Eternal - Chapter 10

[meheartyunho]

Title: Eternal
Author: meheartyunho
Length: Chaptered (10/?)
Pairing: Yunjae
Genre: Angst, Romance, AU, Supernatrual, Violence, Drama
Rating: Nc-17
Summary: When you get the impossible and reached a point where you wanted, needed to claim it, what were you to do? Especially when the impossible was the love and affair of your sister’s fiancé, when the year was 1873 and men shouldn’t feel anything but the urge for a family and wealth.
But what if you ran away and got another shot at the impossible? What if you had no other choice? You just had to learn how to live with the thirst, the hormones, the fights and the bloody, lusty, animalistic sex.
Beta: hubby fi_chan <3
Banner made by my sweetheart steorie <3

Previous:
Prologue 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9

A/N: Oh God I'm back!! Surpriiiise~ ^-^ I'm really sorry for the wait, but as I've told you, my muse is freaking killing me right now X_X I hope you enjoy this chapter, it's about damn time I update now haha x)

Chapter 10

Yoochun was still standing behind the bush like it was safe cover to hide behind just in case Yunho was not as controlled as he seemed. It wasn’t a protection; it was more of a line that was not to be crossed until Yunho trusted him to not lay a finger on them.

Not that Yoochun wouldn’t be able to rip his head off before Yunho could have his hands on him, but he knew how the new ones were. He didn’t want to kill someone just because they felt threatened. Besides, he had a feeling with these two. End one life and you end both, and those were the worst ones to kill. Not because it was hard, but because he’d never attack someone who didn’t attack him, and it always left one of them devastated and begging to follow the same path as their lover. He really wondered what happened with them afterwards, seeing that he never fulfilled their requests. He had a conscious too, believe it or not, and he didn’t like it when it stalked him.

Finally, Yunho spoke again: “What do you want? Why did you watch us?”

Yoochun shrugged. “I was curious.” Yunho didn’t so much as twitch and Yoochun sighed and took a step forward but instantly stepped back again and raised his hands when Yunho bared his teeth. “Too soon, I understand.”

There was a rustle and a cuss word and then Jaejoong had stepped forward and was standing in front of Yunho. Apparently the new view was appreciated and Yoochun tried to get the look off of his face before Yunho decided to rip it off for him.

“Can you help us?” Jaejoong’s eyes were open with a soft plea that didn’t match the rest of him. He looked fierce, but was probably no more than a kitten on the inside.

Yoochun smiled and combed through his hair. “Depends.”

“On…?” Jaejoong pressed.

“On you, of course.” Now that had Yunho going. He flew forward faster than a forest fire and leaves spread around his feet. It was as if the reaction was an already implanted instinct in his brain, because it sure didn’t seem as if he had even needed to stop and think about what Yoochun could have possibly meant. And if he did his brain must be working twice as fast as Jaejoong’s.

Yoochun took a step back, an unnecessary one seeing that Jaejoong was already holding onto Yunho’s torso and pushing him back behind him again. Yoochun laughed a deep sound when he understood what Yunho had interpreted his words for. He and Yunho had more in common than he thought.

“I didn’t mean it like that. I have no interest in him,” Yoochun nodded toward Jaejoong who didn’t seem to know how to react to the turmoil. Yunho on the other hand crossed his arms. Understandable. When you were in love you thought everyone found your lover to be as perfect as you did. “With all honesty: no. What I meant was that it depends on what you want me to help you with.”

Jaejoong knew exactly what he wanted, what they wanted-an explanation, someone with all the answers to the questions spinning around their heads. And so they got it.

The three men moved together to a place further from the small pond. The moonlight was not as clear here and the sounds, less. Darkness was not a problem though, but their presence seemed to make the forest dead of life. Jaejoong couldn’t help but to wonder if this was how it was always going to be. Would everyone take distance from them? Would they have to live alone forever or was this only something animals reacted to?

Yoochun turned his head toward them, his face expressionless but so alluring in his speech. “I’d advise you not to breathe from here on. It’s difficult when you’re new to this.” Yunho nodded for both of them and they joined hands as they always did when something hard was ahead. Just in case.

The stars disappeared from over their heads. All that was left now was thick, black trees that shed leaves on their shoulders. Yunho brushed a particularly yellow one from his hair and quickened his pace. He wanted to know what was waiting for them; hHHHhe was never fond of being kept out of the light for too long. It made him nervous.

He was sure their pace was slow for Yoochun, who had already understood and mastered the art of moving quicker than their eyes could catch, but if he was impatient or annoyed he certainly didn’t show it. He was relaxed, understanding and never really in a hurry. It was a trait he would soon find to like. Yunho, who was almost always so stressed and worried, could learn to appreciate how to take it slow.

They walked for another short while until Yoochun stopped, subtly holding up a hand as a signal for them to stop too. They were standing in front of a large oak with branches thick and sprouting at all directions. It was dry but strong, and it was for some reason the only oak in the area around them. It took its firm place.

“This will do,” he stated to himself and climbed up the trunk without looking back. It wasn’t until he was resting on a branch meters above their heads that he looked down on them. “I don’t think you want to stay down there. We need to talk and you don’t want to have someone jumping at your back.” Anything more than that he didn’t say and they exchanged a glance before Yunho stepped back to give way for Jaejoong. Jaejoong didn’t protest this time and climbed the long way up to the other man with Yunho hot on his heels.

Yoochun took his time and waited until they were both gazing at his face, curious till no end about what he was going to tell them.

“What are your names?” was the first thing out of his mouth and they couldn’t help but to get slightly curious. Did it really matter?

“I’m Yunho,” Yunho spoke and then put his hand on Jaejoong’s cross-legged thigh. “This is Jaejoong.” Yoochun nodded and blinked softly, hair strangely enough not falling into his eyes like it always did to Jaejoong.

“And you’re lovers?” he asked again, and the couple gaped at the blunt question and how quickly he had asked it. At their hesitation the cold look on his face disappeared and he smiled. “Well?”

“Yes,” Yunho nodded. “Yes we are.” For some reason the man seemed kind and trustworthy enough to give out the piece of information to. Besides, a homophobe would most likely avoid the question instead of blurting it straight out. But of course there was some kind of manly pride at the back of their heads telling them that they were two and he was one. If he had a problem with them, they could easily kill him before he could get to them. Yoochun knew they couldn’t, but he didn’t say anything about it. They’d realise it on their own. Fighting may be in their instincts, but it didn’t mean that they were better than someone who had been a vampire for years longer.

“I thought so.” He paused to rearrange his body until he was leaning back against a branch growing upwards. He then gazed at them again and Jaejoong looked away when Yoochun made eye contact with him. “What would you like to know?”

Jaejoong didn’t even spare Yunho a glance before he started talking.

“What are we?” He had a ton of questions running through his head, but amongst them this was by far the most pressing one. When he knew this, maybe the rest of the puzzle would fall into place too.

“Vampires, of course.”

There was no outburst from them, no gasps of disbelief and no laughter that told Yoochun that they didn’t believe him. He had just said it so easily. Of course. Of course they were vampires, what else could they possibly be? Humans? Animals? No. It had to be vampires, didn’t it? And yet there was no way they could be.

“What was that smell before? Why did he react like that?” This time it was Yunho asking, and neither of the other two men doubted that Yunho ignored Yoochun’s explanation. He didn’t believe it a bit, so he decided to go at it from another angle. He didn’t want Jaejoong to fall into that type of reaction again. He needed to know what to avoid.

Yoochun took a breath and leaned forward as in talking to a child. “I’m telling you you’re a vampire. What do you know of vampires?” Yunho got into a similar stance, although his eyes and voice were mocking where Yoochun’s were not.

“I know they don’t exist.”

Yoochun’s mouth quirked into a smirk. “Let’s say they do. What do you think could drive one crazy? What kind of smell do you think would have made a vampire react like Jaejoong did before?” Yunho didn’t want to answer, instead listening to the birds around him whilst staring into Yoochun’s cold eyes.

Jaejoong looked up. “Blood.”

Yoochun slowly turned his eyes away from Yunho’s face like he didn’t want to bend underneath the man’s gaze. But finally he looked into Jaejoong’s eyes and smiled.

“Bingo, Precious.” He relaxed from his silent battle with Yunho and leaned back once again, one leg dangling over the edge of the branch. “You’re newborns, so blood will make you lose your mind. But you will need it. You’ll get used to it and gain more control as you go, but it’s hard at first.”

“How did we become like this?” Yunho asked quickly, interrupting Yoochun in whatever he wanted to say. His experience with the thing that bit him didn’t seem… normal. Not that anything happening right now was normal, but the light, the paths…

Yoochun studied him for a moment, mouth closed and fangs hidden from the moonlight. Like this he should have looked human, but not even in the dark did he have the boring, simple complexion of a human. His eyes, his skin, just the way he spoke. There was nothing humane about him, about them.

“You were bitten, of course.”

Yunho nodded, pressing his thoughts further onto the man. “Yes, I know but…” He turned to Jaejoong now. He was watching him with the same wondering expression as Yoochun was, only his eyes held so much more. Worry, fascination, and some strange kind of happiness that Yunho was not fighting against this anymore. “Jae, when she bit you… Did you see anything?” Yoochun’s spine straightened like he had been electrocuted and his nostrils flared at the words. The reaction was lost to Yunho and Jaejoong’s eyes and Jaejoong furrowed his brows.

“No… Should I? It was just black.” Yunho nodded eagerly and once again turned to Yoochun. He knew it! He knew he had been right. Something happened to him, something that Jaejoong didn’t go through with him. What exactly had happened that night?

“What did you see?” Yoochun asked before Yunho could speak.

“I saw two paths, one was dark, and one was light. I had to choose which one to step onto, and… somehow I knew where to go if I wanted to… leave.”

Jaejoong’s head snapped up. “You mean if you wanted to die?”

“Yes,” Yoochun spoke in Yunho’s place. “The light would have led you to your death. Though that path looks far better than the one you chose. Why didn’t you go into the light?”

“I heard Jaejoong. I heard him… breathing. And suddenly I just didn’t want to anymore. The dark path looked tempting, it looked exciting. Besides, I didn’t want to leave Jaejoong.” They joined hands again and Jaejoong softly squeezed his hand in gratefulness. It was like he was telling him that it was okay. Like saying thank you.

They were lost in each other and Yoochun contemplated sticking his foot out to poke it into Jaejoong’s leg, but tensed newborns weren’t good to play with. He didn’t want to end up with a crushed foot.

“She transformed you,” he said, hoping to get catch their attention. He did, and a piece of him smiled knowing that he had a sort of control over them. He had information they needed, a helping hand they had to grab and he liked that, he needed that. Not because he was a bad man, but he did after all not have a clue on whether to trust them or not. He had been stabbed in the back before, friends trying to eat him or attack him when he had just recently fed. Newborns needed to be tamed, and for this he had to show that he was superior. He had to gain and keep their respect, at least until they could properly control themselves.

He continued, “If my guess is correct from what you told me, then I’d say Jaejoong was her first target. She attacked him, drank from him. But when she heard your pulse she stopped. Had she finished drinking Jaejoong he would have just died, but since you interrupted her he instead became a vampire.” He paused, thought for a while. “A vampire loves a challenge. You were stronger, you were driven, your heart was racing and it drew her to you. You became her target and she forgot all about Jaejoong. She needed to transform you. The paths in your head were an ultimatum that for some reason has to be given to our victims when we want to transform them. I’m guessing too many had chosen death when she bit them, hence why she was so desperate.”

Jaejoong felt a nausea arriving, cold sweat sticking to his back and making the tree sway. If she transformed Yunho, didn’t that mean something? Was she… “Is he tied to her now?” he asked shakily, tears already building up, blood pumping in his ears and tension in his body making him tremble. Yunho was his, he was his. What if she wanted him? What if she could now claim him as hers?

Yoochun smiled with compassion and took a small breath. It seemed like he still possessed some human gestures too. “Only if she chooses him to be. There are some vampires who stick to it, who claim that once you have transformed, you are the newborns’ mother or father. Sometimes lover. It’s a bond written in blood, after all. But it’s only tradition, and it’s not something that is in our genes. It started that way when there were so few of us-we had to stick together. But since she left both of you she most probably chose not to live by those rules. I think you should be safe and rid of her.”

Jaejoong nodded, still with a lump in his throat. Yunho’s hand came around his waist and his ear was kissed and his heart assured with soft words of I’m not going anywhere. It calmed him for now, but he knew that if he ever saw her he was best off killing her. What if she regretted her decision and took him away? She hadn’t transformed him, only Yunho.

If he could steal him from his own sister, he was more than capable of killing the beast that ate them and wanted to take Yunho back. The next few days would without doubt be spent on guard.

Yoochun kept talking to them for what felt like long hours, stealing all of their nighttime. He had still not explained to them why exactly they shouldn’t be breathing, but the only conclusion they could come up with was that blood was somewhere near. It felt like dawn was nearing by the time things had been explained-the temperature was getting more pleasant and birds were starting to twitter and jump around the leafy ground.

“We should get cover,” Yoochun said after a few minutes of silence. “The sun is rising. There are some caves not far away; I usually stay there when I’m here to hunt.”

They were still trying to take it all in. Especially Yunho, the one who had most trouble accepting it. He was the one being held and reassured that everything was okay. He had never wanted this, and he did not mean that for himself. He wanted to give Jaejoong the most of everything; he had promised him something better… And this was what he got? No more sunlight for the rest of his life, no more innocence in his soul-he would want to kill, he would steal peoples’ lives the same cruel way that woman stole theirs.

He knew though that there was no point apologizing yet again, because it would only lead to more annoyance and sadness for Jaejoong.

“Yes, we should go.” Yunho rose out of Jaejoong’s arms and pulled the other man up behind him, his sad face completely gone and replaced. Jaejoong raised his hand and tenderly held Yunho’s over arm.

“Are you sure you’re okay?”

Yunho nodded but didn’t answer. Had he not been so reluctant still to leave Jaejoong alone with Yoochun, he would have climbed down ahead of them both to make his statement. Instead he stepped back to let Yoochun get down first, and right after him went Yunho. Jaejoong was last down and felt Yunho’s hands on his hips as soon as he was within the man’s reach. To Yoochun, Yunho was being ridiculously possessive and overly protective, but in one way he could understand. They had both just been through something absolutely world changing-of course they were insecure, and everybody dealt with insecurity in their own ways. Yunho’s way was to look after Jaejoong, to deal with Jaejoong-his outmost insecurity.

“Lead the way,” Yunho said and spread out an arm. Yoochun’s face twitched and smiled and he walked east toward the buried caves. They followed right behind, and found that the faster Yoochun moved, the faster their legs seemed to be able to take them. It was like he was helping them, or coaching their legs to do the best they possibly could. And it was working. Yunho found himself having to hold back anything snide he had wanted to say to the man. He didn’t know why the man affected him so much. Maybe it was his new mind; it was unaccustomed to all of this: scared, on edge, tensed. Anyone would get snarky and defensive in his position-he had another life to guard beside him!

Apparently Jaejoong was not feeling the same attitude within himself-at least not yet. He had always been too friendly with danger and unfamiliarity. Somehow it didn’t sit well with Yunho, but if Yoochun now could be trusted he would give him a chance to prove it. He always gave everyone a chance. That was something that often slipped Jaejoong’s mind.

Jaejoong judged hard and cruelly, almost in an unfair way sometimes. But he was often right. Not always, but often. If a girl walked up to him, sipping her glass and throwing him glances he knew what she wanted and he knew he’d never give it. If Yunho had walked up to him before they were introduced, he could imagine two scenarios. Either he would completely ignore Jaejoong-aside from a few words here and there so that Jaejoong would be so crazy over the minuscule amount of attention that as soon as Yunho cornered him and kissed him he would have melted and agreed to anything with a heavy and great need; or Yunho would have tried another method: talked to him, charmed him fully and flawlessly so that Jaejoong became the quiet one, trying to stay mysterious and difficult. Of course, when the same scenario then happened at the empty hallway, he wouldn’t have desired him any less. He would have pressed himself against Yunho’s body and thanked the heavens that he could appeal to a man. That he was not the only man feeling warmth, affection and lust toward men. That would have been quite so heartbreaking.

But that was not how it happened, and he was thankful for it. Oh, he was not thankful for all the nights spent wondering and crying and thinking about his unrequited love and desire, but he was thankful that they had given it the time to escalate from interest to ridiculously pure love. He could still remember the day Yunho had cornered him.

He had found him wandering the hallways of his mansion on his way to his room. Yunho had been on his way to the front door, about to go home after visiting Jaejoong’s parents with his own. But he had been alone, and they had both stopped in their tracks when they saw each other. There was a distance between them and all they could think was to not close it, do not close it if you know what’s good for you. But Yunho had, and Jaejoong could not find it in his legs to move when he knew he should have. His heart weighed them down more than his mind could scream at them with logic. Yunho had been formally dressed, and he had not been smiling. His hands were clenching and unclenching, and his mouth was opening and closing, and his neck was getting hot and he had too much saliva to swallow. It was difficult. Just standing there was difficult for both of them.

“I don’t know… if I can do this anymore,” Yunho had finally said, and Jaejoong’s thoughts were mixed and jumping around just by having Yunho so close and alone. But he was sure he was talking about the wedding.

“What? Yunho-sshi, what are you saying? Joo-Eun is so happy about this, I thought you-” Yunho shook his head and Jaejoong had to stop talking. He could talk when Yunho was standing silently watching like a statue, but when the man reminded him of how real he was the words were harder to get out.

“Not that. Well, that too. I…” Yunho licked his lips and his cheekbones showed more clearly under the light. His eyes appeared wider under the sun’s glow from the window and Jaejoong was sure he was only still standing because Yunho was looking somewhere around his waist and not into his eyes. It was a private, intimate moment between them and Jaejoong found his hands shaking. Yunho was confessing things to him; he was telling him his thoughts and his heart’s desires.

“Tell me, Yunho.” He decided to leave out the ‘sshi’ and Yunho looked up at his face. “I want to know. I really… want to know what you’re thinking… what you want.” He could feel himself shelving by the underlined confession. If Yunho wanted him, he would have snapped up the words… Wouldn’t he? Couldn’t he see the pleading in his eyes? Couldn’t he see how badly he just wanted to be held by the man?

Yunho took a breath and his eyes sunk in colour, the colour of tree stems became the black hue of dirt. Darker. Serious. “I just don’t know how to hold back anymore.” Then he was kissed.

It had been different back then. They were not used to the touch of a man, and they certainly weren’t used to touching the hard curves of another male, but the affection came naturally. As love always did. It was the hiding part that was hard, the getting used to each other’s presence and the stopping of blushing until you remembered that you were actually someone special to him too.

They adjusted well to each other and surprised one another daily with how they just fit. It wasn’t something that could really be explained all that well with words; in fact, they probably couldn’t explain it at all. They just felt the same things and it made the ordeal easier. Actually, it made everything, even chaos and turmoil, pleasant because there was always a thought about the other at the back of their minds.

The cave they climbed down into was cold and clammy and the smell was iron and flesh starting to rot. Flies had found their way to the dead animal and were swarming the corpse with an annoying buzz echoing off the walls.

The feel of death was for some reason not as disgusting as it should have been. They had never felt it before, all too safe in their town, but some human part in them-that they didn’t know would slowly disappear along with the killings-said that it was a naturally horrendous habitat. It was. They still thought it. But not as much. They didn’t barf at the stray corpses, and they didn’t turn pale even if a deer had been eaten there just hours ago. There were about five more sets of old bones and craniums of larger animals, but those were not the worst. There was a human too, or, there had been. A woman to be particular. There was barely anything left now but her skeleton was as free of harm as if she had just promptly laid down in the cave herself and died. But she hadn’t, it was not hard to figure out that she had bled to death in the arms of the very man that had led them there. Now this was Yunho’s cue to get worried. The sun was already partially up-they were trapped in there.

The creamy orange glow slowly appeared on the wall above them, bringing on a new day. Or, in their position, telling them to go to sleep.

Yunho turned to Yoochun whom had now moved and bent over the dead deer. It was still warm; they could feel it even from where they stood. The skin was not warm, and the fur wasn’t soft and shiny and its eyes weren’t focused and its hooves were not built with power. But his organs and his blood was still lukewarm and the heat was so suffocating it felt like Yunho had opened its mouth and crawled inside it. He just felt it, knew the heat it still possessed.

“It’s been dead for a while now, but it’s still good enough to eat. You need it, if anything you need to learn what this desire is that will ruthlessly take over your bodies when you smell it. You have to be able to control yourselves when you are exposed to blood.” Yunho took a step backwards, while Jaejoong did the opposite and took one forward. Looking back over his shoulder Yunho was staring back at him with despaired eyes. How can I ever control you?

Jaejoong took two steps back in pity and buried his face into Yunho’s shoulder.

“I’m sorry. I’ll go easy. For you.” Yunho’s head lolled a slight tip forward and Jaejoong took it as a nod. He felt Yunho’s hand curl around his waist and he looked up to see Yoochun patiently gazing at them despite time running out. His eyes had taken a crispy white-blue in the cave, a colour that gave his steady eyes an unfamiliar but attractive appearance. They were staring at Jaejoong’s pale face and Yunho’s possessive arm was clearly a symptom of the look.

“I would like it if you went first, Jaejoong.” Yoochun spoke and Jaejoong hugged an arm around Yunho’s stomach in return when he felt the tension seep into Yunho’s body and turn to energy. Energy he wanted to use in a leap and break arms with.

“Why? Why should he go first?” he asked with a steely jaw and Yoochun straightened his back. Had he not understood the love they held for each other, he would have gaped in disbelief at how Yunho just never relented.

“Because he’s under control. You are still shaken and under a lot of stress. I don’t think you could handle it, much less handle yourself. I don’t want to see you running out into the sun in a fit, or hurt Jaejoong trying to hold you back.” Yunho felt Jaejoong’s fingers tangling into his shirt at this and the nails scratching his back didn’t hurt as much as they should have, but the message was clear. You’re not going anywhere. If you can’t do it I won’t let you.

“He didn’t seem that controlled a few hours ago,” Yunho shot back, still firm on his point and with troubled wrinkles between his brows. Jaejoong did his best to relax him by rubbing cooling fingers under his neck but it didn’t seem to help much.

“That was because he didn’t know that he was supposed to control himself. He was as clueless as you were; now we can help him. Besides, now he’ll have the blood right underneath his lips-back then he was fighting you to get to it.”

Keep your hungry eyes away from his lips.

Yunho was not sure whether Yoochun could read his expression or not, but he was certain that an amused smile glimmered for a second on Yoochun’s face. It was gone before he could attempt a meaningless blink.

“Then if it’s that easy, why can’t I do it?”

“Because you would fight against it.” Yoochun answered calmly and logically, Yunho did have to admit. Maybe he did not have a special eye for Jaejoong after all. “You don’t like this whilst Jaejoong is fascinated, accepting and wants to try it. If you fight your need it will only be harder on you.”

Yunho didn’t speak. He knew Yoochun was right but that did not mean he enjoyed the thought of it. Jaejoong reached out and grabbed Yunho hard elbow, squeezing it and kissing his shoulder.

“Yunho,” he said and Yunho turned his head down to look at him. “We have to do this. Sooner or later we’ll have to, unless you want to lose me as quickly as you just recently got me,” he paused to lick his lips, letting Yunho think about his last words. That if anything would make him budge. “This choice has already been made for us; we just have to follow through.”

Jaejoong looked over at Yoochun in support and he immediately spoke up:

“It’s not as bad as you think, Yunho. One breath, a sniff from this blood and it will all move on its own, you will barely have time to think. You will enjoy it. Even if you’ll feel disgusting afterwards it will be worth it. You need to drink. If not now then later.”

“Just let me do it,” Jaejoong said calmly, carefully inching away from Yunho and toward the deer. He was thankful that the creature was already dead; it was easier to detach your mind from the fact that you were eating something so magnificent and radiant. Something full of life and energy. But it was pure instinct-at least it was if he could trust Yoochun. It wasn’t that different from eating meat, or eggs, he told himself. He had been eating animals all his life… He had just never eaten from one. It was so savage-like that he had to control himself from thinking back toward the Jaejoong who adored animals and would never even hurt a fly. He was different now and he had to accept the changes that followed-he needed to live, after all.

Jaejoong sunk down in the dirt and his palms and fingers were placed next to his dirty knees. He was still not breathing, but he could feel presences around him. Yoochun’s to his left, the deer underneath him, Yunho behind him and something further into the cave. Maybe more corpses, maybe bats. He turned to look over his shoulder at Yunho whom was still standing so stiff by the wall. Yunho who was always so relaxed and controlled was sweating and scared.

Then he took a breath.

A/N: Ahh I feel like I should apologize T.T Miahneee for being so late! I'm trying to write, but at the same time I don't want to push it if it just turns out badly written instead D: But I do hope you enjoyed this chapter, things are moving forward, neeh? ^_~  Thank you for reading, all of you!! I love you guys for staying with me <3