my goals for 2013 are to work on overcoming my anxiety, at the very least not letting it rule my life so much. And to regain some passion for my career, which means getting out of this stagnant work place.

I'm sorry if I've been a bit inconsistent lately. By that I mean my mood and how available I've made myself. Truthfully I've been struggling the past few months with renewed anxiety and depression. Especially anxiety, I get into these frenzies where I worry and panic over things. I've just started working with a therapist to get this under control ( Read more... )

My father-in-law had a heart attack yesterday, the doctors preformed a quadruple bypass, he is now recovering and will likely be fine. My aunt (one who no one was expecting to be sick) almost died last night. She has advanced cirrhosis of the liver and was hemorrhaging. They were having a hard time stopping the bleeding just by tying off the ( Read more... )

This ordeal with abnormal paps and hpv started in February, so its been about half a year. I'm very happy to say my cervix now has normal cells. I still have to go to the doctor once every six months vs the normal yearly check up. Its possible I'll never have to deal with this again but the it might rear its head. So here's to hopping.  

I know its perhaps a bit near sighted, maybe even much more then a bit, but today I felt hopeless. All I could think of was all the death around me past and those who are close to it. I know three people right now who are waiting to die, my cousin, my aunt, and my sister-in-law's father. Who knows when they will die it may even be a few years until ( Read more... )

I didn't want to post much detail on Facebook but I do need to write this out, process it ( Read more... )

For the past week my mind has been a constant miasma of conflicting emotions that have nothing to do with the external world. I'm so sick of it. Sudden stabs of depression, anxiety, rage, frustration. My moods switch on a dime and I feel no control. I've yet to make an ass of myself but keeping this in check is exhausting. I suppose some good has ( Read more... )

Right now I'm finding it hard to take any enthusiasm or joy in anything. Maybe this is the feeling that replaces the depression I once felt. Gone are the pricing waves of loneliness that proceeded to despair. I no longer feel stuck in pit. All the things I want for myself are in reach. I couldn't fathom that before. My outlook is miles better for ( Read more... )

Had a nice birthday. Frankly I totally forgot it was and meany people had to remind me. I even scheduled myself off work on this day because of it and still forgot. I've been that absorbed with other things. I planned hanging out with Ian, again not remembering the date. He treated me to lunch, we went on a hike, and later Austen joined us for ( Read more... )

exhaustion lowed my inhibitions and I perhaps overstepped my bounds at work today but nobody seemed to mind. I have to be extra careful not to do it again because that line has now been crossed and it will be easier for me to do it again now. But it might not be as appreciated ( Read more... )