(no subject)
Haven't updated this journal in a long time. Maybe I'll just make it "newsy" today, rather than trying to dissect my head again, something I already do in other places.
Right now Mark and I are trying to start furnishing a condo we don't get possession of until mid-November.
It's hard because we don't know quite how much room there will be for the couch, although the interior designer estimated and the real estate agent asked the other agent if they could get a measurement of one wall (original listing measurements were off). Nonetheless Mark still wants to get a sofa by the end of November, so it can hopefully arrive by the end of 2023. I am feeling kind of anxious about it, though, worried that it will be too long for the space.
I have also been going through old crap. Mostly papers from a filing cabinet I intend to get rid of, but now old vinyl records too.
Today I told a moving company we want to proceed with them. The eventual move will be Dec 12. Not very much time to purge and pack.
And I have been distracted by the state of my mind, constantly posting about it. Yesterday I decided I had had enough with Facebook posting.
Sometimes I have been watching stuff or reading about what is happening in Israel / Gaza. I have been vaguely reading about the Trump stuff too. Also random articles about other subjects. Really trying to get my mind to function a little.
My birthday was a few weeks ago. I had a friends' gathering at the Forks the day before, which was a Saturday, then my mom and Mark and I shared a kugel on the day of, then on the Monday we had cake with my brother's family and in-laws. Ten people came to my gathering!
I have lots and lots of complaints these days, about still not feeling much, still not having a lot of motivation, still being foggy, but then other times I try to find ways to get around it and get something out of life.
Writing a huge amount in my personal journals these days, but it's largely about the same thing, my mental limitations. I want to transcend the limitations and find something else to care about. Trying to get my imagination working. I have been able to go as far as random images. I'm still not sure I "care" about anything in particular, but I want to care. Much of my thinking is still "meta" - about how to exist in the world and in my state. It seems like when I talk about concrete things, they aren't all that important. And that the concrete thing I can talk about most easily is what I am eating.