Superman Tonight (24/?)
Title: Superman Tonight (24/?)
Author: lonelyphoenix85
Rating: R overall, mainly for the odd swear-word
Genre: Pre-slash, angst, hurt/comfort
Pairing: Sam/Gabriel pre-slash, Dean/Cas pre-slash, Aziraphale/Crowley slash
Spoilers: through to Changing Channels (5x08)
Warnings: None
Word Count: 3791 (this part, 54540 total so far)
Disclaimer: It only belongs to me when I'm dreaming! Bon Jovi owns the song its beginning (and title) are based around, and the rest is property of the almighty Kripke!
Author's Note: Just wanted to say thanks to my fantastic beta for this story, loveinstars - you're awesome!
Another Note: More huge apologies for the long delay in updating - life has been crazy lately with prep for my best friend's wedding in 3 weeks, so I haven't had much chance to sit in front of the computer. Also, I'm just going to take this opportunity to pimp the comm I'm co-modding with loveinstars - Sabriel's Everlasting Birthday Challenge - Go take a look, sign-up, leave prompts and maybe even claim one or two *grins*
Previous Chapters: | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 | 22 | 23 |
And now:
Gabriel’s own memories were mocking him.
Was this his punishment, he wondered? His just desserts for two thousand years of doing as he damn well pleased?
He’d never had a chance at fixing things, had he? Oh, he’d fooled himself into hoping, but Castiel’s anger, his hurt…it went too deep, had been left to fester for too long.
Michael’s lies to the younger Angel had ruined any chance he had of being forgiven, Gabriel thought angrily.
The dream had dredged up memories he'd rather leave forgotten - he didn't want to think about any of it, not now. The past taunted him, and he just wanted it all to stop. Why wouldn't it just stop?
He wasn’t sure how long he’d been there before he realised something was…off…
Lost in a sea of pain and longing, Gabriel took longer than he should have to register the growing ache in his Grace.
An ache that centred on his bond with Sam…
The thought was barely wholly formed when he felt a burning flare from the deepest part of his Grace, and there was a flash of almost-blinding Grace-light.
*Well, almost blinding to me…I wonder how many poor mortal sods saw that?* he wondered absently.
*Can Archangels hallucinate?* he wondered feeling slightly disconnected from his surroundings as he tried to process what he was seeing. He couldn't possibly be seeing what he thought he was seeing.
That couldn’t possibly be his human Bond-mate lying in the snow in front of him.
Well, except for the fact that it very obviously was.
All thoughts of the past were gone in less than a blink of an eye, the memories which had plagued him moments earlier pushed aside by this incredible, dangerous, inexplicable occurance.
He couldn't catch what Sam mumbled before his eyes drifted shut, the hunter's thoughts a whirlwind of worry and exhaustion too chaotic for Gabriel to get a real read on what was going on.
His mind raced. How was Sam here? Why?
Anger flared - *Stupid, reckless, idiotic…!* - briefly, and then a cold harsh fear settled somewhere near the pit of his stomach.
Never-mind the sheer impossibility of it - Sam was here, and he was also quite clearly unconscious and led in freezing cold snow after having subjected himself to Dad only knows what to get here.
He was kneeling in the snow and gathering the sprawled figure to him before even a full second had passed, and was on the verge of taking off for somewhere warmer - safer - when he froze.
What if further exposure to Gabriel’s Grace pushed Sam’s body past it’s limits? He’d already survived exposure to it once - but that could just mean that he was one straw away from breaking…
Gabriel settled back to sit with his legs tucked beneath him, the large figure of his human resting half on his lap and half in the snow.
What should he do?
*Okay, first thing’s first - he’s breathing. That’s good. That’s going in the huge honking ‘plus’ column,* Gabriel thought with a slight flash of a grin. *He’s unconscious, which is bad, but…* Gabriel paused mid-thought, zeroing in with his eyes on the hunter’s closed ones.
He could’ve sworn…
A slight flicker of movement beneath the eyelids had Gabriel fighting to keep calm again.
*Not unconscious! Shit! Sleeping, and at a time when even the Grace required to enter his dream could kill him…maybe Luci’ll stay away because of that?*
Even as he thought it Gabriel shook his head…his brother wouldn’t know the risk.
Thinking quickly, the Archangel threw up every ward he could think of around the mountain-top. It would be a whooping great ‘something to see here’ sign to anyone looking, but should be able to hold pretty much anything back, physical or otherwise, for as long as he could keep it up. He could worry about escaping whatever attention he drew later.
*Right - alive, check. Asleep, but safe, check. Absolutely insane, double…no, triple check! Bloody Winchesters!*
Thoughts of Castiel forgotten for now, Gabriel focused his attention entirely on his hunter. He needed to see what damage had been done. The ‘how in the bloody hell it was possible’ could wait.
His focus shifted as he ignored Sam’s physical self completely. He needed more than just a glance at the hunter’s soul this time - he needed to see every last inch, inspect every last thread for anything that could be harmful in the future.
His frown, when it formed, was one not of worry, but confusion.
Sam’s soul appeared unharmed, which in and of itself was a miracle, but the expected damage wasn’t the only thing missing.
The patches of Grace that had held the soul together, that he had woven through the very fabric of it, were gone. A smooth, flawless, whole soul stared out at him, shining with a strength and magnificence that awed him.
Terror quickly supplanted awe as realisation hit.
What had he done?
It wasn’t enough that he’s forced Sam into a Bond - a Bond the hunter had accepted without anger or recrimination, despite the intensely personal nature of the connection - no, that just wasn't enough, was it?
With the Bond he’d taken Sam’s freedom, and now…
Now his Grace had stolen the hunter’s humanity.
SPNSPNSPN
"For what he's done for us, Gabriel's earned my trust - whether you think he deserves it or not."
Castiel's face was unreadable, his reaction to the rather bold statement a mystery.
Dean didn't like mysteries.
He didn't regret the declaration though. He'd had some time to think it over and he was sure that Gabriel was on the level.
"Whatever he did for you whilst I was unable to help, I do not doubt that he had only his own interests at heart Dean - until we know his motivations, we cannot predict his actions, and until we can predict his actions we cannot trust him."
"His motivations make more sense to me than anything in this whole damn Apocalypse, Cas! His own interests match mine so well right now that it's fucking insane - right now, at this moment, I trust Gabriel more than anyone Cas, because his interests lie in keeping the two most important things in my world safe."
He didn't miss the flash of hurt from Castiel at his words, but he refused to take them back - they were the truth.
As much as he loved and trusted Bobby, the hunter would go against his wishes if he thought it was in Dean's best interest. He wouldn't protect what Dean cared about if it meant not protecting Dean too.
As much as he loved his brother, it would be a while before he could trust him properly again. He wanted to - he just couldn't quite banish the niggling doubts, not yet. Not when Sam had lied to him again only two days ago.
And as much as he trusted his Angel, he knew that Castiel didn't share his priorities. Cas had lied about his health, had been letting himself die without even a word of warning to Dean. He was too willing to sacrifice himself for the hunter.
It was Gabriel's selfish desires that gave Dean the assurance he needed to trust the Archangel, as odd as that might seem to anyone else. Gabriel didn't give a shit about Dean, or Bobby, beyond how their lives impacted Sam and Cas. He didn't care about anything except keeping his bond-mate and his brother alive and kicking, and that was something Dean could get behind one hundred percent.
"Since Gabriel showed up two days ago, he's saved Bobby's life and your life, and he's helping save Sammy's sanity. He wants Sam safe, he wants you safe, and he wants his family to stop fucking dying."
"Dean..." Castiel tried to interrupt, but was cut off.
"With him on-side... Cas, I can mouth-off to your Brothers and the demons, and say no to Mikey until the cows come home. But I can't keep you all safe - I don't know how. I'm not strong enough..."
"You have far more strength than you give yourself credit for Dean..."
"No.... No, I'm not stupid Cas - I'm determined, and I'm a damn stubborn sonuvabitch, but that's not going to win this thing, is it? I mean let's face it - let's be realistic for a second here okay? If Michael gets tired of trying to stick to prophecy he could flatten me, and Sammy, and the whole damn world without breaking a sweat. I'm spitting at a fucking forest fire to try and put it out, but sooner or later we're all gonna burn. Gabriel might not give a shit about the world, but he's offering to help us save it because it matters to you and Sam, and he just might have enough swing to pull it off."
"And he might decide it's too much trouble and let you burn, Dean."
"I don't think so - - - you didn't see him Cas. When you were dying..." Dean paused, trying to find the words to convince his Angel, to explain why he was so certain.
"The look in his eyes when you were dying...I'd seen it before," Dean muttered, almost to himself, as he realised why he was so sure he was right about Gabriel despite their chequered past. "I saw it in the mirror the day I sold my soul to save Sam."
Cas looked like he was about to respond, but Dean cut him off before he could start, wanting to give the Angel all the facts before he could try arguing again.
"It almost killed him, you know. If it hadn't been for my egg-headed little brother, Gabriel would've bled out on Bobby's bedroom floor."
"That is impossible Dean - his Grace can heal any injury that does not immediately kill him, given enough time..."
"He'd been suppressing it, to keep you alive long enough to fix you up. Apparently he left it too late - the wounds from Zach's goons were fatal, until Sammy called the reinforcements."
"Reinforcements...?"
"Long story...for now let's just leave it at 'They fixed him up', because right now I'm more interested in what happened next. You woke up, and decided running off was a good freaking idea. Care to explain that?"
SPNSPNSPN
As much as he wanted more information on their current situation, Castiel had known Dean long enough to realise that he wasn't going to get anywhere until he had explained his own actions to his human...
...his Bond-mate, he thought in wonder.
Had Dean really chosen this? Could Gabriel have been telling the truth?
"It was brought to my attention that I may not have been in possession of all the necessary information when I left earlier. Dean..." Castiel paused, unsure how to phrase the question. "Dean, how aware are you of the measures my Brother took to prevent my demise?"
"Oh."
Dean's response threw him - the hunter's voice was soft, barely a breath of a word, but emotions - disappointment, hurt, guilt - rushed along their Bond. By the time Castiel had managed to suppress them adequately, Dean had already started talking again.
"Look Cas, I know you didn't ask for this - I just...I couldn't let you die. I didn't know what else to do - Gabe was there and he had a solution, so I took it. I know I'm not exactly a prize, and I can't even begin to imagine how you must feel being tied to me like this, but...Fuck, Cas! You were dying, what was I supposed to do?"
"Dean, I..." He tried to interject, but was cut off almost immediately.
"Do you want me to say I'm sorry Cas? Is that it? Well fuck that! I'm not sorry. You nearly killed yourself, for me! What the hell were you thinking? You think I want that on my head? I'm not damned enough for starting the freaking Apocalypse, I need to get one of the very few good Angels killed too?"
"Dean." Castiel's voice was forceful, and he let just a touch of power seep into it.
He watched in satisfaction as the hunter stopped talking, and looked at him with wide-eyes.
It appeared that Gabriel had told him the truth - Dean was not ignorant of what had been done. It also appeared, however, that his Bond-mate thought that he would be angry with him for it. That he would not wish to be Bonded to his Righteous Man.
He did not understand why the hunter would believe this, but it was a concern that he could lay to rest now.
"Do you believe that I am angry with you for allowing Gabriel to Bond us together?" he asked slowly.
Dean looked slightly unsure, but offered a tentative reply.
"Uh...yeah?"
"That belief is ill-founded - I am not angry that a Bond now exists between us. It was reckless of you to risk yourself in this way, but recklessness is a trait I am coming to believe is woven into the very core of your being. You were lucky that you suffered no ill-effects..."
"Wouldn't've mattered as long as it worked."
Castiel fought the urge to roll his eyes at Dean's insistent tone, and continued on regardless.
"...and that, for whatever reason, in this instance Gabriel was true to his word. I am sorry that you have lost your freedom in this way, but I will strive to limit the effects the Bond will have on your every-day life."
"Okay, we're gonna talk about what you mean by that freedom thing later," Dean said, raising one eyebrow slightly. "But if you're not pissed, why'd you run off like that?"
"Your initial response to my questions at the time led me to believe that you were unaware of what had occurred between us."
"...You thought Gabriel lied to me about what he was doing?"
"I did. I was not willing to subject you to a life-Bond you had not agreed to, so I left to provide myself with the distance I would require to sever the Bond."
"You what?! You didn't did you? Shit! Cas, that Bond was the only thing keeping you alive... Fuck - we need to get you back to Gabriel, before you get worse again..."
"Dean!" Castiel barked, cutting off the hunter's panicked rant. "My Brother found me before I was able to complete the process - he convinced me to stop, at least until I could speak with you and discover the truth for myself."
"So you didn't break it? You're okay?"
The relief in his Bond-mate's voice was nothing to the emotion bombarding Castiel through their Bond, and he took a moment to marvel at the purity of it.
"I am well," Castiel paused, wanting to say more - wanting to ask... "You...you truly do not regret that we are bound for eternity, do you?"
What had started as a question became a tentative statement as he felt Dean's reaction well up within him.
"Not unless you're planning to start acting like your douche-bag brothers in the future, dude," Dean answered with a smirk fixed firmly in place.
Castiel wondered at the contrast between the cocky young man in front of him and the lonely, terrified, desperate soul he could feel inside him. Was this what the hunter's brash remarks and ill-advised humour usually masked?
"I believe I may safely promise you that that will not happen - if for no other reason than that your influence through the Bond would not, I think, allow it to."
"My influence?"
"There is a great deal more to a life-Bond than a simple connection Dean - I... If you would allow me, I could show you a little of it?"
Castiel wasn't sure what made him offer - he certainly hadn't planned to. He didn't even know if it would be possible, but the thought that his Mate was unable to sense their Bond as he could pained him, and here he had an opportunity to try to rectify it, at least a little.
"Show me how?"
In spite of his wary words, Castiel felt the trust that Dean had in him - a trust the hunter's earlier words had made him believe lost - and he decided to use action to answer.
Allowing the relief and pleasure Dean's trust in him created to fill him, he focused on broadcasting it along the Bond.
The expression of confusion that filled his Mate's face was quickly over-taken as realisation set in, and disbelieving awe replaced it. Castiel fed the emotions that arose from Dean's reaction back into the Bond, and the tension that had filled the hunter since their arrival finally left him as he sank to the floor, sitting with his back against the wall as he stared up at Castiel with wonder in his eyes.
Information about their current situation could wait, Castiel decided. Right now, this was what mattered - taking care of his Bond-mate was what was important.
SPNSPNSPN
He had been a touch reluctant to explain where Samuel had gone and how to his surrogate father - Bonds were intensely personal things after all, and whilst Sam might not mind details being shared, Gabriel almost certainly would when he returned.
Finally, over a cup of tea that was more than a little Irish - the whiskey was medicinal since the poor dear was, Aziraphale thought, probably edging towards shock after such a trying day! - he had convinced the hunter that what had happened was exactly what had been supposed to happen, and that it was highly unlikely that Sam was in any danger. He might just be a little while, depending on how badly off the Archangel was.
In truth he'd felt a little bad about misleading the older human with that last bit of information, but really, it was true - it just hinged a tiny bit on a person's understanding of the term 'little while'. After all, to someone who'd been around since the Beginning the Hundred Years War lasted barely the blink of an eye...
He hoped that he had done the right thing, sending the boy. If Gabriel had shut down as badly as last time the poor thing would starve to death long before the Archangel could bring him back. He was almost certainly right though, he was sure - the shock the Bond-walk would give to his Grace should shake him out of it, and then both Gabriel and Samuel would be right as rain.
It would all be okay in the end, he was sure.
Robert had left a few minutes ago muttering something about having a business to run, Apocalypse or no, and leaving Aziraphale alone with Crowley for the first time since they'd been summoned that morning.
He settled back quietly with his tea-cup, and watched his Demon as he perused the hunter's bookshelves.
"... ... ...Hah! Hastur's been looking for this for three hundred years! Had a few lesser demons strung up by Alaistair for stealing it over the last few decades too, but never could find it... ... ..."
A few moments of silence followed before he found another title of interest.
"This one's not even the real thing! I should know - burned the real one, didn't I?"
"Burned, dearest?" Aziraphale asked worriedly.
"Evil, wasn't it? Not just nefarious - that might've been interesting. This could've kick-started...well, this whole mess, actually. Only a lot sooner. Snuck it out and dropped it into a volcano that was erupting in Alaska while Hell was doing its Chicken Little impression, didn't I?"
"You shouldn't have risked it dear - not when they were all so angry with you..."
"They were never gonna be not angry Angel - whoever said Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned never saw Hell scorned, did they? Foolsss... Didn't want to have to deal with this again - Apocalypse shouldn't have a plural."
*No, dearest...it shouldn't,* he thought, placing his empty tea-cup on the side-table.
"Angel..." Crowley began, before moving over to the sofa beside him. "Their Bond...is it really...?"
"Fiunt Una Perpetuum? I believe so."
"How?"
It was a very good question, and one to which there was only one answer he could give...
"It must be The Plan - Ineffable, isn't it dearest? So it can only be The Plan, really."
"Bloody ineffability! And the others?"
Dean Winchester and little Castiel...?
"No, I don't think so. They have a life-Bond, but I think...I'm almost certain...that that's all it is."
"Angel..." Crowley's voice was tentative now, his hand reaching out to clasp Aziraphale's as he met his eyes.
He'd known this was coming, and as much as he loved his Demon, he hated him sometimes too. Crowley couldn't help asking, every so often, and Aziraphale couldn't bear to give his answer any more than he could bear to change it.
"You know we can't, Dearest...I won't risk hurting you, not even for you."
"You don't know that it would even be a risssk, Angel."
Crowley held both his hands now, and looked into his eyes beseechingly.
It almost hurt to look, but he couldn't turn away. He saw the pain in his Mate's eyes, and he felt like he might drown in it.
"If the humans can survive it, then surely it would be sssafe?"
"I won't risk changing you, not anymore than I would risk harming you Dear - such a close connection to my Grace wouldn't leave yours unmarked, you know that."
Now it was Aziraphale's turn to entreat, and he gripped Crowley's hands more tightly as he pulled him closer.
"Would you love me less if it changed me?" his Demon asked.
"Of course not! But Dearest, I don't need you to change for us to be together..."
"Would you love me less if it changed you?"
"I...I should hope not...I should think not - I would still be me, and I've loved you for so long now that that's a part of who I am, after all."
He was cut off by Crowley as the Demon pulled his hands free, latching onto his shoulders instead, pulling him still closer.
"The Bonds are ssstill possible - now that we know that, you expect me to carry on holding you with this distance between usss? Angel...Aziraphale...at least think about it, for me?"
Aziraphale sighed deeply, before leaning into his Demon's embrace with a whisper.
"Okay Dearest, I'll think about it."
After all, why couldn't it be them for once? Didn't his Demon deserve something for all he'd gone through?
He would think about it, long and hard.
Next Chapter...
Author: lonelyphoenix85
Rating: R overall, mainly for the odd swear-word
Genre: Pre-slash, angst, hurt/comfort
Pairing: Sam/Gabriel pre-slash, Dean/Cas pre-slash, Aziraphale/Crowley slash
Spoilers: through to Changing Channels (5x08)
Warnings: None
Word Count: 3791 (this part, 54540 total so far)
Disclaimer: It only belongs to me when I'm dreaming! Bon Jovi owns the song its beginning (and title) are based around, and the rest is property of the almighty Kripke!
Author's Note: Just wanted to say thanks to my fantastic beta for this story, loveinstars - you're awesome!
Another Note: More huge apologies for the long delay in updating - life has been crazy lately with prep for my best friend's wedding in 3 weeks, so I haven't had much chance to sit in front of the computer. Also, I'm just going to take this opportunity to pimp the comm I'm co-modding with loveinstars - Sabriel's Everlasting Birthday Challenge - Go take a look, sign-up, leave prompts and maybe even claim one or two *grins*
Previous Chapters: | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 | 22 | 23 |
And now:
Gabriel’s own memories were mocking him.
Was this his punishment, he wondered? His just desserts for two thousand years of doing as he damn well pleased?
He’d never had a chance at fixing things, had he? Oh, he’d fooled himself into hoping, but Castiel’s anger, his hurt…it went too deep, had been left to fester for too long.
Michael’s lies to the younger Angel had ruined any chance he had of being forgiven, Gabriel thought angrily.
The dream had dredged up memories he'd rather leave forgotten - he didn't want to think about any of it, not now. The past taunted him, and he just wanted it all to stop. Why wouldn't it just stop?
He wasn’t sure how long he’d been there before he realised something was…off…
Lost in a sea of pain and longing, Gabriel took longer than he should have to register the growing ache in his Grace.
An ache that centred on his bond with Sam…
The thought was barely wholly formed when he felt a burning flare from the deepest part of his Grace, and there was a flash of almost-blinding Grace-light.
*Well, almost blinding to me…I wonder how many poor mortal sods saw that?* he wondered absently.
*Can Archangels hallucinate?* he wondered feeling slightly disconnected from his surroundings as he tried to process what he was seeing. He couldn't possibly be seeing what he thought he was seeing.
That couldn’t possibly be his human Bond-mate lying in the snow in front of him.
Well, except for the fact that it very obviously was.
All thoughts of the past were gone in less than a blink of an eye, the memories which had plagued him moments earlier pushed aside by this incredible, dangerous, inexplicable occurance.
He couldn't catch what Sam mumbled before his eyes drifted shut, the hunter's thoughts a whirlwind of worry and exhaustion too chaotic for Gabriel to get a real read on what was going on.
His mind raced. How was Sam here? Why?
Anger flared - *Stupid, reckless, idiotic…!* - briefly, and then a cold harsh fear settled somewhere near the pit of his stomach.
Never-mind the sheer impossibility of it - Sam was here, and he was also quite clearly unconscious and led in freezing cold snow after having subjected himself to Dad only knows what to get here.
He was kneeling in the snow and gathering the sprawled figure to him before even a full second had passed, and was on the verge of taking off for somewhere warmer - safer - when he froze.
What if further exposure to Gabriel’s Grace pushed Sam’s body past it’s limits? He’d already survived exposure to it once - but that could just mean that he was one straw away from breaking…
Gabriel settled back to sit with his legs tucked beneath him, the large figure of his human resting half on his lap and half in the snow.
What should he do?
*Okay, first thing’s first - he’s breathing. That’s good. That’s going in the huge honking ‘plus’ column,* Gabriel thought with a slight flash of a grin. *He’s unconscious, which is bad, but…* Gabriel paused mid-thought, zeroing in with his eyes on the hunter’s closed ones.
He could’ve sworn…
A slight flicker of movement beneath the eyelids had Gabriel fighting to keep calm again.
*Not unconscious! Shit! Sleeping, and at a time when even the Grace required to enter his dream could kill him…maybe Luci’ll stay away because of that?*
Even as he thought it Gabriel shook his head…his brother wouldn’t know the risk.
Thinking quickly, the Archangel threw up every ward he could think of around the mountain-top. It would be a whooping great ‘something to see here’ sign to anyone looking, but should be able to hold pretty much anything back, physical or otherwise, for as long as he could keep it up. He could worry about escaping whatever attention he drew later.
*Right - alive, check. Asleep, but safe, check. Absolutely insane, double…no, triple check! Bloody Winchesters!*
Thoughts of Castiel forgotten for now, Gabriel focused his attention entirely on his hunter. He needed to see what damage had been done. The ‘how in the bloody hell it was possible’ could wait.
His focus shifted as he ignored Sam’s physical self completely. He needed more than just a glance at the hunter’s soul this time - he needed to see every last inch, inspect every last thread for anything that could be harmful in the future.
His frown, when it formed, was one not of worry, but confusion.
Sam’s soul appeared unharmed, which in and of itself was a miracle, but the expected damage wasn’t the only thing missing.
The patches of Grace that had held the soul together, that he had woven through the very fabric of it, were gone. A smooth, flawless, whole soul stared out at him, shining with a strength and magnificence that awed him.
Terror quickly supplanted awe as realisation hit.
What had he done?
It wasn’t enough that he’s forced Sam into a Bond - a Bond the hunter had accepted without anger or recrimination, despite the intensely personal nature of the connection - no, that just wasn't enough, was it?
With the Bond he’d taken Sam’s freedom, and now…
Now his Grace had stolen the hunter’s humanity.
SPNSPNSPN
"For what he's done for us, Gabriel's earned my trust - whether you think he deserves it or not."
Castiel's face was unreadable, his reaction to the rather bold statement a mystery.
Dean didn't like mysteries.
He didn't regret the declaration though. He'd had some time to think it over and he was sure that Gabriel was on the level.
"Whatever he did for you whilst I was unable to help, I do not doubt that he had only his own interests at heart Dean - until we know his motivations, we cannot predict his actions, and until we can predict his actions we cannot trust him."
"His motivations make more sense to me than anything in this whole damn Apocalypse, Cas! His own interests match mine so well right now that it's fucking insane - right now, at this moment, I trust Gabriel more than anyone Cas, because his interests lie in keeping the two most important things in my world safe."
He didn't miss the flash of hurt from Castiel at his words, but he refused to take them back - they were the truth.
As much as he loved and trusted Bobby, the hunter would go against his wishes if he thought it was in Dean's best interest. He wouldn't protect what Dean cared about if it meant not protecting Dean too.
As much as he loved his brother, it would be a while before he could trust him properly again. He wanted to - he just couldn't quite banish the niggling doubts, not yet. Not when Sam had lied to him again only two days ago.
And as much as he trusted his Angel, he knew that Castiel didn't share his priorities. Cas had lied about his health, had been letting himself die without even a word of warning to Dean. He was too willing to sacrifice himself for the hunter.
It was Gabriel's selfish desires that gave Dean the assurance he needed to trust the Archangel, as odd as that might seem to anyone else. Gabriel didn't give a shit about Dean, or Bobby, beyond how their lives impacted Sam and Cas. He didn't care about anything except keeping his bond-mate and his brother alive and kicking, and that was something Dean could get behind one hundred percent.
"Since Gabriel showed up two days ago, he's saved Bobby's life and your life, and he's helping save Sammy's sanity. He wants Sam safe, he wants you safe, and he wants his family to stop fucking dying."
"Dean..." Castiel tried to interrupt, but was cut off.
"With him on-side... Cas, I can mouth-off to your Brothers and the demons, and say no to Mikey until the cows come home. But I can't keep you all safe - I don't know how. I'm not strong enough..."
"You have far more strength than you give yourself credit for Dean..."
"No.... No, I'm not stupid Cas - I'm determined, and I'm a damn stubborn sonuvabitch, but that's not going to win this thing, is it? I mean let's face it - let's be realistic for a second here okay? If Michael gets tired of trying to stick to prophecy he could flatten me, and Sammy, and the whole damn world without breaking a sweat. I'm spitting at a fucking forest fire to try and put it out, but sooner or later we're all gonna burn. Gabriel might not give a shit about the world, but he's offering to help us save it because it matters to you and Sam, and he just might have enough swing to pull it off."
"And he might decide it's too much trouble and let you burn, Dean."
"I don't think so - - - you didn't see him Cas. When you were dying..." Dean paused, trying to find the words to convince his Angel, to explain why he was so certain.
"The look in his eyes when you were dying...I'd seen it before," Dean muttered, almost to himself, as he realised why he was so sure he was right about Gabriel despite their chequered past. "I saw it in the mirror the day I sold my soul to save Sam."
Cas looked like he was about to respond, but Dean cut him off before he could start, wanting to give the Angel all the facts before he could try arguing again.
"It almost killed him, you know. If it hadn't been for my egg-headed little brother, Gabriel would've bled out on Bobby's bedroom floor."
"That is impossible Dean - his Grace can heal any injury that does not immediately kill him, given enough time..."
"He'd been suppressing it, to keep you alive long enough to fix you up. Apparently he left it too late - the wounds from Zach's goons were fatal, until Sammy called the reinforcements."
"Reinforcements...?"
"Long story...for now let's just leave it at 'They fixed him up', because right now I'm more interested in what happened next. You woke up, and decided running off was a good freaking idea. Care to explain that?"
SPNSPNSPN
As much as he wanted more information on their current situation, Castiel had known Dean long enough to realise that he wasn't going to get anywhere until he had explained his own actions to his human...
...his Bond-mate, he thought in wonder.
Had Dean really chosen this? Could Gabriel have been telling the truth?
"It was brought to my attention that I may not have been in possession of all the necessary information when I left earlier. Dean..." Castiel paused, unsure how to phrase the question. "Dean, how aware are you of the measures my Brother took to prevent my demise?"
"Oh."
Dean's response threw him - the hunter's voice was soft, barely a breath of a word, but emotions - disappointment, hurt, guilt - rushed along their Bond. By the time Castiel had managed to suppress them adequately, Dean had already started talking again.
"Look Cas, I know you didn't ask for this - I just...I couldn't let you die. I didn't know what else to do - Gabe was there and he had a solution, so I took it. I know I'm not exactly a prize, and I can't even begin to imagine how you must feel being tied to me like this, but...Fuck, Cas! You were dying, what was I supposed to do?"
"Dean, I..." He tried to interject, but was cut off almost immediately.
"Do you want me to say I'm sorry Cas? Is that it? Well fuck that! I'm not sorry. You nearly killed yourself, for me! What the hell were you thinking? You think I want that on my head? I'm not damned enough for starting the freaking Apocalypse, I need to get one of the very few good Angels killed too?"
"Dean." Castiel's voice was forceful, and he let just a touch of power seep into it.
He watched in satisfaction as the hunter stopped talking, and looked at him with wide-eyes.
It appeared that Gabriel had told him the truth - Dean was not ignorant of what had been done. It also appeared, however, that his Bond-mate thought that he would be angry with him for it. That he would not wish to be Bonded to his Righteous Man.
He did not understand why the hunter would believe this, but it was a concern that he could lay to rest now.
"Do you believe that I am angry with you for allowing Gabriel to Bond us together?" he asked slowly.
Dean looked slightly unsure, but offered a tentative reply.
"Uh...yeah?"
"That belief is ill-founded - I am not angry that a Bond now exists between us. It was reckless of you to risk yourself in this way, but recklessness is a trait I am coming to believe is woven into the very core of your being. You were lucky that you suffered no ill-effects..."
"Wouldn't've mattered as long as it worked."
Castiel fought the urge to roll his eyes at Dean's insistent tone, and continued on regardless.
"...and that, for whatever reason, in this instance Gabriel was true to his word. I am sorry that you have lost your freedom in this way, but I will strive to limit the effects the Bond will have on your every-day life."
"Okay, we're gonna talk about what you mean by that freedom thing later," Dean said, raising one eyebrow slightly. "But if you're not pissed, why'd you run off like that?"
"Your initial response to my questions at the time led me to believe that you were unaware of what had occurred between us."
"...You thought Gabriel lied to me about what he was doing?"
"I did. I was not willing to subject you to a life-Bond you had not agreed to, so I left to provide myself with the distance I would require to sever the Bond."
"You what?! You didn't did you? Shit! Cas, that Bond was the only thing keeping you alive... Fuck - we need to get you back to Gabriel, before you get worse again..."
"Dean!" Castiel barked, cutting off the hunter's panicked rant. "My Brother found me before I was able to complete the process - he convinced me to stop, at least until I could speak with you and discover the truth for myself."
"So you didn't break it? You're okay?"
The relief in his Bond-mate's voice was nothing to the emotion bombarding Castiel through their Bond, and he took a moment to marvel at the purity of it.
"I am well," Castiel paused, wanting to say more - wanting to ask... "You...you truly do not regret that we are bound for eternity, do you?"
What had started as a question became a tentative statement as he felt Dean's reaction well up within him.
"Not unless you're planning to start acting like your douche-bag brothers in the future, dude," Dean answered with a smirk fixed firmly in place.
Castiel wondered at the contrast between the cocky young man in front of him and the lonely, terrified, desperate soul he could feel inside him. Was this what the hunter's brash remarks and ill-advised humour usually masked?
"I believe I may safely promise you that that will not happen - if for no other reason than that your influence through the Bond would not, I think, allow it to."
"My influence?"
"There is a great deal more to a life-Bond than a simple connection Dean - I... If you would allow me, I could show you a little of it?"
Castiel wasn't sure what made him offer - he certainly hadn't planned to. He didn't even know if it would be possible, but the thought that his Mate was unable to sense their Bond as he could pained him, and here he had an opportunity to try to rectify it, at least a little.
"Show me how?"
In spite of his wary words, Castiel felt the trust that Dean had in him - a trust the hunter's earlier words had made him believe lost - and he decided to use action to answer.
Allowing the relief and pleasure Dean's trust in him created to fill him, he focused on broadcasting it along the Bond.
The expression of confusion that filled his Mate's face was quickly over-taken as realisation set in, and disbelieving awe replaced it. Castiel fed the emotions that arose from Dean's reaction back into the Bond, and the tension that had filled the hunter since their arrival finally left him as he sank to the floor, sitting with his back against the wall as he stared up at Castiel with wonder in his eyes.
Information about their current situation could wait, Castiel decided. Right now, this was what mattered - taking care of his Bond-mate was what was important.
SPNSPNSPN
He had been a touch reluctant to explain where Samuel had gone and how to his surrogate father - Bonds were intensely personal things after all, and whilst Sam might not mind details being shared, Gabriel almost certainly would when he returned.
Finally, over a cup of tea that was more than a little Irish - the whiskey was medicinal since the poor dear was, Aziraphale thought, probably edging towards shock after such a trying day! - he had convinced the hunter that what had happened was exactly what had been supposed to happen, and that it was highly unlikely that Sam was in any danger. He might just be a little while, depending on how badly off the Archangel was.
In truth he'd felt a little bad about misleading the older human with that last bit of information, but really, it was true - it just hinged a tiny bit on a person's understanding of the term 'little while'. After all, to someone who'd been around since the Beginning the Hundred Years War lasted barely the blink of an eye...
He hoped that he had done the right thing, sending the boy. If Gabriel had shut down as badly as last time the poor thing would starve to death long before the Archangel could bring him back. He was almost certainly right though, he was sure - the shock the Bond-walk would give to his Grace should shake him out of it, and then both Gabriel and Samuel would be right as rain.
It would all be okay in the end, he was sure.
Robert had left a few minutes ago muttering something about having a business to run, Apocalypse or no, and leaving Aziraphale alone with Crowley for the first time since they'd been summoned that morning.
He settled back quietly with his tea-cup, and watched his Demon as he perused the hunter's bookshelves.
"... ... ...Hah! Hastur's been looking for this for three hundred years! Had a few lesser demons strung up by Alaistair for stealing it over the last few decades too, but never could find it... ... ..."
A few moments of silence followed before he found another title of interest.
"This one's not even the real thing! I should know - burned the real one, didn't I?"
"Burned, dearest?" Aziraphale asked worriedly.
"Evil, wasn't it? Not just nefarious - that might've been interesting. This could've kick-started...well, this whole mess, actually. Only a lot sooner. Snuck it out and dropped it into a volcano that was erupting in Alaska while Hell was doing its Chicken Little impression, didn't I?"
"You shouldn't have risked it dear - not when they were all so angry with you..."
"They were never gonna be not angry Angel - whoever said Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned never saw Hell scorned, did they? Foolsss... Didn't want to have to deal with this again - Apocalypse shouldn't have a plural."
*No, dearest...it shouldn't,* he thought, placing his empty tea-cup on the side-table.
"Angel..." Crowley began, before moving over to the sofa beside him. "Their Bond...is it really...?"
"Fiunt Una Perpetuum? I believe so."
"How?"
It was a very good question, and one to which there was only one answer he could give...
"It must be The Plan - Ineffable, isn't it dearest? So it can only be The Plan, really."
"Bloody ineffability! And the others?"
Dean Winchester and little Castiel...?
"No, I don't think so. They have a life-Bond, but I think...I'm almost certain...that that's all it is."
"Angel..." Crowley's voice was tentative now, his hand reaching out to clasp Aziraphale's as he met his eyes.
He'd known this was coming, and as much as he loved his Demon, he hated him sometimes too. Crowley couldn't help asking, every so often, and Aziraphale couldn't bear to give his answer any more than he could bear to change it.
"You know we can't, Dearest...I won't risk hurting you, not even for you."
"You don't know that it would even be a risssk, Angel."
Crowley held both his hands now, and looked into his eyes beseechingly.
It almost hurt to look, but he couldn't turn away. He saw the pain in his Mate's eyes, and he felt like he might drown in it.
"If the humans can survive it, then surely it would be sssafe?"
"I won't risk changing you, not anymore than I would risk harming you Dear - such a close connection to my Grace wouldn't leave yours unmarked, you know that."
Now it was Aziraphale's turn to entreat, and he gripped Crowley's hands more tightly as he pulled him closer.
"Would you love me less if it changed me?" his Demon asked.
"Of course not! But Dearest, I don't need you to change for us to be together..."
"Would you love me less if it changed you?"
"I...I should hope not...I should think not - I would still be me, and I've loved you for so long now that that's a part of who I am, after all."
He was cut off by Crowley as the Demon pulled his hands free, latching onto his shoulders instead, pulling him still closer.
"The Bonds are ssstill possible - now that we know that, you expect me to carry on holding you with this distance between usss? Angel...Aziraphale...at least think about it, for me?"
Aziraphale sighed deeply, before leaning into his Demon's embrace with a whisper.
"Okay Dearest, I'll think about it."
After all, why couldn't it be them for once? Didn't his Demon deserve something for all he'd gone through?
He would think about it, long and hard.
Next Chapter...