Started my daily ficlets to make the hiatus pass, then decided to keep going with a 2nd cycle and then a 3rd, all through to a 30th. Now cycle 31!
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"FOR HIM I CAN"
Burt (& Kurt)
It wouldn’t be a matter of how long he’d sat in his car before actually going in, not once he managed to walk through the door and do what he’d come to do. The important part was that he had made it inside. But before he did, there had been some thinking to be done.
It had been the words he’d received from this friend of Kurt’s, Blaine, that had gotten him there in the first place. As much as he didn’t want to even consider the subject of sex in the same universe as his son, especially for how this was not anything Burt had the experience to share with him, in the context of his partner that was. As awkward as the talk would have been, had things been different, at least he would know what to tell him, where to start and how to get there… But he was clueless here.
He could have gone to Carole for some guidance at least, but he did feel like this had to be something he should handle on his own. Carole did put a few words in, but ultimately it was his choice to go to the clinic, in hope of finding something to help both himself and Kurt. Now if he could just get himself through the door to find out.
These things always had a way of taking him back to those first few weeks after Liz had died… finding himself on his own to look after their son. He felt clumsy with him, like he’d break him if he wasn’t careful, even if he was already a growing boy. It was like he’d been doing fine all this time, but now everything he did felt either new or wrong or both… They were both hurting from the loss though, and they had needed each other so much that in the end all the imperfections didn’t appear so sharp, they just kind of faded away, leaving them in this new reality of the two of them as a family. But every once in a while, with milestones, her presence, or rather her absence, was so clear that it hurt.
Now here he was, with a son who could be taking one of the biggest steps in his life so far, and Burt was the only one there to show him the way… he felt inept. So finally he had told himself that he had to stop beating around the issue and just do something about it. He had gotten in his car and driven to the clinic. He’d stopped the car, and… now here he was.
He knew what was holding him back. Beyond the fact that, as much as he accepted his son, this would require a certain amount of public exposure and possible misinterpretation from other people there, there was also the part where he lived in denial. If he didn’t bring this information into the mix, then maybe everything would say the same, right?
He sighed, shaking his head as he got out of the car. He crossed the street to the clinic, where he carried on with this sudden swing of courage, opened the doors and walked in. He turned down a corridor, opened another door and… there he was, in the waiting room full of people sitting around. He did freeze for a moment, but then he remembered what he was trying to do, and he moved across the lines of people to approach a whole wall of pamphlets, brochures that covered a range of issues… now he was getting a headache.
He began to scan the covers, reading what they were setting to inform its reader on. It didn’t take long for him to land on the section he was seeking… that was half the battle. There were a lot of them, and he had no idea which ones to take. If he showed up with everything, Kurt would probably turn and walk away before Burt got the chance to say a thing. Some of these probably said a lot of the same things, but… he wasn’t just going to stand there and go through each one either.
“You look confused,” a voice caught him by surprise and he turned to find a boy looking at him from a nearby chair. He was about Kurt’s age, from what he could tell, maybe a bit older.
“Yeah, I’m… looking for information… for my son,” Burt added, nodding slowly. The boy got up, walking to stand by his side.
“Lucky guy,” the boy commented. “Well, here,” he scanned through the stacks and started picking out one pamphlet and then another.
“Have you read all these before?” Burt asked.
“Thumbed through them one day when I was bored,” he shrugged. “Some of them are kind of crap, but not all of them,” he explained. “It’s still kind of awkward, but it’ll get the point across,” he held out a small stack of various pamphlets over to Burt. He took them, looking at the different titles.
“Thank you…” Burt offered.
“Aaron,” he introduced himself.
“Thank you, Aaron,” Burt amended.
“Sure,” he nodded, starting back for his chair. “Good luck.” Burt stood there for a moment, debating whether to go over there and talk to him some more or just leave and start reading. In the time that it took him to decide though apparently Aaron had already been called for his turn. Burt didn’t see himself waiting out for a teenage boy he didn’t know that way, so he left the clinic and headed back to his car. He allowed himself a moment to breathe before starting back for the house.
When he got there, he went to the kitchen table, laid out the selection of pamphlets and took a seat to get started on reading. Aaron had been right in his description of ‘the material.’ But Burt knew what he was doing this for, who he was doing this for, and that was more important than any discomfort.
This was what it had come to… and in the end it seemed the biggest hurdle he was trying to jump in all this was the fact that his little boy was becoming a man. It didn’t scare him completely. He was seeing the person he was becoming, and he could only be proud. Still there were those other moments… the ones where he would be hurting, and Burt just wanted to keep on protecting, fighting the battle for him and maybe not with him. Those moments made it the hardest of all, to move forward. For having seemed so fragile to him just a few years before, after losing a wife and mother, now he saw strength. He wasn’t done yet though, and for that he still needed him, his father. And Burt would always be there for that, for him, no matter what.
THE END
* IN CONSTRUCTION! *
PREVIOUS CYCLES
[01] [02] [03] [04] [05] [06] [07] [08] [09] [10] [11] [12] [13] [14] [15] [16] [17] [18] [19] [20][21] [22] [23] [24] [25] [26] [27] [28] [29] [30]
[Cycle 31]
[631] [632] Suggestion Drop Off Title: "For Him I Can"
Pairing: None; Burt (& Kurt)
Rating: G
Summary: After Blaine's advice, Burt goes to the clinic to get informed for Kurt's sake.
Spoilers: 215 Sexy