(no subject)
I know its perhaps a bit near sighted, maybe even much more then a bit, but today I felt hopeless. All I could think of was all the death around me past and those who are close to it. I know three people right now who are waiting to die, my cousin, my aunt, and my sister-in-law's father. Who knows when they will die it may even be a few years until it happens but they have all accepted it as a immediate inevitability. What a stagnant state. All of them have been struggling to hold on to the life they once could maintain, and they've given up on even that hope. They must now rely on others do dress, feed, even assist to the restroom. That must be so demoralizing.
I know I have so much ahead of me. Its just a matter of a small amount of effort everyday and time. However death being a bit of a bedfellow lately, its hard to see optimism in the world. I want something new refreshing. I don't know what that it though. I've been a bit selfish of late. Skipping out on some responsibilities simply because of my mood. When I get home from a day of fighting myself at work, I hardly feel like keeping up the battle at home. But I need to snap out of it. Its not fair to Sean.
I know I have so much ahead of me. Its just a matter of a small amount of effort everyday and time. However death being a bit of a bedfellow lately, its hard to see optimism in the world. I want something new refreshing. I don't know what that it though. I've been a bit selfish of late. Skipping out on some responsibilities simply because of my mood. When I get home from a day of fighting myself at work, I hardly feel like keeping up the battle at home. But I need to snap out of it. Its not fair to Sean.