Fic: Thursday Night Date Night - October 7
Title: Thursday Night Date Night.
Author: xkeijukainenx
Recipient: All of you lovelies
Pairing: Remus/Gideon, James/Lily, Sirius/OFC, Peter/OFC, hints towards Sirius/Remus
Rating: PG-13 - for suggestions of sexytimes and drugs
Word Count: 3,056
Prompt: Day 7
Warnings: None, really.
Summary: Four dates that didn't go so well, and one that went alright, after all.
Author's Notes: Could be a standalone, but in line with the rest of my October tales.
[ 1] [ 2] [ 3] [ 4] [ 5] [ 6]
Dates are Overrated
Sirius had declared Thursday night Date Nate, aka Operation Get James Potter Laid Finally, Since Lily Is A Frigid Cow, or perhaps, If I Have to Spend One More Night in the Dorm Just With You Lot, I Might Lose the Plot Night.
Plans were therefore made, and Thursday evening saw James, Peter and Sirius fussing over space in front of the mirror.
“Oi, Remus, don’t you have a date to get ready for?!” called Sirius, prodding his hair into place.
“I don’t date, Pads,” Remus shouted back. “I’m off to the library. Enjoy yourselves. And Pads, for Merlin’s sake if not for mine, be safe.”
“Moony! I’m always safe!”
“Why didn’t you warn the rest of us that,” called Peter indignantly. “We have dates too!”
Remus laughed, not unkindly but definitely not unpleasantly either, and didn’t reply before leaving.
“Wanker, don’t listen to him,” James said to Peter. “Bet she’s gagging for it. You’ll see.”
“Who’s your date with, Prongs,” asked Sirius.
“Lily,” James said simply.
“Prongs! This is meant to be working towards getting you laid, not getting you laid up in the hospital wing, pillock.”
James just shrugged and patted some aftershave on.
“Whatever.” Sirius huffed. “I’m out of here. You lads have fun.”
I.
Remus grit his teeth and pushed open the door to the Room of Requirement. This was going to be hellish, he could just tell.
His worst fears were confirmed when he stepped into the room and was assaulted by soft, classical music, mood lighting from various candle-lit sconces, and the smell of crushed rose petals - which, incidentally, were everywhere.
“Christ, its where every girl’s dream has come to die,” he muttered under his breath, but was sure to paste his best smile on when Gideon looked up from the table and grinned at him. Honestly, the things he did for discreet sex - he should get a medal.
“Hey,” he said, sitting down opposite Gideon.
“You look nice,” Gideon said, and Remus grimaced at his tone. It was ludicrous, really, that the star beater of the Gryffindor team should be this much of a closet romantic. Ludicrous and vaguely sickening.
“Thanks, you too.”
“Wine?”
“Sure.”
Gideon eyed him suspiciously over the top of his wine glass. Remus put his best innocent face on - and he had to say, it was a good innocent face. He’d had a lot of opportunity to practice it over the past six years.
“So, how’re you doing today?”
“Fine,” Remus answered, trying to smile and cut his meat at the same time. Overcooked, of course. He couldn’t win tonight, apparently.
“Sure? You seem a little tense.”
“Really? I’m fine. How... how was your day?” He didn’t really care, to be honest. He liked Gideon, he did, and the boy was bloody stunning - and had an arse you could bounce a sickle off of - but Merlin’s pants on a broomstick he was boring when he was on a date.
As Gideon babbled on about classes and Fabian and - Remus wasn’t entirely sure what else - Remus let his mind drift, making affirmative noises once in a while and pushing his food about.
“Remus? You even listening, love?”
Remus shuddered. “Yeah, sorry, just tired.” Gideon rolled his eyes.
“You can be really pants at lying, sometimes, Lupin. Look, we had a deal.”
Gideon pushed his plate away from him and sat back in his chair with his arms crossed. Remus looked guiltily back.
“I know, Gid, I’m sorry, I really am. It’s just... we’re gay, we’re not women, this is all a bit... I mean... classical music?” Remus shot him an apologetic look. Gideon grunted and waved a hand; the music stopped.
“I thought it’d be nice, you know, do something as a couple.” Remus winced unwittingly and Gideon’s eyes fell.
“Gid...”
“No, it’s fine, whatever. You don’t see us as a couple.” If Gideon wasn’t six foot tall and built like an oak tree, the look on his face would have made him look like a kicked puppy. As it was, though, he just looked pained, which was much less pitiable. Or perhaps Remus was just heartless.
“Well, honestly, Gideon. I mean...” This was an absolute nightmare. Remus had to fight the insane urge to hide his head in his hands.
“We just fuck, that’s where it ends for you.”
“Gideon, come on, mate.”
“Remus, you don’t fuck your mates.”
“Well no, because mine are all straight as pokers, but that’s - really irrelevant and... Oh bugger it all. I like you, Gid, but I’d no idea you were looking for...”
“What did you think I was in this for?”
“Sex?” Remus said, earnestly, hoping to any deity that cared to listen that his face looked apologetic rather than exasperated.
Gideon huffed and pushed back from the table.
“Lupin, you’d better rethink your tactics. If you keep pushing people away you’ll end up with no one at all.”
He stood up and picked up his school bag, and Remus watched his rather fine arse walk quickly to the door.
“So... I guess we’re not meeting Monday after dinner then?”
The way Gideon swung his head round to glare at Remus told him he should probably not have asked that particular question.
“Get fucked, Lupin,” Gideon spat, throwing the door open.
“Gid, wait!” Remus stood up and crossed the room, putting a lightly scarred hand on top of Gideon’s, slightly surprised that his hand was bigger than Gid’s was. Gideon froze, holding his breath.
“I really am sorry,” Remus said, pressing a kiss to Gideon’s lips. “You’ll find someone, I'm sure.”
Gideon grunted, closing his eyes and biting his lip as if trying to stop himself from blurting things out. “So long, then, Lupin.”
After he left Remus sat down at the table, waved his hand for the music to start again and picked up his knife and fork. No use wasting good food - shame about the loss of the steady sex, though.
II.
“Hullo, Evans,” James said, plonking himself down at the desk across from where Lily sat in the empty Charms classroom. “What’re you doing?”
“Sod off, Potter.”
“Is that the way to treat your future husband?”
“I’d sooner marry a chimera.”
“I brought you pie.”
“I’m allergic to pie. Potter, how many times do I have to tell you to piss off?”
Lily hadn’t even looked up from the papers she was grading yet. James had a theory - Lily never looked at him properly because if she did, she’d be unable to resist her base animalistic urges and would be helpless to stop herself pouncing on him.
“Brought you pasta too.”
She had apparently chosen to start ignoring him. He sighed and pulled the picnic basket up off the floor so that he could go through it.
“Alright. Salad, pumpkin pasties, pepperoni pizza, roast beef sandwich, chocolate cake, toffee cake, strawberry cake, treacle tart - you know, Evans, I reckon the house elves think you have a sweet tooth - cupcakes, victoria sponge... Merlin’s beard, you probably shouldn’t eat all this, ruin your figure.”
“Potter, will you shut up?!” Lily finally looked up from her work. “What are you doing here? Why aren’t you and Black running around corrupting minors like usual?”
“But I brought you pie,” James said, uselessly. It was the most infuriating thing, the ease with which this woman reduced him to uselessness.
“I don’t want any bleeding pie. I want to be done grading these papers that I stupidly promised Filch I’d get done by tomorrow.”
“I can help,” James offered, eagerly, sliding closer to her. “I’m good at Charms!”
“Potter, today you managed to melt a blanket you were meant to be cooling.”
“Made you laugh though, didn’t it?” James grinned at her, nudging her none-too-gently with an elbow. Lily rolled her eyes but again refused to look at him. He sighed and waved his wand - instantly, Lily started shivering. She looked at him, glaring.
“What are you trying to prove, Potter?”
“I can do the charm,” James said, simply. Lily scowled. Her sweater was now ice cold. “Actually, Sirius and I learned that one in second year.”
“You learned how to use use perpetual cold charms in second year?” James preened a little at the faint tones of disbelief.
“Mmm,” he replied, distractedly, pulling one of the first years’ essays towards him and munching on a bit of treacle tart. “And warming charms. Needed them, didn’t we, for when Remus ...” He managed to stop himself talking in time as his brain caught up with his mouth, and pretended that his mouth had stuck together. “Sticky,” he said, grinning at her with a mouth full of treacle.
“Ugh, Potter. Will you just go?”
“I thought we could have a picnic!”
“Why would I want to have a picnic with you, Potter?”
“Because, you find me irresistible?” James asked cockily. Lily snorted at him indelicately; he wilted.
“Look, Evans, I know you don’t believe me, but I really would like to take you out once. I think if you dropped the venomous shield you’ve got up you might actually enjoy it.”
“I am not venemous!” Lily cried at him, enraged.
“That, right there, is what I’m talking about,” James said, waving a drumstick at her. “You, Lily Evans, are scared of me. I can tell.”
She snorted at him and pulled another paper out of the pile, still avoiding his eyes. “You’re a pillock and a wanker, Potter, but I’m not scared of you.”
James sighed, realizing he wasn’t going to get anywhere with her tonight. She wasn’t shouting any more, though. Small victories.
“I think you are, Evans. But nevermind. You’ll get over it.” He stood up to leave, scooping a cupcake out of the basket as he passed.
“James,” Lily called suddenly, before he got all the way through the door. James turned back, looking at her questioningly. She was still red in the face and obviously annoyed. “Why are you so bloody cocksure about this?”
“That you’ll eventually realize you’re head over heels in love with me?” Her glare was the only answer he needed. He shot her the James Potter Look, a cheeky grin and a shrug with a wink. “I’m James Potter. And you’re Lily Evans. And it’s just meant to be.”
“You’re a woman,” Lily spat.
James just laughed and called back, as he left the room, “Just you wait, Evans, just you wait!”
Lily slammed her pen into the paper she was marking. “Imbecile,” she said, but she couldn’t quite fight the smile on her face.
III.
Peter waited at the Three Broomsticks, nursing a butter beer, and wishing he’d been able to convince James to come along for moral support.
He had a copy of Hogwarts: A History and a blue scarf, like he’d said he would. Now he was just waiting for Alone in Astronomy to show up. She’d have a red hat and a Daily Prophet under her right arm.
“Get you another, dear?” asked Rosmerta, kindly. Peter sighed.
“Alright, then.”
“I’m sure she’ll come,” she added, patting Peter’s arm.
“Yeah,” he replied, gloomily. Rosmerta offered him a sympathetic smile, feeling truly sorry for the boy as she caught a glimpse of a red hat disappearing through the door it’d just come in through. “Oh dear,” she sighed, before bringing Peter another bottle of Butterbeer.
“On the house, love. I’ll have to send you back soon, mind.”
“Thanks, Madam Rosmerta, I’ll go after this.”
She smiled and went back to wiping down glasses behind the bar. Sweet boy, Pettigrew. Bit on the simpering side of things. She was sure he wasn’t all that bad; just didn’t really stand a chance against his friends. James Potter, Quidditch captain; Remus Lupin, clever and handsome; and Sirius Black, every teenaged girl’s dream.
That was one that Rosmerta wouldn’t mind having a bit of, that Sirius Black. Pettigrew was a lovely lad though. And such a good tipper.
IV.
It wasn’t so much of a date as a rendezvous.
Darcy was a very beautiful girl, and highly talented with her tongue, and Sirius always enjoyed their meetings, but tonight his heart just wasn’t in it.
He enjoyed it, of course - any one would enjoy having those lips around their cock - but he could hardly focus. And when you’re having problems focusing on a blowjob, you’re having problems.
Sirius wondered idly if the house elves were plotting revenge for years of subjugation and putting something in the water to make them all go crazy. His head felt like it might explode. And not in a good way.
“Sirius? Come back,” Darcy called, teasingly. He looked over at her lazily. “There you are. I swear you were half way to mars just then. Alright?”
“You’re very good at that,” he slurred, smiling winningly. She blushed. “How good?”
“Very. Look, love, d’you mind? Only I promised Remus I’d be back at eleven to help with his Potions.”
Darcy looked affronted. “What about me,” she demanded, poking him in the chest.
“Oh, sorry, hang on.” Sirius fished his wand out of his pocket.
“I’m not letting you put your wand...”
“Merlin’s pants, no,” Sirius cried, looking horrified at the idea. “No, look, I wrote this spell.” He flicked his wand and Darcy’s knees gave way. Grinning, Sirius helped prop her against the wall of the broomshed they were hiding behind. “Enjoy.”
“I should ... oh... hate you. Merlin, that feels amazing.” Sirius shot her a rakish grin.
“It’ll last about ten minutes. Thanks, Darce, see you around, yeah?”
She tried to glare at him - but was distracted. He shot her one last winning smile and then ran back up towards the castle.
V.
“Budge up, Lupin.”
Sirius climbed out the window of their dormitory onto the roof of the Gryffindor tower where Remus already sat, kicking his legs back and forth.
“Alright, Pads? How’s Darcy?”
“Very talented young woman, is Darcy Griffiths. Here, is that gillyweed? Give us a drag, mate.” Sirius snatched the joint from Remus’ fingers and inhaled deeply. “She’s got a tongue that could tie knots in a tree.”
“That’s a seriously disturbing mental image,” Remus commented dryly.
“Where’s Prongs?”
“He came in around ten, singing some kind of song about how Lily is going to crack any minute now, and went off to make love to a house elf, as far as I could tell. Seems to think that his offering of treacle tart, as recommended by Blitzy, might have won fair Lily’s heart.”
Sirius laughed, taking another drag before passing the joint back to Remus. “Do you think it did?”
“If it did, she doesn’t know anything about it. She came in the common room half an hour later cursing the Potter family tree all the way back to Cyrus Potter of 1790.”
“Poor James,” Sirius chuckled. “Any news from Wormtail?”
Remus shook his head. “Though, I know who he was meant to meet, and I saw her wandering around the tower a few minutes ago so I’m guessing that didn’t go well.”
“Poor Peter, too, then. What about you. How was your date?”
“I don’t date, Pads, remember?”
“Is that because you’re gay,” Sirius asked, as if butter wouldn’t melt, and then took another drag, carefully avoiding looking at Remus.
“What? Where did that even... what?” Remus looked stunned, and frightened, but Sirius noticed he wasn’t denying it.
He shrugged and passed the joint back to Remus, still not looking at him. “Walked in on you and Gideon the other day,” he admitted, shuddering again.
Remus’ “Oh” was very quiet. Sirius shrugged and, bracing himself, turned to grin at his friend.
“Look, Moony, it doesn’t matter to me where you’re getting it, at least you’re actually getting it. Right? Not like James, moping about like a sodding wet towel after Evans, the world’s most frigid bitch.”
“Sure,” Remus said, quietly.
“Always thought Fabian was the gay one,” Sirius mused.
“He was,” replied Remus, smirking, the gillyweed not letting him get too worked up about the situation. “And now they both are.”
Sirius nearly fell off the roof laughing. “Well done Moony!”
“He tried to date me,” Remus said, slurring a little. Sirius smiled - gillyweed affected Remus a lot faster than it did the rest of them. “It was awful, Pads, with roses and wine and music, and steak that was cooked within an inch of its life. Poor steak.”
“Poor steak indeed. That sounds awful.”
“It was. Told him, Gid, we’re gay, we’re not women. He didn’t like that. Have to find someone else now, I spose.”
“What about Fabian?” Sirius grinned, impressed with himself and how well he was handling this potentially horrible situation (particularly given the very, very disturbing path of his distracted thoughts lately.)
Remus smirked again, but looked fond. “Fab was my first,” he said, taking another drag.
“Moony,” Sirius asked, looking at his friend with shock. “Are you a bit of a slut?”
Giggling, Remus grinned. “I can’t help it, I have a teenage wolf inside me. We have urges, alright?”
Sirius didn’t know if it was the gillyweed, or the relief that Remus was talking to him, or ... some other horribly confusing reason, but Sirius could not stop laughing if he tried. Neither could Remus.
It was quite some time before they were able to make it off the roof, and James and Peter were already asleep. Sirius pulled his pajamas on and slid into bed.
“Sirius?” Remus called, quietly, from his own bed.
“Yup?”
“Thanks,” he whispered. “For ... not freaking out.”
“Remus, you regularly turn into a hundred pounds of snarling wolf in front of me and spend all night trying to tear me limb from limb. If I can put up with that I can put up with the fact that you prefer a nice set of bat and bludgers to breasts.”
“I don’t hate breasts, you know. They just... they’re too squidgy. It’s weird.”
“You’re high. Also, insane, but mostly high.”
“So are you.”
“That’s fair, then. Good date night?”
“Good date night,” Remus replied, and Sirius could hear the smile. “Night, Pads.”
“Night, Remus.” Sirius pulled his duvet up to his chin and bit his lip. The world was spinning a little bit around him. He should probably stop smoking so much.
Author: xkeijukainenx
Recipient: All of you lovelies
Pairing: Remus/Gideon, James/Lily, Sirius/OFC, Peter/OFC, hints towards Sirius/Remus
Rating: PG-13 - for suggestions of sexytimes and drugs
Word Count: 3,056
Prompt: Day 7
Warnings: None, really.
Summary: Four dates that didn't go so well, and one that went alright, after all.
Author's Notes: Could be a standalone, but in line with the rest of my October tales.
[ 1] [ 2] [ 3] [ 4] [ 5] [ 6]
Dates are Overrated
Sirius had declared Thursday night Date Nate, aka Operation Get James Potter Laid Finally, Since Lily Is A Frigid Cow, or perhaps, If I Have to Spend One More Night in the Dorm Just With You Lot, I Might Lose the Plot Night.
Plans were therefore made, and Thursday evening saw James, Peter and Sirius fussing over space in front of the mirror.
“Oi, Remus, don’t you have a date to get ready for?!” called Sirius, prodding his hair into place.
“I don’t date, Pads,” Remus shouted back. “I’m off to the library. Enjoy yourselves. And Pads, for Merlin’s sake if not for mine, be safe.”
“Moony! I’m always safe!”
“Why didn’t you warn the rest of us that,” called Peter indignantly. “We have dates too!”
Remus laughed, not unkindly but definitely not unpleasantly either, and didn’t reply before leaving.
“Wanker, don’t listen to him,” James said to Peter. “Bet she’s gagging for it. You’ll see.”
“Who’s your date with, Prongs,” asked Sirius.
“Lily,” James said simply.
“Prongs! This is meant to be working towards getting you laid, not getting you laid up in the hospital wing, pillock.”
James just shrugged and patted some aftershave on.
“Whatever.” Sirius huffed. “I’m out of here. You lads have fun.”
I.
Remus grit his teeth and pushed open the door to the Room of Requirement. This was going to be hellish, he could just tell.
His worst fears were confirmed when he stepped into the room and was assaulted by soft, classical music, mood lighting from various candle-lit sconces, and the smell of crushed rose petals - which, incidentally, were everywhere.
“Christ, its where every girl’s dream has come to die,” he muttered under his breath, but was sure to paste his best smile on when Gideon looked up from the table and grinned at him. Honestly, the things he did for discreet sex - he should get a medal.
“Hey,” he said, sitting down opposite Gideon.
“You look nice,” Gideon said, and Remus grimaced at his tone. It was ludicrous, really, that the star beater of the Gryffindor team should be this much of a closet romantic. Ludicrous and vaguely sickening.
“Thanks, you too.”
“Wine?”
“Sure.”
Gideon eyed him suspiciously over the top of his wine glass. Remus put his best innocent face on - and he had to say, it was a good innocent face. He’d had a lot of opportunity to practice it over the past six years.
“So, how’re you doing today?”
“Fine,” Remus answered, trying to smile and cut his meat at the same time. Overcooked, of course. He couldn’t win tonight, apparently.
“Sure? You seem a little tense.”
“Really? I’m fine. How... how was your day?” He didn’t really care, to be honest. He liked Gideon, he did, and the boy was bloody stunning - and had an arse you could bounce a sickle off of - but Merlin’s pants on a broomstick he was boring when he was on a date.
As Gideon babbled on about classes and Fabian and - Remus wasn’t entirely sure what else - Remus let his mind drift, making affirmative noises once in a while and pushing his food about.
“Remus? You even listening, love?”
Remus shuddered. “Yeah, sorry, just tired.” Gideon rolled his eyes.
“You can be really pants at lying, sometimes, Lupin. Look, we had a deal.”
Gideon pushed his plate away from him and sat back in his chair with his arms crossed. Remus looked guiltily back.
“I know, Gid, I’m sorry, I really am. It’s just... we’re gay, we’re not women, this is all a bit... I mean... classical music?” Remus shot him an apologetic look. Gideon grunted and waved a hand; the music stopped.
“I thought it’d be nice, you know, do something as a couple.” Remus winced unwittingly and Gideon’s eyes fell.
“Gid...”
“No, it’s fine, whatever. You don’t see us as a couple.” If Gideon wasn’t six foot tall and built like an oak tree, the look on his face would have made him look like a kicked puppy. As it was, though, he just looked pained, which was much less pitiable. Or perhaps Remus was just heartless.
“Well, honestly, Gideon. I mean...” This was an absolute nightmare. Remus had to fight the insane urge to hide his head in his hands.
“We just fuck, that’s where it ends for you.”
“Gideon, come on, mate.”
“Remus, you don’t fuck your mates.”
“Well no, because mine are all straight as pokers, but that’s - really irrelevant and... Oh bugger it all. I like you, Gid, but I’d no idea you were looking for...”
“What did you think I was in this for?”
“Sex?” Remus said, earnestly, hoping to any deity that cared to listen that his face looked apologetic rather than exasperated.
Gideon huffed and pushed back from the table.
“Lupin, you’d better rethink your tactics. If you keep pushing people away you’ll end up with no one at all.”
He stood up and picked up his school bag, and Remus watched his rather fine arse walk quickly to the door.
“So... I guess we’re not meeting Monday after dinner then?”
The way Gideon swung his head round to glare at Remus told him he should probably not have asked that particular question.
“Get fucked, Lupin,” Gideon spat, throwing the door open.
“Gid, wait!” Remus stood up and crossed the room, putting a lightly scarred hand on top of Gideon’s, slightly surprised that his hand was bigger than Gid’s was. Gideon froze, holding his breath.
“I really am sorry,” Remus said, pressing a kiss to Gideon’s lips. “You’ll find someone, I'm sure.”
Gideon grunted, closing his eyes and biting his lip as if trying to stop himself from blurting things out. “So long, then, Lupin.”
After he left Remus sat down at the table, waved his hand for the music to start again and picked up his knife and fork. No use wasting good food - shame about the loss of the steady sex, though.
II.
“Hullo, Evans,” James said, plonking himself down at the desk across from where Lily sat in the empty Charms classroom. “What’re you doing?”
“Sod off, Potter.”
“Is that the way to treat your future husband?”
“I’d sooner marry a chimera.”
“I brought you pie.”
“I’m allergic to pie. Potter, how many times do I have to tell you to piss off?”
Lily hadn’t even looked up from the papers she was grading yet. James had a theory - Lily never looked at him properly because if she did, she’d be unable to resist her base animalistic urges and would be helpless to stop herself pouncing on him.
“Brought you pasta too.”
She had apparently chosen to start ignoring him. He sighed and pulled the picnic basket up off the floor so that he could go through it.
“Alright. Salad, pumpkin pasties, pepperoni pizza, roast beef sandwich, chocolate cake, toffee cake, strawberry cake, treacle tart - you know, Evans, I reckon the house elves think you have a sweet tooth - cupcakes, victoria sponge... Merlin’s beard, you probably shouldn’t eat all this, ruin your figure.”
“Potter, will you shut up?!” Lily finally looked up from her work. “What are you doing here? Why aren’t you and Black running around corrupting minors like usual?”
“But I brought you pie,” James said, uselessly. It was the most infuriating thing, the ease with which this woman reduced him to uselessness.
“I don’t want any bleeding pie. I want to be done grading these papers that I stupidly promised Filch I’d get done by tomorrow.”
“I can help,” James offered, eagerly, sliding closer to her. “I’m good at Charms!”
“Potter, today you managed to melt a blanket you were meant to be cooling.”
“Made you laugh though, didn’t it?” James grinned at her, nudging her none-too-gently with an elbow. Lily rolled her eyes but again refused to look at him. He sighed and waved his wand - instantly, Lily started shivering. She looked at him, glaring.
“What are you trying to prove, Potter?”
“I can do the charm,” James said, simply. Lily scowled. Her sweater was now ice cold. “Actually, Sirius and I learned that one in second year.”
“You learned how to use use perpetual cold charms in second year?” James preened a little at the faint tones of disbelief.
“Mmm,” he replied, distractedly, pulling one of the first years’ essays towards him and munching on a bit of treacle tart. “And warming charms. Needed them, didn’t we, for when Remus ...” He managed to stop himself talking in time as his brain caught up with his mouth, and pretended that his mouth had stuck together. “Sticky,” he said, grinning at her with a mouth full of treacle.
“Ugh, Potter. Will you just go?”
“I thought we could have a picnic!”
“Why would I want to have a picnic with you, Potter?”
“Because, you find me irresistible?” James asked cockily. Lily snorted at him indelicately; he wilted.
“Look, Evans, I know you don’t believe me, but I really would like to take you out once. I think if you dropped the venomous shield you’ve got up you might actually enjoy it.”
“I am not venemous!” Lily cried at him, enraged.
“That, right there, is what I’m talking about,” James said, waving a drumstick at her. “You, Lily Evans, are scared of me. I can tell.”
She snorted at him and pulled another paper out of the pile, still avoiding his eyes. “You’re a pillock and a wanker, Potter, but I’m not scared of you.”
James sighed, realizing he wasn’t going to get anywhere with her tonight. She wasn’t shouting any more, though. Small victories.
“I think you are, Evans. But nevermind. You’ll get over it.” He stood up to leave, scooping a cupcake out of the basket as he passed.
“James,” Lily called suddenly, before he got all the way through the door. James turned back, looking at her questioningly. She was still red in the face and obviously annoyed. “Why are you so bloody cocksure about this?”
“That you’ll eventually realize you’re head over heels in love with me?” Her glare was the only answer he needed. He shot her the James Potter Look, a cheeky grin and a shrug with a wink. “I’m James Potter. And you’re Lily Evans. And it’s just meant to be.”
“You’re a woman,” Lily spat.
James just laughed and called back, as he left the room, “Just you wait, Evans, just you wait!”
Lily slammed her pen into the paper she was marking. “Imbecile,” she said, but she couldn’t quite fight the smile on her face.
III.
Peter waited at the Three Broomsticks, nursing a butter beer, and wishing he’d been able to convince James to come along for moral support.
He had a copy of Hogwarts: A History and a blue scarf, like he’d said he would. Now he was just waiting for Alone in Astronomy to show up. She’d have a red hat and a Daily Prophet under her right arm.
“Get you another, dear?” asked Rosmerta, kindly. Peter sighed.
“Alright, then.”
“I’m sure she’ll come,” she added, patting Peter’s arm.
“Yeah,” he replied, gloomily. Rosmerta offered him a sympathetic smile, feeling truly sorry for the boy as she caught a glimpse of a red hat disappearing through the door it’d just come in through. “Oh dear,” she sighed, before bringing Peter another bottle of Butterbeer.
“On the house, love. I’ll have to send you back soon, mind.”
“Thanks, Madam Rosmerta, I’ll go after this.”
She smiled and went back to wiping down glasses behind the bar. Sweet boy, Pettigrew. Bit on the simpering side of things. She was sure he wasn’t all that bad; just didn’t really stand a chance against his friends. James Potter, Quidditch captain; Remus Lupin, clever and handsome; and Sirius Black, every teenaged girl’s dream.
That was one that Rosmerta wouldn’t mind having a bit of, that Sirius Black. Pettigrew was a lovely lad though. And such a good tipper.
IV.
It wasn’t so much of a date as a rendezvous.
Darcy was a very beautiful girl, and highly talented with her tongue, and Sirius always enjoyed their meetings, but tonight his heart just wasn’t in it.
He enjoyed it, of course - any one would enjoy having those lips around their cock - but he could hardly focus. And when you’re having problems focusing on a blowjob, you’re having problems.
Sirius wondered idly if the house elves were plotting revenge for years of subjugation and putting something in the water to make them all go crazy. His head felt like it might explode. And not in a good way.
“Sirius? Come back,” Darcy called, teasingly. He looked over at her lazily. “There you are. I swear you were half way to mars just then. Alright?”
“You’re very good at that,” he slurred, smiling winningly. She blushed. “How good?”
“Very. Look, love, d’you mind? Only I promised Remus I’d be back at eleven to help with his Potions.”
Darcy looked affronted. “What about me,” she demanded, poking him in the chest.
“Oh, sorry, hang on.” Sirius fished his wand out of his pocket.
“I’m not letting you put your wand...”
“Merlin’s pants, no,” Sirius cried, looking horrified at the idea. “No, look, I wrote this spell.” He flicked his wand and Darcy’s knees gave way. Grinning, Sirius helped prop her against the wall of the broomshed they were hiding behind. “Enjoy.”
“I should ... oh... hate you. Merlin, that feels amazing.” Sirius shot her a rakish grin.
“It’ll last about ten minutes. Thanks, Darce, see you around, yeah?”
She tried to glare at him - but was distracted. He shot her one last winning smile and then ran back up towards the castle.
V.
“Budge up, Lupin.”
Sirius climbed out the window of their dormitory onto the roof of the Gryffindor tower where Remus already sat, kicking his legs back and forth.
“Alright, Pads? How’s Darcy?”
“Very talented young woman, is Darcy Griffiths. Here, is that gillyweed? Give us a drag, mate.” Sirius snatched the joint from Remus’ fingers and inhaled deeply. “She’s got a tongue that could tie knots in a tree.”
“That’s a seriously disturbing mental image,” Remus commented dryly.
“Where’s Prongs?”
“He came in around ten, singing some kind of song about how Lily is going to crack any minute now, and went off to make love to a house elf, as far as I could tell. Seems to think that his offering of treacle tart, as recommended by Blitzy, might have won fair Lily’s heart.”
Sirius laughed, taking another drag before passing the joint back to Remus. “Do you think it did?”
“If it did, she doesn’t know anything about it. She came in the common room half an hour later cursing the Potter family tree all the way back to Cyrus Potter of 1790.”
“Poor James,” Sirius chuckled. “Any news from Wormtail?”
Remus shook his head. “Though, I know who he was meant to meet, and I saw her wandering around the tower a few minutes ago so I’m guessing that didn’t go well.”
“Poor Peter, too, then. What about you. How was your date?”
“I don’t date, Pads, remember?”
“Is that because you’re gay,” Sirius asked, as if butter wouldn’t melt, and then took another drag, carefully avoiding looking at Remus.
“What? Where did that even... what?” Remus looked stunned, and frightened, but Sirius noticed he wasn’t denying it.
He shrugged and passed the joint back to Remus, still not looking at him. “Walked in on you and Gideon the other day,” he admitted, shuddering again.
Remus’ “Oh” was very quiet. Sirius shrugged and, bracing himself, turned to grin at his friend.
“Look, Moony, it doesn’t matter to me where you’re getting it, at least you’re actually getting it. Right? Not like James, moping about like a sodding wet towel after Evans, the world’s most frigid bitch.”
“Sure,” Remus said, quietly.
“Always thought Fabian was the gay one,” Sirius mused.
“He was,” replied Remus, smirking, the gillyweed not letting him get too worked up about the situation. “And now they both are.”
Sirius nearly fell off the roof laughing. “Well done Moony!”
“He tried to date me,” Remus said, slurring a little. Sirius smiled - gillyweed affected Remus a lot faster than it did the rest of them. “It was awful, Pads, with roses and wine and music, and steak that was cooked within an inch of its life. Poor steak.”
“Poor steak indeed. That sounds awful.”
“It was. Told him, Gid, we’re gay, we’re not women. He didn’t like that. Have to find someone else now, I spose.”
“What about Fabian?” Sirius grinned, impressed with himself and how well he was handling this potentially horrible situation (particularly given the very, very disturbing path of his distracted thoughts lately.)
Remus smirked again, but looked fond. “Fab was my first,” he said, taking another drag.
“Moony,” Sirius asked, looking at his friend with shock. “Are you a bit of a slut?”
Giggling, Remus grinned. “I can’t help it, I have a teenage wolf inside me. We have urges, alright?”
Sirius didn’t know if it was the gillyweed, or the relief that Remus was talking to him, or ... some other horribly confusing reason, but Sirius could not stop laughing if he tried. Neither could Remus.
It was quite some time before they were able to make it off the roof, and James and Peter were already asleep. Sirius pulled his pajamas on and slid into bed.
“Sirius?” Remus called, quietly, from his own bed.
“Yup?”
“Thanks,” he whispered. “For ... not freaking out.”
“Remus, you regularly turn into a hundred pounds of snarling wolf in front of me and spend all night trying to tear me limb from limb. If I can put up with that I can put up with the fact that you prefer a nice set of bat and bludgers to breasts.”
“I don’t hate breasts, you know. They just... they’re too squidgy. It’s weird.”
“You’re high. Also, insane, but mostly high.”
“So are you.”
“That’s fair, then. Good date night?”
“Good date night,” Remus replied, and Sirius could hear the smile. “Night, Pads.”
“Night, Remus.” Sirius pulled his duvet up to his chin and bit his lip. The world was spinning a little bit around him. He should probably stop smoking so much.