a letter to a dead guy
so last night i dreamed of you and me. the first in a long time. we talked about the recent events and how you have a girlfriend and if you loved her. and what happened with you and me. you said you didn't love her. and that you were afraid to love me cause of the problems we had you were scared we weren't strong enough to get through. that you asked god for guidance and that i was not to be in your life and to just leave. you held me against you chest and i was scared to let you hold me again.. but i let you. and i wanted to cry but it's been far too long and beyond that point to cry anymore.
you have done such horrible things to me and why? what is it about me that makes you abuse me? i loved you so much and all you did was throw it away and waste my time. i wasted 3 years of my life on someone who never loved me. and yet.. after all of the times you've pushed me away.. you always manage to come back. but why? what do you want from me? what is your reasons? why can't you just say what it is you really want to say other than "i'm checking up on you." i haven't seen you in 9 months. you fucked me over twice enormously in that time. you told me to go and i did.. and now you want me back. cut the shit. what are you so afraid of with me? what is it? what is so damn important about me?? why do you need me in your life so badly when you should be concentrating on your girlfriend? can you explain that to me? it's not like we even talk for you to say or do something like that to me. it's bullshit. we're not even friends. why can't you just tell me something real for once. no bullshit.. no fears. just raw honesty. why are you so afraid of showing me your real feelings?? or are you too afraid of them yourself? you've always been weak... when for so long i thought it was me. but then i realized that you are my weakness. and that i don't have to let you do these things to me and manipulate me anymore. i'm tired of it all.. you're a liar and evil.. whether intentional or not... i don't care.. but you were almost the very thing that would be the end of me.
you have done such horrible things to me and why? what is it about me that makes you abuse me? i loved you so much and all you did was throw it away and waste my time. i wasted 3 years of my life on someone who never loved me. and yet.. after all of the times you've pushed me away.. you always manage to come back. but why? what do you want from me? what is your reasons? why can't you just say what it is you really want to say other than "i'm checking up on you." i haven't seen you in 9 months. you fucked me over twice enormously in that time. you told me to go and i did.. and now you want me back. cut the shit. what are you so afraid of with me? what is it? what is so damn important about me?? why do you need me in your life so badly when you should be concentrating on your girlfriend? can you explain that to me? it's not like we even talk for you to say or do something like that to me. it's bullshit. we're not even friends. why can't you just tell me something real for once. no bullshit.. no fears. just raw honesty. why are you so afraid of showing me your real feelings?? or are you too afraid of them yourself? you've always been weak... when for so long i thought it was me. but then i realized that you are my weakness. and that i don't have to let you do these things to me and manipulate me anymore. i'm tired of it all.. you're a liar and evil.. whether intentional or not... i don't care.. but you were almost the very thing that would be the end of me.