(no subject)
so one of my best friends said to me, "serena, i think you're just selling yourself short sometimes. just forget him if he's going to feel that way towards you." .. and you know.. sometimes they're so right. and yet.. so wrong. maybe like my girl diane says... "you're in denial like the typical woman." perhaps it's true. oh perhaps i'm just a hopeful person; which can be extremely detrimental. it's like that old saying.. "when you've been at the bottom the only direction left to go is back up." and sometimes i feel that way and sometimes i don't. the sad truth of the matter that i've found personally and through my friends is that men just don't want to have anything to do with women unless it involves them getting some. i don't know what i'm doing with my love life. it's like what ally says... "you've wanted a relationship for so long why are you going to settle for someone that doesn't want anything?"
good question... i guess cause i feel as though i'm asking too much right off the bat. and perhaps i am if i were to ask that of someone. it's not like how it used to be in HS when you're dating someone you end up in a relationship. it's the real world now where NO one wants a relationship. cause relationships lead to marriage (aka trouble). don't get me wrong.. i adore him... i honestly do.. but like he said he can't have a relationship... why have i heard this before... i'm in love wtih the impossible. i truly am. if something was so easy.. would it really be as great? probably not.. i can't see where easy ever equalled something "great." i don't know.. i hate this time of year.. i get so depressed and down on myself and it's just so hard. everything gets so dark. i guess that's suiting for someone like me. darkness. can't say that i'm a stranger to my darker sides. i've been in bad places before and it's been along time since i've been there and i'm scared i'll get there again and i'll have to call my mom balling. wow... it really has been a long time... 7 years actually. to think that i somehow have managed to drag myself out of depression can be amazing.. and when i get down i try to remember that.. but somehow that fact usually slips away from me and i feel so alone.
my best friend also said to me, "well if he doesn't want anything from you, you sure as hell should stop sleeping together cause he's just going to use you." yea.. that is true. but i hate to admit it.. i want to get laid sometimes. lol. it's true.. women have needs to damn it. hm.. i don't even know what the fuck to do anymore. and it sucks really.. cause i really started to like him. forget it.. i'm just a really stupid girl that puts myself in these situations. i guess i deserve all this heartbreak and relationship problems.. cause i subconciously do it to myself. i really am a stupid girl.
good question... i guess cause i feel as though i'm asking too much right off the bat. and perhaps i am if i were to ask that of someone. it's not like how it used to be in HS when you're dating someone you end up in a relationship. it's the real world now where NO one wants a relationship. cause relationships lead to marriage (aka trouble). don't get me wrong.. i adore him... i honestly do.. but like he said he can't have a relationship... why have i heard this before... i'm in love wtih the impossible. i truly am. if something was so easy.. would it really be as great? probably not.. i can't see where easy ever equalled something "great." i don't know.. i hate this time of year.. i get so depressed and down on myself and it's just so hard. everything gets so dark. i guess that's suiting for someone like me. darkness. can't say that i'm a stranger to my darker sides. i've been in bad places before and it's been along time since i've been there and i'm scared i'll get there again and i'll have to call my mom balling. wow... it really has been a long time... 7 years actually. to think that i somehow have managed to drag myself out of depression can be amazing.. and when i get down i try to remember that.. but somehow that fact usually slips away from me and i feel so alone.
my best friend also said to me, "well if he doesn't want anything from you, you sure as hell should stop sleeping together cause he's just going to use you." yea.. that is true. but i hate to admit it.. i want to get laid sometimes. lol. it's true.. women have needs to damn it. hm.. i don't even know what the fuck to do anymore. and it sucks really.. cause i really started to like him. forget it.. i'm just a really stupid girl that puts myself in these situations. i guess i deserve all this heartbreak and relationship problems.. cause i subconciously do it to myself. i really am a stupid girl.