(Untitled)

[mattsharp]

oh dear. things are pretty terrible inside of my head right now. it is likely that few people will read this.

i have one big question:

what is so wrong with my personality that i am entirely unpleasant to be with or even to know?in all honesty, that is all i can derive from the current state of things. no friends. no family. it's pretty difficult

Comments

[pennylayne]

you stick up for what you believe in; a lot of people can't handle that. it makes people feel guilty to be around you. it doesn't mean you're at fault, or you're a bad person, or that you should change in any way. you just have to know that sticking up for beliefs never guarantees that others will stand with you - it usually guarantees the opposite.

[pennylayne]

i'm saying this because in some small way, i feel similar (as far as getting beef for taking a stand - no pun intended). i get crap for being a vegan all the time, and for not wanting to buy from certain companies because they're environmentally/socially irresponsible, and no one wants to hear about or learn about it. everyone wants me to shut up and pretend like it's fine, although i strongly feel the opposite. usually i do just shut up, because it makes life easier. but i understand why you don't, and that's a personal choice, and it's fine. it's just a harder choice to make, because not everyone is going to be patient or understanding with you. especially with religion and alcohol. most people just don't feel like alcohol is such a bad thing.

[mattsharp]

neither do i (think that alcohol is such a bad thing), but i am more so criticizing the ease with which we take living foolishly in any respect. my "serious convictions" do not consist of claiming that all consumption of alcohol is bad.

[pennylayne]

well, your post seemed to be a reaction to kenny's post, and to my comment saying that i "enjoyed reading it." which is why i said that most people don't feel like alcohol is such a bad thing. i realize that your "serious convictions" have much more to do with living ethically and according to God's law. the point i was trying to make was that any time ANYONE tries to take a stand about ANYTHING, it's going to make other people uncomfortable/defensive/angry/etc. you have to be prepared to be understanding and open to people that have different opinions

[karategreg]

I will be honest with you, Eli. Let me preface this first by saying that I really like you. You are a really cool guy and I like hanging out with you. You are very outspoken about your faith and that is fine but I think that when you force your opinions about drinking and what everyone else is doing wrong on others then it pushes them away. Imagine someone who is always telling you to drink and smoke, are you going to want to hang out with them? No, and it works the other way too

[mattsharp]

i'm not even talking about you.

[mattsharp]

and you have no idea who the hell i am.

[karategreg]

when you ask a question and want people to be honest about it you put yourself in a vulnerable position but when people answer that question you get defensive and condescending. only you, eli.

[ardelia47]

you know, interestingly, of all the people I know who I could find faults with, I can't with you - you are one of the few constant blessings that I know of. Even thinking about today and how you were pushing the bounds in our conversation on Calvin, I had nothing but admiration - sharp intellect, well directed. Maybe it's 'cause we share a worldview, but I've never found you unpleasant or difficult to get along with, ever. If anything, it's always quite the opposite - the level of support and care you pour into others is rare, indeed

[hkm]

i (not so oddly) understand where you are coming from in some sense. i dont see you very often and i'm not trying to give you reassurance that it isn't the way you say it is. but i dunno...i dont think it's about you (all about you). i think people are changing and its hard to get used to (sometimes for me too).

anyway...idk what else i wanted to say. i suppose that's it. you know where i be.

[corecatalyst]

I wasn't drunk. I was buzzed, and I don't think I'm splitting hairs in making that distinction.

I'm of age.

I haven't compromised any of MY moral standards or beliefs in drinking.

I can still count the number of times I've drank alcohol on two hands, (although that shouldn't even be relevant).

I don't see the harm or wrong in drinking responsibly in a social setting.

Alcohol isn't the one-way portal to sin that you seem to think it is. I had a really open, honest, and impassioned conversation, with someone I barely know, that I wouldn't have had if I hadn't been drinking last night. It felt really good to connect with someone like that, especially since the topic of conversation was the pain we were both feeling at the time. I don't intend to use alcohol as a crutch to compensate for my social ineptitude, nor my fear of expressing my feelings, so what is there to condemn in this?

[corecatalyst]

By the way, I love you.

[mattsharp]

you don't know who the hell i am either. nor was i necessarily talking about you. i don't care how much you drink. you have no obligation to me or anyone else.

you read the post, but you didn't seek to understand it. you just read it and put your own meaning into it. keep reading and read it however you want. oh well.

[corecatalyst]

Was your reply to my entry not sarcastic? Forgive me if I've misunderstood, but the comment you left me and the timing and content of this entry made it seem reactionary.

I don't claim to know who you are, or who anyone else is for that matter.

"it is so hard to be so alone. friends, i plead and beg, please help me. please help me to know why you never call me back. help me to know why you are so unhappy when you are around me."

Because you so very rarely call me, (and when you do, I never fail to call you back), and because I enjoy spending time with you, I can only assume that I'm not one of the friends you're pleading with. So what would I have to do to be considered your friend Elijah? Is my company and ear not enough?