Learning to Fly (10/?)
TITLE: Learning to Fly (10/?)
AUTHOR: Melificent811
RATING: NC-17 (some parts anyway...)
PAIRING: Callie/Erica
SUMMARY: Set after the season 4 finale kiss. Coming out can be quite the rocky journey...
DISCLAIMER: All television shows, movies, books, and other copyrighted material referred to in this work, and the characters, settings, and events thereof, are the properties of their respective owners. As this work is an interpretation of the original material and not for-profit, it constitutes fair use. Reference to real persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context, and are not intended to be libelous, defamatory, or in any way factual.
Previous chapters here:
CHAPTER ONE, CHAPTER TWO, CHAPTER THREE, CHAPTER FOUR, CHAPTER FIVE, CHAPTER SIX, CHAPTER SEVEN, CHAPTER EIGHT, CHAPTER NINE
CHAPTER TEN
Callie lay in the darkness of the on call room. An hour ago, she had sought the sanctity and solitude of the darkened room in an attempt to quiet the thoughts that seemed to run warp speed through her head.
The MVA that had rolled into the pit led to a ten hour marathon of surgeries between the three passengers in the car. No matter how hard she tried to stay focused, Callie couldn't help but let her mind wander back to that stupid ring.
Callie took in a deep breath, one of her many attempts to slow the racing heart in her chest and quell the anxiety that had been running rampant through her veins. There were too many doubts, too many fears, too many questions suffocating her existence. Why did this piece of her past... a piece she thought she had let go... choose this particular day to make its existence known once again?
Callie was happy... she felt secure, loved, and finally felt she finally belonged. For once in her lifetime, she felt completely and utterly whole. Just the sight of that damned ring... the reminder of that chapter in her life that she wished had never happened, was enough to send her back into a tailspin.
Once upon a time, the ortho resident believed in love and vows and the sanctity of marriage. She was raised by two very devout Catholic parents who instilled the values of the church on her from a very young age. As she grew older and became her own person, Callie came to the realization the even though Catholicism as a religion was not exactly her cup of tea, she still believed in the core values that her parents had taught her. With her heart and soul, she believed in being a good person. She believed in doing good for other people. She believed in the sanctity of vows and the promise of forever love.
Growing up, Callie had observed her parents having their fair share of squabbles. Most were fairly benign. Others led her to believe that her mother and father might not ever talk to each other ever again. But no matter what happened, they stuck together. No matter how rough the road got or how horribly her mother treated her father, they never divorced. The promise they had made to each other while standing at the altar of the church was a million times more important than who did who wrong or who was actually the “right” person in the argument.
Callie could clearly remember a time where her father had caught her watching a rather intense argument unfold from just outside the living room. As he approached his sixteen year old daughter, seeing the fear in her eyes, he said to her. “Mija, you know your mother and I have our disagreements. No matter what, we still love each other and we still love YOU. Somos familia. Tu mama y yo hicimos una promesa con Dios... Tu comprendes?”
We are family. Your mother and I made a promise with god... Do you understand?
Although she didn't necessarily make a promise to god... she had made a promise to George O'Malley. No matter how bad things would get, she would always be there. Apparently, he didn't take his vows as seriously as Callie had.
The events that followed George's indiscretion had turned Callie upside down and inside out. It made her start to question every belief, every value that she held sacred. She was a good person, she loved George, she did nothing to betray his trust. Yet it wasn't enough. Until Erica had come along, her entire belief system had imploded on itself and threatened to never be pieced back together again.
What if???
What if this wonderfully fulfilling dream ever came crashing back into the reality of this harsh world? What if Callie had given up her heart too quickly yet another time? What if she had invested herself in another doomed mistake? When will she find herself crashing down because she’s been flying so incredibly close to the sun?
Callie shook her head, frustrated at herself for even allowing such horrid thoughts to enter her mind. She should have faith. She should believe in the love that Erica taught her how to feel once again.
The sound of the doorknob clicking and turning instantly brought Callie back into the reality of the on call room. The all too familiar smell of rose water wafted into the room. She felt the side of the bed dip down ever so slightly and a warm pair of arms encircling her waist. The raven haired beauty pulled those gracefully strong arms even closer, feeling a light graze of her lover’s lips nuzzling the back of her neck.
“I’ve missed you, Cal. I haven’t seen you all day.”
“I know…” Callie pulled her arms even tighter. She so desperately needed to feel the comfort and security of her touch. “I’ve kind of been in my head all day.”
“I noticed…”
“I’m sorry… I’ve just been doing a lot of thinking.” Callie genuinely felt bad. She knew she had been shutting out her lover all day. She just didn’t know how to process the ball of emotions that had taken over her being.
“You want to talk about it?”
Callie rolled over so that she was lying face to face with the blonde goddess. She lifted her hand to her face, gently caressing her cheek. Her Erica was so beautiful… so graceful… so caring. She was the polar opposite to the Dr Hahn that the rest of the world knew. This was the woman that she had entrusted her delicately healing heart to.
“I found my wedding ring this morning… I had one of my stupid clumsy moments and dumped my purse on my way out the bedroom. I guess I had thrown it in there and forgotten about it…”
“I see…”
“Erica,” Callie pulled her lover in closer, currying herself into Erica’s chest. She found the consistent thump of her heart extremely soothing. “I thought I had let it all go… My past with George… The resentment… The feeling like I was falling into an abyss without anyone there to catch me. I thought I had finally moved on from that chapter of my life. I thought I had finally let it all go but just seeing that damn ring brought it all back. Now I’m having all those stupid insecure feelings pop up all over the place and I don’t know what to do!”
“Baby…”
“Erica,” Callie interrupted, not wanting to stop because she had finally allowed herself to throw the emotional flood gates wide open. “I’m scared… I’m scared shitless. I love you so damn much but what if it’s not enough? What if I’m not enough for you?”
“Callie, please don’t say that. You’re my everything.”
“How do you know that for sure? George obviously didn’t!” Callie fought back, tears threatening to spill from her eyes. “Erica, we said vows! We made a promise to each other to love each other and be there for each other for the rest of our lives. How could he betray me like that after he promised me forever?”
“Baby,” Callie felt her lover’s arms loosen a little, her articulate hands slowly making circles on her back in an attempt to soothe her. “George is an idiot for giving up such an amazing person. He’s the one who screwed up. He’s the one who abandoned the relationship. It’s not your fault.”
“I don’t want us to be a failure, Erica. I don’t want us to end up like my marriage. I don’t know if I could ever survive loosing you. You are everything to me. You saved me when I thought no one in the world cared about me.”
Suddenly, Callie felt the bed shift next to her, the warmth of Erica’s body deserting her arms.
“Erica?...”
“Come on Callie, I want to take you somewhere…”
Without question, Callie sat up and took Erica by the hand allowing her to lead her out of the on call room into the unknown.
******
Callie watched from the passenger side window as the amber of the glowing streetlights whizzed past them. After gathering their belonging, Erica had led her straight out of the hospital and into her car. The autumn night air was clear and crisp and her only saving grace was the fact that Erica loved blasting the heater on full as much as she did.
She glanced down into her lap, gazing at her partner’s hand intertwined in her own. It was such a beautiful blend of mocha and white chocolate. Callie had always loved the intimacy of simply holding hands. She didn’t need to always be in Erica’s arms to know that she would be there to catch her when she fell… And that is exactly what she was doing for her tonight.
The city lights passed by and Erica made no motion to stop the car. Callie was getting a little apprehensive, not knowing exactly where her lover was taking her. They had barely shared a word with each other since leaving the hospital. Callie silently trusted her life into Erica’s hands and eagerly awaited the outcome.
A few more minutes passed and Erica finally pulled her car into an empty parking lot near the coastline. She hopped out of the car and chivalrously walked to the other side to let her girlfriend out. Hand in hand, she led them down the street to a deserted pier.
Despite the cold, the night was absolutely gorgeous. The air was fresh and filled with the mist and scent of the ocean waves crashing onto the wooden pier. The stars twinkled brilliantly in the sky and the full moon illuminated a path to the end of the pier.
As they neared the end of the wooden boardwalk, Callie felt Erica’s grip tighten. Instantly she knew that this was an intimately familiar place for her lover. They stopped at the railing, Callie gripping on and staring out into the endless darkness of the night sea. Erica stood behind her, wrapping her arms around the raven haired beauty’s waist. For the first time all day, Callie relaxed, letting herself mold into the embrace of the blonde woman.
“It’s beautiful out here.”
“I came out here a lot when I worked at Seattle Presbyterian. This was the only place I could just relax and let go when I had a bad day…”
“Erica Hahn have a bad day?” Callie turned her head slightly so she could look the other woman into the eyes and smiled. “Never!”
“I’ve been missing the beautiful smile of yours all day.”
Callie took in a deep breath, realizing that she had wasted an entire day consumed with negativity. It was not how she wanted to spend her life with Erica. “Thank you for dealing with me all day. I know I can get all freaked out and stupidly silent sometimes.”
“Only for you, baby.” Erica’s lips descended onto Callie’s, a promise of eternal devotion.
Erica reached into her pocket and gently placed the object she that had found and stashed away when they got to the car. Callie looked down, realizing that Erica had just handed her THE ring… the single memento she possessed from the tumultuous relationship with her ex husband.
“It’s time to let go, Cal…”
Callie stood and stared and the tiny silver ring that lay in her open palm. Indeed, it was time to finally let got of the past. It was time to move on and realize that not all her relationships will turn out so badly. Slowly, she turned to face the ocean and gazed into the darkness, letting the crisp ocean breeze wash away any doubt and negativity she held within her body. In one grandiose motion, she formed a tight fist around the silver remnant and hurled it far into the depths of the Pacific Ocean.
It was a moment of relief and utter emotional release for the Latin woman. It was as if the weights she had been carrying on her shoulders were suddenly lifted and she could finally walk through life completely unhindered.
A single tear streamed from Callie’s eye. Before she knew it, her lover was behind her wiping the tear away with her finger and wrapping her secure arms around her waist. It took a moment for Callie to pull herself together and finally bring herself to speak. This moment brought a certain finality to a chapter of her life that had permanently changed her.
“Erica, don’t ever leave me…”
“Never baby, I would never leave you.”
Callie shuddered as she felt the warm breath of her lover as she whispered into her ear. “I love you so much.”
“I love you too, baby.” After a moment of silent consideration, Erica took a chance and asked a question she had been contemplating for the past few days. “Move in with me, Cal?”
Callie turned so that they were face to face with each other, almost not believing the words she had just heard. “What did you say?”
“Baby, I want to fall asleep with you by my side every night and wake up to your beautiful face every morning… Move in with me?”
Callie tightened her arms around her lover and smiled. For the first time in almost two years, the pieces of her life were finally falling into place. “Yes Erica, I would love nothing more.”
******
A/N: Awww… I love how this chapter ends. =-) I’ve been kind of freaking out about the way Callie’s been dealing with her emotions on Grey’s so I made it a point to write a story where Callie finally lets herself rely on Erica. Hope you enjoyed it… More to come soon!
AUTHOR: Melificent811
RATING: NC-17 (some parts anyway...)
PAIRING: Callie/Erica
SUMMARY: Set after the season 4 finale kiss. Coming out can be quite the rocky journey...
DISCLAIMER: All television shows, movies, books, and other copyrighted material referred to in this work, and the characters, settings, and events thereof, are the properties of their respective owners. As this work is an interpretation of the original material and not for-profit, it constitutes fair use. Reference to real persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context, and are not intended to be libelous, defamatory, or in any way factual.
Previous chapters here:
CHAPTER ONE, CHAPTER TWO, CHAPTER THREE, CHAPTER FOUR, CHAPTER FIVE, CHAPTER SIX, CHAPTER SEVEN, CHAPTER EIGHT, CHAPTER NINE
CHAPTER TEN
Callie lay in the darkness of the on call room. An hour ago, she had sought the sanctity and solitude of the darkened room in an attempt to quiet the thoughts that seemed to run warp speed through her head.
The MVA that had rolled into the pit led to a ten hour marathon of surgeries between the three passengers in the car. No matter how hard she tried to stay focused, Callie couldn't help but let her mind wander back to that stupid ring.
Callie took in a deep breath, one of her many attempts to slow the racing heart in her chest and quell the anxiety that had been running rampant through her veins. There were too many doubts, too many fears, too many questions suffocating her existence. Why did this piece of her past... a piece she thought she had let go... choose this particular day to make its existence known once again?
Callie was happy... she felt secure, loved, and finally felt she finally belonged. For once in her lifetime, she felt completely and utterly whole. Just the sight of that damned ring... the reminder of that chapter in her life that she wished had never happened, was enough to send her back into a tailspin.
Once upon a time, the ortho resident believed in love and vows and the sanctity of marriage. She was raised by two very devout Catholic parents who instilled the values of the church on her from a very young age. As she grew older and became her own person, Callie came to the realization the even though Catholicism as a religion was not exactly her cup of tea, she still believed in the core values that her parents had taught her. With her heart and soul, she believed in being a good person. She believed in doing good for other people. She believed in the sanctity of vows and the promise of forever love.
Growing up, Callie had observed her parents having their fair share of squabbles. Most were fairly benign. Others led her to believe that her mother and father might not ever talk to each other ever again. But no matter what happened, they stuck together. No matter how rough the road got or how horribly her mother treated her father, they never divorced. The promise they had made to each other while standing at the altar of the church was a million times more important than who did who wrong or who was actually the “right” person in the argument.
Callie could clearly remember a time where her father had caught her watching a rather intense argument unfold from just outside the living room. As he approached his sixteen year old daughter, seeing the fear in her eyes, he said to her. “Mija, you know your mother and I have our disagreements. No matter what, we still love each other and we still love YOU. Somos familia. Tu mama y yo hicimos una promesa con Dios... Tu comprendes?”
We are family. Your mother and I made a promise with god... Do you understand?
Although she didn't necessarily make a promise to god... she had made a promise to George O'Malley. No matter how bad things would get, she would always be there. Apparently, he didn't take his vows as seriously as Callie had.
The events that followed George's indiscretion had turned Callie upside down and inside out. It made her start to question every belief, every value that she held sacred. She was a good person, she loved George, she did nothing to betray his trust. Yet it wasn't enough. Until Erica had come along, her entire belief system had imploded on itself and threatened to never be pieced back together again.
What if???
What if this wonderfully fulfilling dream ever came crashing back into the reality of this harsh world? What if Callie had given up her heart too quickly yet another time? What if she had invested herself in another doomed mistake? When will she find herself crashing down because she’s been flying so incredibly close to the sun?
Callie shook her head, frustrated at herself for even allowing such horrid thoughts to enter her mind. She should have faith. She should believe in the love that Erica taught her how to feel once again.
The sound of the doorknob clicking and turning instantly brought Callie back into the reality of the on call room. The all too familiar smell of rose water wafted into the room. She felt the side of the bed dip down ever so slightly and a warm pair of arms encircling her waist. The raven haired beauty pulled those gracefully strong arms even closer, feeling a light graze of her lover’s lips nuzzling the back of her neck.
“I’ve missed you, Cal. I haven’t seen you all day.”
“I know…” Callie pulled her arms even tighter. She so desperately needed to feel the comfort and security of her touch. “I’ve kind of been in my head all day.”
“I noticed…”
“I’m sorry… I’ve just been doing a lot of thinking.” Callie genuinely felt bad. She knew she had been shutting out her lover all day. She just didn’t know how to process the ball of emotions that had taken over her being.
“You want to talk about it?”
Callie rolled over so that she was lying face to face with the blonde goddess. She lifted her hand to her face, gently caressing her cheek. Her Erica was so beautiful… so graceful… so caring. She was the polar opposite to the Dr Hahn that the rest of the world knew. This was the woman that she had entrusted her delicately healing heart to.
“I found my wedding ring this morning… I had one of my stupid clumsy moments and dumped my purse on my way out the bedroom. I guess I had thrown it in there and forgotten about it…”
“I see…”
“Erica,” Callie pulled her lover in closer, currying herself into Erica’s chest. She found the consistent thump of her heart extremely soothing. “I thought I had let it all go… My past with George… The resentment… The feeling like I was falling into an abyss without anyone there to catch me. I thought I had finally moved on from that chapter of my life. I thought I had finally let it all go but just seeing that damn ring brought it all back. Now I’m having all those stupid insecure feelings pop up all over the place and I don’t know what to do!”
“Baby…”
“Erica,” Callie interrupted, not wanting to stop because she had finally allowed herself to throw the emotional flood gates wide open. “I’m scared… I’m scared shitless. I love you so damn much but what if it’s not enough? What if I’m not enough for you?”
“Callie, please don’t say that. You’re my everything.”
“How do you know that for sure? George obviously didn’t!” Callie fought back, tears threatening to spill from her eyes. “Erica, we said vows! We made a promise to each other to love each other and be there for each other for the rest of our lives. How could he betray me like that after he promised me forever?”
“Baby,” Callie felt her lover’s arms loosen a little, her articulate hands slowly making circles on her back in an attempt to soothe her. “George is an idiot for giving up such an amazing person. He’s the one who screwed up. He’s the one who abandoned the relationship. It’s not your fault.”
“I don’t want us to be a failure, Erica. I don’t want us to end up like my marriage. I don’t know if I could ever survive loosing you. You are everything to me. You saved me when I thought no one in the world cared about me.”
Suddenly, Callie felt the bed shift next to her, the warmth of Erica’s body deserting her arms.
“Erica?...”
“Come on Callie, I want to take you somewhere…”
Without question, Callie sat up and took Erica by the hand allowing her to lead her out of the on call room into the unknown.
******
Callie watched from the passenger side window as the amber of the glowing streetlights whizzed past them. After gathering their belonging, Erica had led her straight out of the hospital and into her car. The autumn night air was clear and crisp and her only saving grace was the fact that Erica loved blasting the heater on full as much as she did.
She glanced down into her lap, gazing at her partner’s hand intertwined in her own. It was such a beautiful blend of mocha and white chocolate. Callie had always loved the intimacy of simply holding hands. She didn’t need to always be in Erica’s arms to know that she would be there to catch her when she fell… And that is exactly what she was doing for her tonight.
The city lights passed by and Erica made no motion to stop the car. Callie was getting a little apprehensive, not knowing exactly where her lover was taking her. They had barely shared a word with each other since leaving the hospital. Callie silently trusted her life into Erica’s hands and eagerly awaited the outcome.
A few more minutes passed and Erica finally pulled her car into an empty parking lot near the coastline. She hopped out of the car and chivalrously walked to the other side to let her girlfriend out. Hand in hand, she led them down the street to a deserted pier.
Despite the cold, the night was absolutely gorgeous. The air was fresh and filled with the mist and scent of the ocean waves crashing onto the wooden pier. The stars twinkled brilliantly in the sky and the full moon illuminated a path to the end of the pier.
As they neared the end of the wooden boardwalk, Callie felt Erica’s grip tighten. Instantly she knew that this was an intimately familiar place for her lover. They stopped at the railing, Callie gripping on and staring out into the endless darkness of the night sea. Erica stood behind her, wrapping her arms around the raven haired beauty’s waist. For the first time all day, Callie relaxed, letting herself mold into the embrace of the blonde woman.
“It’s beautiful out here.”
“I came out here a lot when I worked at Seattle Presbyterian. This was the only place I could just relax and let go when I had a bad day…”
“Erica Hahn have a bad day?” Callie turned her head slightly so she could look the other woman into the eyes and smiled. “Never!”
“I’ve been missing the beautiful smile of yours all day.”
Callie took in a deep breath, realizing that she had wasted an entire day consumed with negativity. It was not how she wanted to spend her life with Erica. “Thank you for dealing with me all day. I know I can get all freaked out and stupidly silent sometimes.”
“Only for you, baby.” Erica’s lips descended onto Callie’s, a promise of eternal devotion.
Erica reached into her pocket and gently placed the object she that had found and stashed away when they got to the car. Callie looked down, realizing that Erica had just handed her THE ring… the single memento she possessed from the tumultuous relationship with her ex husband.
“It’s time to let go, Cal…”
Callie stood and stared and the tiny silver ring that lay in her open palm. Indeed, it was time to finally let got of the past. It was time to move on and realize that not all her relationships will turn out so badly. Slowly, she turned to face the ocean and gazed into the darkness, letting the crisp ocean breeze wash away any doubt and negativity she held within her body. In one grandiose motion, she formed a tight fist around the silver remnant and hurled it far into the depths of the Pacific Ocean.
It was a moment of relief and utter emotional release for the Latin woman. It was as if the weights she had been carrying on her shoulders were suddenly lifted and she could finally walk through life completely unhindered.
A single tear streamed from Callie’s eye. Before she knew it, her lover was behind her wiping the tear away with her finger and wrapping her secure arms around her waist. It took a moment for Callie to pull herself together and finally bring herself to speak. This moment brought a certain finality to a chapter of her life that had permanently changed her.
“Erica, don’t ever leave me…”
“Never baby, I would never leave you.”
Callie shuddered as she felt the warm breath of her lover as she whispered into her ear. “I love you so much.”
“I love you too, baby.” After a moment of silent consideration, Erica took a chance and asked a question she had been contemplating for the past few days. “Move in with me, Cal?”
Callie turned so that they were face to face with each other, almost not believing the words she had just heard. “What did you say?”
“Baby, I want to fall asleep with you by my side every night and wake up to your beautiful face every morning… Move in with me?”
Callie tightened her arms around her lover and smiled. For the first time in almost two years, the pieces of her life were finally falling into place. “Yes Erica, I would love nothing more.”
******
A/N: Awww… I love how this chapter ends. =-) I’ve been kind of freaking out about the way Callie’s been dealing with her emotions on Grey’s so I made it a point to write a story where Callie finally lets herself rely on Erica. Hope you enjoyed it… More to come soon!