Back to "go"...Again
I get so tired of the regular rounds of L thinking I'm cheating on her. I get sick of the fact that I can't have any part of my life that isn't fully open to inspection, without it being some kind of bullshit trust/security issue for her.
I love her. I don't want to be anywhere else, and if I did, I'd have the balls and the respect to tell her so. I know she has issues and I do try to understand, but it gets fucking hard as hell sometimes.
When she is all stand-offish and unemotional and forced casual just for the sake of her security--it makes me feel like I am completely and totally ALONE in the universe. And right now, with J's health issues and all the pressures of work and moving, I could really use the support and the love. I've tried to give her that during all of her challenges these last few months, but all of that really doesn't mean anything, because I'm by nature a private person.
I feel completely alone when she does this and I just want us both to feel close and safe to each other. We don't always get what we want, do we?
I love her. I don't want to be anywhere else, and if I did, I'd have the balls and the respect to tell her so. I know she has issues and I do try to understand, but it gets fucking hard as hell sometimes.
When she is all stand-offish and unemotional and forced casual just for the sake of her security--it makes me feel like I am completely and totally ALONE in the universe. And right now, with J's health issues and all the pressures of work and moving, I could really use the support and the love. I've tried to give her that during all of her challenges these last few months, but all of that really doesn't mean anything, because I'm by nature a private person.
I feel completely alone when she does this and I just want us both to feel close and safe to each other. We don't always get what we want, do we?