That...that's probably true [Keith agreed immediately, but he had the presence of mind to recognize that Yuri was joking and he chuckled. Even though he knew what they were about to discuss was serious he didn't want to make it a stressful topic, he only wanted his partner to understand.]
You're right! Truer words have never been spoken...and I love you too much to keep anything from you [it was becoming easier for him to say the word love as opposed to earlier on in the relationship where Keith nearly had an aneurism trying] and if I don't say anything it would be selfish...since you deserve to have a chance to rise to the occasion.
[That sigh stirred something more in Keith than a desire for a serious conversation once he realized how long it had been since he'd last taken care of Yuri, and himself for that matter] I'm glad...and I have plenty vacation time saved up [the NEXT's fingers slid from Yuri's hair to his cheek guiding him into a kiss, gentle as usual, but with an underlying hint of impatience] I've missed you, Yuri.
[Of course, it's not in Keith's amiable nature to notice something like that, in fact, as long as he can at least admire his partner then he can be content with that. As a Hero he doesn't have to be admired, there's nothing complicated about catching criminals and he wears a mask so it's not like Keith Goodman is being admired.]
I know, babe. [Keith's own guilt makes him wilt just a little bit more, but he brightens when when Yuri's expression softens] You're not going to lose me...and I'm glad you don't want to leave me either. You're the best thing I've ever done with my life so far...and I've never been that great at relationships...I'm not sure if I told you that. [Keith laid down beside his companion, contemplating him] I can hold you now, right?
[Yuri contemplates Keith in return. It's not difficult to see how little Keith cares about fame, about adulation. If for one moment, he'd suspected that that wasn't the case, he would have left him.]
I've never been particularly good at relationships myself. [How could he be? He'd never had time. He'd been married to his work and to his secret. The kind things Keith says do make him feel guilty, but at the same time, he wants to hear them, craves that kindness.]
Yes, you can hold me now. [His body relaxes slightly, though inwardly he still feels torn. Is this really the decision he's going to make? It seems so foolish, but he wants it.] I don't want to lose you. Sometimes I think you really wouldn't leave me, no matter what.
[Fortunately or unfortunately fame was part of what being a Hero was and while some of his companions enjoyed it and wanted it, for Keith it wassimply a consequence of his obligation. It paid the bills too, but that wasn't a convenience of money, that just meant he could spend more time doing what he was born to do without the additional stress of a double life. Trying to keep it from Yuri made him sick, trying to juggle this and another job would be a disaster.]
I guess that means we're something of a match [Keith liked learning little things like this about his partner, it really made him feel closer to him.]
Alright...[it was hard not to let his excitement get the best of him, but now that he has the green light he's quick to scoop his bedmate up in his arms and hold him close. He enjoyed moments like these, the compact warmth of another body and Yuri wasn't wearing any makeup...but admittedly he liked the smell of it...regardless though his lover was a terribly beautiful man.] I made a promise, I'd stay with you know matter what
( ... )
Yes, we are. [In an odd way, they were.] We have some things in common, more than one might expect.
[He lay still in Keith's arms as the man wrapped his arms around him. There were few people he allowed to see him without his makeup on. He kept it on almost always, except when he went to bed. He was self-conscious about his scars, but not because he worried about how he looked. He felt exposed when they were visible.]
I know you wouldn't. [It wouldn't be on purpose. He wouldn't know it was Yuri, if they fought. The promise is actually tempting, but no--he can't tell Keith who he is.] I want to believe that, that you won't leave me. Everyone leaves me.
[Even for Keith it was rare to see Yuri without his makeup as he only went to bed without it and it wasn’t often they found themselves going to bed at the same time so it was usually dark when the Hero crept in and his partner was always up before he was. He had to admit, having Yuri exposed and naked to him made his heart pound rapidly in his chest, but he would never ask about them. This didn’t stop him from tipping Yuri’s chin up and brushing his lips over his mate’s face, scars and all, he was beautiful.]
Those are sad words [Keith couldn’t imagine who would want to leave Yuri, he was distant and a little cold on the outside…and maybe awkward at dealing with people in a warm and loving manner…but Keith had the privilege of seeing underneath all of that. His hold tightened slightly as though he were symbolically holding Yuri to him, trying to wordlessly convince him that he wouldn’t leave] I would really be the dumbest guy on the planet if I didn’t keep you close at hand, not that I want to be much further from you than I am now…
( ... )
[He usually doesn't open himself up like that, discuss his emotions. One thing he appreciated about Keith was his willingness to accept things as they were, and not to pry. Anyone else would have asked too many questions, grown too close to the truth. Keith didn't question any of his explanations, didn't require elaboration on even the most vague of answers.
Now Yuri wondered if part of the reason for that was because of his own secret, because he was a Hero. No, perhaps that was part of it, but Keith was simply trusting. He trusted Yuri.
He had no idea that Yuri was trying to reconcile his feelings for Keith with the fact that Keith was something he despised, that was against everything he stood for.
Part of him wanted to draw back, away from Keith, but he was used to these physical touches now, and he wanted them. His body tensed, but he didn't pull away, allowing the kiss, the caresses.] It's not always easy for people to accept me. You and I are quite different, in many ways. We're apart much of the time. We each have
( ... )
[Keith really did want to know the things that his partner spent his time dwelling on and this included his feelings. He knew that kept inside things like anger, resentment and sadness could make a person sick...and as much as Keith prided himself in keeping a healthy and stable diet and tried to keep Yuri just as healthy...up-keeping another person's feelings was a different matter. He didn't ask too many questions, but he tended to compensate with plenty of physical affection, hugging, kissing and holding was all he could do for the other man]
We don't talk about our pasts...but other people don't matter and your age doesn't matter...I'll probably wear on you if anything...maybe I'm too idealistic sometimes, but you're everything to me [pressing a kiss to Yuri's forehead, Keith rattled his brain for a way to convince him and the only way he could think of was to lift his left hand and show off his wedding band] this...if you're ever feeling anxious just remember that this means you'll never be alone. I want to keep you close all of
( ... )
Yes, I don't like to talk about the past. [It was difficult for him. Even thinking about it pained him. Those wounds still felt so fresh, the memory searing and sharp. And now, knowing what he knew about Keith...] There are things I'd rather not discuss. [He paused and admitted, almost unwillingly:] Maybe someday. You can tell me anything you like about your past. [He doesn't expect any more surprises, but then, he didn't expect what he'd learned today. Yet he wants to know the truth, always.]
You know I'm no idealist. [He smiled wryly. No, he was far from being that. He sighed. What would happen if Keith found out? Would he keep his promise or not? He studied the ring Keith showed him. He could feel his own ring on his finger. His hand felt very warm. He had to take the ring off, when he went out at night. It was something of a betrayal, wasn't it?] What if there's something about me that you don't like? Something you don't know now? It's easy to make promises. It's just as easy to break them.
Some things are probably better off trying to forget or overcome...you don't have to talk, but if you do, I'll listen [the least Keith felt he could do, besides the possibility that someday his partner might confide in him was plenty] as for me, my past isn't very interesting. I'll tell you about it if you want to listen.
That's okay [Keith didn't need Yuri to be an idealist, or anything but himself if he wanted to be. He had no problem taking it as it came.] Something about you that I don't like...? Well...I can only look at you as a person who isn't perfect...it wouldn't be fair if I raised the bar so high that it would be impossible to reach. Perfection's impossible.
[He wondered if he was managing to forget or overcome. Sometimes the past seemed to be mere moments ago.] My past is still with me. I don't think I can forget, but perhaps I can overcome.
I like to listen to you, Keith. [He smiled at that. He liked the thought of a normal, uninteresting past. How refreshing. It was true, as they said, that "may you live in interesting times" was a curse.] You'll have to tell me all your uninteresting stories.
I'm glad. [He touched Keith's hand. Sometimes it did seem like the other man really would accept him. It was so easy to talk to him. More than it had been with anyone else. He was so caring. Somehow, he'd managed to pierce Yuri's distrust of others.] I'm far from being perfect. I sometimes think I'm not a very good person. [Sometimes he's much more sure that what he's doing is right, but with Keith, he feels more human, less absolute.]
Maybe I can help you there, even if I can't do much of anything except to soothe you [really, when it came to things like horrible pasts, Keith felt helpless as a Hero. There was nothing he could do to fix emotional pain.]
Yeah? [the fact that his partner didn't mind listening to his stories filled Keith with a warm rush. The NEXT deliberately refrained from talking too much about himself or his simple life out of fear of somehow hurting the other man's feelings] I'll tell you about it any time, Yuri, if that's what you'd like to know about me.
Well...I guess...everyone has those moments [Keith's fingers curled around his partner's instinctively and he drew Yuri closer almost protectively close. He didn't understand what had happened to Yuri that could make him feel like he wasn't a good person] I mean...it's hard to be good all the time...even I feel like, sometimes...what I do isn't always enough...that maybe I could do more or do better. Like with charity, when you can't help everybody even if you want to...you don't feel like a
( ... )
[Yuri doesn't believe anything will really help, but since meeting Keith, he's selfishly wanted the illusion of comfort, not having had it before.] I'd like that. You can soothe me.
And yes, I want to know everything about you. [Even though he wasn't planning on returning the favor anytime soon, he did want to know.] Every simple story.
[Yuri sighed, relaxing into Keith's touch as he was held closer. Keith's thoughts about goodness were somehow charming. Here was someone who would never sin, would never need to be cleansed.] That wasn't exactly what I meant. What you want is something good that can't be attained. As you told me moments ago, perfection's impossible. It's good to strive for it, but you shouldn't chastise yourself if you can't achieve it. What I mean is that I sometimes feel a sense of doubt. That I'm good at all. [Sometimes, when his father comes to him, but he can't talk about that. He shouldn't be talking about even this much, but Keith feels so warm and comforting, and he's tired after the long night.
( ... )
We...haven't had a whole lot of time to sit down and talk lately [which was a real shame as far as Keith was concerned, spending time with Yuri meant so much to him and not being able to because of work was often hard on him. He knew his next suggestion would take him away from the Hero business briefly, but ratings didn't matter to him and he was still a man. If he couldn't spend time with Yuri he knew he would be miserable...how could he do anything if he was miserable] I was thinking...if you get some free time...maybe we can go somewhere. We can hole up somewhere and I can talk to you until you're sick of it, tell you everything.
[The fact that Yuri was relaxed and calm in his arms drove home just how much Keith was missing him] Well...I can think of something good, Yuri...I love you and you feel the same, so...so if you have doubts...then you know that...love is a good thing [Keith didn't know what had happened to make Yuri feel this way, but he hoped that having this one thing in his life would change his mind.]
No, we've both been so busy lately. [He paused, suppressing a sigh.] Now I see why you've been so busy. It makes sense. [He still didn't like it, and it would take him time to come to sort through the jumble of feelings the revelation had produced.] It's difficult for me to get time away. [The truth was, he'd taken vacation so rarely, he probably would have had no trouble at all, but work was his excuse for so many things--a perfect cover for his other activities. Now he wasn't sure if he wanted to be alone with Keith for so long. A Hero. What if he said the wrong thing, or if the emotions he was sure to so carefully control got the better of him? Yet it was still Keith, his husband.] I'll see what I can do. I would like that. [All those ordinary, everyday stories might outweigh the maddening fact of Keith's occupation.] I want to hear everything. [After all, he might lose him someday. He doesn't know how long they have, considering.]
Love. [As odd as it was, that was true.] Yes. [Love makes him wary. The people he loves
( ... )
If you can...I'd like it too...I wanted to save up for a proper...ahah...honeymoon...[the word sounded strange coming from Keith, at least it did to his own ears, maybe a little sentimental coming from a Hero. Weren't Hero's always expected to put on certain airs, to behave in a certain way that was appropriate? To look brave in the face of anything? He felt nervous and excited all over again. The prospect of being with Yuri in a sense that, for most people, was very normal always caused his insides to jolt a little bit. Though he also knew he had to be grounded, even though bringing himself back down to earth was hard.] If you can't get away it's alright though...I understand...you're very important to a lot of people. You're my partner, but I do getthat you're not mine even if I'd like to keep you...we'll make some time for my stories though. I promise.
Yes. [The NEXT parroted, carefully brushing his lover's hair from his eyes with the tip of his nose, enjoying this degree of closeness that allowed him to inhale the scent of his
( ... )
You're right! Truer words have never been spoken...and I love you too much to keep anything from you [it was becoming easier for him to say the word love as opposed to earlier on in the relationship where Keith nearly had an aneurism trying] and if I don't say anything it would be selfish...since you deserve to have a chance to rise to the occasion.
[That sigh stirred something more in Keith than a desire for a serious conversation once he realized how long it had been since he'd last taken care of Yuri, and himself for that matter] I'm glad...and I have plenty vacation time saved up [the NEXT's fingers slid from Yuri's hair to his cheek guiding him into a kiss, gentle as usual, but with an underlying hint of impatience] I've missed you, Yuri.
[As ( ... )
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I know, babe. [Keith's own guilt makes him wilt just a little bit more, but he brightens when when Yuri's expression softens] You're not going to lose me...and I'm glad you don't want to leave me either. You're the best thing I've ever done with my life so far...and I've never been that great at relationships...I'm not sure if I told you that. [Keith laid down beside his companion, contemplating him] I can hold you now, right?
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I've never been particularly good at relationships myself. [How could he be? He'd never had time. He'd been married to his work and to his secret. The kind things Keith says do make him feel guilty, but at the same time, he wants to hear them, craves that kindness.]
Yes, you can hold me now. [His body relaxes slightly, though inwardly he still feels torn. Is this really the decision he's going to make? It seems so foolish, but he wants it.] I don't want to lose you. Sometimes I think you really wouldn't leave me, no matter what.
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I guess that means we're something of a match [Keith liked learning little things like this about his partner, it really made him feel closer to him.]
Alright...[it was hard not to let his excitement get the best of him, but now that he has the green light he's quick to scoop his bedmate up in his arms and hold him close. He enjoyed moments like these, the compact warmth of another body and Yuri wasn't wearing any makeup...but admittedly he liked the smell of it...regardless though his lover was a terribly beautiful man.] I made a promise, I'd stay with you know matter what ( ... )
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[He lay still in Keith's arms as the man wrapped his arms around him. There were few people he allowed to see him without his makeup on. He kept it on almost always, except when he went to bed. He was self-conscious about his scars, but not because he worried about how he looked. He felt exposed when they were visible.]
I know you wouldn't. [It wouldn't be on purpose. He wouldn't know it was Yuri, if they fought. The promise is actually tempting, but no--he can't tell Keith who he is.] I want to believe that, that you won't leave me. Everyone leaves me.
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Those are sad words [Keith couldn’t imagine who would want to leave Yuri, he was distant and a little cold on the outside…and maybe awkward at dealing with people in a warm and loving manner…but Keith had the privilege of seeing underneath all of that. His hold tightened slightly as though he were symbolically holding Yuri to him, trying to wordlessly convince him that he wouldn’t leave] I would really be the dumbest guy on the planet if I didn’t keep you close at hand, not that I want to be much further from you than I am now… ( ... )
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Now Yuri wondered if part of the reason for that was because of his own secret, because he was a Hero. No, perhaps that was part of it, but Keith was simply trusting. He trusted Yuri.
He had no idea that Yuri was trying to reconcile his feelings for Keith with the fact that Keith was something he despised, that was against everything he stood for.
Part of him wanted to draw back, away from Keith, but he was used to these physical touches now, and he wanted them. His body tensed, but he didn't pull away, allowing the kiss, the caresses.] It's not always easy for people to accept me. You and I are quite different, in many ways. We're apart much of the time. We each have ( ... )
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We don't talk about our pasts...but other people don't matter and your age doesn't matter...I'll probably wear on you if anything...maybe I'm too idealistic sometimes, but you're everything to me [pressing a kiss to Yuri's forehead, Keith rattled his brain for a way to convince him and the only way he could think of was to lift his left hand and show off his wedding band] this...if you're ever feeling anxious just remember that this means you'll never be alone. I want to keep you close all of ( ... )
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You know I'm no idealist. [He smiled wryly. No, he was far from being that. He sighed. What would happen if Keith found out? Would he keep his promise or not? He studied the ring Keith showed him. He could feel his own ring on his finger. His hand felt very warm. He had to take the ring off, when he went out at night. It was something of a betrayal, wasn't it?] What if there's something about me that you don't like? Something you don't know now? It's easy to make promises. It's just as easy to break them.
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That's okay [Keith didn't need Yuri to be an idealist, or anything but himself if he wanted to be. He had no problem taking it as it came.] Something about you that I don't like...? Well...I can only look at you as a person who isn't perfect...it wouldn't be fair if I raised the bar so high that it would be impossible to reach. Perfection's impossible.
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I like to listen to you, Keith. [He smiled at that. He liked the thought of a normal, uninteresting past. How refreshing. It was true, as they said, that "may you live in interesting times" was a curse.] You'll have to tell me all your uninteresting stories.
I'm glad. [He touched Keith's hand. Sometimes it did seem like the other man really would accept him. It was so easy to talk to him. More than it had been with anyone else. He was so caring. Somehow, he'd managed to pierce Yuri's distrust of others.] I'm far from being perfect. I sometimes think I'm not a very good person. [Sometimes he's much more sure that what he's doing is right, but with Keith, he feels more human, less absolute.]
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Yeah? [the fact that his partner didn't mind listening to his stories filled Keith with a warm rush. The NEXT deliberately refrained from talking too much about himself or his simple life out of fear of somehow hurting the other man's feelings] I'll tell you about it any time, Yuri, if that's what you'd like to know about me.
Well...I guess...everyone has those moments [Keith's fingers curled around his partner's instinctively and he drew Yuri closer almost protectively close. He didn't understand what had happened to Yuri that could make him feel like he wasn't a good person] I mean...it's hard to be good all the time...even I feel like, sometimes...what I do isn't always enough...that maybe I could do more or do better. Like with charity, when you can't help everybody even if you want to...you don't feel like a ( ... )
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And yes, I want to know everything about you. [Even though he wasn't planning on returning the favor anytime soon, he did want to know.] Every simple story.
[Yuri sighed, relaxing into Keith's touch as he was held closer. Keith's thoughts about goodness were somehow charming. Here was someone who would never sin, would never need to be cleansed.] That wasn't exactly what I meant. What you want is something good that can't be attained. As you told me moments ago, perfection's impossible. It's good to strive for it, but you shouldn't chastise yourself if you can't achieve it. What I mean is that I sometimes feel a sense of doubt. That I'm good at all. [Sometimes, when his father comes to him, but he can't talk about that. He shouldn't be talking about even this much, but Keith feels so warm and comforting, and he's tired after the long night. ( ... )
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[The fact that Yuri was relaxed and calm in his arms drove home just how much Keith was missing him] Well...I can think of something good, Yuri...I love you and you feel the same, so...so if you have doubts...then you know that...love is a good thing [Keith didn't know what had happened to make Yuri feel this way, but he hoped that having this one thing in his life would change his mind.]
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Love. [As odd as it was, that was true.] Yes. [Love makes him wary. The people he loves ( ... )
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Yes. [The NEXT parroted, carefully brushing his lover's hair from his eyes with the tip of his nose, enjoying this degree of closeness that allowed him to inhale the scent of his ( ... )
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