I'll Be Chapter 2
Title: I'll Be (2/30)
Rating: NC-17
Pairings: Benji/Joel
Summary: Benji Madden is turning 23 today. He is starting a new job on Monday at the Lakeview County School System as the Administrator for all the buses, routes, and busdrivers in the county. Life is finally getting on track and he is just as happy not having to put up with the bother of a relationship. However, tonight, his friends have set him up with a very special birthday surprise...Joel Combs is turning 18 today. He is the reigning Chess Champion in the state of Maryland, three years running now, soon to be four. All his life, he has never fit in and is a terminal geek. When two of the most popular guys in his senior class offer to help him celebrate his birthday, how could he reisist...As the paths of these two men cross unexpectedly, will they be just another love suicide, never revealing their depth? Or will they be able to see that they belong together...and become the greatest fan of each other's life? (AU and Twins are not related...so no guilt, lol)
And cue the Disclaimer: I don’t own or know the Madden twins. This never happened. I have not, did not, and will never ever make any money off of this. The story is purely a work of fiction.
Notes: This is in answer to a song fic challenge issued by luvmeanspain for Edwin McCain's "I'll Be". therefore, it is likewise respectfully dedicated to her as well. I hope that she and all of you, enjoy reading as much as I did writing it.
Chapter 1 I'll Be Your Crying Shoulder part 1
Chapter 1 I'll Be Your Crying Shoulder part 2
Chapter 2 - The Strands In Your Eyes That Color Them Wonderful
“I hate to say I told you so…but I told you so!”
“Shut up, Tony,” Benji growled into his phone as he parked the bus outside of Lakeview High School.
Tony laughed gleefully into the phone. “You just don’t like it because I’m right.”
“For once,” Benji retorted, not really angry.
“Hey, I’m right all the time,” Tony protested and in the background Paul gaffed loudly. “Better watch it Pauly, or I’ll dress you up in that skirt…again.”
“TMI!” Benji half shouted into his phone taking it away from his ear for a second and shaking his head.
“You know you love it, Benj,” Tony teased. “Well, since you are being a bus…what was the word? Castrator? I take it you won’t be doing the town with us tonight, huh?”
Benji sighed, disappointed. “I won’t be done with the route in time to go to the city with you, so that would be a ‘no.’ Oh and it’s Administrator, you dick.”
“Watch yo language boi!” Tony went ghetto on him. “Da lil peeps ain’t use tuh dat shit!”
“Fo sho!” Benji laughed. “Alright, tell Paul I’m sorry I can’t come and I’ll give you a call tomorrow afternoon.”
Tony got quiet for a second before he answered. “Benji…you know we can stay in tonight.”
“No way,” Benji said, knowing exactly where this was going. “You guys are always touring and this is your chance for some fun. Now get going.”
“I know,” Tony agreed. “We just miss you. Haven’t seen you for like, 3 weeks.”
“Been busy, Tone,” Benji replied, squirming in the driver’s seat. “I really wanna make this job work.”
“I can see that,” Tony sighed. “Listen, are you sure we didn’t like make you mad at us somehow at your birthday party?” His voice was suspicious as usual. He and Paul knew something was up but they couldn’t quite put their fingers on it. Benji was very good at being evasive when he wanted to be.
“If I was still mad,” Benji said, exasperated. “I wouldn’t be talking to you! So no, you didn’t do anything to upset me and I am not angry at either of you.” He hadn’t told anyone what had happened that night nor had he told them about Joel. It wasn’t that he didn’t think Paul and Tony would understand. He just didn’t want to relive it. It was too damned painful. “I gotta run, Tone. The bell just rang.”
“Okay, but you better call,” Tony warned. “And I expect to see your sorry ass sometime this weekend…or I’ll send Paul over, dressed in a hotdog suit, to serenade you with a singing telegram while you’re at the office.”
Benji shuddered. He could just imagine that scenario. “In that case, I swear I’ll see you soon. Later.”
Putting his phone away, Benji stared out the window in front of him. He couldn’t count the times in the last 21 days he had looked up Josh’s phone number and almost called it. It had even gotten to point his finger was on send, but he would close the phone at the last minute. Try as he might, he couldn’t bring him self to intrude any further into Joel’s life. His reasoning screamed he’d done enough and that Joel could easily have called him from Josh’s phone…if he wanted to talk.
Leaning back into the corner of his seat, he propped his elbow on the window sill and tried to go over the latest stats on the buses in need of repair. The tedious task was interrupted by a commotion to his right, by the school. At first he thought it was a fight of some sort, but laughter started reaching his ears. He moved over to the door and was abhorred at what he saw.
A scrawny, red-haired kid that couldn’t have been more than 14, was stumbling away from two tall, athletic looking guys. One had blonde hair and seemed a bit uncomfortable to be pursuing the kid. The other boy had shoulder length brown hair and was laughing every time the frightened, smaller kid stumbled backward. Other kids were gathering and the brown haired boy seemed to be getting more aggressive. Raising his arm, he threw what looked like a book and hit the kid in the chest with it.
That was all Benji needed to get involved.
Striding off the bus, he was half way there when the scene before him changed. A thin boy, with curly black hair, and wearing a light, grayish blue sweater with thick glasses, intervened. He was shorter than the two antagonists by at least 4 or 5 inches, but he didn’t look intimidated by them in the least. Placing himself between the red-haired kid and the two boys he spoke too softly for Benji to hear. The boys just laughed and the brown haired kid turned started gyrating his hips. All the kids around them, laughed harder.
The boy with the glasses, didn’t back down. His next words were louder and the brown haired boy stepped forward, glaring down at him maliciously. Benji walked faster, sensing this was escalating. Just as he was in shouting distance, the other boy, the blonde, got the brown haired kid’s attention and they looked at Benji. Saying something softly to the kid with glasses, the boys turned and hurried away, all the other kids dissipating and going about their business.
Benji headed for the boy on the ground. The red haired boy looked up at him and gave him a small smile. Without a word, Benji extended his hand to the kid and helped him to his feet.
“Thanks man,” The red haired boy said to Benji and then turned to the boy with glasses. “I thought I was a goner.”
“Trevor, how many times have I told you not to walk alone after school?” The black haired boy’s attention was solely on his friend.
Benji’s head spun around at the sound of that voice and he looked at the boy with glasses hard. His jaw dropped open and his hands began to sweat. Everything in his world seemed to stop on a dime.
The boy with the glasses was his Joel!
Trevor laughed nervously. “I know, I know, but lucky for us he showed up.” He pointed to Benji.
Benji held his breath as Joel turned to look at him.
Joel looked curiously at the man and saw the Lakeview Co. polo shirt logo and realized he was a bus driver. As he looked up the man’s chest to his face, something tightened inside him. He gazed into a pair of gorgeous hazel eyes, much richer than his own. Each strand of green and brown was wrapped intimately with strands of deep gold. Joel was unsettled by the intensity of them and couldn’t understand why those eyes seemed to see straight into his soul. The man seemed familiar but Joel was certain he had never encountered this particular bus driver before. He was gorgeous and Joel knew he would definitely have remembered meeting him. Realizing he was staring at the guy, he smiled at the man and nodded. “Thanks. Trevor is right. It was most likely you that scared them off.”
Before Benji could answer him, several boys dressed similarly to Joel came striding up, calling his name. “Hey Joel, is Trevor okay?”
The instant Joel and Trevor turned toward the approaching boys, Benji whirled around and nearly ran to his bus. Climbing on board, his heart slammed rapidly in his chest as he fell into his seat. His breath came out in pants, not from exertion, but from the shock of having seen the one person he had thought of constantly for the past 3 weeks. The person he thought he would never see again.
The same one who did not attend Lakeview High School according to his brother Josh.
“Evidently he does,” Benji whispered, his mind reeling. He snuck a glance to his right and saw Joel still talking to the boys. Trevor was looking around and Benji quickly turned to look out his left window, not wanting to chance them seeing him. He knew that reaction was kind of asinine but it was a knee jerk type of defense. Benji needed time to think this through.
As he started to calm down, Benji felt a conflict arise inside of him. He’d been glad to see Joel. It had been wonderful. However, Joel hadn’t given him the same reaction. He had looked at Benji as though he were a stranger. That had hurt much more than Benji wanted to admit. At first, Benji thought he’d seen some interest in the way Joel had looked at him, but he knew that had just been his own dick thinking. Obviously, Benji was something Joel wanted to forget.
Benji wished now he’d never seen him again.
Sitting there in pain, it took a moment for Benji to become aware that kids were tapping on the door of his bus. Swinging the door open for them, he smiled and nodded to them, not trusting his voice at the moment. All he wanted to do was to get this job over with and go home. Even though tomorrow was Saturday, Benji fully intended on coming into work. By Monday, he would have 10 more bus subs hired and he was never doing this again…at least not for the high school.
“Hey there you are!” Trevor’s nasal voice jarred him out of his thoughts.
“Oh yeah, hey,” Benji smiled, not really wanting to do so. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah, I’m fine, thanks to you and Joel,” Trevor nodded as a couple of his friends pushed on past him and into the bus.
“What happened? I mean who were those guys?” Benji asked, his curiosity getting the better of him.
“Those guys are just the school jerks…err…jocks,” Trevor answered, grimacing. “The blonde guy was Brandon and the other one was Ty.”
The names made Benji even more interested. Weren’t those the guys that gave Joel the ecstasy? “Do they bother you and Joel a lot?”
“Dude, you know Joel?” Trevor’s eyes widened.
“Uh, no, I just…heard you say his name,” Benji covered and hoped it would pass.
“Oh,” Trevor nodded, buying it. “Well, yeah, they’ve tormented us ever since I can remember back in 9th grade. There was a time a few weeks ago, it looked like they were gonna finally grow up and make peace with us. But they screwed Joel over royally and it’s just gotten a lot worse.”
Benji nodded, digesting the information. “That sucks.”
Trevor blinked at Benji’s wording then grinned. “It’s life at Lakeview. If you are anything other than a jock, cheerleader, or preppie, life can be rough.”
“I hear you,” Benji said ruefully.
“Anyway, thanks again,” Trevor smiled and headed back to his buddies.
Benji waited as other kids boarded and glanced at his watch. It was time to leave.
“Okay, please hurry and be seated,” He said to the last couple of teenagers that got on, closing the door behind them and standing to address the bus. “You look like a pretty cool group so I won’t bore you with a long speech. I am Benji Madden and I will be your sub driver today. It’s Friday, you want to get home so you can start your weekend, and so do I. Mind the rules of the bus: no fighting, loud talking, and everyone stay in their seat. Everybody got it?”
The bus echoed with affirmations and giggles.
“Great,” Benji smiled. “Then let’s roll.”
Getting back in his seat, Benji started the bus. The buses in front of them had already begun to move. Shifting his bus in gear, Benji eased forward. He kept telling himself that he was glad Joel hadn’t boarded his bus. It was good that he was gone. Benji stepped on the gas and started the long route, knowing that he was lying.
An hour and a half later, Benji pulled back up to the school. His back ached from being unused to driving the big bus and he felt drained from his encounter with Joel. Parking the bus in its usual spot, Benji headed to the small office to put up the keys. Every step he took, his body still felt like he was on the moving bus. Making a mental note to have the shocks on each bus checked, he hung up the keys in their slot and locked the door.
The cool day was more reminiscent of the recent winter rather than the 1st of April. Clouds had moved in since the afternoon and Benji could smell rain in the air. Considering the date, he wondered why Tony and Paul hadn’t tried anything. Very unlike both of them to let such a ‘holiday’ come and go without ‘observing’ it to the fullest. Thinking of his apartment, he decided he might want to be careful entering it tonight. Knowing those two, they probably paid him a visit or something. He smiled at the thought and took out his keys to his car.
Once Benji got it started, he pulled out of the bus area and into the student parking lot, ready to head out. The big lot was empty, save for one student carrying a book bag. He was just leaving the school and wasn‘t far into the lot. Benji stared hard, the dark hair catching his eye. Something else held his attention too. The boy was wearing a coat that looked quite familiar. Trying not to speed up, he headed toward the figure. The closer he got, the more sure he was of the coat and who was wearing it. Pulling up beside the boy, he watched as the kid tensed up, looking warily at the strange vehicle. When he did, Benji saw his face and ached as he realized it was indeed his coat…and Joel was the one who had it on!
Benji stopped the car and got out before he even thought about it.
“Oh it’s you,” Joel smiled at him and relaxed his stance putting his hand over his chest. “You scared me there for a minute, Mr. Bus Driver.”
“Sorry about that, Joel. I didn’t mean to,” Benji said smiling, not realizing he had used his name.
Joel dropped his book bag. “B-Benji?”
“Yeah?”
Joel felt the world spin around him. He now understood why this man had seemed so familiar to him and yet he hadn’t been able to place his face. It was because he had never seen Benji’s face properly. Un-named emotions ripped through him at breakneck speed. This was the man…the voice…he had been dreaming of, obsessing over, for the last three weeks! He had tried to call him, but Josh had ‘accidentally’ erased his number. Since that hadn’t worked, he had even gone back to Sticks ‘n’ Stones…twice…hoping Benji would show back up. And to think, Benji had been driving a bus the whole time…
That thought started to make Joel very angry.
“Are you okay?” Benji asked nervously, shifting his feet.
“You’re a bus driver,” Joel stated and it sounded like an accusation.
“Uh, no, well, yes, sort of,” Benji answered, taken aback by the tone in Joel’s voice.
“Which is it: yes or no?” Joel pressed, his voice still disgruntled.
Benji sighed. “I am the Bus Administrator for the entire county.”
“And you just happen to ‘drive’ for the county, as well,” Joel mocked him, crossing his arms over his chest and forgetting his book bag. “Makes perfect sense.”
“Why are you being such a dick?” Benji asked, frowning.
“Why talk to me now, huh?” Joel continued, ignoring Benji’s question. “Your bus is always in the same spot and I always walk with Trevor to the buses. You’ve watched me for 3 weeks yet you are just now making contact. I want to know why.”
Benji blinked. “I haven’t watched you for the past 3 weeks, I swear! All of my bus subs were busy or unavailable today and I had to drive for once. Believe me, I had no idea you even went here, much less that you always came by that bus! Besides, you would have seen me had I been driving regularly and recognized me.”
“Oh yeah, considering my damn glasses got broken that night and I am blind as a fucking bat without them,” Joel yelled throwing up his hands as a rain drop hit his head. “I would most certainly have not recognized you. It didn't even register who the fuck you were until I finally heard your sexy voice!”
A raindrop hit Benji’s head but he didn’t notice. His mind was reeling at this revelation. “You never saw my face?”
“Not clearly,” Joel said after a moment, his anger starting to fade as he considered for the first time that maybe Benji was really telling the truth. “It was fuzzy and disjointed. By sight alone, I could never have recognized you.”
“Oh,” Benji said, his mind going to the other comment Joel had made and he couldn’t help a small smile. “You think I have a sexy voice?”
Joel blushed furiously, folding his arms back over his chest self-consciously. “Was there something you wanted?”
At a loss what to say, Benji stared at Joel. It was clear Joel didn’t appreciate him intruding in his life. That made Benji’s throat constrict. Lowering his head, his eyes fell to the jacket Joel was wearing. If Joel hated him so much, why was he still wearing Benji’s coat? From the look of the kid’s clothes, watch, and book bag, Joel wasn’t hurting for money. Benji was sure he had other coats. So why wear his? A warm feeling spread through his veins as a possible reason came to him as to the why. Two raindrops plopped on his hand.
Taking a chance, Benji knew he should not take because the situation had changed, he said, “Yeah, I do want something. I know that what happened was…awful. But I was hoping that…well that maybe in spite of what was bad, maybe we could make some good come out of it.”
“How?” Joel asked genuinely interested. Although he was still trying to sort through the information and emotions, he knew he would really like to be near this man. He hoped Benji had a good plan.
“I’d like to get to know you,” Benji rushed out, hoping to stave off any objections from Joel until he’d said his peace. “No pressures or expectations, just two guys, working on a solid friendship.”
Joel considered this carefully. Deep inside, he was leaping for joy. This was just the opportunity he had been wanting. If he and Benji were interacting more together, then there was a greater possibility that something…more, might come of it.
“We kind of did things backwards,” Benji continued and more raindrops fell. “Literally put the cart before the horse. I know we can’t undo what’s been done, but I do think we could find a silver lining to the cloud. I mean if we leave things as they are, those two jerks that did this to you…they won. But if we rise above it, and make something good out of it, well then ultimately those assholes lose.”
The argument was sound and Joel knew it. “I think you may be right.”
Just then, the sky decided to open up and start pouring rain.
Opening his passenger door, Benji motioned to Joel. “Get in!”
Joel hesitated a second, then picked up his book bag and complied. Benji shut the door for him and ran over to the driver’s side and slid in. They both sat there for a few moments, staring at the dashboard.
“Joel?”
Slowly, Joel turned his head to Benji. He couldn’t stop staring at Benji’s wonderful eyes. Their color was radiant and he truly did adore them now that he had seen them clearly. Being this close to him, was almost too much for Joel to handle. He had accepted that Benji was most likely telling him the truth about the bus. With that acceptance came a renewed desire to be with him. Joel realized that Benji was probably just here because of guilt, but it meant so much to him to be sitting here. He didn’t want it to end.
“What do you say?” Benji asked. “Shall we try being friends?”
Joel bit his lower lip. “Is friendship all that you want…from me?”
That was a difficult question for Benji. The truth was no, he wanted friendship and much more. However, he didn’t want to scare Joel off either. On top of that, he had his job to consider. It complicated matters greatly that Joel was in the Lakeview’s school system. He tried to work out a compromise so that he could answer, truthfully, yet keep Joel from running away from him too.
“For now, yes,” Benji said sincerely. “But I won’t lie and say I wouldn’t like for there to possibly be more…later on, after you are out of school. What about you?”
“Why would it matter if I am out of school or not?” Joel asked bewildered. “I already turned 18. I’m legal.”
“I work for the school, Joel,” Benji said quietly. “They have rules and actual laws, even, about dating students.”
“Oh,” Joel said, his eyebrows rising higher above his black rimmed glasses. “I hadn’t thought about that.”
Benji sighed heavily. “Just admitting that to you, I’m putting my life in your hands. If you wanted to, you could get me in a lot of trouble…for what I’ve already done.”
“First,” Joel pointed out. “You didn’t do it on purpose. It was a total accident. Second, nobody knows about it except my brother, unless you told someone?” Benji shook his head no. “Third, I know you don’t know me very well but you have to believe me that I would never do something like that to you.”
“I do believe you,” Benji replied looking deeply into Joel’s chocolate brown eyes. “I believed you wouldn’t do it, even before I told you. I just want you to understand why we have to keep this on the up and up. My job is important to me and I would never knowingly violate their code of ethics and conduct, let alone break the law.”
Silently, Joel made a mental note to check on that ‘law’ so he could see just how much trouble Benji could really get in. In Joel’s mind, he was 18 and it shouldn’t matter one wit to anybody if he and Benji fucked like rabbits! That thought made him blush again and heat seared his body. Swallowing hard, he looked back at Benji. “I want us to be friends, but I don’t want us to limit it from being more, if it turns in to it, okay? I agree to be cautious and I swear I won‘t do anything to hurt you or your job. Just don‘t limit us, alright?”
Benji felt desire hot and heavy knife through his body. “I’ll try not to. That’s the best I can offer until you are out of school, Joel.”
Sighing Joel nodded. “I do understand. I’m not sure if I like it, but I understand it. And I do want this…for us to be closer. I don‘t want those jerks to win.”
Their eyes locked and heat exploded in the car. All of the windows fogged up as they both gloried in the fact that they would at least be together in some way. It wasn’t the way either of them wanted, however. The sexual tension in the car was nearly unbearable. Both men were struggling in what each thought was his own private battle to maintain civility and not passionately attack the other.
“Can I take you home?” Benji asked, wanting to take him home with him, instead of the implied meaning.
Joel’s eyes fell to Benji’s mouth as his choice of words affected him in a different way than intended. Take him? Why, yes! Benji could take him wherever he wanted to: that was fine with him.
Benji noticed Joel’s wandering eyes and felt weak.
“Um, sure,” Joel answered, turning to look out the window to his right. He had to distract himself. Benji was starting to affect him physically and if it kept up, Benji would be able to tell.
When Joel turned away, Benji ached. He didn’t want Joel to leave him now that he had found him again. Picking up the keys, he started to put it in the ignition, but fumbled and dropped them in the floor between them. Both men reached for the fallen keys at the same time and their hands touched. Joel’s hand had made it first and Benji covered that hand with his own. As they each raised their arms and sat back, their hands came up, still together, with the keys. Their eyes stayed steadfast on their hands.
Twisting his wrist so the palm was up beneath Benji’s palm, Joel opened his hand with the keys in them. “Here are your keys, Benji.”
The sound of his name on Joel’s lips drove Benji wild. Using his left hand, he reached between their hands and took the keys…then put his palm flat against Joel’s palm. He heard Joel inhale sharply and felt him thread his fingers through Benji’s, daring to look up at him again. Reasoning to himself that it was just hand holding, and quite harmless, Benji rubbed his thumb across the back of Joel’s hand, feeling him shiver minutely.
“Thanks for the keys,” Benji whispered softly, squeezing his hand and staring back at him.
A smile played on Joel’s lips and Benji returned it.
The rain continued to pour down, its beautiful rhythm providing background music for them. For some, it may not have seemed like much, but to Joel, it was the most romantic thing he had ever done in his life. His hand was clasped by the man who had known him in the most intimate of ways. This same man had done everything in his power to right the wrongs of that night. And now, even after Joel had been rude to him, and tried to act indifferent, Benji was rubbing his thumb back and forth over the back of Joel’s hand as they looked into each other’s wondrous eyes. Joel’s only fear was that Benji might let him go.
Benji could have stayed this way forever. Joel was beside him and looking at him with such a soft, unguarded expression on his beautiful face. Of all the scenarios he had envisioned of the two of them meeting again, this definitely had not been one of them, but he wouldn’t change a thing. Joel kept a steady pressure with his fingers, and it felt so good to him. It told him that Joel wanted to make sure he didn’t leave. The amazing boy wanted him to stay. And in spite of the fact he knew that he really should just let him go, Benji knew Joel had nothing to worry about. He had no intention of leaving.
“Would you like to get something to eat and maybe, watch a movie at my house?” Benji asked tentatively, not completely sure if Joel would say yes and praying he didn’t ruin the mood.
A surge of happiness went through Joel as his smile widened. “I’d like that, Benji. I’d really like that a lot.”
Benji all out grinned. “Great, well I’ll take you home first so you can get ready and I’ll pick you up at…7:00. Will that give you enough time?”
Glancing at his watch, Joel nodded. “Yeah that gives me a couple of hours.”
With one last squeeze, Benji reluctantly let go of Joel’s hand. They both put on their seatbelts and Benji turned on the defroster to un-fog the windows as he started the car. Shifting it in gear, as soon as Benji had it moving, he put his hand back down. Joel had been watching for it. His hand made contact with Benji’s and they entwined their fingers once again.
“Is this okay?” Joel indicated to their hands. He kicked himself for asking but he didn’t want Benji to be uncomfortable.
Looking down at their hands, Benji squeezed Joel’s tightly. “It’s better than okay. It’s perfect.”