Fic: Beware the Blibbering Humdinger - Day 13
Title: Beware the Blibbering Humdinger
Author: xkeijukainenx
Recipient: All of you lovelies
Pairing: None, James/Sirius gen.
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 1,336
Prompt: Day 13
Warnings: Beware rehashing of things that have already been hashed.
Summary: Sirius and James take a walk.
Author's Notes: None, really. They've already had most of this discussion... but they're a little more sober this time. Also, I just wanted to write a little Sirius/James friendship!love. They really are deliciously perfect for each other.
Could be a standalone, but in line with the rest of my October tales.
[ 1] [ 2] [ 3] [ 4] [ 5] [ 6] [ 7] [ 8] [ 9] [ 10] [ 11] [ 12]
“So, have you given it any more thought?” James and Sirius were walking through Hogsmeade on a surprisingly sunny Sunday afternoon; James had suffered yet another humiliating shut down at the hands of Ms. Lily Evans at breakfast that morning and Sirius had dragged him to the village to try and distract him with Zonko’s and Honeydukes. Being low on their pocket money (James’ parents were much stingier than Sirius’ had been, back when they acknowledged his presence), however, they ended up traipsing through the village. They had already reached the grounds of the Shrieking Shack; it looked so different during the day (and through eyes that could see in color) that Sirius had trouble recognizing it at first. He realized James had been talking to him and turned to look at his friend, bundled up in a muggle peacoat and a big scarf his mother had knitted him.
“What?”
“I was asking, you great pillock, if you’d thought about it any more. The thing, you know, where you’re in love with Remus.”
Sirius let out a breath that crystallized in front of him. “I thought you’d forgotten about that.”
“I never forget,” James preened. Rolling his eyes at his friend, Sirius pulled a pack of cigarettes from the pocket of his thick leather jacket. “So? What’re you going to do about it?”
“Nothing?” Sirius let out a mouthful of smoke, turning to stare back at the Shack.
James stood next to him, also eyeing the Shack. He put a cigarette to his lips and lit it without his wand - the only real wandless magic he could do. “You’re a coward, Black,” he mumbled around the butt of the fag.
“Well what do you want me to do about it? Get up on the table in the Great Hall and profess my undying love to him?” Sirius tapped his cigarette against the fence and sighed. “Anyways, I’m fairly sure he’s seeing someone, and he’s not going to want someone like me, so we’ll just ... leave it like that.”
“You plonker. What do you mean he wouldn’t want someone like you?”
Sirius waved his hand around in the air, as if that would help explain his point. “You know. Inexperienced.”
James snorted and smoke came through his nose. “Sirius, you’re like the bloody bike of Gryffindor tower.”
“Yeah, with girls,” Sirius said, not even taking notice of the slur on his dignity.
Laughing quietly, James turned away from his friend again. “Never thought you’d fall for anyone. Especially not another bloke.”
“That makes two of us.” Sirius sighed. “I don’t know what to do. If it was just another girl it’d be fine, but it’s not, and it’s Moony, and he’s not even a normal bloke.”
They both stared at the Shack, lost in their own thoughts and memories. The ramshackle old house had an oddly siren call to both of them; though they loathed it and what it stood for nearly as much as Remus did (with every fibre of his being), it was also the place that had truly cemented them together as partners in very literal crime.
“I can’t fuck this up, James,” Sirius said, quietly, after the silence became too much. “It’s Moony - what would I do if I lost him, somehow?”
“Are you kidding? What would he do if he lost you? Can you imagine how bad the moons would be?”
Sirius sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose.
“You’re right, Pads, you can’t fuck this one up - but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t give it a try. I’m not entirely sure you’d be shut down.”
“Who in their right mind would actually want to date me, though? I’m a wreck, James - my family have disowned me, I currently live on a mattress on the floor of your bedroom and, let’s face it, I’m probably certifiably insane.”
“Well, he’s put up with you in close quarters for this long without any major complaints,” James pointed out, nudging Sirius with his shoulder. “Don’t give up, it’s really very disconcerting to see you mope. Especially over something like this.”
“What you need to do is seduce him,” James continued, after a few moments in which Sirius was quietly pensive, causing his friend to burst out laughing.
“I don’t know how to seduce a bloke,” Sirius crowed.
“Yes you do! Think about what a bird does to get your attention and then... do that!” James pushed his glasses back up his nose with excitement. “You know. Waggle your hips. Bend over a lot. Um. Giggle?”
“Gods, I hate the giggling,” Sirius cursed, and James laughed.
“You’re probably an enormous poofter then.”
Sirius fixed James with an intent stare. “Are you really okay with this?”
James shrugged. “Mate, not much could be worse than when Padfoot had his puberty burst and started humping everything in sight. I’ve seen you attempt to get it on with furniture, plants and even my own leg - this is much less mentally scarring. Trust me. And much more understandable. Moony’s an attractive bloke, all things considered. All of the marauders are.”
Laughing, Sirius slung an arm around his best friend’s shoulders, feeling a little tight in his chest and irrationally glad for James’s ability to always be exactly what he needed him to be. Just as they turned to leave, the bushes rustled and disgorged a witch in bright blue and pink striped robes with hair so fiery red and curly that for a small irrational second, Sirius thought her head was on fire.
“Boys, boys! Careful! You’re about to step on a nest of Blibbering Humdingers!” Alarmed, and not only a little amused, Sirius and James jumped back. The witch pulled a wire contraption out of her pocket that immediately began to glow green and started to rearrange itself. “Ah, not quite mature yet.”
“What... what’s a Blubbering Himdinger?” Sirius asked, as James stuffed a fist into his mouth to try and stop himself from laughing.
“Blibbering Humdinger, dear. Their mating rituals are what have been creating that awful din around here at the full moon. Snorkacks indeed,” she muttered, eying her contraption warily. Sirius and James followed her gaze and where she was shoving the mess of wires towards but they couldn’t see anything that could be classed as a Humdinger, blibbering or otherwise.
“By the way, dear,” she said, addressing Sirius. “Myself and Blungo - he’s my crup, I think he’s gone hunting some puffskeins just now - we think you should just tell your friend Moony the way you feel.” Sirius felt his face flushing; he was lost for words. James, however, was now laughing outright. Sirius fought the urge to punch him in the solar plexus.
“Even if he doesn’t feel the same way, surely he’ll appreciate your being open with him. Oooh. They’ve moved on. Flighty things, these Humdingers. You will excuse me, dears. Try not to disturb their nests when you leave.”
Flabbergasted, James and Sirius watched as the woman toddled back off into the forest on her purple platform heels.
“I... have no idea what just happened,” Sirius gasped, before the laughter hit him.
“Neither do I,” managed James, in between fits of giggles. “Come on,” he continued, trying to pull himself together. “Let’s go buy Moony some chocolate. Baby steps, right?”
“Baby steps,” Sirius agreed. “Anyways, the moon’s in a few days, he’ll be craving it just now.”
“You’re probably right.”
“I’m always right.”
“Shut up.”
“You shut up.”
“Mutt.”
“Fawn.”
“Pillock.”
“Wanker.”
“Poofter!”
“Square!”
“Fuck you, Black.”
“With relish.”
“You disgust me.”
“So does your face.”
“So’s your mum’s face.”
“... yeah, it disgusts me too.”
“Haha, you prat, Black.”
“At least I’m an honest prat.” And with that, they traipsed back into the village with their arms slung around each others shoulders, laughing the whole way, their weighty conversation all but forgotten.
ETA: I am outraged. If you don't hear from me in a while, it's because I am moving back home to Switzerland. Britain, you have disappointed me. HOW CAN YOU GET RID OF STORM AND DIVA FEVER IN ONE NIGHT!? This is a travesty. Ugh, X Factor, you suck. *ahem* Sorry. Carry on.
Author: xkeijukainenx
Recipient: All of you lovelies
Pairing: None, James/Sirius gen.
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 1,336
Prompt: Day 13
Warnings: Beware rehashing of things that have already been hashed.
Summary: Sirius and James take a walk.
Author's Notes: None, really. They've already had most of this discussion... but they're a little more sober this time. Also, I just wanted to write a little Sirius/James friendship!love. They really are deliciously perfect for each other.
Could be a standalone, but in line with the rest of my October tales.
[ 1] [ 2] [ 3] [ 4] [ 5] [ 6] [ 7] [ 8] [ 9] [ 10] [ 11] [ 12]
“So, have you given it any more thought?” James and Sirius were walking through Hogsmeade on a surprisingly sunny Sunday afternoon; James had suffered yet another humiliating shut down at the hands of Ms. Lily Evans at breakfast that morning and Sirius had dragged him to the village to try and distract him with Zonko’s and Honeydukes. Being low on their pocket money (James’ parents were much stingier than Sirius’ had been, back when they acknowledged his presence), however, they ended up traipsing through the village. They had already reached the grounds of the Shrieking Shack; it looked so different during the day (and through eyes that could see in color) that Sirius had trouble recognizing it at first. He realized James had been talking to him and turned to look at his friend, bundled up in a muggle peacoat and a big scarf his mother had knitted him.
“What?”
“I was asking, you great pillock, if you’d thought about it any more. The thing, you know, where you’re in love with Remus.”
Sirius let out a breath that crystallized in front of him. “I thought you’d forgotten about that.”
“I never forget,” James preened. Rolling his eyes at his friend, Sirius pulled a pack of cigarettes from the pocket of his thick leather jacket. “So? What’re you going to do about it?”
“Nothing?” Sirius let out a mouthful of smoke, turning to stare back at the Shack.
James stood next to him, also eyeing the Shack. He put a cigarette to his lips and lit it without his wand - the only real wandless magic he could do. “You’re a coward, Black,” he mumbled around the butt of the fag.
“Well what do you want me to do about it? Get up on the table in the Great Hall and profess my undying love to him?” Sirius tapped his cigarette against the fence and sighed. “Anyways, I’m fairly sure he’s seeing someone, and he’s not going to want someone like me, so we’ll just ... leave it like that.”
“You plonker. What do you mean he wouldn’t want someone like you?”
Sirius waved his hand around in the air, as if that would help explain his point. “You know. Inexperienced.”
James snorted and smoke came through his nose. “Sirius, you’re like the bloody bike of Gryffindor tower.”
“Yeah, with girls,” Sirius said, not even taking notice of the slur on his dignity.
Laughing quietly, James turned away from his friend again. “Never thought you’d fall for anyone. Especially not another bloke.”
“That makes two of us.” Sirius sighed. “I don’t know what to do. If it was just another girl it’d be fine, but it’s not, and it’s Moony, and he’s not even a normal bloke.”
They both stared at the Shack, lost in their own thoughts and memories. The ramshackle old house had an oddly siren call to both of them; though they loathed it and what it stood for nearly as much as Remus did (with every fibre of his being), it was also the place that had truly cemented them together as partners in very literal crime.
“I can’t fuck this up, James,” Sirius said, quietly, after the silence became too much. “It’s Moony - what would I do if I lost him, somehow?”
“Are you kidding? What would he do if he lost you? Can you imagine how bad the moons would be?”
Sirius sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose.
“You’re right, Pads, you can’t fuck this one up - but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t give it a try. I’m not entirely sure you’d be shut down.”
“Who in their right mind would actually want to date me, though? I’m a wreck, James - my family have disowned me, I currently live on a mattress on the floor of your bedroom and, let’s face it, I’m probably certifiably insane.”
“Well, he’s put up with you in close quarters for this long without any major complaints,” James pointed out, nudging Sirius with his shoulder. “Don’t give up, it’s really very disconcerting to see you mope. Especially over something like this.”
“What you need to do is seduce him,” James continued, after a few moments in which Sirius was quietly pensive, causing his friend to burst out laughing.
“I don’t know how to seduce a bloke,” Sirius crowed.
“Yes you do! Think about what a bird does to get your attention and then... do that!” James pushed his glasses back up his nose with excitement. “You know. Waggle your hips. Bend over a lot. Um. Giggle?”
“Gods, I hate the giggling,” Sirius cursed, and James laughed.
“You’re probably an enormous poofter then.”
Sirius fixed James with an intent stare. “Are you really okay with this?”
James shrugged. “Mate, not much could be worse than when Padfoot had his puberty burst and started humping everything in sight. I’ve seen you attempt to get it on with furniture, plants and even my own leg - this is much less mentally scarring. Trust me. And much more understandable. Moony’s an attractive bloke, all things considered. All of the marauders are.”
Laughing, Sirius slung an arm around his best friend’s shoulders, feeling a little tight in his chest and irrationally glad for James’s ability to always be exactly what he needed him to be. Just as they turned to leave, the bushes rustled and disgorged a witch in bright blue and pink striped robes with hair so fiery red and curly that for a small irrational second, Sirius thought her head was on fire.
“Boys, boys! Careful! You’re about to step on a nest of Blibbering Humdingers!” Alarmed, and not only a little amused, Sirius and James jumped back. The witch pulled a wire contraption out of her pocket that immediately began to glow green and started to rearrange itself. “Ah, not quite mature yet.”
“What... what’s a Blubbering Himdinger?” Sirius asked, as James stuffed a fist into his mouth to try and stop himself from laughing.
“Blibbering Humdinger, dear. Their mating rituals are what have been creating that awful din around here at the full moon. Snorkacks indeed,” she muttered, eying her contraption warily. Sirius and James followed her gaze and where she was shoving the mess of wires towards but they couldn’t see anything that could be classed as a Humdinger, blibbering or otherwise.
“By the way, dear,” she said, addressing Sirius. “Myself and Blungo - he’s my crup, I think he’s gone hunting some puffskeins just now - we think you should just tell your friend Moony the way you feel.” Sirius felt his face flushing; he was lost for words. James, however, was now laughing outright. Sirius fought the urge to punch him in the solar plexus.
“Even if he doesn’t feel the same way, surely he’ll appreciate your being open with him. Oooh. They’ve moved on. Flighty things, these Humdingers. You will excuse me, dears. Try not to disturb their nests when you leave.”
Flabbergasted, James and Sirius watched as the woman toddled back off into the forest on her purple platform heels.
“I... have no idea what just happened,” Sirius gasped, before the laughter hit him.
“Neither do I,” managed James, in between fits of giggles. “Come on,” he continued, trying to pull himself together. “Let’s go buy Moony some chocolate. Baby steps, right?”
“Baby steps,” Sirius agreed. “Anyways, the moon’s in a few days, he’ll be craving it just now.”
“You’re probably right.”
“I’m always right.”
“Shut up.”
“You shut up.”
“Mutt.”
“Fawn.”
“Pillock.”
“Wanker.”
“Poofter!”
“Square!”
“Fuck you, Black.”
“With relish.”
“You disgust me.”
“So does your face.”
“So’s your mum’s face.”
“... yeah, it disgusts me too.”
“Haha, you prat, Black.”
“At least I’m an honest prat.” And with that, they traipsed back into the village with their arms slung around each others shoulders, laughing the whole way, their weighty conversation all but forgotten.
ETA: I am outraged. If you don't hear from me in a while, it's because I am moving back home to Switzerland. Britain, you have disappointed me. HOW CAN YOU GET RID OF STORM AND DIVA FEVER IN ONE NIGHT!? This is a travesty. Ugh, X Factor, you suck. *ahem* Sorry. Carry on.