the apprehensive feeling

the not wanting to give in

the temptation

the wondering

then...

the giving into feelings

the attachment

the giddiness

then...

the let down

the shortness

the hurt gut feeling

the feeling of stupidity

then...

the realization I should have just gone with my gut instinct.

How is this possible to happen in one ( Read more... )

Everyone around me seems to have their shit together. I have so much to do this week I think I might die of exhastion! I am on many pain meds due to a car accident on Sunday...stupid icy roads with bad old men drivers! I knew he was going to do something stupid when he passed me going 40+ miles an hour on icy roads. And stupid me thought I could ( Read more... )

I find myself repulsive, and ugly. So it would make sence why everyone else does then wouldn't it. I need to make myself feel good about myself again...but how do I do that? I hate me, and I want everyone to hate me more. I lost beautiful, bright, sunny teenie. I want to find her again.

...right now sucks. I cant seem to get my head in my books where it needs to be. I think I am so far behind in homework that it will take me 3 or 4 days to catch up. Now I am sitting here, thinking "why do it now, just wait till the weekend" but then I have to feel stupid. I am starting to realize that maybe I am just not the person I want to be. I ( Read more... )

It's really late, cant sleep, and finding more out about myself than I think I want to know. I have realized that I think I keep myself from being happy, I make myself the door mat to others, and I dont do what I want I do what others expect ( Read more... )

I think not. Figures, finally find a guy I really like, and that treats me well enough for me to stay with him...and I decide to surprise him with coming into reno tonight to stay with him for the night. he calls when he gets off work. I need time to deal with something...Alexa (an ex he works with, and P.S. what is it with me getting involved with ( Read more... )

Here is the issue ( Read more... )

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Am I doing it again? or is it just a really good feeling? I really hope I am not just setting myself up for another one....

sigh

Can someone please tell me why it is that I am ALWAYS the "odd man out" or the one trying to desperately fight there way into the team or group....or even just trying to find a nitch of friends? Why is it that I am always the fat kid in little league trying to fight my way into the "a" croud, wrather than someone people ACTUALLY think about calling ( Read more... )