FILL: M!Shep/Joker, Cruise Control [1/7]
anonymous
September 14 2011, 19:55:26 UTC
[For This prompt! Holy shit, anonymous xenoporn why are you so fun to try and write]
Shepard's been having some real trouble sleeping lately. Never been much of a heavy sleeper to start with, and since he's...been dead, or...undead. Comatose? Well, whatever, important thing was that it was near damn impossible to get more than an hour or two's rest. Sure, means he can spend the time when everyone but the skeleton night cycle crew are asleep and there's nothing urgent looming for the next few hours playing Galaxy of Fantasy as much as he pleases (and since there've been two years of updates, patches and expansions to get caught up with, it's been time productively spent), but hell, even big extranet games get boring. So does recalibrating his weapons, cleaning his armour, playing with his toy ships and pretending he was a giant human reaper stomping on the Citadel fleet, modding everything, trying to peel the Cerberus patches off his uniform, taking a few little solo excursions off-ship, putting off responding to emails, lifting
( ... )
FILL: M!Shep/Joker, Cruise Control [2/7]
anonymous
September 14 2011, 19:56:17 UTC
Lazily, he starts sorting through the various windows. Trajectory equations; boring. Heat load feed; boring. Calibration reports; abysmally boring. Paused holovid; ah hah. Anything's gotta be more interesting than more grinding for palladium, even if it's one of those incomprehensible quarian engineering vids Tali keeps spamming the crew's omni-tools with. He hits play. It's dark for a second, but Shepard recognises the low, trembling moan for what it is-- and hurriedly switches the audio feed into his earpiece. Another...lesser man may have switched the thing off, but Shepard, a bold adventurer, man of mystery, action and science is possessed of a curious mind. He winds it back to the start. A human female, busty, brunette and piercingly green-eyed straddles a female turian. Her body is golden and oiled, breasts are pushed tight inside a leather bodice, crotch obscured by a tiny, tight pair of underclothes, a tight thong back seperating two plump buttocks. The turian is bare, her plating is sleek and iridescant. The individual
( ... )
FILL: M!Shep/Joker, Cruise Control [3/7]
anonymous
September 14 2011, 19:57:23 UTC
This time, it's a hanar, an turian, and a human guy again. Ah, tentacles. Who'd have thought old Japan would get it so right? He...he looks over his shoulder. Coast is clear...he figures he can probably get in a quick one before anybody turns up-- if Joker was just snacking or fucking about doing something elsewhere, he might flip out (in a hilarious way) if he finds Shepard's rifled through (and cloned some) of his vast porno collection. Heavy risk. Wetting his lips, he slides his busy hand inside the crotch of his pants, taking ahold of the familiar length now tenting his uniform. His fingers still feel...off, their texture obviously synthetic where it's not callousing or healing. Eyes on the vid, where the hanar is prying the turian's legs open with a few of it's of tentacles. The turian in question is putting up a token struggle, but his genital plating has already retracted and his cock, purplish and alien is slick with clear fluids and prominent; his flanging voice raises in a wordless keen when the hanar playfully taps the end
( ... )
M!Shep/Joker, Cruise Control [4/7]
anonymous
September 14 2011, 19:58:27 UTC
Joker is leaning on the framework of the ship behind him, flush-cheeked, wide-eyed and...leering. "Uhm," He comments. Looks at Joker. Looks back to the screen. Mutes it. Fairly sure that the audio feed went straight to his earpiece, too. Play it cool, John. Ignore all the blood left in your brain fleeing to your cheeks. "Joker...What's up?" The pilot smirks, raises an eyebrow, any embarassment at being caught staring evaporating. "Oh...not much, Commander. Just, uh....havin' fun, there
( ... )
FILL: M!Shep/Joker, Cruise Control [5/7]
anonymous
September 14 2011, 19:59:57 UTC
"So," Joker bites his lip and grins, trails a hand down John's chest. He's looking at Shepard all the time, vivid green eyes on his, always slightly mocking and challenging, trying to gauge his reaction. This is one hell of a game of chicken. "So," he responds, and shifts the chair back out of it's station, gives Joker room and a pat on the ass. He glares at Shepard, lips tightening in equal parts resolve and annoyance-- and then he fucking manouvers himself in, kneels awkwardly between Shepard's knees. He unmutes the holo with a quick movement of his omni-tool, slides his long-fingered hands up the insides of Shepard's thighs, tugs his cargos neatly down and pools them around his ankles.
Shepard (very) briefly entertains the thought they should stop, but...nah. Joker was willing to go this far to freak him out...well, a blowjob was still a blowjob. The alien grunts and moans from the display on-screen--the human is inside the hanar, which Shepard can now clearly see is a girl hanar, his cock visible through it's translucent pink
( ... )
FILL: M!Shep/Joker, Cruise Control [6/7]
anonymous
September 14 2011, 20:01:11 UTC
He grins, his teeth sliding over his lower lip-- his cock slips deeper, rubs against the gum of Joker's soft palate and he can't help but push his hips gently upwards, slide his hand up Joker's cheek and push his fingers under the other man's cap and into his hair, pressing him simultaneously down. He doesn't flinch, gag or look away, despite the fluttering tongue against the underside of his cock. God, there's something so hot about the man's gaze on his with his mouth stretched over his dick
( ... )
FILL: M!Shep/Joker, Cruise Control [7/7]
anonymous
September 14 2011, 20:02:00 UTC
Joker brings him to the edge with the tight passage of mouth, tongue and throat, drawing back to breathe with pre-cum and spit on his lips and chin-- then he ducks back down, all squeezing heat and pushing tongue and pulls him right over. He curses throatily, spine arched, hips twitching, grips Joker's hair tightly-- hopes that's sufficient warning before he cums. Joker pulls back with a bitchy-sounding noise of dissent, but doesn't spit, instead milks his cock with his mouth and fingers until it starts to soften and slips out from between his lips. He drops the grip he has on Joker's hair, runs his fingers down the man's cheek and touches his wet lips, parts them. There's a funny, heated look in his eyes when he lets Shepard open his mouth, push his fingers inside, rub cum and spit along his inner cheeks, teeth and tongue. Then, he closes his lips around Shepard's fingers, sucks and fucking swallows.
"Son of a bitch." John pulls his hand away and flops back in the chair, grins wide like an idiot. Joker just smirks like he's
( ... )
Re: FILL: M!Shep/Joker, Cruise Control [7/7]
anonymous
September 15 2011, 00:36:46 UTC
Damn, this was great. As in, really great. I laughed out loud in the beginning, with the bored Shepard. And all the little things about the ship and the crew and the trajectory equations (!) - fantastic. Don't get me wrong, I loved the hot part too (as in, really loved it), but it's the humor that won me over.
Have you any other writings around? Would you link? Many thanks in any case. You've made my evening. :)
(author!anon)
anonymous
September 15 2011, 14:33:35 UTC
O-oh gosh what a lovely comment! C: Getting responses like this definitely makes writing dirty things (and inserting derpy jokes) worthwhile. Very happy you liked it indeed
( ... )
Re: (author!anon)
anonymous
September 15 2011, 20:35:29 UTC
Anon from the first comment here. OMG! Sunfish is one of the first stories I've read on the meme and one of the reasons I'm still on the meme, reading stories. Your stuff is incredible. Your humor, but also, characterization. Effortless! Yet perfect. I've never read a more endearing John Shepard; not the brightest light, is he? :) But a good sort. So refreshing, to see imperfection. The maturity, the humanity of imperfection.
Re: (author!anon)
anonymous
September 15 2011, 21:44:16 UTC
A-aww dude c'mon you're making me blush irl! (also wrote this M!Shep/Kaidan 'un, if you're interested in any more, totally forgot to list it, derp: http://masseffectkink.livejournal.com/2320.html?thread=3583248#t3583248) I do love my Sheploo though, and i'm going to admit he's based a teensy bit on Archer, in a silly and slightly dickish (and not too bright but who has time for learning things these days have you seen all those giant lovecraftian horrors flying around up there zapping everything) way. Only, y'know, he's essentially a decent guy. They probably only let him on the Normandy because the Hero of Elysium and the survivor from Akuze were too smart and turned the job down, though.
Oh my gosh yessss thank you for linking this, I am sniggering so hard at it! Well, that's this evening's entertainment sorted out as I see there's much more. I love monologuing for my Shepards when playing and it always tends to end up in a similar way, which
( ... )
Shepard's been having some real trouble sleeping lately. Never been much of a heavy sleeper to start with, and since he's...been dead, or...undead. Comatose? Well, whatever, important thing was that it was near damn impossible to get more than an hour or two's rest. Sure, means he can spend the time when everyone but the skeleton night cycle crew are asleep and there's nothing urgent looming for the next few hours playing Galaxy of Fantasy as much as he pleases (and since there've been two years of updates, patches and expansions to get caught up with, it's been time productively spent), but hell, even big extranet games get boring. So does recalibrating his weapons, cleaning his armour, playing with his toy ships and pretending he was a giant human reaper stomping on the Citadel fleet, modding everything, trying to peel the Cerberus patches off his uniform, taking a few little solo excursions off-ship, putting off responding to emails, lifting ( ... )
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"Uhm," He comments. Looks at Joker. Looks back to the screen. Mutes it. Fairly sure that the audio feed went straight to his earpiece, too. Play it cool, John. Ignore all the blood left in your brain fleeing to your cheeks. "Joker...What's up?" The pilot smirks, raises an eyebrow, any embarassment at being caught staring evaporating. "Oh...not much, Commander. Just, uh....havin' fun, there ( ... )
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Shepard (very) briefly entertains the thought they should stop, but...nah. Joker was willing to go this far to freak him out...well, a blowjob was still a blowjob. The alien grunts and moans from the display on-screen--the human is inside the hanar, which Shepard can now clearly see is a girl hanar, his cock visible through it's translucent pink ( ... )
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Then, he closes his lips around Shepard's fingers, sucks and fucking swallows.
"Son of a bitch." John pulls his hand away and flops back in the chair, grins wide like an idiot. Joker just smirks like he's ( ... )
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Have you any other writings around? Would you link? Many thanks in any case. You've made my evening. :)
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I gotta say the amount of heartwarming is lovely
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You're a genius. And I'm in awe. And I'm reminded of this wonderful, hilarious, unfinished thing that made me lol sorta-kinda the way you do: http://social.bioware.com/forum/1/topic/128/index/5646020
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I do love my Sheploo though, and i'm going to admit he's based a teensy bit on Archer, in a silly and slightly dickish (and not too bright but who has time for learning things these days have you seen all those giant lovecraftian horrors flying around up there zapping everything) way. Only, y'know, he's essentially a decent guy. They probably only let him on the Normandy because the Hero of Elysium and the survivor from Akuze were too smart and turned the job down, though.
Oh my gosh yessss thank you for linking this, I am sniggering so hard at it! Well, that's this evening's entertainment sorted out as I see there's much more. I love monologuing for my Shepards when playing and it always tends to end up in a similar way, which ( ... )
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You...
mmm that was just...so...mmmmmmmm....
that made my day :)
Joker/mShep is my favorite pairing and I would give you anything if you wrote a sequel...or filled another prompt with these two!!!
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