Dear Leslie ( Read more... )

It was a GREAT day. L and I have manged to come to a place where I think she is actually beginning to realize she doesn't have any competition and that I'm with her. I'm working hard to nurture that in her ( Read more... )

I get so tired of the regular rounds of L thinking I'm cheating on her. I get sick of the fact that I can't have any part of my life that isn't fully open to inspection, without it being some kind of bullshit trust/security issue for her ( Read more... )

L and I are back together. We are taking it slow and we are trying to do it right this time. I want to do right by her and I want her to do right by me ( Read more... )

L was right, these feelings do change you inside. It's like acid. I hate feeling this way, I hate not trusting in the thing I have put so much of my fundamental,trust into. I hate someone else being inside the circle of us. I hate feeling like she is sharing intimacy, jokes, little pieces of herself, of my treasure, my blessed peace, with ( Read more... )

I wish, truly wish, I could pour gasoline on my life, set it aflame and walk into the pyre.

all the good things, all the best things, about my life I seem unable to get right, to improve--I feel like I just make them worse.

I have damaged so many beautiful things beyond repair.

Karma is a match.

It's late and I need to get to bed. But I need to pull something out of me, pull it out by the roots before I try to sleep ( Read more... )

What more can I say?

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Well, I think L is reading this--in fact i'm almost sure. And since the way she sounded and acted when we spoke tonight was pretty distant, I assume she's not happy with me being on here again,since the only reason I write here is to cavort with my "Cam Whores". Whatever ( Read more... )

Well my son and daughter have strep throat.  Ugh.  I'm taking care of them best I can and hoping I don't fall prey to the ick.