so it's time for the new years again. hopefully this year will be as good as last's. but for some reason i don't think that's going to be so. with everyone gone and the men in my life being what i feel as inconsistant. i have a huge feeling that i'm not going to have plans. ::sighs:: so i've been thinking lately... am i really that hard on ( Read more... )

so i guess it's all in my head.. why should i worry... cause i'm a worry wort. always have been always will be. i hate not being in control is the dead truth. at least i can be honest with myself about what the root of the matter is a good majority of the time. this is definately weird that i'm writing twice in one day.. let alone within 3 ( Read more... )

so one of my best friends said to me, "serena, i think you're just selling yourself short sometimes. just forget him if he's going to feel that way towards you." .. and you know.. sometimes they're so right. and yet.. so wrong. maybe like my girl diane says... "you're in denial like the typical woman." perhaps it's true. oh perhaps i'm just a ( Read more... )

there are days like these where i feel so alone.. so unwanted. granted there's so limited time but i just feel as though that my time that i have isn't good enough. that i'm not good enough. i just want to see him.. is that so bad? god forbid someone break other plans for me. but maybe i'm just asking too much... maybe i'm being too demanding ( Read more... )

there are some weird things going on in my love life as always. it's never easy for anyone, and that's a definate. but lately i've been looking back at my past and thinking about love. what it felt like.. how wonderful it was.. and how challenging it was. and my conclusion that i've come to, is that the more you care about someone.. the more ( Read more... )

so... i've heard these lines before.. and although there from someone else i can't help but feel that tinge in my heart. it's a shitty feeling really... and as much as i would love to have faith there are times where i have very little to invest. it's all getting more complicated each day that i say nothing and i worry that it's not the opportune ( Read more... )

sooo... let's just start off with saying i hate myself. i don't even really know if i do.. but at the moment that's how i feel. i hate myself for doing so poorly in my classes and i'm really trying to maintain a balance in my life (internally that is). and it's so hard and i spend so much time and effort in things and yet no matter how much work ( Read more... )

no matter how many different ways i think about it.. none of it ever makes sense. and no matter how hard i try to not think about it i do. it's under my skin.. it's more than that now.. it's forever a part of me. he's within me.. and he's a huge part. i don't know what exactly he wants.. i never do... and he's not the type to tell. then again ( Read more... )

so last night i dreamed of you and me. the first in a long time. we talked about the recent events and how you have a girlfriend and if you loved her. and what happened with you and me. you said you didn't love her. and that you were afraid to love me cause of the problems we had you were scared we weren't strong enough to get through. that ( Read more... )

september... can't believe it's here.. and so much time has passed. what the hell do i do with myself and all this time? it really feels as though i haven't done a whole lot. routine... it's a bitch i guess. except there's something comforting in the redundancy. it's like i can float through life without complications since my brain and ( Read more... )