How Strong...
TITLE: How Strong…
AUTHOR: Melificent811
RATING: PG
PAIRING: Callie/Erica
SUMMARY: Based on Alexz Johnson’s song “How Strong do U Think I Am?”… Erica’s thoughts through the events in the first few episodes of season 5.
DISCLAIMER: All television shows, movies, books, and other copyrighted material referred to in this work, and the characters, settings, and events thereof, are the properties of their respective owners. As this work is an interpretation of the original material and not for-profit, it constitutes fair use. Reference to real persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context, and are not intended to be libelous, defamatory, or in any way factual.
(Erica’s POV)
If I don’t cry
do you think I don’t feel
if I look away
it doesn't mean I don’t see
and just because I want
someone when I’m alone
doesn’t mean I’m helpless
and that I can't stand on my own
The two weeks we had avoided each other after that wonderful kiss outside of the hospital were most likely two of the most difficult in my life. The sensation of your lips on mine had left a lasting impression that sent electric sparks through my body every time an image of you crossed my mind. How could you do that? My brain was telling me that we were just friends but every other part of me was yearning for so much more.
I am Erica Hahn… I am perfectly happy with my independence. I don’t let my personal life cloud over my brain. I don’t avoid people or situations. I charge through life at full speed and never really consider the collateral damage when I make spontaneous decisions. But you changed all that.
Suddenly, you were present in every waking thought and drifted around in my dreams. I ran away because I didn’t know how to deal. That kiss had opened up my eyes to a bright new world and all I wanted to do was walk into it with you by my side. That scared the shit out of me.
I wasn’t sure if you realized how much I had been thinking about you. I never let on how much I just wanted to reach out and touch you. I never let on how much I wanted to explore these new feelings. I never let you see just how bad I needed you.
I was elated when you found me at the end of the day to tell me that we could be ‘scared together’. For once in my life, I allowed myself to take a leap of faith into the unknown. It was okay because exploring this new territory together was infinitely better than rolling through life alone.
how far can we go before we break?
how long can I wait?
Exploring these new feelings came almost too natural for me. Unfortunately, I could tell that it wasn’t the same for you. While I was easily coasting downhill, you were fighting tooth and nail in an uphill battle to the death.
The physicality of our relationship came too easy for me. I instantly felt comfortable with caressing your face, holding your hand, wrapping my arms around you. I pretended to not notice when you would tense up and move a millimeter away every time that I reached out. I willed myself to not get frustrated when you would freak out and talk to Mark Sloane and not to me.
How much longer would I have to wait for you to finally feel comfortable in your own skin?
how strong do you think I am
how much can I take of this
am I a rock or a rose or a fist
or a breath at the end of a kiss
how deep do you wanna go
cause I’ll go there if I can
you make it harder then it has to be
how strong
how strong
do u think I am
It took every ounce of strength I had in my body to stay strong… to not let on that every wrong move you made affected me as deeply as it did. Did you really truly care about me as much as you say you did? Then why did you keep running from what we could be?
I wanted so badly to keep my faith in you… My best friend. But you made it so damn hard. One minute you would allow yourself to be in the moment… to be the other half of the relationship that I thought we were both fighting for. Just when I thought you were settling in, you would find something else to freak out about and run away.
I thought we were supposed to be ‘scared together’…
I longed for the moments when the fog of doubt in you head would finally lift and you would see clear again. Our first date… The first time we made love… They are such eerily beautiful moments permanently etched into my memory.
Since then, I longed to see the beautiful smile that drifted onto your face when you allowed yourself to let go and see me… see us.
its so hard to tell what’s in your heart
what you keep to your self is tearing me apart
and should I be afraid to dream about you
and if you feel the same
what'cha u gonna do?
I’m not a mind reader, Cal. How could I know what you were going through, what was in your heart when you simply refused to talk to me? How was I supposed to know what scared you, confused you, freaked you out? I wanted so badly for you to talk to ME so I could help YOU.
if I move in any closer
if you let go
and give yourself away
and if we let this happen to us
everything will change
You hurt me too many times today. You hurt me when you walked out on me in the bedroom. You hurt me each time you slept with Mark. You hurt me when you came to me and confessed that you had run away into the arms of the resident man-whore.
You gave me hope today. Because of you, I had the biggest revelation of my adult life. Because of you, I learned that there truly was a whole new world to explore. Because you finally came to me and TALKED to me, I found renewed hope for me and you and what we could become.
Callie, you’re my best friend, my lover, my everything. I want to give you a chance… Give US a chance… Because despite the rocky road we’ve traveled on, I still believe we can be extraordinary.
- Fin
******
A/N: I’ve been itching to write a one-off for quite some time. I found this song on my iPod when it was on shuffle. It totally reminded me of Erica. I think this came off a little darker than I had first imagined it but I’m still happy with where it went. Hope you enjoyed it.
AUTHOR: Melificent811
RATING: PG
PAIRING: Callie/Erica
SUMMARY: Based on Alexz Johnson’s song “How Strong do U Think I Am?”… Erica’s thoughts through the events in the first few episodes of season 5.
DISCLAIMER: All television shows, movies, books, and other copyrighted material referred to in this work, and the characters, settings, and events thereof, are the properties of their respective owners. As this work is an interpretation of the original material and not for-profit, it constitutes fair use. Reference to real persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context, and are not intended to be libelous, defamatory, or in any way factual.
(Erica’s POV)
If I don’t cry
do you think I don’t feel
if I look away
it doesn't mean I don’t see
and just because I want
someone when I’m alone
doesn’t mean I’m helpless
and that I can't stand on my own
The two weeks we had avoided each other after that wonderful kiss outside of the hospital were most likely two of the most difficult in my life. The sensation of your lips on mine had left a lasting impression that sent electric sparks through my body every time an image of you crossed my mind. How could you do that? My brain was telling me that we were just friends but every other part of me was yearning for so much more.
I am Erica Hahn… I am perfectly happy with my independence. I don’t let my personal life cloud over my brain. I don’t avoid people or situations. I charge through life at full speed and never really consider the collateral damage when I make spontaneous decisions. But you changed all that.
Suddenly, you were present in every waking thought and drifted around in my dreams. I ran away because I didn’t know how to deal. That kiss had opened up my eyes to a bright new world and all I wanted to do was walk into it with you by my side. That scared the shit out of me.
I wasn’t sure if you realized how much I had been thinking about you. I never let on how much I just wanted to reach out and touch you. I never let on how much I wanted to explore these new feelings. I never let you see just how bad I needed you.
I was elated when you found me at the end of the day to tell me that we could be ‘scared together’. For once in my life, I allowed myself to take a leap of faith into the unknown. It was okay because exploring this new territory together was infinitely better than rolling through life alone.
how far can we go before we break?
how long can I wait?
Exploring these new feelings came almost too natural for me. Unfortunately, I could tell that it wasn’t the same for you. While I was easily coasting downhill, you were fighting tooth and nail in an uphill battle to the death.
The physicality of our relationship came too easy for me. I instantly felt comfortable with caressing your face, holding your hand, wrapping my arms around you. I pretended to not notice when you would tense up and move a millimeter away every time that I reached out. I willed myself to not get frustrated when you would freak out and talk to Mark Sloane and not to me.
How much longer would I have to wait for you to finally feel comfortable in your own skin?
how strong do you think I am
how much can I take of this
am I a rock or a rose or a fist
or a breath at the end of a kiss
how deep do you wanna go
cause I’ll go there if I can
you make it harder then it has to be
how strong
how strong
do u think I am
It took every ounce of strength I had in my body to stay strong… to not let on that every wrong move you made affected me as deeply as it did. Did you really truly care about me as much as you say you did? Then why did you keep running from what we could be?
I wanted so badly to keep my faith in you… My best friend. But you made it so damn hard. One minute you would allow yourself to be in the moment… to be the other half of the relationship that I thought we were both fighting for. Just when I thought you were settling in, you would find something else to freak out about and run away.
I thought we were supposed to be ‘scared together’…
I longed for the moments when the fog of doubt in you head would finally lift and you would see clear again. Our first date… The first time we made love… They are such eerily beautiful moments permanently etched into my memory.
Since then, I longed to see the beautiful smile that drifted onto your face when you allowed yourself to let go and see me… see us.
its so hard to tell what’s in your heart
what you keep to your self is tearing me apart
and should I be afraid to dream about you
and if you feel the same
what'cha u gonna do?
I’m not a mind reader, Cal. How could I know what you were going through, what was in your heart when you simply refused to talk to me? How was I supposed to know what scared you, confused you, freaked you out? I wanted so badly for you to talk to ME so I could help YOU.
if I move in any closer
if you let go
and give yourself away
and if we let this happen to us
everything will change
You hurt me too many times today. You hurt me when you walked out on me in the bedroom. You hurt me each time you slept with Mark. You hurt me when you came to me and confessed that you had run away into the arms of the resident man-whore.
You gave me hope today. Because of you, I had the biggest revelation of my adult life. Because of you, I learned that there truly was a whole new world to explore. Because you finally came to me and TALKED to me, I found renewed hope for me and you and what we could become.
Callie, you’re my best friend, my lover, my everything. I want to give you a chance… Give US a chance… Because despite the rocky road we’ve traveled on, I still believe we can be extraordinary.
- Fin
******
A/N: I’ve been itching to write a one-off for quite some time. I found this song on my iPod when it was on shuffle. It totally reminded me of Erica. I think this came off a little darker than I had first imagined it but I’m still happy with where it went. Hope you enjoyed it.