home sick today.
yesterday just about killed me.
i hold in all the pain and insanity of my office life and it makes manifest in my body - bones, muscles, blood vessels, tendons and capillaries....
PETECHIAL HEMORRAGES...
my entire body feels suseptible to the crush and pop of pressure.
little red dots alarming the physician that something is amiss.... ( Read more... )

since today reminded me of many other days of self-pity and worthlessness, the following post from my past rings true to me today:

i didn't mean to figure this out... this wasn't an analysis that i labored to make - it instead just happened upon me like an old penny or a summer cold. (section omitted - irrelevant to today's feelings of invisibility)

( Read more... )

the dark cool of early morning seduced me out of bed.
long soft fingers tickled down my neck,
traced my clavicle and the sternum between my breasts.
goose fleshed and aroused, i walked from my room.
the loud of silence echoed in my head.
the flow of hot shower water coaxed me into awareness
and my dreams came flooding in.
trying to scrub the shame from ( Read more... )

that time has come again when i am open and aching with an intense longing to be filled.
this desire is normal for me -
but the parts hungry;
open;
craving;and
salivating-
differ.
my soul,
my mind,
my body or
my heart.
today in the halloween acid house,
it is my soul-body that longs...
to be penetrated...
deeply...
completely.
to feel the rip of my tightness-
feel ( Read more... )

hard hammer of a hang over
pounds my subconscious
shaken baby it
til limp death.
loud electric light
staple guns eye lids open.
grave risen hands
punch thru floor tiles
grabbing my chair legs
gluing them stuck.
willowing walls close in
opening wide to white screen.
flicker click of the projector
fuck screams my ears.
trachea wraps around itself
contorting my neck
( Read more... )

pimped pain - the day in the life of a situation pimp ( Read more... )