God, I blody love Jack Johnson. He's bloody ace.

My Phone now works! Phone now works, Hurray, hurray my phone now works! (To the tune of the Spider-man tv show)

I don't know whether it is something to do with this unexpectedly unpleasant weather, or indicative of some more permanent malaise, but I am going through another of my periodic bouts of unhappiness. I find myself, therefore, in esteemed company on these pages; which, at present, seem filled with tales of woe and anguish. I cannot immediately place ( Read more... )

Knockers. Have lost my phone and have been feeling ludicrously antsy as a result. BT have cut off our flat phone, so I feel as though there's noone left in teh whole world. The preposterous thing is that when I have my phone, the fact that noone calls me is singularly crushing. Not having my phone, immediately convinces me that there are hundreds ( Read more... )

My Three hours worth of Channel 4 programming would be a sumptuous production of Sir Arthur Conan-Doyle's great work: The Red-headed League. Starring Myself as Sherlock Holmes, Bernie Mac as Doc Watson, Scarlett Johansson as Mrs Hudson, Owen Wilson as Inspector Lestrade, Simon Pegg as Professor Moriarty, Jeremy Spake as Muredered and raped Corpse ( Read more... )

This post has been a long time coming, but I would like to officially register my absolute and untempered loathing for those fucking hateful ringtone adverts that clog up the television every five seconds. Sweety the Cunting Chick and that Fucking piece of excrement The Crazy Frog fill me with an indescribable rage. Mtzion has witnessed this first ( Read more... )

Have just got back from Anfield after super fun day out watching the Mighty Redstm kick some ass in the Champions League. Tomorrow I must play football myself and prepare a presentation on the Battle of Arnhem. My cup runneth over!

Apologies to everyone about my crude post last night. I had just returned from a nightclub where i had seen a number of old (serious) crushes from my past, and realised in a moment of pure horror that not one of them had at any point fancied me. Not a little crushing. Last year I enjoyed myself immensely, smooched someone who I had fancied since ( Read more... )

I've never felt more cocking single. Why oh why can't I find a Girlfriend? Eh? Eh? Pricks.

My life has been rated:
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