Yo okay so uh, listen up. I'm THEE one, THEE only, an' that's all there is to it. But some a' yous guys got a lotta issues wit tissues an' all that, so here's what I wanchu ta do:

Spit the Crackuh Jack outcha' mouth, put on yuh big boy pan'nies an' step up to da plate. Got sum'm t'say? Take a crack at it. I got nothin' t'lose here, do you? Didn't ( Read more... )

Dude- America, America! Sahge said 'ed let you DO 'im! I swear'da god he did!

A-aoow! Y'know what?! SCREW YOU ALREADY! OK?! I'm sick'a your freakin' CRAP already- who cares if I ain't usin' your comm link, I'm HERE, ain' I?! You wanna hear what I been up to, you dorky chunkheads?!

CAPTAINS. LOG.

I got haunted by a freakin' tree an' got myself lost in the bad weather so long my stomach was eatin' itself! Then, when I came ( Read more... )

[Here, Discedo. Have a trembling Scout, looking wired as all hell, slumped up under a piece of collapsed building, sitting on debris. To his right, on the street, there is a fire and falling snow, just outside his little protective area. He twitches, and jumps every once in a while, swatting around him like he's trying to bat away something ( Read more... )

... Oooh-ho ho ho ho! Oh man!  What is all this?! Un-freakin-believable! It's almost like somebody left it out here, just for me! A box'a Lucky Chahms and a whole six pack of Bonk! Atomic Punch- an' it's my favourite! Blutonium Berry! I haven't even killed the two cans I came with yet!

[Aah, the familiar sound of cereal shifting around in the box. ( Read more... )

[There's a very twisted, grey and black, ashy-looking plant sitting on the left of the screen. Every once in a while, a dark and bruised oozing bulb quivers and the trunk of this unhappy plant has silky trails of smoke thinly seeping out of it in spurts. After a moment of this hissing, quivering mess staying on the frame, Scout strolls in from the ( Read more... )

[With a long and unusually loud buzz, the communicator turns on to the sound of a boy's cracking voice shrieking and fumbling, some splashing, and then a thud as the communicator hits the ground. Scout can be seen flailing around with his pants rolled up to his knees, bare legs being ripped frantically out of the edge of the lake. Cue a good 20 ( Read more... )

[There's a louder than usual buzzing sound, tweaking and crackling as the communicator shocks the Scout for the final time after a countless number of the routine jolts. This time it's answered with a long, loud hiss through the teeth and a resounding-- ]

ffffffffFFFFFUUUUUUUU-CKuh!

Alright already, Jeez, keep yer freakin' hard wired pants on you ( Read more... )

Hoooly Jesus, y'can't see a pile'a Tons'a Fun's guts five friggin' inches from your face! The heck's goin' on here?!

Yo, Cricket! Still lost in a book someplace or didju get yerself lost in this pea soup crap? An' what about Beat, you seen 'im? Dammit, this place gets weirder and weirder the longer I'm stuck here. What a dump.

[Bzzzzt]

AAH- Tchsssssss, holy ffffffff...! [Scout spins around and throws his hand up in the air, whipping it hard and making his fingers slap together loudly as he tries to flap out the pain] -Mutha puss bucket! This thing busted or what?! The little crap just shocked me! I'm about ta hit this sucka outta th'pahk! You hear me, you little crap?! I' ( Read more... )