Fic: If There's A Rocket Tie Me To It (12/15)
Title: If There's A Rocket Tie Me To It
Author:
claire_kay
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Kris/Adam
Summary: It really was a mistake. It really was a mistake. Adam isn't fooling anyone.
Notes: And so the angst returns. Sorry. =/ and its here to stay for a while. So I hope you all enjoyed the smooshyness. I am a sucker for angst though. I hope you enjoy it. :) all mistakes are my own in this particular chapter. ;)
Disclaimer: I own nothing. Kris belongs to Adam. Adam belongs to Kris. And they belong to themselves. It's all good.
Part One // Part Two // Part Three // Part Four // Part Five // Part Six // Part Seven // Part Eight // Part Nine // Part Ten // Part Eleven
If There's A Rocket Tie Me To It
Chapter Twelve: Merry Go Round
Allison was literally running into the restaurant clapping her hands together excitedly and talking repeatedly about getting a milkshake. Matt was then directing them all into a booth and it was hard all of them sat so closely together but Kris seemed quite happy to be sat closely pressed against Adam and he winks as they slide in next to each other.
Adam is aware of eyes on both of them as they all decide what to order, Matt is watching the two of them closely while peering down at his menu every now and then but when he is decided and waiting for everyone else his eyes are always finding their way back to Adam's he wishes everyone would hurry up so they have the distraction of food but it takes Danny the longest because he can never just decide what he damn well wants to eat so they spend ten minutes of him deciding and then changing his mind and just when he thinks Matt is about to smack Danny across the back of the head he suddenly makes a decision.
Dinner is pretty quiet, each of them having their own conversations and he knows there is a pink elephant in the room he can feel it when they all group a conversation together, quiet moments when no one is too sure what to say so they all end up returning to private conversations and it seems to aggravate Matt more than anyone else.
Other than that it feels nice to be sat like this with Kris, for the most easy and relaxed as Kris makes jokes about Allison's milkshake obsession and the crazy noises Anoop makes when he eats. But then Megan is all over him and baby talking about how adorable it is and it sort of puts Adam off his food and he turns his attention back to Kris who really is far more entertaining to watch.
There's an amusing moment when Kris turns to him with the biggest smile on his face and the words fall out of his mouth as if there isn't a reason Matt and the others had dragged them in here.
“I want pie. You want pie?”
And it's a genuine question because Kris wants pie and well so does Adam but he can't but let out a small chuckle at the bizarre moment of Matt, Allison, Danny, Anoop, Lil, Megan and Scott all sat around waiting for some kind of explanation and they haven't even asked anything yet.
But Adam thinks that Kris realises this and maybe is just having a little fun of his own and he really is about to answer that pie would be the best answer ever but Allison is already responding for him.
“I want pie.”
Her warm smile is genuine and as bright as usual and again Adam can't help but laugh because seriously everything just got a little crazy and he thinks the hysterics is kicking.
“Oh for the love of...” Matt cuts off and then he is calling the waitress over to the table and asking for pie. Adam makes the mistake of turning to look at Kris who is sat very closely beside him with a small smile on his lips, eyes wide looking at the menu in what he knows is fake fascination.
“There pie ordered. Now come on...”
Matt is getting more and more frustrated and Adam is beginning to wonder if anyone else has a clue what's going on because they all look very confused.
“So...” Scott starts and he seems the most confused of everyone. “Are we not going to the movies?”
Adam hears Allison snort and he can't help but laugh in response because he really genuinely must have believed they were going to the movies and clearly from the look on everyone else's faces they did too. The only ones clearly in on this are Matt, Danny and Allison all sat with smug looks on their faces while everyone else is trying to figure out what's going on.
“Matt... you know I adore your quirkiness but seriously... why are we here?” Megan was sat closely against Anoop who in all honesty looked slightly bored and clearly annoyed that he had been dragged away from alone time with Megan for this.
“There are some... issues... that we need to talk out.”
“I think you have issues.” Anoop was muttering into Megan's hair but it was loud enough that everyone heard.
“I heard that.”
“You were meant to.”
They smiled at each other widely and then Matt was returning his attention to Adam and Kris again and Adam didn't like the way Matt's eyes scrutinised Kris it was almost like he was trying to figure out exactly what was going on Kris mind and what the hell he was doing and while Adam frequently found himself doing just that, he didn't want Matt doing it as well.
“And don't think I don't know the two of you are holding hands under the table right now.”
Kris squeezed Adam's hand even tighter and it was blissful to know that at least they would finally be able to be honest with everyone sat here. Anoop was leaning forward his eyes confused and then he leaned forward to look under the table when his head popped back up he looked around the faces across the table and back at Megan who was just smiling slightly. It was clear she had no idea what had been going on but Adam knew Megan well enough to know that not much surprised her.
“Wait...” Anoop started, shock blatant in his voice. “Are the two of you... together?”
Adam shifted in his seat because this really was the moment to admit to everything and he leaned forward slightly read to explain but Kris had beat him to it.
“Yeah. We are.”
Allison and Danny were sat beaming at each other and Anoop' shocked expression didn't seem to fade. Lil and Scott didn't seem surprised either and Adam wanted to say so much more than that to explain exactly what was going on but Matt' expression stood out amongst the sea of faces before him. Because Matt didn't look happy, Matt looked pissed off.
“Matt?”
Adam could hear he voices of everyone else around him all of them asking questions all at once and then looking at one another before turning back to Kris and Adam but Matt he was saying nothing just staring at Kris with a blazing anger and Adam didn't like it.
“Matt?”
Matt turned his face slowly to look at Adam and still his expression didn't fade and it was obvious to see what he was thinking but of all the people he thought that would be mad Matt was the last.
The tension breaks slightly when the waitress shuffles over with the pie a handful of plates and it's a happy distraction as Allison goes about cutting everyone a piece and for one brief moment Adam is pretending that this is all they came here for just the pie, no big announcements or angry glares from Matt.
“How long has this been going on?”
Matt was turning to look at Kris again, his anger seemed stronger when directed at Kris and Adam couldn't understand why Matt was so intent to shift his anger at Kris if he felt that way they both deserved such a reaction.
Kris' voice was quiet but everyone chose that moment to quit their talking so it was audible. “Not very long, but I mean I guess it's been building a while. I've... well I've felt... and Adam has too... so...”
“Well ain't that just sweet?” It was clear from Matt's voice that he didn't think it was sweet and suddenly the easy silence shifted to a more awkward one. No one seemed to be able to look at anyone else.
“What about your wife Kris? How does she feel about all of this...”
“Me and Katy we aren't... I mean...”
Kris was struggling to know what to say and Adam hated the way Matt was just throwing this at him and it was clear by the whole set up that he had planned the thing because where the hell was this coming from? He must have had Allison and Danny fooled enough to believe that he was happy about this.
“Matt you said that...” Allison' voice was small and the fear in her voice was clear.
“Forget what I said Alli and the fact that the rest of you think this is all so great says so much. You have a wife Kris and you suddenly...”
“Matt, Kris doesn't need to explain himself to you.” Adam was angry now, of all the people he expected to be so judgemental Matt was not the one it was like he was another person entirely he had always been so comfortable around Adam and who he was and the reaction made no sense.
“Don't even get me started on you Lambert. The fact that you even let this get so far is beyond me. It's fair enough if you were crushing on the guy but to actually steal him away from his wife and family...”
“Excuse me? I didn't do that... it's not like I sat around and planned this I never thought that for one second Kris would feel the same and...”
Matt laughed slightly, a bitter angry laugh. “ Okay, so how did it all start? Who initiated what?”
Kris shook his head. “Matt, what you want us to draw you a picture?” Adam heard Anoop and Megan let out a small laugh and then Matt was turning towards them.
“I don't think this is funny.”
“I can't believe this is coming from you Matt...” Danny's voice was just as surprised as Adam felt and he felt grateful again to have him here.
“It's not about the gay thing okay? For fucks sake I couldn't give a shit about that. It's about the fact that you are married, man. You've been with Katy for like forever and I've seen the two of you together and this is just...”
Matt' voice was raising louder and louder and okay they were out of town and it was quiet in the café but the waitress behind the counter was looking at them and there were two girls half looking their way and they really didn't need anyone figuring out what their conversation was about.
“Matt just stop yelling.”
Then silence settled across the table and it was clear that no one had any idea what to say. Kris still held onto Adam's hand tightly as if he never wanted to let go. Adam didn't even need to turn and look at Kris to see that he was just as confused as he felt, maybe they had both been naïve about the whole thing but they had both assumed telling these guys would have been the easiest part of it all because they were their friends and they had lived through the whole experience together and ultimately they would want what was best for them.
“I'm sorry for yelling but do you even realise how wrong this is?”
“No we thought we'd wait for you to point it out to us! Of course we know Matt it's not like this whole thing has been easy for either us. But we could really use some understanding and support here. I know what I did was wrong... but I can't help how I feel and I haven't forgotten the promises I made to Katy if she'll let me be there for her I will... she's still important to me but sometimes... things change and I wish I could give you answers but I don't have them.” Kris words left him at such a speed they were almost hard to understand.
Matt shook his head. “What about when Katy asks for them? Are you just going to tell her that you don't have any explanation that while you were here you decided to... do whatever this is.”
“I love him Matt.”
“Right. And screw everyone else right? I thought better of you Kris, I thought you'd do the right thing.”
Matt was moving past Danny to get away from the table and exit out the door and Adam felt really compelled to run after him and ask what the hell was going on. He of all people knew that people reacted differently but he never expected this from Matt. Did he actually believe the two of them needed him pointing out just how wrong the whole situation was? The fact was just because of that didn't stop how you felt he wondered if Matt had ever loved or wanted something that he couldn't have to the point where it actually hurt.
“I'm not surprised he feels that way. I wouldn't be to hard on him.” Anoop had turned his body and was resting his elbows on the table smiling softly in Kris and Adam's direction.
“He didn't need to be that way though.” Danny was shaking his head and Adam saw Allison and Danny exchange a look and he could see the guilt clear across both their faces.
“Danny come on... he got cheated on. He was with the girl for years and she just left him for this guy they both knew, the guy was Matt's best friend or something. Maybe it's hitting a little too close to home.”
They all fell silent again, Adam should have known that it wasn't really about them at all. He knew Matt well enough to see when he was covering his feelings up with something else, perhaps his protective side of Kris had kicked in and he wasn't able to see anything else past making sure Kris was okay. Which he could literally feel now that Kris was not okay.
His silence spoke volumes and the grip on Adam's hand was loosening and he felt like he was losing Kris from the conversation from the dingy restaurant they found themselves in. No one else spoke again, Allison slurped on the remains of her milkshake and the others quietly finished their food. But Adam wasn't hungry, he had felt the way Kris had shifted his hand away with the easy of excuse of wanting to finish his food, but it felt like more.
He could see Kris taking in every single word that Matt had spoken, storing them all away somewhere and making sure he always remembered them. He had enough guilt already and Adam was so mad at Matt for trying to push even more onto Kris.
Danny was gone he was up at the counter paying for the food but he barely noticed everyone else getting up to leave, Adam was too focused on Kris and when he felt Kris begin to move away he held onto his hand and pulled him back into the booth close to his side.
“You guys get going, we'll catch up.”
Adam thought that maybe Kris would try and protest but he didn't he shrugged off Adam's hand and sat facing forward his fingers playing with the napkin on the table. Adam turned to face forward he wanted to look at Kris, he wanted them facing one another close and touching but he knew even here it would be too much.
“Kris...”
“Don't say anything Adam please don't try and make me feel better. We both know his right.”
“I don't know that.”
Kris laughed bitterly. “Please, have I even tried to call Katy to see if she's okay? I can't believe I've been so insensitive I just got so caught up in this. I feel like...”
“What? Please Kris tell me how you feel.”
“I feel like I'm losing who I am. Being with you it's like living a completely different life and it's exciting and amazing. But I keep thinking about Katy and my life with her and I... I just can't believe this is how it's going to end. When I made those promises to her Adam I meant them. When I said forever I did mean it.”
Adam nodded. “I know you did.”
“Is that what its going to be like now? Am I going to have to explain this every time someone asks? I don't know if I can even answer that because I honestly don't know how to explain it, I have no idea how this happened or how I ended up feeling this way about you but I do and now...”
“We both knew this wasn't going to be easy.”
Kris nodded sadly, his face forward now staring down into his lap. It felt like a completely different day now a dark cloud hanging over it all and perhaps that was just how it was going to be. There would be days when this was easier than others and Adam was suffering because Kris was and he wanted to make it all go away but he knew it would only be time and he hoped they had lots of that spread out in front of them.
Adam moved his hand slowly towards Kris the fear of Kris pushing him away was strong now but his fingers touched Kris' skin softly and he turned his head so their eyes met and Kris attempted a small smile.
“It's going to be okay Kris.”
Adam wished he could have said the words with more force behind them, that it had sounded as if he actually believed things were going to be okay. He wanted to make the promise and keep it but he knew he couldn't not yet and there was something distant about Kris eyes, they were looking back at Adam but it almost felt like they were looking straight through him. Adam had lost Kris to another place, his thoughts with someone else in another place and he wanted to pull Kris in and keep him with him, but it was selfish and just because it was what Adam needed it didn't mean Kris did as well.
He remained the same though, his fingers brushing Kris face slightly eyes never leaving his and he was happy to wait that way forever if he had to, he was determined that everything would be okay, he was determined to keep his promise.
Author:
claire_kay
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Kris/Adam
Summary: It really was a mistake. It really was a mistake. Adam isn't fooling anyone.
Notes: And so the angst returns. Sorry. =/ and its here to stay for a while. So I hope you all enjoyed the smooshyness. I am a sucker for angst though. I hope you enjoy it. :) all mistakes are my own in this particular chapter. ;)
Disclaimer: I own nothing. Kris belongs to Adam. Adam belongs to Kris. And they belong to themselves. It's all good.
Part One // Part Two // Part Three // Part Four // Part Five // Part Six // Part Seven // Part Eight // Part Nine // Part Ten // Part Eleven
If There's A Rocket Tie Me To It
Chapter Twelve: Merry Go Round
Allison was literally running into the restaurant clapping her hands together excitedly and talking repeatedly about getting a milkshake. Matt was then directing them all into a booth and it was hard all of them sat so closely together but Kris seemed quite happy to be sat closely pressed against Adam and he winks as they slide in next to each other.
Adam is aware of eyes on both of them as they all decide what to order, Matt is watching the two of them closely while peering down at his menu every now and then but when he is decided and waiting for everyone else his eyes are always finding their way back to Adam's he wishes everyone would hurry up so they have the distraction of food but it takes Danny the longest because he can never just decide what he damn well wants to eat so they spend ten minutes of him deciding and then changing his mind and just when he thinks Matt is about to smack Danny across the back of the head he suddenly makes a decision.
Dinner is pretty quiet, each of them having their own conversations and he knows there is a pink elephant in the room he can feel it when they all group a conversation together, quiet moments when no one is too sure what to say so they all end up returning to private conversations and it seems to aggravate Matt more than anyone else.
Other than that it feels nice to be sat like this with Kris, for the most easy and relaxed as Kris makes jokes about Allison's milkshake obsession and the crazy noises Anoop makes when he eats. But then Megan is all over him and baby talking about how adorable it is and it sort of puts Adam off his food and he turns his attention back to Kris who really is far more entertaining to watch.
There's an amusing moment when Kris turns to him with the biggest smile on his face and the words fall out of his mouth as if there isn't a reason Matt and the others had dragged them in here.
“I want pie. You want pie?”
And it's a genuine question because Kris wants pie and well so does Adam but he can't but let out a small chuckle at the bizarre moment of Matt, Allison, Danny, Anoop, Lil, Megan and Scott all sat around waiting for some kind of explanation and they haven't even asked anything yet.
But Adam thinks that Kris realises this and maybe is just having a little fun of his own and he really is about to answer that pie would be the best answer ever but Allison is already responding for him.
“I want pie.”
Her warm smile is genuine and as bright as usual and again Adam can't help but laugh because seriously everything just got a little crazy and he thinks the hysterics is kicking.
“Oh for the love of...” Matt cuts off and then he is calling the waitress over to the table and asking for pie. Adam makes the mistake of turning to look at Kris who is sat very closely beside him with a small smile on his lips, eyes wide looking at the menu in what he knows is fake fascination.
“There pie ordered. Now come on...”
Matt is getting more and more frustrated and Adam is beginning to wonder if anyone else has a clue what's going on because they all look very confused.
“So...” Scott starts and he seems the most confused of everyone. “Are we not going to the movies?”
Adam hears Allison snort and he can't help but laugh in response because he really genuinely must have believed they were going to the movies and clearly from the look on everyone else's faces they did too. The only ones clearly in on this are Matt, Danny and Allison all sat with smug looks on their faces while everyone else is trying to figure out what's going on.
“Matt... you know I adore your quirkiness but seriously... why are we here?” Megan was sat closely against Anoop who in all honesty looked slightly bored and clearly annoyed that he had been dragged away from alone time with Megan for this.
“There are some... issues... that we need to talk out.”
“I think you have issues.” Anoop was muttering into Megan's hair but it was loud enough that everyone heard.
“I heard that.”
“You were meant to.”
They smiled at each other widely and then Matt was returning his attention to Adam and Kris again and Adam didn't like the way Matt's eyes scrutinised Kris it was almost like he was trying to figure out exactly what was going on Kris mind and what the hell he was doing and while Adam frequently found himself doing just that, he didn't want Matt doing it as well.
“And don't think I don't know the two of you are holding hands under the table right now.”
Kris squeezed Adam's hand even tighter and it was blissful to know that at least they would finally be able to be honest with everyone sat here. Anoop was leaning forward his eyes confused and then he leaned forward to look under the table when his head popped back up he looked around the faces across the table and back at Megan who was just smiling slightly. It was clear she had no idea what had been going on but Adam knew Megan well enough to know that not much surprised her.
“Wait...” Anoop started, shock blatant in his voice. “Are the two of you... together?”
Adam shifted in his seat because this really was the moment to admit to everything and he leaned forward slightly read to explain but Kris had beat him to it.
“Yeah. We are.”
Allison and Danny were sat beaming at each other and Anoop' shocked expression didn't seem to fade. Lil and Scott didn't seem surprised either and Adam wanted to say so much more than that to explain exactly what was going on but Matt' expression stood out amongst the sea of faces before him. Because Matt didn't look happy, Matt looked pissed off.
“Matt?”
Adam could hear he voices of everyone else around him all of them asking questions all at once and then looking at one another before turning back to Kris and Adam but Matt he was saying nothing just staring at Kris with a blazing anger and Adam didn't like it.
“Matt?”
Matt turned his face slowly to look at Adam and still his expression didn't fade and it was obvious to see what he was thinking but of all the people he thought that would be mad Matt was the last.
The tension breaks slightly when the waitress shuffles over with the pie a handful of plates and it's a happy distraction as Allison goes about cutting everyone a piece and for one brief moment Adam is pretending that this is all they came here for just the pie, no big announcements or angry glares from Matt.
“How long has this been going on?”
Matt was turning to look at Kris again, his anger seemed stronger when directed at Kris and Adam couldn't understand why Matt was so intent to shift his anger at Kris if he felt that way they both deserved such a reaction.
Kris' voice was quiet but everyone chose that moment to quit their talking so it was audible. “Not very long, but I mean I guess it's been building a while. I've... well I've felt... and Adam has too... so...”
“Well ain't that just sweet?” It was clear from Matt's voice that he didn't think it was sweet and suddenly the easy silence shifted to a more awkward one. No one seemed to be able to look at anyone else.
“What about your wife Kris? How does she feel about all of this...”
“Me and Katy we aren't... I mean...”
Kris was struggling to know what to say and Adam hated the way Matt was just throwing this at him and it was clear by the whole set up that he had planned the thing because where the hell was this coming from? He must have had Allison and Danny fooled enough to believe that he was happy about this.
“Matt you said that...” Allison' voice was small and the fear in her voice was clear.
“Forget what I said Alli and the fact that the rest of you think this is all so great says so much. You have a wife Kris and you suddenly...”
“Matt, Kris doesn't need to explain himself to you.” Adam was angry now, of all the people he expected to be so judgemental Matt was not the one it was like he was another person entirely he had always been so comfortable around Adam and who he was and the reaction made no sense.
“Don't even get me started on you Lambert. The fact that you even let this get so far is beyond me. It's fair enough if you were crushing on the guy but to actually steal him away from his wife and family...”
“Excuse me? I didn't do that... it's not like I sat around and planned this I never thought that for one second Kris would feel the same and...”
Matt laughed slightly, a bitter angry laugh. “ Okay, so how did it all start? Who initiated what?”
Kris shook his head. “Matt, what you want us to draw you a picture?” Adam heard Anoop and Megan let out a small laugh and then Matt was turning towards them.
“I don't think this is funny.”
“I can't believe this is coming from you Matt...” Danny's voice was just as surprised as Adam felt and he felt grateful again to have him here.
“It's not about the gay thing okay? For fucks sake I couldn't give a shit about that. It's about the fact that you are married, man. You've been with Katy for like forever and I've seen the two of you together and this is just...”
Matt' voice was raising louder and louder and okay they were out of town and it was quiet in the café but the waitress behind the counter was looking at them and there were two girls half looking their way and they really didn't need anyone figuring out what their conversation was about.
“Matt just stop yelling.”
Then silence settled across the table and it was clear that no one had any idea what to say. Kris still held onto Adam's hand tightly as if he never wanted to let go. Adam didn't even need to turn and look at Kris to see that he was just as confused as he felt, maybe they had both been naïve about the whole thing but they had both assumed telling these guys would have been the easiest part of it all because they were their friends and they had lived through the whole experience together and ultimately they would want what was best for them.
“I'm sorry for yelling but do you even realise how wrong this is?”
“No we thought we'd wait for you to point it out to us! Of course we know Matt it's not like this whole thing has been easy for either us. But we could really use some understanding and support here. I know what I did was wrong... but I can't help how I feel and I haven't forgotten the promises I made to Katy if she'll let me be there for her I will... she's still important to me but sometimes... things change and I wish I could give you answers but I don't have them.” Kris words left him at such a speed they were almost hard to understand.
Matt shook his head. “What about when Katy asks for them? Are you just going to tell her that you don't have any explanation that while you were here you decided to... do whatever this is.”
“I love him Matt.”
“Right. And screw everyone else right? I thought better of you Kris, I thought you'd do the right thing.”
Matt was moving past Danny to get away from the table and exit out the door and Adam felt really compelled to run after him and ask what the hell was going on. He of all people knew that people reacted differently but he never expected this from Matt. Did he actually believe the two of them needed him pointing out just how wrong the whole situation was? The fact was just because of that didn't stop how you felt he wondered if Matt had ever loved or wanted something that he couldn't have to the point where it actually hurt.
“I'm not surprised he feels that way. I wouldn't be to hard on him.” Anoop had turned his body and was resting his elbows on the table smiling softly in Kris and Adam's direction.
“He didn't need to be that way though.” Danny was shaking his head and Adam saw Allison and Danny exchange a look and he could see the guilt clear across both their faces.
“Danny come on... he got cheated on. He was with the girl for years and she just left him for this guy they both knew, the guy was Matt's best friend or something. Maybe it's hitting a little too close to home.”
They all fell silent again, Adam should have known that it wasn't really about them at all. He knew Matt well enough to see when he was covering his feelings up with something else, perhaps his protective side of Kris had kicked in and he wasn't able to see anything else past making sure Kris was okay. Which he could literally feel now that Kris was not okay.
His silence spoke volumes and the grip on Adam's hand was loosening and he felt like he was losing Kris from the conversation from the dingy restaurant they found themselves in. No one else spoke again, Allison slurped on the remains of her milkshake and the others quietly finished their food. But Adam wasn't hungry, he had felt the way Kris had shifted his hand away with the easy of excuse of wanting to finish his food, but it felt like more.
He could see Kris taking in every single word that Matt had spoken, storing them all away somewhere and making sure he always remembered them. He had enough guilt already and Adam was so mad at Matt for trying to push even more onto Kris.
Danny was gone he was up at the counter paying for the food but he barely noticed everyone else getting up to leave, Adam was too focused on Kris and when he felt Kris begin to move away he held onto his hand and pulled him back into the booth close to his side.
“You guys get going, we'll catch up.”
Adam thought that maybe Kris would try and protest but he didn't he shrugged off Adam's hand and sat facing forward his fingers playing with the napkin on the table. Adam turned to face forward he wanted to look at Kris, he wanted them facing one another close and touching but he knew even here it would be too much.
“Kris...”
“Don't say anything Adam please don't try and make me feel better. We both know his right.”
“I don't know that.”
Kris laughed bitterly. “Please, have I even tried to call Katy to see if she's okay? I can't believe I've been so insensitive I just got so caught up in this. I feel like...”
“What? Please Kris tell me how you feel.”
“I feel like I'm losing who I am. Being with you it's like living a completely different life and it's exciting and amazing. But I keep thinking about Katy and my life with her and I... I just can't believe this is how it's going to end. When I made those promises to her Adam I meant them. When I said forever I did mean it.”
Adam nodded. “I know you did.”
“Is that what its going to be like now? Am I going to have to explain this every time someone asks? I don't know if I can even answer that because I honestly don't know how to explain it, I have no idea how this happened or how I ended up feeling this way about you but I do and now...”
“We both knew this wasn't going to be easy.”
Kris nodded sadly, his face forward now staring down into his lap. It felt like a completely different day now a dark cloud hanging over it all and perhaps that was just how it was going to be. There would be days when this was easier than others and Adam was suffering because Kris was and he wanted to make it all go away but he knew it would only be time and he hoped they had lots of that spread out in front of them.
Adam moved his hand slowly towards Kris the fear of Kris pushing him away was strong now but his fingers touched Kris' skin softly and he turned his head so their eyes met and Kris attempted a small smile.
“It's going to be okay Kris.”
Adam wished he could have said the words with more force behind them, that it had sounded as if he actually believed things were going to be okay. He wanted to make the promise and keep it but he knew he couldn't not yet and there was something distant about Kris eyes, they were looking back at Adam but it almost felt like they were looking straight through him. Adam had lost Kris to another place, his thoughts with someone else in another place and he wanted to pull Kris in and keep him with him, but it was selfish and just because it was what Adam needed it didn't mean Kris did as well.
He remained the same though, his fingers brushing Kris face slightly eyes never leaving his and he was happy to wait that way forever if he had to, he was determined that everything would be okay, he was determined to keep his promise.