“Very well,” he delivered in tearful cold words, shakily “You leave me little choice” He made his way to the fireplace with a dramatized pace, to which he reached atop the mantle to an assortment of objects. His ghostly trembling hand reached into a small ebony box there, revealing a small blade, no longer than ones hand, tipped I silver. I knew only of this blade as a memoir of elder times to him, something from his boyhood.
I watched him closely, half in fear, half in disbelief. He studied the blade so simple in itself as if it were something of fascination and curiosity, watching with his glazed over eyes at the harsh livid glint it gave off in the lustre of the fireplace.
In those slender ashen fingers he took the little blade, resting it against the bare flesh of his collar.
“Master,” I choked “What is this?”
“Leave now,” he cried giving way into a bawl of suffering “I’ll do it!”
His tears poured from angelic eyes in their numbers down his marble cheeks. His hand trembled, bringing the blade to his throat , his chin lifted exposing vulnerable flesh. I reached out to him in panic. He pulled back frightened to touch me.
“I want you away from me!”
I winced. Those words hurt like that blade.
“Why do you do this to me?! What such perversion is this of my love for you?”
“ I am your Master no more , I never want to see you here again!!” he roared through tears “GET OUT OF MY SIGHT!”
I sunk. My heart fell in pieces so small I thought I would weep. But I did not . I could not, nor scream, nor even look at him. I got to my knees, strength leaving me with all else, looking to the cold floor.
“Very well Lord,” I breathed “As you should so wish”
“Bam-” he cut off.
“No. I do as you command Lord”
I left the room, left the halls, left the castle. All the while eyes fixated to the floor and muscles flinching with every whimper of him behind cutting me up inside. I have wronged you, my Lord, and for my deeds I have paid the ultimate price. Farewell, my love.
I do not recollect where I went or what I did that night, nor where I went come morning. But I see myself now in my mind, the first memory of me after my fall from grace. I see me now, quite clearly. I sit at the bar of the Drum Riser, my only clothes torn already, shoulders slumped with my head on the table. I am crying to myself, no one cares or even notices me in the blur of metal surrounding me. Hell I was a match for any other drunk there. I am, for the first time in my immortal life, well and truly alone. I don’t care if I feed, and thoughts of giving myself up to the terrible dawn play through my mind.
But the music is deaf to me in this place, and indeed all others at this moment. Somewhere in in the misty recesses of my mind I hear his voice, first his screams of hate and sorrow. Anguish is all I felt in those words, they cut me up inside once again. But somewhere in that darkness I hear a harmony, cherubic and sombre, and its his voice-
‘All I ever wanted was you my love,
Your all I ever wanted
I couldn’t help feel love for him as I sat there. He no doubt burned me in his mind with those eyes at my actions, but I was certain he’d buried me in his heart. But he was Ville Valo, he renounced me and sent me away, and how dead I felt without him.
If only I knew what he felt then.
------------------<3
“What do you mean ,Master?” I sobbed still.
“I have decided,” he said. An air about the way he spoke and the look in his eyes told me something, that the next few words I would hear him utter would be profound and entwined into some life altering. This was the cruel truth,
“You must leave this place, its time you take your own fledglings” I froze my consciousness rippled in the surrealism of the situation. “Sire them, teach them, love them Bam” he paused “That is what I wanted for you since you were born to me”
I broke the embrace. It was like tearing the veil from grace.
I didn’t believe what I was hearing. What had that I done that could be punishable by this?
“You were an angel, in my eyes Bam, when I met you” he continued solemnly, the hands that once held me slipping into his lap. He then stood from me, putting some hasrh distance between our once intimate moment.
“And now, Master?” I said coldly “what do these eyes you posses, that see all things, see me as now after I’ve wronged you?"
He was crying now I could see that, but there was no change in his face otherwise, nor any change to his tone. He wept silently and in secret.
“Now?” he shuddered “I see you as grown away from me”
I wanted nothing more than to strike him, beat this creature down that took his form and turned him against me. It was my own doing, for my selfish stupidity I would pay dearly.
“So you choose now?” I hissed I spite reacting the only way I knew how, now moving closer to the defiant Lord causing him to turn away to the bright fireplace burning into the dark. I grabbed at his shoulder, only for him to whip round and bring his hand to my face in an angry slap, and then to clasp both my wrists in front of him. The red mark burnt into my flesh from the back of his hand. He bore his fangs and his eyes began to smoulder as the eyes of the Master who‘s cruelty had made me fear him before.
“I am still your god,” he fumed “You should fear me”
“I do fear you damnit!!”
He let me free. He fumed. He stared as if he scorched me with his eyes, I could feel it.
“If I am an angel Master,” I breathed shakily under the weight of my own words “ then I serve only one living Lord”
Master Ville seemed to become calm all over, like the shivers of a small child after a fit of tears.
“If you send me away, Master, let it be somewhere far beyond your reach “ I added “for I have no wings to carry me back to you , but if you put me aside I will return to you and beat upon your door until I am not strong enough to go on living. I cannot let you alone”
“Very well,” he delivered in tearful cold words, shakily “You leave me little choice” He made his way to the fireplace with a dramatized pace, to which he reached atop the mantle to an assortment of objects. His ghostly trembling hand reached into a small ebony box there, revealing a small blade, no longer than ones hand, tipped I silver. I knew only of this blade as a memoir of elder times to him, something from his boyhood.
I watched him closely, half in fear, half in disbelief. He studied the blade so simple in itself as if it were something of fascination and curiosity, watching with his glazed over eyes at the harsh livid glint it gave off in the lustre of the fireplace.
In those slender ashen fingers he took the little blade, resting it against the bare flesh of his collar.
“Master,” I choked “What is this?”
“Leave now,” he cried giving way into a bawl of suffering “I’ll do it!”
His tears poured from angelic eyes in their numbers down his marble cheeks. His hand trembled, bringing the blade to his throat , his chin lifted exposing vulnerable flesh. I reached out to him in panic. He pulled back frightened to touch me.
“I want you away from me!”
I winced. Those words hurt like that blade.
“Why do you do this to me?! What such perversion is this of my love for you?”
“ I am your Master no more , I never want to see you here again!!” he roared through tears “GET OUT OF MY SIGHT!”
I sunk. My heart fell in pieces so small I thought I would weep. But I did not . I could not, nor scream, nor even look at him. I got to my knees, strength leaving me with all else, looking to the cold floor.
“Very well Lord,” I breathed “As you should so wish”
“Bam-” he cut off.
“No. I do as you command Lord”
I left the room, left the halls, left the castle. All the while eyes fixated to the floor and muscles flinching with every whimper of him behind cutting me up inside. I have wronged you, my Lord, and for my deeds I have paid the ultimate price. Farewell, my love.
I do not recollect where I went or what I did that night, nor where I went come morning. But I see myself now in my mind, the first memory of me after my fall from grace. I see me now, quite clearly. I sit at the bar of the Drum Riser, my only clothes torn already, shoulders slumped with my head on the table. I am crying to myself, no one cares or even notices me in the blur of metal surrounding me. Hell I was a match for any other drunk there. I am, for the first time in my immortal life, well and truly alone. I don’t care if I feed, and thoughts of giving myself up to the terrible dawn play through my mind.
But the music is deaf to me in this place, and indeed all others at this moment. Somewhere in in the misty recesses of my mind I hear his voice, first his screams of hate and sorrow. Anguish is all I felt in those words, they cut me up inside once again. But somewhere in that darkness I hear a harmony, cherubic and sombre, and its his voice-
‘All I ever wanted was you my love,
Your all I ever wanted
I couldn’t help feel love for him as I sat there. He no doubt burned me in his mind with those eyes at my actions, but I was certain he’d buried me in his heart. But he was Ville Valo, he renounced me and sent me away, and how dead I felt without him.
If only I knew what he felt then.