Learning to Fly (8/?)
TITLE: Learning to Fly (8/?)
AUTHOR: Melificent811
RATING: NC-17 (some parts anyway...)
PAIRING: Callie/Erica
SUMMARY: Set after the season 4 finale kiss. Coming out can be quite the rocky journey...
DISCLAIMER: All television shows, movies, books, and other copyrighted material referred to in this work, and the characters, settings, and events thereof, are the properties of their respective owners. As this work is an interpretation of the original material and not for-profit, it constitutes fair use. Reference to real persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context, and are not intended to be libelous, defamatory, or in any way factual.
Previous chapters here:
CHAPTER ONE, CHAPTER TWO, CHAPTER THREE, CHAPTER FOUR, CHAPTER FIVE, CHAPTER SIX, CHAPTER SEVEN
CHAPTER EIGHT
Over the past few weeks, Erica had fully immersed herself in teaching herself to be a good teacher. Once the whole 'coming out as a couple' thing blew over, she finally felt settled in enough to concentrate on her professional development as a teacher. Richard was right... Erica found it challenging to let go of the reigns. She felt uncomfortable relinquishing control to people who didn't exactly know what they were doing. It was a aspect of her personality that had been her greatest strength as well as her Achilles heel.
Callie had been amazingly patient and surprisingly cooperative with her attempts to practice all kinds of different teaching styles. There were many nights where they would sit around the living room sharing a bottle of wine while Callie would play the 'doe eyed, inexperienced intern'. As much as it tended to frustrate the blonde woman, the raven haired beauty would push forward and challenge every teaching decision she made. As annoying as it was, Erica knew that it was only done with the best of intentions.
As Callie would say, “Practice make perfect, Dr. Hahn... Now, will you just pretend I'm a teenager running around with a scalpel and tell me what to do!” Which of course would make Erica break her concentration and burst into laughter. Callie always knew what to say when things got rough and she needed to put a smile on her lover's face.
The past two months after the hospital found out about their romantic relationship had gone surprisingly well. George had to survive the brunt of it, living through a week or two of playful ridicule over his newly turned lesbian ex-wife. Much to their astonishment, the new couple didn't experience any negative fallout. Everyone in the hospital had been pleasantly supportive. Erica was sure that her interns and residents were taking advantage of the fact that she had been in a damn good mood since she and Callie took the leap of faith. They were constantly asking to be scrubbed into surgeries with the cardio goddess and they were almost always surprised with a simple 'sure'.
With her personal life finally falling into place, Erica took the opportunity to work on her ability to teach but apparently it still wasn't enough. On four separate occasions, Richard had pulled her aside to 'critique' her educational techniques. All of the hours of practice she had clocked with Callie felt as if they had been fruitless. Erica felt like she had been spinning her wheels for almost eight weeks and it hadn't gotten her anywhere.
“Dr. Hahn, Can I have a word with you please?”
Erica looked up from the chart she had been making notations on to find the disturbingly all too familiar sight of the Chief of Surgery with that damned look of disapproval strewn across his face.
“Look Richard, before you say anything...”
Richard held up his hand, silencing the attending. “Dr. Hahn, will you please explain to me why the cardiothoracic attending refused to allow a certain junior resident scrub in when Dr Bailey clearly assigned him to YOUR service today?”
“Just because O'Malley's with me today doesn't mean he has to see the inside of the OR. I've assigned him to pull labs and sort through the notations on my research.”
“All of which an intern is completely capable of doing... George O'Malley is a junior resident who NEEDS to be honing his general surgery skills. Tell me how keeping him attached to a desk is helping him to learn that.”
Erica pursed her lips in a silent protest. When Bailey had assigned O'Malley to her at the begnning of the day, she knew she would be in for a rough ride. She knew it wasn't right to let personal biases influence her decisions at work but she felt that he would never be cut out for the hard core, rockstar lifestyle of a heart surgeon.
“Look, I know that you've been working on your teaching skills but it's time to step up your game. You are one of the top cardiothoracic surgeons in the US and it's time you share the wealth of knowledge stored in that head of yours. We're a teaching hospital... Let's not forget that.”
“Yes, sir.” Erica gulped down the rock that started forming in her throat the instant she heard Richard's voice. This was no time to let her emotions overwhelm her professional presence.
As Richard walked away, she took a deep breath and headed for the sanctity of her office. She needed a moment to pull herself together. It would be counterproductive to let her emotions show for all of the hospital to see.
******
“Hey babe,” Callie peered past the door to her lover's office and saw that she had been burying herself in charts and medical journals. She headed in without an invitation and perched herself onto the edge of the desk, placing herself between Erica and her paperwork. “Christina said it would be a good idea to go find you... something about the chief talking to you...”
“Great... Yang saw that?” Erica sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose with her fingers. Since she had stepped into the sanctity of her office, a dull headache had set in.
Callie reached forward to pull Erica's hand away from her face and hold it in her own. “You wanna talk about it?”
“Not really.” Erica let herself crack a half smile. “But I'm feeling a little better now that you're here.”
“Good.” Callie leaned forward to place a light kiss on the lighter woman's forehead. “You know, you'll feel even more better if you talk about it...”
Erica looked down at their intertwined fingers and drew lazy circles on Callie's knuckles with her thumb. After a moment of contemplation, Erica decided that she would listen to her lover's advice. “Richard talked to me again... about being a better teacher. He didn't quite agree with what I assigned O'Malley to do today.”
“In all fairness Erica, you designated him 'paperwork bitch' today.”
“I know... I guess I wasn't in the mood to deal with the whole teaching thing today. I'm a surgeon Callie, not a teacher. It just doesn't come naturally to me.”
“Erica Hahn, you ARE a talented, kick ass in the OR surgeon... You're also getting pretty good at the teaching thing too. You're doing great with our little private tutoring sessions.” Callie smirked, remembering the 'tutoring session' the night before. She had played the part of the studious intern as well as the ailing patient... which of course led to a full body examination in the bed room at the end of the night.
“I guess.”
Callie frowned, she hated seeing her other half feeling so poorly about herself. “Look, I'll come over tonight and we can cuddle and indulge ourselves in a bottle of cabernet and just forget that this whole day happened.”
“That sounds nice.”
“I get off at seven. I'll come find you then.” Callie leaned forward to kiss the top of Erica's head, lightly breathing in the scent of her hair. She squeezed her lovers hands and turned to walk out the door, happy that she could help brighten up her horrid day.
******
Erica sat on the couch and watched from across the room as her lover reached into the cupboard to retrieve a bottle of wine and two glasses. She stared, admiring the sensually irresistible curves of Callie's body. Every day that they spent together she would notice another new thing that made her fall even more. Tonight, it was the cute grimace she had strewn across her face as she popped the cork out of the bottle of velvety goodness.
She was perfectly content to remain captivated by the goddess that appeared before her eyes. As Callie made her way from the kitchen to the living room, Erica could feel her pulse quicken and her mouth go dry. She could never get tired of seeing this beautiful image pass before her eyes.
Callie placed the wine glasses on the coffee table and intently poured two generous helpings of the delicious nectar. She sat right next to Erica and placed her arms around her, allowing the lighter woman to be enveloped by her loving embrace. Finally comfortable with their cuddle position, the pair took a moment to enjoy a sip from their glasses.
“Thank you.”
Callie looked down at her lover with a confused face. “For what?”
“For being you...”
Callie instantly broke into her infectious smile. She always felt so special... so utterly right when she was with Erica. She leaned forward to place a passionate kiss on her lips, declaring her devotion to her lover and best friend.
“How are you feeling?”
Erica buried herself further into her lover's embrace. She had never felt so vulnerable and so damn secure at the same time. It was a buried part of her that Callie's friendship had coaxed out. “Better now that we're here... away from work...”
“Good.”
“Callie?”
“Mmmhmm.”
“Can I tell you something?”
“You can tell me anything, baby.”
Erica took a deep breath, trying to figure out where to start. She was eternally grateful for the fact that she could be utterly vulnerable around the woman who held her. It had been a very difficult day for her to get through and she needed to let it finally all hang out.
“It's just been so difficult for me to deal with this whole teaching thing. You know that I pride myself on doing my best and I've just been beating myself up for being such a miserable failure.”
“Erica, you're not a failure...”
“Yes I am... If I wasn't, the chief wouldn't have to find me every other week to tell me what a stellar job I'm doing at being a horrible teacher.”
Callie sighed, unable to speak. She hated watching Erica be so hard on herself. She presented such a tough exterior to the entire world the no one else really knew about her inner battle for excellence and acceptance.
“I've told you before how my parents and I really don't get along.”
Callie nodded in silent agreement, allowing her lover to continue with her train of thought.
“My mother, she was really tough on me when I was growing up. She disapproved of pretty much anything I enjoyed... She didn't let me have much of a social life either. She really didn't care about anything besides how well I was doing in school.” Erica took a moment to pause and laugh at the ridiculousness of it all, “Callie, I was an honor student. I studied hard, got good grades... For god sake I was in the top fifth percentile of my entire class! But it was never enough for her.”
Erica closed her eyes, fighting back the tears that were starting to form. This was an old wound that was never allowed to heal properly. The scar on her soul was deep and jagged and would still send stabbing jolts of pain through her heart when something reminded her of her past. Just recalling the memory of her mother was enough to transport her back to a time when it was very difficult for Erica to cope with life.
“I can clearly remember the day she opened up the report card for the first semester of my sophomore year in high school. I worked so hard and was so damn proud of that A minus I got in my honors english class. Do you know what my mother said to me? She turned to me and said in that damned authoritative tone 'why didn't you get an A?' I was so floored by her question that I just couldn't respond. As if that wasn't enough for me to swallow she then preceded to tell me that I wasn't 'trying hard enough'.”
“Baby, that's horrible.”
“That was always the story with her... No matter how hard I tried, I was never good enough. No matter how hard I studied... how i tried to do everything her way... No matter how hard I tried to please her, it just wasn't enough... My very own mother thought that I was a failure.” Erica felt Callie encircle her arms even tighter around her. As vulnerable and upset as she felt in this moment, she knew she was safe in the embrace of her beautiful girlfriend. “For the past few weeks, my stomach would get into knots and a rock would form in my throat every time I'd see Richard approaching me. I would see that look in his eyes and I knew exactly what he was going to say. Cal, he thinks I'm a failure...”
“Hey! Look at me.” Callie took her hand and tilted her lover's face up so they were looking eye to eye. “Erica Hahn, you are not a failure. I don't care what your mother use to say... I don't care what the chief says. You're a brilliant, kick ass surgeon and I WILL NOT let you think that you're a failure just because you're not perfect. You were a good kid and your mother had unreal expectations. You're an exceptional attending and the chief just wants you to hone the skills that I already know you have.”
“What if I'm not good enough?”
“Then that's okay... Erica, you don't have to be good at EVERYTHING. I love you just the way you are.”
Instantly, the pair stopped and looked at each other. Although both felt utterly devoted to each other, those three precious words had never been spoken aloud.
“You just said 'I love you'.” Erica broke the silence. She was in a state of shock, but in a good way. Those three beautiful words had chased away any ill feelings toward her mother and the memories of her childhood.
“Too soon?”
Erica shook her head and placed her hand behind the raven haired woman's neck, pulling her in until their lips were only millimeters away from each other.
“I love you too...”
******
A/N: Well this chapter turned out differently than I had planned it. It was as if my fingers had a mind of their own while I was typing this up! Lol... I'm glad I finally got to write a chapter that was more focused on Erica. My writing has been so Callie-centric lately that I was starting to feel like I was leaving an important half of the relationship out. Hope you enjoyed it!
AUTHOR: Melificent811
RATING: NC-17 (some parts anyway...)
PAIRING: Callie/Erica
SUMMARY: Set after the season 4 finale kiss. Coming out can be quite the rocky journey...
DISCLAIMER: All television shows, movies, books, and other copyrighted material referred to in this work, and the characters, settings, and events thereof, are the properties of their respective owners. As this work is an interpretation of the original material and not for-profit, it constitutes fair use. Reference to real persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context, and are not intended to be libelous, defamatory, or in any way factual.
Previous chapters here:
CHAPTER ONE, CHAPTER TWO, CHAPTER THREE, CHAPTER FOUR, CHAPTER FIVE, CHAPTER SIX, CHAPTER SEVEN
CHAPTER EIGHT
Over the past few weeks, Erica had fully immersed herself in teaching herself to be a good teacher. Once the whole 'coming out as a couple' thing blew over, she finally felt settled in enough to concentrate on her professional development as a teacher. Richard was right... Erica found it challenging to let go of the reigns. She felt uncomfortable relinquishing control to people who didn't exactly know what they were doing. It was a aspect of her personality that had been her greatest strength as well as her Achilles heel.
Callie had been amazingly patient and surprisingly cooperative with her attempts to practice all kinds of different teaching styles. There were many nights where they would sit around the living room sharing a bottle of wine while Callie would play the 'doe eyed, inexperienced intern'. As much as it tended to frustrate the blonde woman, the raven haired beauty would push forward and challenge every teaching decision she made. As annoying as it was, Erica knew that it was only done with the best of intentions.
As Callie would say, “Practice make perfect, Dr. Hahn... Now, will you just pretend I'm a teenager running around with a scalpel and tell me what to do!” Which of course would make Erica break her concentration and burst into laughter. Callie always knew what to say when things got rough and she needed to put a smile on her lover's face.
The past two months after the hospital found out about their romantic relationship had gone surprisingly well. George had to survive the brunt of it, living through a week or two of playful ridicule over his newly turned lesbian ex-wife. Much to their astonishment, the new couple didn't experience any negative fallout. Everyone in the hospital had been pleasantly supportive. Erica was sure that her interns and residents were taking advantage of the fact that she had been in a damn good mood since she and Callie took the leap of faith. They were constantly asking to be scrubbed into surgeries with the cardio goddess and they were almost always surprised with a simple 'sure'.
With her personal life finally falling into place, Erica took the opportunity to work on her ability to teach but apparently it still wasn't enough. On four separate occasions, Richard had pulled her aside to 'critique' her educational techniques. All of the hours of practice she had clocked with Callie felt as if they had been fruitless. Erica felt like she had been spinning her wheels for almost eight weeks and it hadn't gotten her anywhere.
“Dr. Hahn, Can I have a word with you please?”
Erica looked up from the chart she had been making notations on to find the disturbingly all too familiar sight of the Chief of Surgery with that damned look of disapproval strewn across his face.
“Look Richard, before you say anything...”
Richard held up his hand, silencing the attending. “Dr. Hahn, will you please explain to me why the cardiothoracic attending refused to allow a certain junior resident scrub in when Dr Bailey clearly assigned him to YOUR service today?”
“Just because O'Malley's with me today doesn't mean he has to see the inside of the OR. I've assigned him to pull labs and sort through the notations on my research.”
“All of which an intern is completely capable of doing... George O'Malley is a junior resident who NEEDS to be honing his general surgery skills. Tell me how keeping him attached to a desk is helping him to learn that.”
Erica pursed her lips in a silent protest. When Bailey had assigned O'Malley to her at the begnning of the day, she knew she would be in for a rough ride. She knew it wasn't right to let personal biases influence her decisions at work but she felt that he would never be cut out for the hard core, rockstar lifestyle of a heart surgeon.
“Look, I know that you've been working on your teaching skills but it's time to step up your game. You are one of the top cardiothoracic surgeons in the US and it's time you share the wealth of knowledge stored in that head of yours. We're a teaching hospital... Let's not forget that.”
“Yes, sir.” Erica gulped down the rock that started forming in her throat the instant she heard Richard's voice. This was no time to let her emotions overwhelm her professional presence.
As Richard walked away, she took a deep breath and headed for the sanctity of her office. She needed a moment to pull herself together. It would be counterproductive to let her emotions show for all of the hospital to see.
******
“Hey babe,” Callie peered past the door to her lover's office and saw that she had been burying herself in charts and medical journals. She headed in without an invitation and perched herself onto the edge of the desk, placing herself between Erica and her paperwork. “Christina said it would be a good idea to go find you... something about the chief talking to you...”
“Great... Yang saw that?” Erica sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose with her fingers. Since she had stepped into the sanctity of her office, a dull headache had set in.
Callie reached forward to pull Erica's hand away from her face and hold it in her own. “You wanna talk about it?”
“Not really.” Erica let herself crack a half smile. “But I'm feeling a little better now that you're here.”
“Good.” Callie leaned forward to place a light kiss on the lighter woman's forehead. “You know, you'll feel even more better if you talk about it...”
Erica looked down at their intertwined fingers and drew lazy circles on Callie's knuckles with her thumb. After a moment of contemplation, Erica decided that she would listen to her lover's advice. “Richard talked to me again... about being a better teacher. He didn't quite agree with what I assigned O'Malley to do today.”
“In all fairness Erica, you designated him 'paperwork bitch' today.”
“I know... I guess I wasn't in the mood to deal with the whole teaching thing today. I'm a surgeon Callie, not a teacher. It just doesn't come naturally to me.”
“Erica Hahn, you ARE a talented, kick ass in the OR surgeon... You're also getting pretty good at the teaching thing too. You're doing great with our little private tutoring sessions.” Callie smirked, remembering the 'tutoring session' the night before. She had played the part of the studious intern as well as the ailing patient... which of course led to a full body examination in the bed room at the end of the night.
“I guess.”
Callie frowned, she hated seeing her other half feeling so poorly about herself. “Look, I'll come over tonight and we can cuddle and indulge ourselves in a bottle of cabernet and just forget that this whole day happened.”
“That sounds nice.”
“I get off at seven. I'll come find you then.” Callie leaned forward to kiss the top of Erica's head, lightly breathing in the scent of her hair. She squeezed her lovers hands and turned to walk out the door, happy that she could help brighten up her horrid day.
******
Erica sat on the couch and watched from across the room as her lover reached into the cupboard to retrieve a bottle of wine and two glasses. She stared, admiring the sensually irresistible curves of Callie's body. Every day that they spent together she would notice another new thing that made her fall even more. Tonight, it was the cute grimace she had strewn across her face as she popped the cork out of the bottle of velvety goodness.
She was perfectly content to remain captivated by the goddess that appeared before her eyes. As Callie made her way from the kitchen to the living room, Erica could feel her pulse quicken and her mouth go dry. She could never get tired of seeing this beautiful image pass before her eyes.
Callie placed the wine glasses on the coffee table and intently poured two generous helpings of the delicious nectar. She sat right next to Erica and placed her arms around her, allowing the lighter woman to be enveloped by her loving embrace. Finally comfortable with their cuddle position, the pair took a moment to enjoy a sip from their glasses.
“Thank you.”
Callie looked down at her lover with a confused face. “For what?”
“For being you...”
Callie instantly broke into her infectious smile. She always felt so special... so utterly right when she was with Erica. She leaned forward to place a passionate kiss on her lips, declaring her devotion to her lover and best friend.
“How are you feeling?”
Erica buried herself further into her lover's embrace. She had never felt so vulnerable and so damn secure at the same time. It was a buried part of her that Callie's friendship had coaxed out. “Better now that we're here... away from work...”
“Good.”
“Callie?”
“Mmmhmm.”
“Can I tell you something?”
“You can tell me anything, baby.”
Erica took a deep breath, trying to figure out where to start. She was eternally grateful for the fact that she could be utterly vulnerable around the woman who held her. It had been a very difficult day for her to get through and she needed to let it finally all hang out.
“It's just been so difficult for me to deal with this whole teaching thing. You know that I pride myself on doing my best and I've just been beating myself up for being such a miserable failure.”
“Erica, you're not a failure...”
“Yes I am... If I wasn't, the chief wouldn't have to find me every other week to tell me what a stellar job I'm doing at being a horrible teacher.”
Callie sighed, unable to speak. She hated watching Erica be so hard on herself. She presented such a tough exterior to the entire world the no one else really knew about her inner battle for excellence and acceptance.
“I've told you before how my parents and I really don't get along.”
Callie nodded in silent agreement, allowing her lover to continue with her train of thought.
“My mother, she was really tough on me when I was growing up. She disapproved of pretty much anything I enjoyed... She didn't let me have much of a social life either. She really didn't care about anything besides how well I was doing in school.” Erica took a moment to pause and laugh at the ridiculousness of it all, “Callie, I was an honor student. I studied hard, got good grades... For god sake I was in the top fifth percentile of my entire class! But it was never enough for her.”
Erica closed her eyes, fighting back the tears that were starting to form. This was an old wound that was never allowed to heal properly. The scar on her soul was deep and jagged and would still send stabbing jolts of pain through her heart when something reminded her of her past. Just recalling the memory of her mother was enough to transport her back to a time when it was very difficult for Erica to cope with life.
“I can clearly remember the day she opened up the report card for the first semester of my sophomore year in high school. I worked so hard and was so damn proud of that A minus I got in my honors english class. Do you know what my mother said to me? She turned to me and said in that damned authoritative tone 'why didn't you get an A?' I was so floored by her question that I just couldn't respond. As if that wasn't enough for me to swallow she then preceded to tell me that I wasn't 'trying hard enough'.”
“Baby, that's horrible.”
“That was always the story with her... No matter how hard I tried, I was never good enough. No matter how hard I studied... how i tried to do everything her way... No matter how hard I tried to please her, it just wasn't enough... My very own mother thought that I was a failure.” Erica felt Callie encircle her arms even tighter around her. As vulnerable and upset as she felt in this moment, she knew she was safe in the embrace of her beautiful girlfriend. “For the past few weeks, my stomach would get into knots and a rock would form in my throat every time I'd see Richard approaching me. I would see that look in his eyes and I knew exactly what he was going to say. Cal, he thinks I'm a failure...”
“Hey! Look at me.” Callie took her hand and tilted her lover's face up so they were looking eye to eye. “Erica Hahn, you are not a failure. I don't care what your mother use to say... I don't care what the chief says. You're a brilliant, kick ass surgeon and I WILL NOT let you think that you're a failure just because you're not perfect. You were a good kid and your mother had unreal expectations. You're an exceptional attending and the chief just wants you to hone the skills that I already know you have.”
“What if I'm not good enough?”
“Then that's okay... Erica, you don't have to be good at EVERYTHING. I love you just the way you are.”
Instantly, the pair stopped and looked at each other. Although both felt utterly devoted to each other, those three precious words had never been spoken aloud.
“You just said 'I love you'.” Erica broke the silence. She was in a state of shock, but in a good way. Those three beautiful words had chased away any ill feelings toward her mother and the memories of her childhood.
“Too soon?”
Erica shook her head and placed her hand behind the raven haired woman's neck, pulling her in until their lips were only millimeters away from each other.
“I love you too...”
******
A/N: Well this chapter turned out differently than I had planned it. It was as if my fingers had a mind of their own while I was typing this up! Lol... I'm glad I finally got to write a chapter that was more focused on Erica. My writing has been so Callie-centric lately that I was starting to feel like I was leaving an important half of the relationship out. Hope you enjoyed it!