I'll Be Chapter 4
Title: I'll Be (4/30)
Rating: NC-17
Pairings: Benji/Joel
Summary: Benji Madden is turning 23 today. He is starting a new job on Monday at the Lakeview County School System as the Administrator for all the buses, routes, and busdrivers in the county. Life is finally getting on track and he is just as happy not having to put up with the bother of a relationship. However, tonight, his friends have set him up with a very special birthday surprise...Joel Combs is turning 18 today. He is the reigning Chess Champion in the state of Maryland, three years running now, soon to be four. All his life, he has never fit in and is a terminal geek. When two of the most popular guys in his senior class offer to help him celebrate his birthday, how could he reisist...As the paths of these two men cross unexpectedly, will they be just another love suicide, never revealing their depth? Or will they be able to see that they belong together...and become the greatest fan of each other's life? (AU and Twins are not related...so no guilt, lol)
And cue the Disclaimer: I don’t own or know the Madden twins. This never happened. I have not, did not, and will never ever make any money off of this. The story is purely a work of fiction.
Notes: This is in answer to a song fic challenge issued by luvmeanspain for Edwin McCain's "I'll Be". Therefore, it is likewise respectfully dedicated to her as well. I hope that she and all of you, enjoy reading as much as I did writing it.
Chapter 1 I'll Be Your Crying Shoulder part 1
Chapter 1 I'll Be Your Crying Shoulder part 2
Chapter 2 The Strands In Your Eyes That Color Them Wonderful
Chapter 3 Stop Me And Steal My Breath
Chapter 4 - Emeralds From Mountians
Nervously Benji waited for Joel to exit the shower. It was time to take him home. Benji knew he had reached his limit of endurance. If he kept the kid here with him much longer, he was going to…well, he wouldn’t be able to keep his dick hands to himself. God, it felt so fucking good kissing Joel. He wanted him even worse now than he did that first night, but Benji knew they needed to wait. Reaching down, he adjusted his hardened dick, wishing Joel were already safely out of fucking touching distance.
Benji went into his kitchen and grabbed a bottle of water. He had never been one to deny himself of things. All of his life, if he saw something he wanted, he didn’t quit until it belonged to him. Thus far, that had been rather easy. The biggest challenge he had had to this point was finding a suitable job but that was more due to the failing economy more than Benji’s lack of ability. That and the fact Benji really felt he had never found his life’s passion yet, other than working out and the fact he was determined to be well off financially. He had been investing every extra dime he had since he was 18 in various ventures. His goal was to retire comfortably somewhere between 30 and 35. According to his last consultation with his accountant, he was over a third of the way there and actually running a bit ahead of schedule, in spite of his lapse of employment.
He had wisely decided to invest in land. The wisdom was what type of land. Housing had bottomed out with the recession. However, commercial property was skyrocketing and Benji had a talent for selecting prime acres before they became a truly hot commodity. To say he was good at business was something of an understatement. Unfortunately, it wasn’t the reason he lived and breathed: it was just a means to an end.
Yet now Joel had arrived, albeit somewhat unexpectedly, in his life and suddenly he was in a tailspin. The barely legal teen made him look at everything in a different way. Benji had struggled all night with the knowledge that he was falling for him. If only they could wait just a bit longer, everything would be perfect. He and Joel could be together, not just sexually, but maybe even a true relationship. Benji had to admit the thought of that was appealing to him more and more. The two of them got along so very well and the physical attraction was insane. The air positively crackled with their respective electricity and Benji wanted to test that out badly; so badly his dick was damn near killing him. Grimacing, he wished he could stop thinking with his cock for 10 seconds.
Draining the bottle, he tossed it in the trash can and started giving himself reasons for staying in the living room. His dick kept reminding him of the oh-so-hot yet oh-so-off-limits boy-man that was now naked in the shower in the master bedroom…his bedroom. Sweat trickled down Benji’s neck as his breathing increased at that thought. Gripping the counter tightly with both hands, he tried once again to talk himself down, both figuratively and literally. On the air, a faint twinge of his body soap wafted in the air mixed with a fragrance that Benji knew of at once as Joel. Swallowing hard, he let go of the counter and began to follow that intoxicating scent all the way to the bathroom door, where he could still hear the water running.
Joel ran his hands over his body, wishing again that it was Benji doing this and not him. The body soap smelled divine and Joel had recognized at once, noting Benji must have used it earlier in the evening when he was getting ready for their date. In his mind’s eye, he could see Benji’s glorious hazel eyes. Those eyes had him mesmerized. Joel felt he could look the world over and never find emeralds that color. From mountains high to the depths of the sea, Benji’s glorious eyes were one of a kind. Smiling, laughing, making Joel come alive more with every gaze into those wondrous orbs. His breath caught as he remembered the passion in them when those eyes had looked at him earlier that day. Joel’s flat abdomen contracted at that thought and he knew he really should take care of the ‘problem’ he now had between his legs. Caressing his stiffening cock, he threw his head back and moaned.
“Oh fuck, Benji, I want you so bad,” Joel’s voice ached with every word. He knew he was being a bit too loud, but he was also hoping Benji would hear him.
Outside the door, Benji’s mouth gaped at the hot words he heard escaping from Joel’s delectable lips. His face contorted in painful pleasure as he opened the door.
“Uh,” Joel gasped even louder, squeezing himself as he enjoyed how hard his dick was becoming. “Need you…Benj…to help me…”
Benji’s eyes widened and he wasn’t even aware he was taking off his shirt. The only thing Benji was focused on was the outline of Joel’s body in his stand-alone, oversized shower. His dick was definitely doing most of the thinking at this point. After all, Joel was thinking about him; and in his shower; oh and totally nude. Stepping out of his pants, Benji reasoned that he was only wanting to make sure his guest got good and clean after that terrible, chocolaty practical joke. Joel had just ask him for help, sort of, and who was Benji not to respond to such a desperate plea? He kicked his pants to the side and stripped off his boxers. Hearing Joel moan again, he opened the door.
The cooler air slapped against Joel’s water warmed body and he turned toward it instinctively, his erect cock still in his hand. “Benji?”
“Thought you might…need a hand…with your shower,” Benji breathed softly, closing the door behind him and standing a few feet away from Joel. The previous conflict between what was right and what was wrong, had faded away the instant he’d heard his name on Joel’s lips. For Benji, the only thing that mattered right now was the gorgeous, naked, wet teenager in front of him.
Joel gave a strangled chuckle and quickly let go of his cock, glad for the steamy water so Benji couldn’t tell he had just blushed beet red. “You heard me didn’t you?”
“Yeah, I did,” Benji said silkily and moved toward the younger man with the grace of a well honed predator. “You weren’t exactly quiet.”
Joel bit his bottom lip. “I wasn’t trying to be quiet; I wanted you to hear me.”
Benji inhaled sharply at Joel’s admission, his fully hardened prick pulsating wildly. “I believe you specifically requested my help.”
“I did,” Joel nodded, his eyes unfocused and blurry, but his chest rising and falling rapidly. Reaching out his hand, he felt Benji’s cool skin as he stepped into his palm, laying it flat on his chest. Joel sighed. “I’m glad you answered my call…so quickly.”
“You’re welcome,” Benji’s breath ghosted over Joel’s lips as he completely closed the distance between them. “Now, what do you need help with?”
Joel’s voice caught in his throat. Knowing he had no way of speaking, he simply took Benji’s hand and placed it on his thick, hard cock. Both men groaned as Benji squeezed Joel lightly, his other hand slipping around his waist to rest on the small of Joel’s back. Running his thumb over the crown, gently, Benji felt Joel’s gasp as well as heard it.
“Aw, baby you do need my help,” Benji crooned to the younger man, watching the myriad of emotions play across Joel’s face. “Why is it so hard? Have you been playing with yourself?”
“Yes,” Joel rasped out, his head falling forward and resting in the crook of Benji’s neck.
“What were you thinking about?” Benji began moving his palm up and down slowly, his thumb circling the head every time he brought his hand back down to the base of Joel’s cock.
“You,” Joel whined, his body jerking hard as his cock twitched wantonly in Benji’s hand. “Oh God my cock’s so stiff it hurts! You make it so fucking hard.”
Benji pushed his hips into Joel’s and opened his hand, sliding his own steely erection against Joel’s. “Feel this? You make mine really fucking hard too, baby.”
Joel’s mind reeled at the physical sensations but nothing could have prepared him for the emotional onslaught he felt every time Benji called him ‘baby’. It satisfied something so deep inside him just like it had that first time so many weeks ago. That simple endearing term made all of this so much richer, vibrant. This time, though, it was better. There were no drugs clouding his mind, it was all very real and so much more than he could ever have anticipated.
Nothing had ever made him feel like he was truly meant for this world. Joel had always thought of himself as an afterthought of nature: a fluke, something not meant to be or fit in anywhere in the grand scheme of things. But just like Benji had done from the very start, he made Joel embrace the possibility that maybe, just maybe, he was more than just a fuck up. With Benji, Joel had a sense of purpose, though he had no clue as to yet what that purpose might be. However, it felt good, blissfully good physically and emotionally. It felt like he belonged.
“Baby?” Benji moaned, rubbing his face against Joel’s as his hand continued to cradle and caress them both. “Do you want this?”
“Yes,” Joel said without hesitation, raising his head so his lips could blindly seek his lover’s. “Do you?”
Benji let go of a shuddering breath as his good sense reared it’s ugly head for a moment. “I do…but we really shouldn’t…fuck…I don‘t know if I can stop…”
Ring!
Benji’s hand stilled on their cocks as the phone rang again, shattering the tension like glass.
Suddenly, apprehension slivered down Joel’s spine. He looked up as best as he could into Benji’s eyes. “Benji?”
“I…I have to get that,” Benji rushed out, stumbling backwards, letting go of him and out of the shower. “Hurry up and finish your shower. You need to get home.”
Standing there stunned and crushed, Joel wrapped his arms around his midsection, as tears fell from his eyes. He could just hear Benji talking to someone. Mechanically, he turned off the shower and got out. Joel dried off in record time and snatched up the clothing Benji had laid out for him on the lavatory. Once he was dressed, he splashed his eyes with cold water and made sure he face looked as normal as he could manage. Somewhat satisfied, he exited the bathroom as Benji was heading back, still in a towel.
“Oh, hey,” Benji said, feeling a bit awkward now that Joel was dressed and he wasn’t. “Gimme a second.”
He waited until Benji had entered the bathroom, then Joel began feeling his way back to the living room. Upon locating his glasses and shoes, Joel started to pick up the mess they had made. It gave him something to do so that he wouldn’t give in to the tumultuous storm that was inside of him. Confusion reigned supreme in his heart and mind. Benji had given him a lot of conflicting signals and Joel was no longer sure about anything between them at all. Why had Benji pulled away? Had he done something wrong?
“You didn’t have to do that,” Benji said, rushing in to help him with the final bits of trash. “You are my guest.”
“I don’t mind,” Joel said in a low voice, trying to keep his feelings in check. Placing the glasses in the sink, he turned to Benji. “I believe I am ready to go if you are.”
Benji looked stricken. “Um, yeah, sure, just let me get my wallet and keys.”
They walked out to the car, Joel making sure he maintained a good distance between them both. Benji made as though he would open the door, but Joel beat him to it and slid into the car seat. Once Benji was inside, he started the car and they drove to Joel’s house in an uncomfortable silence.
“Okay, we are here,” Benji said, turning to Joel. His heart ached because he knew this was his fault. “Listen, Joel, about the shower…”
“I had a great time,” Joel interrupted him. “Maybe I’ll see you around sometime. Good night.”
Benji watched in shock as Joel got out of his car and practically ran to his front door. Jumping out, he went after him.
“Joel?”
Joel fumbled with his keys and dropped them at the unexpected sound of Benji’s voice so near. “Dammit!”
Benji reached down and picked up the keys, seeing as they were closer to him than Joel. “Here.”
Joel reached out to take them but Benji held on. “What did you mean you’ll ‘see me around sometime’?”
“Exactly what I said,” Joel bit out and tugged on the keys, but Benji refused to let go.
“You don’t want to see me anymore?” Benji asked, his voice tinged with pain.
“No,” Joel said, flustered. “I mean yes. I…oh hell! I don’t know!”
“Well which is it?” Benji pressed, his voice becoming irate. “It can’t be all three! Are you trying to confuse the issue on purpose? I don‘t like frustrating games so just be honest.”
“Confuse the issue?!” Joel put his hands on his hips. “Frustrating games?! Me? No, confusion is your game, Benji, not mine! And frustration is what I felt in your fucking bathroom, not that you would give a damn! Now give me my keys!”
Benji inadvertently glanced between Joel’s legs, making Joel blush furiously. “I was trying to explain about that, but you jumped out of the car like your ass was on fire.”
“I’m not going to discuss this on my porch in front of the entire world,” Joel spat back vehemently. “Give me my keys and get fucking lost!”
Benji let go and Joel whirled around, jamming the key in the door. Pushing it open, he walked in, assuming Benji had turned and left. To his shock, Benji walked right in and shut the door behind him.
“What the hell?”
“We aren’t done talking,” Benji shook his head, folding his arms across his broad chest. “You don’t want to talk in the car or on the porch…I’m afraid this is our only other option, baby.”
The endearment sent an unwanted jolt of pleasure through Joel. “Don’t call me baby.”
Benji raised his eyebrow. “You sure as hell liked it when I called you baby in the shower…and in the club.”
Joel’s mouth went dry at his words, stirring his blood in spite of his next protest. “None of that matters because I am sick of this fucking rollercoaster you have us on.”
“What rollercoaster?” Benji asked perplexed.
“First, you want to be friends but I want more and let you know this. You protest and insist we have to ‘wait‘ until I am out of school for some insane fucking reason. Don‘t interrupt me! I know it‘s those fucking laws but I still think they are insane,” Joel yelled, throwing his hands up as Benji closed his mouth on his rebuttal. Starting to pace back and forth, Joel worked himself up further. “So I reluctantly agree, but the next thing I know you are holding my hand and asking me out on a…a…”
“Date,” Benji supplied the word. He was a little taken aback at Joel’s outburst but it was riveting just the same. It was kind of…hot.
“Yes, a date,” Joel nodded, still pacing and waving his hands for emphasis. “You show up at my house looking fucking hot and then you freak out when we kiss. I try to understand and realize you are wanting more from me. I give it to you, gladly, and get chocolate dumped all over me for my effort.”
“Which I had nothing to do with,” Benji interjected, not at all angry, and fascinated by this new aggressive side of Joel’s personality. He knew it was strange, but he really liked it. His Joel was quite feisty!
“But which led me to your damned shower,” Joel retorted back, his cheeks pinked from his exertion and anger. “I moan your name cause I can’t help myself when I’m thinking about the hidden emeralds in your eyes and like magic, you appear! You ‘baby this’ and ‘baby that’ and before I know it, I am seconds away from pure ecstasy right there in the palm of your hand…but you are like a fucking boxer and get saved by the bell!”
“It was the phone, actually,” Benji corrected him, very nonplussed about it all even though Joel’s anger was nearly at top level. He knew Joel had had all he could take and what was once appealing, had suddenly changed in the last couple sentences. Benji could tell this was starting to hurt Joel because he could see it in the teen‘s eyes and face.
“I KNOW!” Joel screamed, angry tears welling up in his eyes. “But what I don’t know is what the fuck you want from me! So you know what? Fuck you! Just leave and forget you ever knew me!”
Benji stood there for a full minute, then opened his arms wide.
Joel looked at him disbelieving what he was seeing.
Benji raised his eyebrows and motioned Joel toward him with his hands.
“No.” Joel stood his ground although his entire being wanted to run into those arms.
“We both know you want to,” Benji said quietly, not budging an inch. “Just do it and if nothing else…it will be a good-bye sort of…thing.”
Joel’s heart twisted at that thought. He didn’t really want Benji to go, he was just tired of being thrown about emotionally. Sighing loudly, he walked willingly into the very arms he had adored since the first time they had held him.
Enveloping Joel in a secure, but gentle hug, Benji cuddled him into his body. “I’m sorry, Joel. I didn’t mean to confuse you.”
“I don’t know what you want,” Joel mumbled into Benji’s shoulder, his own arms locking about the older man’s waist. “I can’t take this.”
“Joel,” Benji murmured and pulled back so they could look into each other’s eyes. “I want you. But we can’t just bulldoze ahead physically as much as we may both want to do it. I’ll admit I was weak and I should never have pushed the limits tonight.”
“But I liked that part,” Joel pleaded, his voice shaky. “I just thought that maybe you…didn’t.”
Benji laughed softly. “Joel, I loved every second of it, trust me. But we can’t lose our heads…either set.” He glanced pointedly between their legs, causing Joel to give a weak smile. “I realize we both need to think about this. Six weeks is a long time to try and just be friends.”
“Especially when we were already intimate,” Joel whispered, his eyes gazing into Benji’s. “I…I think about that all the time.”
Benji let Joel’s words wash over him, blanketing him with heat. “You do?”
“Yeah, I do,” Joel nodded, his eyes darkening once again with that magnificent passion Benji was so intrigued by.
“I do too,” Benji admitted, his own eyes darkening, causing the emerald tendrils to radiate through.
“What are we going to do?” Joel asked, never relinquishing his hold on Benji.
“We are going to sleep on it,” Benji offered. “And figure out what is best for us. We have to redefine what it is we are wanting: decide what we can live with and what we can’t, then go from there, because there is one thing for certain…at least for me.”
“What?”
“I want to be a part of your life,” Benji said slowly, his words giving heartfelt truth. “And I want you to be part of mine as well. I’ll take that any way I can have it between now and your graduation, but we are going to have to decide exactly what that is…and stand by it.”
“I want that as well,” Joel agreed, his own words ringing with honesty.
“We just have to figure out our boundaries,” Benji said, his eyes searching Joel’s.
“So, no touching, kissing, or intimacy?” Joel asked, a sinking feeling inside.
“I didn’t say that,” Benji shook his head. “I said we have to redefine everything. The ‘hands-off’ policy obviously isn’t working too well for us, wouldn’t you agree?”
Joel laughed. “It sucks!”
“That it does,” Benji laughed with him, enjoying just holding him and looking in his eyes. “So, sleep on it, and we will get together tomorrow to figure it all out. Unless you’d rather ‘see me around sometime’?”
Joel rolled his eyes. “You aren’t going to let me live that down are you?”
“Not any time soon,” Benji grinned and pulled Joel chest to chest, squeezing him tightly. “It will all work out. We just have to give it time and be brutally honest about it all. Communication is key.”
“Yeah and ours needs some work,” Joel replied in Benji’s ear, longing to kiss him but refraining.
“That’s what we are doing right now,” Benji breathed back to him in his ear as well. “Sleep well, Joely. Give me a call when you wake up and are ready to talk.”
“I will, Benj,” Joel whispered with a smile at the nicknames, as they let go of each other. “Give me a call and let me know you made it home.”
“Why?” Benji asked as he opened the door, looking back at Joel curiously.
“Because,” Joel blushed. “I’ll worry about you.”
Benji smiled. “Okay, I’ll be sure to do it. And Joel?”
“Yeah?” Joel answered, watching as Benji turned around just outside the door.
“You are damn sexy when you are mad at me, baby.”
Author notes:
A/N2: Let me know what you think :) Other updates for other stories coming as well now that I feel better...so hang on ;)