This is very strange. No LJ entries for all of 2024 so far. I must have posted something this year. But I don't see anything.

Let's skip the meta-babble about how impaired / flattened / demotivated / disinterested I am - well, requisite statement made. Like instead of a land acknowledgement, a Sara's mental state acknowledgement.

It's April already ( Read more... )

I wish you all a happy new year. I hope that 2024 is better than 2023. May you gain whatever it is you're looking for, whether it is wisdom, knowledge, peace, contentment, joy, health, success, satisfaction, stronger relationships, or anything else you dream about.

For myself, I would like this to be a year where I can be more inspired and moved ( Read more... )

Haven't typed this past month, so it's time for an update.

We got possession of the condo on Nov 15. We have now purchased a couch, a bed, a mattress, a dining room set and a floor lamp. Currently the condo is being painted, then the furniture will be delivered. The actual move is scheduled for Dec 12. Well, that's when the big stuff will be moved ( Read more... )

Haven't updated this journal in a long time. Maybe I'll just make it "newsy" today, rather than trying to dissect my head again, something I already do in other places.

Right now Mark and I are trying to start furnishing a condo we don't get possession of until mid-November.

It's hard because we don't know quite how much room there will be for the ( Read more... )

This journal has been going in the totally wrong direction. I mean, I could not help the direction it was going in because my medication was so shitty before, but now I am starting to experience more possibilities of thought. I have been writing in a private journal endlessly, it seems, and posting thoughts on Facebook. Mostly observations of life ( Read more... )

Well, the summer has ended, and I am not actually doing too badly. Things seem to be looking up.

I have survived July and August without going back to hospital, and my brain seems to be doing better than the past couple years at least. Maybe some sleep problems lately, but so far no major signs of trouble - I hope. Yesterday was two years to the ( Read more... )

Well, it's now been over a month since I last posted, and exactly a month since I stopped risperidone (and stayed on the Abilify).

In some ways things are better, in some ways the same.

I still don't enjoy books or movies. I still have to make myself read or watch a video.  I still don't understand topics or think about them. I still have trouble ( Read more... )

I am almost off risperidone now (down to 1/4 of a 0.25 mg tablet), and down from 8 to 7 mg Abilify, and I am not that well off. Maybe better than I was on more risperidone, but not very good at all.

Boredom is such a fundamental part of my existence. I don't know how I make it through a day. I just sort of waste time. I want to engage, I want to do ( Read more... )

My new therapist thinks that I have been searching for meaning. She is right. But I haven't found meaning in any of the things of this world. There is no meaning to be found out there in the streets. It just happens to be a text I have studied over and over again, hoping to find something that can't be located there.

I felt this horrible feeling ( Read more... )

Mark took me to Garbage Hill today. I really didn't want to go, but on the way there I noticed that I started to have more thoughts. Still not great at the park, I was still feeling internally stifled, very few impressions, very trapped feeling. It was pretty, though. I liked the grass. I attempted to read and immediately had an image of being far ( Read more... )