Fic: Trainwreck - Day 5
Title: Trainwreck
Author: xkeijukainenx
Recipient: I wonder if my supervisor will take this instead of a Dissertation plan...
Pairing: Sirius, Remus/Gideon
Rating: PG-13, for glimpses of naughtiness.
Word Count: 1,206
Prompt: Day 5
Warnings: Some friskiness - not nearly enough by half.
Summary: Operation Cure Moony of His Inutterable Stupidity and General Wet Blanket-ness does not go according to plan.
Author's Notes: I just kind of love tormenting Sirius. He makes it so easy for me. Can be a standalone, but in line with the rest of my October tales.
[ 1] [ 2] [ 3] [ 4]
Friends don't let friends miss Hogsmeade weekend.
Sometimes, Sirius thought, he was pretty much a genius. For instance, he had created a song and was sure that it was some kind of musical masterpiece. He would probably become rich and famous one day.
“Hogsmeade, Hogsmeade, hoggy hoggy Hogsmeade!” he sang, skipping down the corridor to the Great Hall. He grinned at his friends as he plonked down in his usual seat across from James but next to Remus.
“Morning, lads!”
“Oh god,” groaned Remus. “James, make it stop.”
“Why me?!” cried James indignantly.
“It’s your toy. Make it shut up.”
Sirius huffed and pretended to be affronted but couldn’t make it last very long.
“Aw, is ickle Remikins a bit sore from last night?”
“You poured firewhisky down my throat. Actually poured it. In a stream, from the bottle, down my throat. Yes, I am sore.” Remus shoved Sirius with the arm that wasn’t holding his head up.
“It was an experiment,” Sirius defended, grinning at his wounded friend. “We wanted to see how your metabolism would hold up.”
“Sirius, I’m a ... you know, not a bloody block of iron.”
“Whatever, lads, hush up now. We’ve serious Hogsmeade planning to do,” James interrupted, silencing Sirius’ reply. “We’ve only a few precious hours and we must make maximum use of them! There are supplies to be bought, villagers to be pranked and there is butterbeer to be drunk. Sirius, plan of action, if you please.”
“Right. Upon arrival at Hogsmeade at 10 hundred hours we will progress immediately to Zonko’s. Goods and supplies will be bought. Then, we split forces. Agents Moony and Padfoot will make their way stealthily to Honeydukes... yes, Moony, what is it?” Sirius looked at Remus who had raised a rather tender hand to interrupt him.
“I’m not going,” he said, and braced himself for the impact. None was forthcoming, however - James, Sirius and Peter were, instead of shouting at him as he had expected, merely staring slackjawed as if his head had just fell off.
Remus took the opportunity, while the three of them were flapping their mouths open and closed and looking remarkably like fish, to explain. “I missed three essays last moon, I’ve got to finish those, I’ve got to get started on assignments to be finished by next moon and I have the worst headache in the world. Which, by the way, is your fault. So I’m not going. I’m sure you’ll manage with out me.” The other three still had no words so he smiled and shrugged. “If you’ll excuse me, then, I think I need to go be sick.”
After breakfast, carried out in stunned silence, Sirius went on a mission. Operation Cure Moony of His Inutterable Stupidity and General Wet Blanket-ness was fairly simple in its objectives. He simply would not allow such general lunacy to take hold in his best friend. Missing Hogsmeade, what on earth was Moony playing at? Didn’t he realize that they were in sixth year now? Their time was limited, every moment was to be savored!
Sirius had liberated the Invisibility Cloak from where James kept it hostage in his trunk while James was otherwise occupied in a desperate attempt to get Lily to join him for a drink at the Three Broomsticks. Poor bloke, that bird was never going to give in. He put the cloak on and waited in the dormitory until Remus came back from the bathroom. Sirius allowed himself a small twinge of guilt at the ashen color of Remus’ face (it really had been a lot of firewhiskey for a skinny boy, even for a skinny werewolf).
Remus looked around the dormitory - Sirius assumed he was making sure there was no one else there and had to keep himself from chuckling. Then he dashed out of the room without so much as even looking at one of his books.
Sirius was intrigued. He gave James a tap on the shoulder as he passed him in the common room - still invisible, of course - that was their understood signal for, You go ahead on, I’ll catch you later. James looked perplexed but Sirius reckoned that might just be the lingering effects of Evansitis.
Remus, meanwhile, was skulking down several corridors and into bits of the castle that no one really used. Luckily, Sirius had the map as well - it didn’t work quite properly, yet, and Remus’ footprint kept morphing itself into a tiny pawprint. They’d been trying to get the map to ignore the small factor of the lycanthropy but it point blank refused, calling them all ignorant buggers and then effectively farting a good deal of noxious gas in their faces.
Rude bit of parchment, all things considered.
Dead useful, though, because Sirius would have lost Remus, otherwise - there had been an unfortunate instance with a rotating staircase, and he never could pass up an opportunity to torment Mrs. Norris.
Maybe Remus was right, and he did have that Ay dee dee thing that he and James kept taunting him about.
Finally, though, he made it to the disused classroom that Remus seemed to have disappeared into with - Sirius shook the map to make sure it wasn’t jumbled (which rewarded him with more noxious fumes and some rather choice swear words) - Gideon Prewett.
Odd, Sirius thought, pausing outside the door. Remus definitely didn’t need any tutoring, and Gid was a seventh year so they wouldn’t be doing projects together... And how dare Remus miss out on Hogsmeade with him and James - and Peter - just to skulk around with Gideon bloody Prewett?!
Planning to give Remus and Gideon a piece of his mind, he pushed open the door to the classroom abruptly.
Neither of them noticed the door, however. Sirius stopped dead in his tracks.
‘Well,’ he thought, after his brain had gotten over the worst of the convulsions that felt a lot like there was an exploding bag of fizzing whizzbees stuck in his skull. ‘This is new and horrifying.’
Despite being fully clothed in their school robes, it was really hard to miss what was happening. Remus had Gideon - who, by the by, was not a small bloke, but rather tall and built remarkably like an oak tree - bent over the desk. Sirius, who’s panic had brought him some kind of strange serenity of thought, was mentally applauding Moony for an obvious circumvention of foreplay before he remembered just what he was seeing and went into spasms again.
It was a little bit like a trainwreck. Sirius couldn’t stop watching.
Until, that is, his senses returned in a whoosh of sound and smell and he heard Remus growl and Gideon whimper and then he realized exactly what he was watching. He was out the door and down the corridor faster than he could remember ever running before.
Sirius slowed down, eventually, and leaned up against a tapestry to catch his breath. ‘Well,’ he thought somewhat hysterically, ‘at least the Map seems to be working.’
Author: xkeijukainenx
Recipient: I wonder if my supervisor will take this instead of a Dissertation plan...
Pairing: Sirius, Remus/Gideon
Rating: PG-13, for glimpses of naughtiness.
Word Count: 1,206
Prompt: Day 5
Warnings: Some friskiness - not nearly enough by half.
Summary: Operation Cure Moony of His Inutterable Stupidity and General Wet Blanket-ness does not go according to plan.
Author's Notes: I just kind of love tormenting Sirius. He makes it so easy for me. Can be a standalone, but in line with the rest of my October tales.
[ 1] [ 2] [ 3] [ 4]
Friends don't let friends miss Hogsmeade weekend.
Sometimes, Sirius thought, he was pretty much a genius. For instance, he had created a song and was sure that it was some kind of musical masterpiece. He would probably become rich and famous one day.
“Hogsmeade, Hogsmeade, hoggy hoggy Hogsmeade!” he sang, skipping down the corridor to the Great Hall. He grinned at his friends as he plonked down in his usual seat across from James but next to Remus.
“Morning, lads!”
“Oh god,” groaned Remus. “James, make it stop.”
“Why me?!” cried James indignantly.
“It’s your toy. Make it shut up.”
Sirius huffed and pretended to be affronted but couldn’t make it last very long.
“Aw, is ickle Remikins a bit sore from last night?”
“You poured firewhisky down my throat. Actually poured it. In a stream, from the bottle, down my throat. Yes, I am sore.” Remus shoved Sirius with the arm that wasn’t holding his head up.
“It was an experiment,” Sirius defended, grinning at his wounded friend. “We wanted to see how your metabolism would hold up.”
“Sirius, I’m a ... you know, not a bloody block of iron.”
“Whatever, lads, hush up now. We’ve serious Hogsmeade planning to do,” James interrupted, silencing Sirius’ reply. “We’ve only a few precious hours and we must make maximum use of them! There are supplies to be bought, villagers to be pranked and there is butterbeer to be drunk. Sirius, plan of action, if you please.”
“Right. Upon arrival at Hogsmeade at 10 hundred hours we will progress immediately to Zonko’s. Goods and supplies will be bought. Then, we split forces. Agents Moony and Padfoot will make their way stealthily to Honeydukes... yes, Moony, what is it?” Sirius looked at Remus who had raised a rather tender hand to interrupt him.
“I’m not going,” he said, and braced himself for the impact. None was forthcoming, however - James, Sirius and Peter were, instead of shouting at him as he had expected, merely staring slackjawed as if his head had just fell off.
Remus took the opportunity, while the three of them were flapping their mouths open and closed and looking remarkably like fish, to explain. “I missed three essays last moon, I’ve got to finish those, I’ve got to get started on assignments to be finished by next moon and I have the worst headache in the world. Which, by the way, is your fault. So I’m not going. I’m sure you’ll manage with out me.” The other three still had no words so he smiled and shrugged. “If you’ll excuse me, then, I think I need to go be sick.”
After breakfast, carried out in stunned silence, Sirius went on a mission. Operation Cure Moony of His Inutterable Stupidity and General Wet Blanket-ness was fairly simple in its objectives. He simply would not allow such general lunacy to take hold in his best friend. Missing Hogsmeade, what on earth was Moony playing at? Didn’t he realize that they were in sixth year now? Their time was limited, every moment was to be savored!
Sirius had liberated the Invisibility Cloak from where James kept it hostage in his trunk while James was otherwise occupied in a desperate attempt to get Lily to join him for a drink at the Three Broomsticks. Poor bloke, that bird was never going to give in. He put the cloak on and waited in the dormitory until Remus came back from the bathroom. Sirius allowed himself a small twinge of guilt at the ashen color of Remus’ face (it really had been a lot of firewhiskey for a skinny boy, even for a skinny werewolf).
Remus looked around the dormitory - Sirius assumed he was making sure there was no one else there and had to keep himself from chuckling. Then he dashed out of the room without so much as even looking at one of his books.
Sirius was intrigued. He gave James a tap on the shoulder as he passed him in the common room - still invisible, of course - that was their understood signal for, You go ahead on, I’ll catch you later. James looked perplexed but Sirius reckoned that might just be the lingering effects of Evansitis.
Remus, meanwhile, was skulking down several corridors and into bits of the castle that no one really used. Luckily, Sirius had the map as well - it didn’t work quite properly, yet, and Remus’ footprint kept morphing itself into a tiny pawprint. They’d been trying to get the map to ignore the small factor of the lycanthropy but it point blank refused, calling them all ignorant buggers and then effectively farting a good deal of noxious gas in their faces.
Rude bit of parchment, all things considered.
Dead useful, though, because Sirius would have lost Remus, otherwise - there had been an unfortunate instance with a rotating staircase, and he never could pass up an opportunity to torment Mrs. Norris.
Maybe Remus was right, and he did have that Ay dee dee thing that he and James kept taunting him about.
Finally, though, he made it to the disused classroom that Remus seemed to have disappeared into with - Sirius shook the map to make sure it wasn’t jumbled (which rewarded him with more noxious fumes and some rather choice swear words) - Gideon Prewett.
Odd, Sirius thought, pausing outside the door. Remus definitely didn’t need any tutoring, and Gid was a seventh year so they wouldn’t be doing projects together... And how dare Remus miss out on Hogsmeade with him and James - and Peter - just to skulk around with Gideon bloody Prewett?!
Planning to give Remus and Gideon a piece of his mind, he pushed open the door to the classroom abruptly.
Neither of them noticed the door, however. Sirius stopped dead in his tracks.
‘Well,’ he thought, after his brain had gotten over the worst of the convulsions that felt a lot like there was an exploding bag of fizzing whizzbees stuck in his skull. ‘This is new and horrifying.’
Despite being fully clothed in their school robes, it was really hard to miss what was happening. Remus had Gideon - who, by the by, was not a small bloke, but rather tall and built remarkably like an oak tree - bent over the desk. Sirius, who’s panic had brought him some kind of strange serenity of thought, was mentally applauding Moony for an obvious circumvention of foreplay before he remembered just what he was seeing and went into spasms again.
It was a little bit like a trainwreck. Sirius couldn’t stop watching.
Until, that is, his senses returned in a whoosh of sound and smell and he heard Remus growl and Gideon whimper and then he realized exactly what he was watching. He was out the door and down the corridor faster than he could remember ever running before.
Sirius slowed down, eventually, and leaned up against a tapestry to catch his breath. ‘Well,’ he thought somewhat hysterically, ‘at least the Map seems to be working.’