Fic: If There's A Rocket Tie Me To It (1/?)
Title: If There's A Rocket Tie Me To It
Author:
claire_kay
Rating: PG-13? A few curse words but nothing too bad. Let me know if it should be different anyone. lol.
Pairing: Adam/Kris
Summary: It really was a mistake. It really was a mistake. Adam isn't fooling anyone.
Notes: I have no idea where this came from really. But it is the first Adam/Kris story I've written that will be longer than a one shot. Again, grammar is not my friend people and there is no beta so all mistakes are my own.
Disclaimer: Adam Lambert and Kris Allen are not mine. They belong to each other.
If There's A Rocket Tie Me To It
It was without a doubt the most stupid thing he had ever done in his life. He was so far past denial at this stage that he was more than willing to accept at least that much.
Adam had been trying to justify it all day, he could think of a hundred reasons as to why he acted so impulsively but with those thoughts came even more reasons to prove that those justifications meant absolutely nothing.
To make the whole thing even more mortifying was the fact that Kris was avoiding him. Which really wouldn't have been a big deal if they hadn't been half way through tour rehearsals and the obvious tension between the two of them wasn't going unnoticed by their friends. Adam had already caught Allison staring at him questioningly, her gaze lingering on him and then to Kris as she tried to work out the distance between them. She was far too insightful for someone of her age and it made Adam feel uneasy. There was absolutely no way he was going to discuss this with Allison, the last thing she needed was the problems of a 26 year old man who really should know better.
He had attempted to talk to Kris of course, casually saying good morning when he arrived which got only a small nod before Kris was across the room talking to Danny and Matt. Then when Kris had lost his footing and stumbled into Adam knocking them both to the ground, Adam had laughed and held out his hand to help Kris up, the normal response would have been Kris holding onto the hand tightly laughing along with Adam, but Kris eyes went cold looking at the hand like it was the most disgusting thing he had ever seen and he had jumped up without help and practically ran to the other side of the dance studio.
The rejection he could handle, he hadn't lived in L.A for this long and not developed a thick skin. What he hated was the way Kris' eyes watched him now. They were the eyes of thousands of people he had seen before, eyes of disgust from people as they took in his appearance, what they assumed he must be. Kris had never looked at him like that.
Even when during Idol the two of them had walked in to find Danny and Matt staring bewildered at the computer screen at pictures of Adam' past. Matt had of course laughed it off straight away, staring intently at the screen claiming that he had been looking for Adam Lambert porn but all he had found was this. He noticed how Danny seemed tense, a feeling that didn't fade throughout their entire time living together, and Adam was okay with that, not everyone was as liberal and comfortable as he was. He could smile along with Danny, laugh when appropriate and speak cordially of him, but at that moment he had known it would never go deeper than that, a friendship but only on the surface. The reaction that left him worried was Kris' he waited for a reaction to come, anything at all but the only people that got one was Danny and Matt, for being insensitive and prying into something that is none of their business. It had almost been like watching a Father tell off his children, and Danny and Matt had slunk out the room quietly, not before Matt had given him a quick wink.
“I don't care you know. You're my friend and that's all that matters.”
Kris' words had been all he needed to hear, and it was barely spoken of. Of course Matt was more vocal than anyone else and in the early days of the competition before everyone started leaving Matt had found it highly amusing to bring up the subject matter much to the amusement of the rest of the group. It was a happy and easy environment then, and now with all of them assembled together like this, it should have been the same.
He was more than willing to admit his stupidity, thoughtlessness and momentarily loss of sanity but he needed to get Kris to listen and it was beginning to piss him off that rather than talk to him Kris could so easily act as if he wasn't even there.
He stumbled his way through the routines all day, far too distracted by his thoughts to focus on the task at hand. He could tell the choreographer was close to falling into despair as he looked at the group of people in front of him. Adam really felt like telling him just to give up for today and start the whole thing again tomorrow. But apparently this guy was a little more determined than that and he pushed them harder all day until they were practically falling to the floor from their tired state.
When he finally shouted they were finished for the day a sigh of relief echoed around the room and Adam grabbed his bag and found the nearest wall and slid down it, his eyes closed and his head fell backwards to rest on the wall. His hand searched through his bag, searching for the water he had sworn he put in there this morning. When he finally found it he opened it quickly pouring a small amount over his hair and across his face.
He could vaguely hear the chatter around him from the others, all discussing plans for the evening but he only wanted to focus on one voice he blocked out the rest, desperately wanting to hear Kris only. But just like he had been all day, there was nothing and Adam could only assume that he had left as soon as he got the chance.
He opened his eyes and scanned the room for Allison, she would no doubt fill him in with the plans for the evening. This was their first night all back together in a few weeks so no doubt there would be a plan.
The eyes he met first weren't Allison's though. He found two warm brown eyes looking at him from across the room, something different in them now from how they had been all day. They were no longer angry or disgusted but full of confusion and need. He could practically read Kris' thoughts as the realisation dawned on him that Adam had caught him staring. Kris was pushing his sweater into his bag, knocking the rest of the contents out as he did so.
The others were leaving now, already half way out the door and Adam could see Kris wanted to be quick in following but he had to try one more time because he was fairly sure there would be no chance to talk when they were all together tonight. Despite his tiredness Adam was up on his feet and walking quickly across the room to grab Kris arm before he could leave.
“Get off of me.” Kris' shrugged him off angrily. Adam had never seen the younger man angry before, not really. And he hated the fact that he was the cause of it.
“Kris please... just talk to me, let me explain...”
“Let you explain what?” Kris had turned to face him now any softness in his eyes completely gone. “What the hell did you think you were doing?”
“I wasn't thinking okay? I just... I made a mistake.”
“Damn right you made a mistake. You know I defended you Adam? When everyone was talking about you behind your back I stood up for you and now...”
Anger flared inside Adam, of all the people he thought capable of thinking this he never would have believed it of Kris. “And now I'm just another gay guy trying to turn the straight boys right?”
“That's not what I said.”
“But it's what you meant.” Kris' face seemed to give nothing away, and his silence screamed through the room. He didn't want to be angry at Kris, he didn't want any of this and he couldn't believe that one moment was going to fuck everything up.
“It was one moment. I was upset and you were there and you've always been such a good friend to me throughout this whole thing Kris. I don't want this to ruin everything, it was just one kiss... one mistake. Haven't you ever made a mistake?”
Kris' eyes flickered away, the anger was fading and Adam desperately hoped that it was enough, that it could just go back to how it was before. He didn't want to lose Kris, he could hide his feelings and he could pretend that it had been a mistake. He could lie to Kris and say that it meant nothing if it meant he got to keep his friend because this wasn't something Adam did. He didn't fall for married straight guy, he had learnt from that a long time ago and wasn't stupid enough to allow himself to go there again.
If Kris wanted to put the moment they had shared down to just friendship that Adam had misinterpreted then Adam could do that. At least he'd have the memory, the feeling of Kris' hands in his hair, the feel of soothing breathe on his face and the gently hum of Kris voice as he told Adam everything was going to be okay.
“Kris... please we have to get through this. I don't want to lose you.”
Adam took a small step closer, desperate to reach out to Kris but he was already gone out of reach. “Well you should of thought of that before.”
Kris was gone and Adam could hear the sound of doors crashing and banging as he left and he knew there would be questions from everyone and he had no idea how he would answer. Or maybe Kris would just tell them and then they would all hate him. He could just see the look on Danny's face now. He turned and threw his bag angrily across the room.
He knew he was being a coward but he didn't want to go out and face them all, so he waited. They would all be piling into cars now heading back to the hotel and Adam would just wait and go back to his apartment alone.
He heard the door behind him open and the sound of footsteps, it was stupid to hope but he turned wanting to see Kris standing in the door way, ready to take everything back and accept his apology. But he really was dreaming and he turned to find Danny staring at him with concern.
“Hey. I forgot my sweater.” Danny gestured to the corner and moved slowly into the room to fetch it. It was all done in silence, Adam barely noticed that anyone else was in the room, this was just how it was with him and Danny. But moments had passed and he had yet to hear the door shut. Adam looked towards it and Danny was there, staring at him with the same troubled eyes his sweater clutched in his hands.
“Adam... is everything okay?”
Adam was glad he had managed to swallow down his water seconds earlier as he was fairly sure the shock of this moment would have sent the contents flying out his mouth.
“I mean you can tell me it's none of my business, which I'm sure it isn't. But... we've all been in this together you know? And if one of us well suffering... it affects everyone.”
Adam nodded. So this was Danny's nice way of telling him to snap the fuck out of it. Which he really wished was something he could do easily. The irony of it all was fairly amusing though, here was Danny Gokey asking him if he was okay and he was pretty sure Danny was the last person who'd want to hear about this particular problem.
“None of my business right?”
Danny tilted his head, his one last attempt at letting Adam know he was there if he wanted to talk. “It's just... complicated.”
Adam turned away and walked towards the bench that ran the entire length of the dance studio. His tone hadn't been enough to discourage Danny who was walking back into the room slowly.
“It's to do with Kris isn't it?”
Damn Gokey was good. He had expected to have this conversation at some point today but he was fairly certain it would be with a certain red-headed female and not someone who up until this moment had shown barely any interest in him whatsoever.
Adam's silence seemed to say everything for Danny who was nodding now and heading in Adam' direction. “Lil and Alli were talking about that outside. Wondering what's going on...”
“What were they saying?” He wondered if the concern and panic had been too evident in his voice, but either Danny was oblivious or playing it cool because he made it seem like nothing much.
“Nah, just worried about you both. They seem to think that whatever it is you two will sort it out. Friends have fights... and then you forgive and move on.”
Adam found himself laughing slightly much to Danny' surprise. “You make it sound so simple Danny.”
“So it's not simple then?”
Danny wasn't giving up Adam would give him that, but seriously how far was he going to take this conversation with him. Sure talking about the show was easy, but actually about anything real? Adam didn't know what to do with that.
Danny held his hands up as he sat down. “Okay, okay... none of my business.” He smiled quickly in Adam' direction before turning to look around the room. “But... I think I can guess what this whole things about.”
Adam shook his head. “I really don't think you could.”
Danny laughed slightly. “I might just surprise you yet Lambert.” Danny leant back against the wall and sighed heavily. “I've watched the two of you together and I noticed the way he was around you. Always so intense and focused on whatever you'd say and do and so damn protective. But the last week for me was when I understood it. Maybe it was cos' there was no one else to focus on or something. Watching the two of you though, it became less like watching a growing friendship and more like watching two people falling in love. It felt intrusive. And you had the whole of America watching.”
Adam had to move off of the bench and walk to the centre of the room, he had to do something to prove to himself that this must be all some kind of weird dream because there was no way those words had just left Danny Gokey' mouth.
Adam opened his mouth to speak but the words hung there unspoken and his expression must have been bewildered because Danny was laughing slightly and standing up.
“Told you I'd surprise you didn't I?”
Danny walked forward slowly and placed a hand against Adam' shoulder. “It'll be okay Adam. Whatever it is, he'll get over it and you'll both figure this out somehow.”
There was a sincerity in Danny' voice that Adam had never heard before and just when he found his response Allison and Matt were bounding through the door, Matt with jokes about what exactly had been going on and Allison with girlish giggles. Danny only laughed, waited for Adam to grab his bag and then led them all out the studio.
.
Author:
claire_kay
Rating: PG-13? A few curse words but nothing too bad. Let me know if it should be different anyone. lol.
Pairing: Adam/Kris
Summary: It really was a mistake. It really was a mistake. Adam isn't fooling anyone.
Notes: I have no idea where this came from really. But it is the first Adam/Kris story I've written that will be longer than a one shot. Again, grammar is not my friend people and there is no beta so all mistakes are my own.
Disclaimer: Adam Lambert and Kris Allen are not mine. They belong to each other.
If There's A Rocket Tie Me To It
It was without a doubt the most stupid thing he had ever done in his life. He was so far past denial at this stage that he was more than willing to accept at least that much.
Adam had been trying to justify it all day, he could think of a hundred reasons as to why he acted so impulsively but with those thoughts came even more reasons to prove that those justifications meant absolutely nothing.
To make the whole thing even more mortifying was the fact that Kris was avoiding him. Which really wouldn't have been a big deal if they hadn't been half way through tour rehearsals and the obvious tension between the two of them wasn't going unnoticed by their friends. Adam had already caught Allison staring at him questioningly, her gaze lingering on him and then to Kris as she tried to work out the distance between them. She was far too insightful for someone of her age and it made Adam feel uneasy. There was absolutely no way he was going to discuss this with Allison, the last thing she needed was the problems of a 26 year old man who really should know better.
He had attempted to talk to Kris of course, casually saying good morning when he arrived which got only a small nod before Kris was across the room talking to Danny and Matt. Then when Kris had lost his footing and stumbled into Adam knocking them both to the ground, Adam had laughed and held out his hand to help Kris up, the normal response would have been Kris holding onto the hand tightly laughing along with Adam, but Kris eyes went cold looking at the hand like it was the most disgusting thing he had ever seen and he had jumped up without help and practically ran to the other side of the dance studio.
The rejection he could handle, he hadn't lived in L.A for this long and not developed a thick skin. What he hated was the way Kris' eyes watched him now. They were the eyes of thousands of people he had seen before, eyes of disgust from people as they took in his appearance, what they assumed he must be. Kris had never looked at him like that.
Even when during Idol the two of them had walked in to find Danny and Matt staring bewildered at the computer screen at pictures of Adam' past. Matt had of course laughed it off straight away, staring intently at the screen claiming that he had been looking for Adam Lambert porn but all he had found was this. He noticed how Danny seemed tense, a feeling that didn't fade throughout their entire time living together, and Adam was okay with that, not everyone was as liberal and comfortable as he was. He could smile along with Danny, laugh when appropriate and speak cordially of him, but at that moment he had known it would never go deeper than that, a friendship but only on the surface. The reaction that left him worried was Kris' he waited for a reaction to come, anything at all but the only people that got one was Danny and Matt, for being insensitive and prying into something that is none of their business. It had almost been like watching a Father tell off his children, and Danny and Matt had slunk out the room quietly, not before Matt had given him a quick wink.
“I don't care you know. You're my friend and that's all that matters.”
Kris' words had been all he needed to hear, and it was barely spoken of. Of course Matt was more vocal than anyone else and in the early days of the competition before everyone started leaving Matt had found it highly amusing to bring up the subject matter much to the amusement of the rest of the group. It was a happy and easy environment then, and now with all of them assembled together like this, it should have been the same.
He was more than willing to admit his stupidity, thoughtlessness and momentarily loss of sanity but he needed to get Kris to listen and it was beginning to piss him off that rather than talk to him Kris could so easily act as if he wasn't even there.
He stumbled his way through the routines all day, far too distracted by his thoughts to focus on the task at hand. He could tell the choreographer was close to falling into despair as he looked at the group of people in front of him. Adam really felt like telling him just to give up for today and start the whole thing again tomorrow. But apparently this guy was a little more determined than that and he pushed them harder all day until they were practically falling to the floor from their tired state.
When he finally shouted they were finished for the day a sigh of relief echoed around the room and Adam grabbed his bag and found the nearest wall and slid down it, his eyes closed and his head fell backwards to rest on the wall. His hand searched through his bag, searching for the water he had sworn he put in there this morning. When he finally found it he opened it quickly pouring a small amount over his hair and across his face.
He could vaguely hear the chatter around him from the others, all discussing plans for the evening but he only wanted to focus on one voice he blocked out the rest, desperately wanting to hear Kris only. But just like he had been all day, there was nothing and Adam could only assume that he had left as soon as he got the chance.
He opened his eyes and scanned the room for Allison, she would no doubt fill him in with the plans for the evening. This was their first night all back together in a few weeks so no doubt there would be a plan.
The eyes he met first weren't Allison's though. He found two warm brown eyes looking at him from across the room, something different in them now from how they had been all day. They were no longer angry or disgusted but full of confusion and need. He could practically read Kris' thoughts as the realisation dawned on him that Adam had caught him staring. Kris was pushing his sweater into his bag, knocking the rest of the contents out as he did so.
The others were leaving now, already half way out the door and Adam could see Kris wanted to be quick in following but he had to try one more time because he was fairly sure there would be no chance to talk when they were all together tonight. Despite his tiredness Adam was up on his feet and walking quickly across the room to grab Kris arm before he could leave.
“Get off of me.” Kris' shrugged him off angrily. Adam had never seen the younger man angry before, not really. And he hated the fact that he was the cause of it.
“Kris please... just talk to me, let me explain...”
“Let you explain what?” Kris had turned to face him now any softness in his eyes completely gone. “What the hell did you think you were doing?”
“I wasn't thinking okay? I just... I made a mistake.”
“Damn right you made a mistake. You know I defended you Adam? When everyone was talking about you behind your back I stood up for you and now...”
Anger flared inside Adam, of all the people he thought capable of thinking this he never would have believed it of Kris. “And now I'm just another gay guy trying to turn the straight boys right?”
“That's not what I said.”
“But it's what you meant.” Kris' face seemed to give nothing away, and his silence screamed through the room. He didn't want to be angry at Kris, he didn't want any of this and he couldn't believe that one moment was going to fuck everything up.
“It was one moment. I was upset and you were there and you've always been such a good friend to me throughout this whole thing Kris. I don't want this to ruin everything, it was just one kiss... one mistake. Haven't you ever made a mistake?”
Kris' eyes flickered away, the anger was fading and Adam desperately hoped that it was enough, that it could just go back to how it was before. He didn't want to lose Kris, he could hide his feelings and he could pretend that it had been a mistake. He could lie to Kris and say that it meant nothing if it meant he got to keep his friend because this wasn't something Adam did. He didn't fall for married straight guy, he had learnt from that a long time ago and wasn't stupid enough to allow himself to go there again.
If Kris wanted to put the moment they had shared down to just friendship that Adam had misinterpreted then Adam could do that. At least he'd have the memory, the feeling of Kris' hands in his hair, the feel of soothing breathe on his face and the gently hum of Kris voice as he told Adam everything was going to be okay.
“Kris... please we have to get through this. I don't want to lose you.”
Adam took a small step closer, desperate to reach out to Kris but he was already gone out of reach. “Well you should of thought of that before.”
Kris was gone and Adam could hear the sound of doors crashing and banging as he left and he knew there would be questions from everyone and he had no idea how he would answer. Or maybe Kris would just tell them and then they would all hate him. He could just see the look on Danny's face now. He turned and threw his bag angrily across the room.
He knew he was being a coward but he didn't want to go out and face them all, so he waited. They would all be piling into cars now heading back to the hotel and Adam would just wait and go back to his apartment alone.
He heard the door behind him open and the sound of footsteps, it was stupid to hope but he turned wanting to see Kris standing in the door way, ready to take everything back and accept his apology. But he really was dreaming and he turned to find Danny staring at him with concern.
“Hey. I forgot my sweater.” Danny gestured to the corner and moved slowly into the room to fetch it. It was all done in silence, Adam barely noticed that anyone else was in the room, this was just how it was with him and Danny. But moments had passed and he had yet to hear the door shut. Adam looked towards it and Danny was there, staring at him with the same troubled eyes his sweater clutched in his hands.
“Adam... is everything okay?”
Adam was glad he had managed to swallow down his water seconds earlier as he was fairly sure the shock of this moment would have sent the contents flying out his mouth.
“I mean you can tell me it's none of my business, which I'm sure it isn't. But... we've all been in this together you know? And if one of us well suffering... it affects everyone.”
Adam nodded. So this was Danny's nice way of telling him to snap the fuck out of it. Which he really wished was something he could do easily. The irony of it all was fairly amusing though, here was Danny Gokey asking him if he was okay and he was pretty sure Danny was the last person who'd want to hear about this particular problem.
“None of my business right?”
Danny tilted his head, his one last attempt at letting Adam know he was there if he wanted to talk. “It's just... complicated.”
Adam turned away and walked towards the bench that ran the entire length of the dance studio. His tone hadn't been enough to discourage Danny who was walking back into the room slowly.
“It's to do with Kris isn't it?”
Damn Gokey was good. He had expected to have this conversation at some point today but he was fairly certain it would be with a certain red-headed female and not someone who up until this moment had shown barely any interest in him whatsoever.
Adam's silence seemed to say everything for Danny who was nodding now and heading in Adam' direction. “Lil and Alli were talking about that outside. Wondering what's going on...”
“What were they saying?” He wondered if the concern and panic had been too evident in his voice, but either Danny was oblivious or playing it cool because he made it seem like nothing much.
“Nah, just worried about you both. They seem to think that whatever it is you two will sort it out. Friends have fights... and then you forgive and move on.”
Adam found himself laughing slightly much to Danny' surprise. “You make it sound so simple Danny.”
“So it's not simple then?”
Danny wasn't giving up Adam would give him that, but seriously how far was he going to take this conversation with him. Sure talking about the show was easy, but actually about anything real? Adam didn't know what to do with that.
Danny held his hands up as he sat down. “Okay, okay... none of my business.” He smiled quickly in Adam' direction before turning to look around the room. “But... I think I can guess what this whole things about.”
Adam shook his head. “I really don't think you could.”
Danny laughed slightly. “I might just surprise you yet Lambert.” Danny leant back against the wall and sighed heavily. “I've watched the two of you together and I noticed the way he was around you. Always so intense and focused on whatever you'd say and do and so damn protective. But the last week for me was when I understood it. Maybe it was cos' there was no one else to focus on or something. Watching the two of you though, it became less like watching a growing friendship and more like watching two people falling in love. It felt intrusive. And you had the whole of America watching.”
Adam had to move off of the bench and walk to the centre of the room, he had to do something to prove to himself that this must be all some kind of weird dream because there was no way those words had just left Danny Gokey' mouth.
Adam opened his mouth to speak but the words hung there unspoken and his expression must have been bewildered because Danny was laughing slightly and standing up.
“Told you I'd surprise you didn't I?”
Danny walked forward slowly and placed a hand against Adam' shoulder. “It'll be okay Adam. Whatever it is, he'll get over it and you'll both figure this out somehow.”
There was a sincerity in Danny' voice that Adam had never heard before and just when he found his response Allison and Matt were bounding through the door, Matt with jokes about what exactly had been going on and Allison with girlish giggles. Danny only laughed, waited for Adam to grab his bag and then led them all out the studio.
.